Making Room in Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties through Open Adoption [Paperback]

Micky Duxbury (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 23, 2006

Adopted persons face challenges their entire lives as they struggle to answer the most basic question: Who am I? The hope of open adoption is that adopted children will develop stronger identities if they have the opportunity to develop healthy ongoing relationships with their families of origin. Making Room in Our Hearts offers an intimate look at how these relationships evolve over time, with real-life stories from families who have experienced open adoption first-hand. This book helps both adoptive and birth parents address their fears and concerns, while offering them the support to put the child’s psychological and spiritual needs at the center of adoption. Based on interviews with more than one hundred adopted children, birth and adoptive parents, extended families, professionals and experts, the book is an effective and invaluable resource for those considering open adoption, those experiencing it, and professionals in the field. Openness has altered the landscape of adoption, and Making Room in Our Hearts will help us catch up to the reality that is open adoption today.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Every once in a while, a book comes along that can make an honest difference in the understanding of an important subject—and, therefore, in people's lives. I'm delighted to say that Making Room in Our Hearts is one of those books. It takes on open adoption, which remains too poorly understood despite its growing prevalence, and explains it in the best possible way: through the stories of those who live it. The result is simultaneously touching and enlightening; it's a wonderful combination that I hope and believe will make an honest difference in the continued evolution of adoption from the stigmatized, secretive process that it used to be into one that is honest, healthy and better serves all of its participants, especially the children."         - Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

"Micky Duxbury has written an interesting, up-to-date book on the beauty and the complexity of families built through open adoption. She has integrated the knowledge provided by other experts in the field with the poignant sharings of real families who have been living their open adoptions over several years. This is a book well worth reading and owning; I highly recommend it."  - Sharon Roszia, co-author of The Open Adoption Experience and Program Manager, Special Needs Adoptions for Kinship Center of Southern California

"Open adoption is not a trend—it is the wave of the future. Making Room in Our Hearts helps us prepare for that future by providing an ethical and child-centered perspective as it puts a human face on open adoption. You will meet real people revealing, as well as struggling, with the ups and downs of these complex relationships. This book fills an important need by providing adoption professionals, birth and adoptive families and their extended familial networks with a wealth of practical and personal information." - Brenda Romanchik, MSW, Open Adoption educator, Birth Parent advocate, and Director of Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support

"Having been born under the closed adoption system some forty-something years ago, it was a profoundly moving experience for me to read about families—birth and adoptive families—who have come to embrace openness for their children. I believe that the adoption community is moving in a brave and important new direction, and that Micky Duxbury's book will provide a vital map for families and professionals alike. I am grateful for this work and only wish that it had been the standard of practice while I was growing up." - Susan Ito, adult adoptee and co-editor of A Ghost At Heart's Edge: Stories & Poems of Adoption

"This book is a valuable inclusion as an educational tool in the arena of open adoption … that can build understanding among those personally involved with adoption, considering adoption, professionals and anyone else who is interested in this topic. Additionally, it offers support to those already in open adoptions who want to hear about how this experience has evolved for others as the years have passed."   - Patricia Martinez Dorner, MA, LPC, LMFT, Co-author of Children of Open Adoption and author of How to Open an Adoption: A Guide for Parents and Birthparents of Minors

"I have been anxiously awaiting the release of Making Room in our Hearts, by Micky Duxbury so that I could recommend it to every adopting family I have the fortune of consulting with. Never has there been a volume so compassionate, inspiring and informative about why child-centered, open adoption is the correct paradigm for today's adoptions. Ms. Duxbury understands that openness in adoption is not a quantifiable obligation, but a quality that can be cultivated and resides in the heart of family members touched by adoption."  - Leslie Foge, MA, MFT, Adoption Psychotherapist and Co-author of The Third Choice: A Woman's Guide for Placing a Child for Adoption

"Making Room in Our Hearts is an authentic, inside account of the open adoption experience. It offers an opportunity to listen in as the participants of adoption describe the delights and challenges of their journeys. Openness never shines brighter than when it is expressed in the actual words of those who live it day in and day out." - James Gritter, author of The Spirit of Open Adoption, and The Lifegivers: Framing the Birth Parent Experience in Adoption

