Customer Reviews

Making Room for Life: Trading Chaotic Lifestyles for Connected Relationships

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1 star:		(1)

 

 

The back of this book has some hooks that grab the attention of the modern American rat racer (as someone has well said - "even if you win the rat race, its still a race for rats." The book asks: "What if you could?"

get all your work done by 6:00pm?
eat dinner with your family every night?
form deep, satisfying relationships?
naturally blend the world of church with everyday life?
spend hours a week on your hobbies?

While all of those questions may not resonate with everyone, they resonate enough because all of us have the feeling that we are overworked and overstressed, that life is out of control. He has an exercise in chapter 1 on managing your relationships where he walks you through all the many disconnected and fragmented relationships we have in our lives. By the time you add your spouse, your extended family, spouse's extended family, your work relationships, your spouse's work relationships, your children and their relationships at school and extracurricular activities, your hobbies, your church involvement and a host of other relationships, most of us have dozens of disconnected and fragmented relationships. The problem is that none of these relationships intersect with each other, so we are pulled in all different directions. This helps explain alot of our frustration in life. We are built for community, but because we are so fragmented, it is impossible to develop deep community in any area of our lives.

Having set up the problem, he spends the book trying to solve it. Frankly, most people will see his solutions as undoable at first glance. However, I would highly recommend that you not write his suggestions off as undoable. A friend of mine says that there is a predictable pattern whenever we are given new information. First we reject, it then we consider it, then we embrace it. If you read this book and automatically reject it, please go back and at least consider it, and see if you can't embrace at least some of what he says.

One of the keys to "Making Room for Life" is to live life according to the Hebrew Day Planner, which basically follows the clock set down for us in Genesis 1. We work during the day, and relate and sleep during the night. Because we moderns are so work-obsessed we work so much at night that we never have time to relate to one another. He offers some helpful suggestions for those who travel, or have shift work, on how to do this.

He also addresses the need for consolidating our relationships - he suggests that we recover the idea of neighborhood - where we spend lots of time working and playing close to home. This will enable us to build relationships with our neighbors. He cites some studies that show that the automobile is the number one detractor from community. The more you drive, the less you can build community. He issues a clarion call to cut down all the driving and going.

I also like his emphasis on the dinner table. The dinner table is where community is built in the family and amongst our neighbors. He suggests that we do whatever it takes to have dinner together with your family, or those who are in your community, every night. This is where conversation skills are built, this is where you get to know one another, this is where discipleship takes place.

There are a few gaps in the logic here. I find his vision for life very desirable. However, he doesn't prove that it is biblically mandated. To say that Genesis 1 shows that God set up this day/night structure does not prove once and for all that no work should be done at night. However, I think he makes the case that this is a desirable situation. I would like to see a little more exegetical work with some biblical texts in order to strengthen his case. Intuitively, I think he is on to something here, but I think he can shore up his case with some extra biblical data.

All in all, a book well worth reading and seeking to apply - I recommend it highly

"Making Room for Life" is a book that Christians burned by the Rat Race may see as the Holy Grail. It contains a plan for disengaging from that spinning wheel and re-engaging with real people, family, friends, and neighbors, while also allowing us to sleep, think, and be all God intended for us to be.

Randy Frazee, a Texas pastor, postulates the idea of recovering the Hebrew idea of what constitutes a day. God, Frazee notes, instituted such a day and blessed it. From 6 AM to 6 PM is set aside for work, be it your job, your hobbies, meal prep, homework, and the like. After 6 PM the next four to five hours are solely devoted to relationships. No one works; they only relate. This becomes the new family lifestyle. Anything that interferes with this must be rethought and reworked to fit into the lifestyle.

That's the book in a nutshell.

Beyond the main theory, "Making Room for Life" covers the fundamentals of how to make this happen. The author notes how too much time is spent in the car and has us consider a lifestyle spent less in the minivan and more in the local neighborhood. He also advocates moving closer to work to cut down on commute times, freeing us up for better things. The issue of organized children's sports is also discussed, noting that families just a few years ago never used to plan all their kids sporting events; most kids play spontaneously and can even get good at sports without partaking in three different sports leagues a weekend.

