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Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution Paperback – August 14, 2012

4.6 out of 5 stars 134 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

PRAISE FOR LYNN TOLER AND HER PREVIOUS BOOK MY MOTHER'S RULES:

“Easy-reading prose and a no-nonsense approach will carry readers through this collection of anecdotes and rules for healthier living...the book's strength lies in the sober, no-nonsense advice." —Publishers Weekly

"[An] awe-inspiring memoir and self-help guide." —Ebony

"My Mother's Rules reveals the complicated life of 47-year-old Toler...and it shines a light on the humble life of Toni Toler, a Columbus stay-at-home mom whom the judge praises as 'an incredible emotional manager.'" —Cleveland Plain Dealer

"Toler makes Divorce Court work by employing her past experience as an Administrative Judge in Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. She also uses lessons she learned from her mother, who she said was 'tremendous at understanding people's emotions.'" —Jet

"Toler's verdicts [are] homespun wisdom dispensed with a cut-the-bull edge. She [is] as likely to cite her mother's advice as she [is] a precedent-setting decision." —Cleveland Scene

"Toler’s humor and wit are some of the characteristics that fans of [Divorce Court] will pick up on quickly - her no-nonsense human sensibilities are another. Something very endearing about the judge is her perceptive nature for the different types of issues and people that come through her studio courtroom." —Kenya M. Yarbrough, EURWeb.com

About the Author

Lynn Toler, a veteran municipal court judge, is the star of the syndicated TV show Divorce Court. Her previous book, My Mother's Rules was published by Agate Bolden in 2007.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Agate Bolden; Original edition (August 14, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1932841652
  • ISBN-13: 978-1932841657
  • Product Dimensions: 5.9 x 0.6 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (134 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #25,923 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Lori on August 30, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Judge Lynn Toler did it again. An excellent book that I would recommend to anyone, regardless if you are in a strong marriage or one that needs a little work. Her book gives you practical insight on communication with your spouse, how to unite together as a couple and make any marriage stronger. Enjoy!
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Judge Toler has a unique view on how to take a fresh look at your relationship. The most effective medicine for any relationship is communication, and I think she makes a good effort at sympathizing with those of us who know that communication sounds simple but often is not.

I like her formula suggesting that you make sure you understand your own internal daemons so that you can effectively communicate to your partner why you need the things you need and why you do the things you do. Self-awareness helps keep communication fact-based and less confrontational. It keeps you honest. It allows you to see relationship adjustments in a different light - less as condemnations of your partner and more simple facts of life solution-based problem solving. Judge Toler doesn't offer any specific solutions to specific problems, but she gives examples of how an argument can be fueled by facts that are far deeper than surface level. If you can understand those before the argument begins or in the middle of it, you can adjust your reaction. And you can explain your reaction to your partner so they can get past the surface level argument to the deeper problem.

This is basically a book about self-awareness and soul-searching. I loved it. I'll read again and again to remind myself to seek a new perspective before giving up.
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As an avid Divorce Court fan/viewer, it was interesting to read about Judge Toler's background. Now I know where some of her advice comes from on the show. She is a real person that has been through many relevant experiences that makes her perspective very appropriate. The book was intriguing and worth money and time.
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I am a newlywed with an amazing husband... who thinks - way too much! But in most cases, this is a really good thing. Because he is so concerned that we have the best marriage possible that he has us reading all types of marriage counseling books together. We are talking and getting to know each other on a deeper level and this is a good thing.

So far we've dabbled in a few other books but this by far is THE BEST BOOK for couples who are about to get married, newly married, or even married for many many years. It covers the gambit and it really opens up your mind to catching difficulties in a marriage before they even become issues.

This book helps you reflect within yourself to help you see how maybe you are perceived by the other person and how you can help them deal with you, and vice versa.

I plan to read every book by Lynn Toler that is available. Whether it's related to marriage or not, she is one wise woman and I really enjoyed reading this book and the discussions that have begun with my husband, but also the journey I took in self reflection while reading this book.
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This is a fabulous quick read for any couple. It really poses a lot of thought provoking questions about the institution of marriage. I love the free-style writing as it made it sound like we were sitting in a room just talking. She shares her own marriage experiences as well as what she sees daily on the bench. I saw many things I could improve upon in my relationship. I will deffinately suggest my son read it next time he gets serious. Great book!
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Format: Paperback
"It works for them, so that's how they work it."

"People do what you see them do, not what they tell you they'll do."

Those are some examples of the gems of advice Toler gives in this book. Definitely NOT the same old same old "all problems are women's fault for being too promiscuous before marriage and too frigid after" that you find in 95% of relationship books. This book is realistic enough to understand that some marriages will end in divorce anyway, but it gives practical tools to prevent that from happening in most cases, without shaming anyone.
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By ETHEL on September 2, 2013
Format: Paperback
This book is very helpful for marriages, relationships, and to help you learn things about yourself. I would recommend this book to anyone that is need of relationship help or guidance.
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By Mrs. D. on January 31, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Good advise for anyone considering marriage, newly weds and those who have been married for awhile. Judge Tolert incorporates her personal experiences to highlight what she's talking about. The book is clearly written and is a fast read, but I recommend taking your time and giving serious thought to the information she is trying to convey.
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