"This is a wonderful book… and the author seems to have complete control of this often-confusing area of relationships. The topic is covered in a thorough as well as realistic fashion. Duxbury is a skilled writer and has a very friendly writing style that should appeal to the reader….As families become more and more "non-traditional" the notion of openness cannot be stressed enough." - Jon Carlson, Psy.D., Ed.D., ABPP, Distinguished Professor, Governors State University

"Ms. Duxbury excels as a writer and a storyteller. Her book is so compelling and such a pleasure to read because the stories of the families are told in such lucid language with well paced story lines.  You can feel the excitement of a family when a baby is placed in their home and the anguish of a birthfather wanting a stronger connection to his son.  Ms. Duxbury, an advocate of open adoption, does not spare either the joy or the pain of open adoption." - Ann Wrixon, Independent Adoption Center Executive Director

About the Author

Micky Duxbury is an adoptive parent of a beautiful and expressive daughter brought to her family through domestic adoption in 1994. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has practiced in the Bay Area for twenty years. Currently specializing in pre and post-adoption education and counseling, she has facilitated pre-adoption support groups for the for eight years. She developed and taught a course on The Psychology of Adoption and offers workshops on Raising Adopted Children. A strong proponent of ethical and child-centered adoption practices, she has worked as a mediator and therapist with all members of the adoption triad.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Routledge; 1 edition (October 23, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0415955025
• ISBN-13: 978-0415955027
• Product Dimensions: 7 x 0.6 x 10 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #121,826 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #98 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Adoption

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars An adoptive parent's perspective October 2, 2007

By Heather

Format:Paperback

This book is an excellent resource for anyone involved in open adoption. Duxbury integrates first-person stories with information on the basic philosophy and history of openness. The stories are authentic and honest, and do not shy away from acknowledging challenges and mistakes. Especially valuable are those from decades-old adoptions, offering a glimpse into how open adoption relationships evolve over time. I appreciated the story groupings which provided multiple perspectives on a single adoption--from birth/first parents, adoptees, adoptive parents, siblings and extended family members. Prompts encourage readers to mine these shared experiences for practical application in their own situations. Optimistic without falling into Pollyanna-ness, the book touches on public and private adoption, opening closed adoptions, openness in international adoptions, how to make openness work, and needed changes in the current adoption system. A comprehensive list of open adoption resources (publications, agencies, organizations, etc.) is also included.

Although a good resource for families at any stage, I think this book will be especially valuable for pre-adoptive parents and expectant parents considering placement. It not only provides a realistic look at openness, but also makes a strong case for the importance of adequate preparation and ongoing post-adoption support for participants in open adoptions. The discussion of best practices in open adoption will help potential clients discern which agencies/professionals are committed to child-centered open adoption as a standard and which pay it mere lip service.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Moving, Truthful, and Enlightening May 20, 2008

By Nicole Burton

Format:Paperback

As an person raised under closed adoption, I never knew openness of the kind Micky Duxbury writes about in Making Room in Our Hearts could exist. I love the case studies and accompanying photographs of families in open adoption because we humans are storytelling creatures who learn best through engaging tales. I learned that openness can exist in adoption, with birth and adoptive families discovering together how to best support the growth of the adopted young person - wow, what a concept! "Open Adoption," it turns out, is not a one-size-fits-all, utopian arrangement but a supported process of learning how to be flexible, compassionate, and respectful to the people who love the people we love. The family ties that Duxbury describes are the most important "possessions" we can give our children. In addition to her own story as an adoptive parent, Duxbury includes a dozen case studies and a generous list of adoption resources in the back. I love this book and learned so much from reading it. Highly recommended to all interested in the practice of adoption, especially prospective and current adoptive parents.
Nicole J. Burton, Swimming Up the Sun: A Memoir of Adoption

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for both sides of the 'triad'.... September 8, 2011

By Neababe

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

After placing my son, still on my maternity leave I was looking for support anywhere I could find it. The grief is still so overwhelming. I found this book - and I am so happy I did. This book interviews people from the natural family, as well as the adoptive family - and puts all the fears to rest by discussing and talking about how there are just more people to love the child. This has been the most difficult decison I have made in my life, and knowing that all of his families are on the 'same page' makes things a little easier to swallow - and eliminates the fear all natural parents have of being 'cut off' and left by the wayside now that placement has taken place. I shared it immediately with his adoptive parents, who read it cover to cover. We have discussed it, and continue to have a very close relationship, given they are states away. This book helped 'bridge the gap' and truly brought us together with one focus. (I miss him so....)