Our work situations are also discussed. Frazee notes that most people only work well for about four hours a day before filling time or zoning out. Why work a twelve hour day then? Eight is good enough if you let the boss know this when you are hired.

And what to do with all this relational time? Why not start reaching out to neighbors? You could make your house the social hub of the neighborhood, develop deeper relationships with neighbors, and potentially even lead people to Christ through friendship evangelism. Small group Bible studies can come out of this, too, if we think outside the "go to church" model and rather "be the Church."

Personally, I believe that what Frazee is saying makes sense. His ideas are sound and have wisdom. This is not to say that the book is perfect. Unfortunately, it has a few profound flaws.

The first issue concerns Frazee's ideal neighborhood--urban or suburban. All his ideas are clearly wrapped up in these two. But what about rural communities? It's as if they do not exist in this book. Nor do many of Frazee's ideas work at all for rural communities, oddly enough. Consider that the basis for his theory, "Hebrew Time," was largely constructed for a rural Jewish (and later, Christian) people who did not live in the suburbs and were often spread out over an area that made the kind of community he advocates difficult to create. I live in such an area now and was constantly searching for references for how rural dwellers can make Frazee's ideas work--with absolutely no success.

The second, and larger, issue is that in his role as a pastor of a church, Frazee is radically out of touch with the modern business environment. At one point he insists that it is simply not true that employers look down on employees who work a mere eight hours when the rest of the crew is putting in eleven. This is a fine ideal to have, but reality shows that the eight hour guy is usually the first downsized. Many of the assertions Frazee makes about the way businesses operates are naive at best and dishonest at worst. Frazee admits that he's been a pastor all his life, so this does not help his cause here. He also possesses a number of high level degrees, which makes me ask how he got them if he was working within his Hebrew Time timeframe. The secular world does not operate on Hebrew Time.

That second issue is a breaker for most people, sadly, unless they can find a line of work that would operate within Hebrew Time. More power to them if they can! But for those of us with decades in a single industry, it's staggeringly hard to make the kind of break the author suggests, since the secular business world has its own set of rules.

This is why I rate this book merely fair. Too many people cannot implement these ideas due to work restraints. In a perfect world, it would be grand, but not everyone can line up all the ducks to make it happen. This is not to say it is impossible, but the Church needs to rethink its views on the business world and start interacting with it in new and radical ways that free up Christian employees if we are to make a go of the fine ideas found in "Making Room for Life."

If you're so busy living life that you don't have time to actually enjoy it, this book is for you.

Despite the abundance of resources, technology, entertainment, and opportunities that surround us, more and more people simply aren't satisfied with the life they're living. What's missing for so many of us is real relationships. Unhurried time of really knowing and being known. The type of lives most of our grandparents enjoyed and took for granted, but which "progress" and the advancement of technology have all but eliminated for most people today.

Randy Frazee offers excellent insight into the things that keep us from experiencing authentic relationships, and ultimately from enjoying life itself. "In America, success is defined by the next purchase. In other places around the world success is defined by a simple meal and conversation with family and friends."

Frazee offers practical ideas about the things that crowd authentic community out of our life and suggestions about how to rearrange our lives to once again (or for the first time)experience the joy of living.

I found this book to be extremely relavent, to be supported by both biblical foundations and scientific research, and to be challenging. I have already begun making some changes and expect to make many more as a result. I have to admit, I fear some of it may be too idealistic, but I anticipate that over time the lives of myself, my family, and my community will be better because of attempting to live out the ideas expressed here. I think you should read the book.

"Making Room For Life" is an enlightening book with a unique approach to resolving some of the problems todays busy families face. Though our kids are nearly grown and gone and our lives are quieting down some, this book has made a huge difference in my life in an unexpected way. Three days after following the Hebrew Day Planner that Randy recommends, my diabetes, which had been out of control, fell within normal ranges and has remained there without the assistance of insulin. I highly recommend the book!

