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Making Marriage Work: New Rules for an Old Institution Paperback – August 14, 2012
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Easy-reading prose and a no-nonsense approach will carry readers through this collection of anecdotes and rules for healthier living...the book's strength lies in the sober, no-nonsense advice." Publishers Weekly
"[An] awe-inspiring memoir and self-help guide." Ebony
"My Mother's Rules reveals the complicated life of 47-year-old Toler...and it shines a light on the humble life of Toni Toler, a Columbus stay-at-home mom whom the judge praises as 'an incredible emotional manager.'" Cleveland Plain Dealer
"Toler makes Divorce Court work by employing her past experience as an Administrative Judge in Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. She also uses lessons she learned from her mother, who she said was 'tremendous at understanding people's emotions.'" Jet
"Toler's verdicts [are] homespun wisdom dispensed with a cut-the-bull edge. She [is] as likely to cite her mother's advice as she [is] a precedent-setting decision." Cleveland Scene
"Toler’s humor and wit are some of the characteristics that fans of [Divorce Court] will pick up on quickly - her no-nonsense human sensibilities are another. Something very endearing about the judge is her perceptive nature for the different types of issues and people that come through her studio courtroom." Kenya M. Yarbrough, EURWeb.com
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Top Customer Reviews
I like her formula suggesting that you make sure you understand your own internal daemons so that you can effectively communicate to your partner why you need the things you need and why you do the things you do. Self-awareness helps keep communication fact-based and less confrontational. It keeps you honest. It allows you to see relationship adjustments in a different light - less as condemnations of your partner and more simple facts of life solution-based problem solving. Judge Toler doesn't offer any specific solutions to specific problems, but she gives examples of how an argument can be fueled by facts that are far deeper than surface level. If you can understand those before the argument begins or in the middle of it, you can adjust your reaction. And you can explain your reaction to your partner so they can get past the surface level argument to the deeper problem.
This is basically a book about self-awareness and soul-searching. I loved it. I'll read again and again to remind myself to seek a new perspective before giving up.
So far we've dabbled in a few other books but this by far is THE BEST BOOK for couples who are about to get married, newly married, or even married for many many years. It covers the gambit and it really opens up your mind to catching difficulties in a marriage before they even become issues.
This book helps you reflect within yourself to help you see how maybe you are perceived by the other person and how you can help them deal with you, and vice versa.
I plan to read every book by Lynn Toler that is available. Whether it's related to marriage or not, she is one wise woman and I really enjoyed reading this book and the discussions that have begun with my husband, but also the journey I took in self reflection while reading this book.
"People do what you see them do, not what they tell you they'll do."
Those are some examples of the gems of advice Toler gives in this book. Definitely NOT the same old same old "all problems are women's fault for being too promiscuous before marriage and too frigid after" that you find in 95% of relationship books. This book is realistic enough to understand that some marriages will end in divorce anyway, but it gives practical tools to prevent that from happening in most cases, without shaming anyone.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Judge Lynn Yoler is my new heroine! I love her clarity, insight & humor! I'm sending her 2 books to my fam & friends! Read morePublished 1 month ago by MamaWhama
Great read, learning how to prepare for a long life with someone I love.Published 1 month ago by Amazon Customer
Clearly written and full of practical advice and things (e.g., personality traits, preferences, long term plans) to consider about yourself and your partner. Read morePublished 1 month ago by charmedone703
Loved this book, learned a lot of myself and things I need to work on, how to put the marriage firstPublished 2 months ago by Amazon Customer
Sound advice from REAL life's experiences. Plus it's easy to maintain an open mind when listening to one I respect.Published 2 months ago by Brett May