Great theories and makes a definite impact on how our culture (even Christians) have gravitated away from home.

However, like his other book "The Connected Church", it is quite urban-based in philosophy. He feels we should be connected and fellowship with our neighborhood. Alright if you have 20 families in a square block or whatever. The rest of us may not have 20 families in a square mile. We have to drive everywhere! If my children are to involved in anything in means driving more than his recommended 20 minutes round-trip.

And be home by 6pm every night?

Sounds great, that's what made me buy the book. But in the book I found he was relating more to urban folks that are not taking part in their own surroundings, but those of another part of the city.

Oh well, I still recommend this book for its valuable ideas. It just doesn't apply very well to country living.

When my wife and I read Making Room For life, we had one very strong reaction. We felt encouraged that we were reading this book while our kids are young. Our lives are pretty simple right now because of the age of our children and also the fact that we homeschool our oldest two (7 and 5 yrs old). We have an opportunity to order our lives in such a way now (while our kids are so young) to promote the value of community as a part of our lives. The book challenged us to put boundaries on our evenings and on our relationships. Often when we think of boundaries other terms come to mind...like 'restrictions' or 'limitations'. But I would like to suggest that the word 'freedom' is best felt by the boundaries that we can set for our family, as laid out in Randy's book. If we set appropriate boundaries on our time, our work habits, our spending and on our relationships, then we are free to experience a depth of intimacy and closeness that we could not have known otherwise. It's like letting your children play by a steep cliff. You are not at ease to allow them to run with reckless abandon, like most children do. But, if a boundary was set, preventing them from coming close to the edge of the cliff, then you and they are free to run and play within the safety of the boundary lines. That's the way my wife and I see the 'boundaries' that we set as a family. We have more time to spend together because I have ordered my day to be at home at night and on the weekend. We have more frequent times to build relationships with those who live near us and are in our community group and home group. We avoid the helter-skelter lifestyle that many people wake up to 'one morning' and wish they had not gotten themselves into. We live a more simple life which allows us greater financial freedom to use our money for God and His people. We have a vision for reaching our neighbors and we share that vision with our biblical community, who are also part of our 'neighborhood' community. Randy's book is extremely practical and applicable to life. You don't have to do a 180 degree turnaround to make a difference in the way you go about life. You certainly can make the more dramatic changes, and that would make a difference, but you can take simple steps that result in major change as well...like living by the Hebrew Day Planner (as explained in Randy's book). In my opinion, Randy is just sharing his jouney with God as it relates to his own personal life, his family and his community. He never claims to have created this idea. He just desired to find it and live it out. Community has been part of God's design since the creation of man. Randy has decided to do whatever it takes to see God's vision lived out in his life and to use his resources to share that vision with his own congregation, the Church at large and the world around him. I love what I see happening in my family and in my communty. I know that it doesn't come naturally, at least not in American culture. But, it is worth the effort. If anything is worth the effort, this is. But I also believe it is a part of the 'abundant life' that Jesus desires us to experience while we are here on earth.

Randy Frazee is correct. We do need to make room for life. In a culture that is individualistic, narcissistic, and pragmatic, the great need of our time is to return to the relational life we were meant to live--the life God created us to live, the kind of relational life that brings about life transformation and allows us to live the Abundant Life.

For calling the church back to that life, I applaud Frazee, but I do not believe his solution is necessarily relevant or realistic today. (Other reviews do a good job of outlining the book, so I'll resist the urge to do more of that here.) Yes, we need to be counter-cultural--maybe even revolutionary--from our society in our our approach to life. But the ancient Hebrew Day Calendar is, I believe, simply archaic. What worked well 2,000 years ago may very well be outmoded and obsolete today. Also, I see it as a simplistic, pragmatic solution, rather than a vision for a new way to look at life.

When I first read Making Room for Life when it was first published several years ago, I liked it's main message, and I made some changes in my life to live out the values Frazee advances, for instance sitting in our front yard more so that I can connect and build community in our neighborhood. I went to hear him speak on this three separate times, and sat there nodding my head in agreement each time. His vision is all good stuff, but he spends a lot of time advocating the Hebrew Day Calendar, which, while thought-provoking, left me perplexed and frustrated with trying to implement it.

Here's the thing. As a small group pastor, I'm passionate to see people in my church connect in what I call "radically real relationships" in Christian community. But I also know that almost everything in our culture creates huge barriers for people to actually live this way. The #1 excuse for not being in a small group is busyness. And yet, according to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year life, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube. It seems people would rather watch people living relationally than actually living that way themselves. Perhaps it's safer for them that way. Yes, I desperately want to see people connect in community, but I know that I need to offer them more than simplistic, archaic, programmatic solutions. They need to change their attitudes first.

My advice: If you are going to buy a book on making room for life, get Scott Boren's book, The Relational Way: From Small Group Structures to Holistic Life Connections. Boren references Making Room for Life in his book, and even borrows one of Frazee's illustrations to make a vital point. Frazee also wrote one of the two Forewords for Boren's book. But to me, The Relational Way provides much more practical theology, relevancy, and real-world insights. (See my review of the book on its product page or my Profile Page.)

If I were to buy just one book on the topic, I'd have to make room on my bookshelf for The Relational Way.

The morning I heard Randy Frazee give this sermon at church, I knew that this was the way I wanted to structure my life. That day I started using a daily planner that divided my days according to the Hebrew calendar, with days ending at 6 p.m.
Within 2 days I was already experiencing much more calm and peace in my life and it still continues. This book was enormously helpful. I dont know if it could work for everyone because some people have jobs that they have to work until 8 or 9 p.m. every night, so they'd have to adjust their day a bit. However since I am a teacher, this sort of structure fits my day perfectly. I highly recommend this book.

Although the beginning of this book has some good insights about the current chaotic state of many families and why change is important, once you get into the heart of it, it's not ideal for many families. He suggests a fairly regimented schedule to keep families balanced. Although this may seem ideal, I'm not sure its realistic. There are too many unique factors in families such as kids with learning disabilities, etc., which would prevent this plan from working well. There are things from the book which can be implemented though so its worth checking out. Gain what you can from it but don't feel bad if it's not a good plan for your family.

This is such a simple book to read and yet it may have the most profound impact on our lives - I hope and pray! We fit exactly the type of family who desperately needs this book: suburban, near a very large, fast-paced city and living somewhat frazzled, disconnected lives (other than with our children) because we are working all hours of the day (my husband) and our church and church friends are 30-45 minutes away. Frazee talks about how the greatest problem in the American Church today is our fragmented lives - the fact that we have so many relationships with many different groups of people, and rarely do these groups overlap. My husband and I have bemoaned for years now that we are not able to "do life" with those in our small group nor church as we live all over the city. I have also felt for a long time that not observing a Sabbath Day (one of the Ten Commandments) is one of the greatest sins of omission of our church today and in our lives personally. Frazee's book resonates with us to the core! And, I might add, that we are parents of 2 children under age 3 and that my husband works from home - often working evening hours and weekends since he can wrap up for early dinners and time with the kids. While we may not be able to implement everything that Frazee urges (I sure would like him to address those with preschoolers), we are already praying about what kind of changes we can make. We can live with the tension of it not really fitting our life-stage exactly as we trust God to show us how to build community right here in our neighborhood/community. It is a beautiful picture of what life CAN be and what we were created for - deeper relationships and more sane living. You must read this book for the picture he paints of family dinner time, if nothing else. While we do eat dinner together every night as a family, I love his vision of making it a reward and festive occasion at the end of every day and also of enfolding others into it. Beautiful! It is also a book that has given me permission to take the time I need to step back from the frenzy, refresh my soul, and to consider finding a church closer to our home sooner rather than later. Thank you, Randy Frazee and thank you, Lord Jesus! May we trust Him for the wisdom and application in our specific lives.