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Making It as a Stepparent: New Roles/New Rules
 
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Making It as a Stepparent: New Roles/New Rules [Paperback]

Claire Berman (Author)
2.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)


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Book Description

February 13, 1986

Based on interviews with hundreds of remarried women and men and theirchildren, this highly recommended guide provides a compassionateexploration of the dynamics of stepfamilies. Reflecting the growing realizationthat, in the realm of stepparenting, romance and good intentions are nosubstitute for preparation and communication, Making It as a Stepparentrealistically acknowledges the fears, doubts, and difficulties that affect thestepparenting situation as it offers practical help and insight into the manyaccompanying challenges and rewards. Whether discussing money matters,visitation rights, the use of family names, discipline, sexual tensions, thepressure to "love," or the "instant parent" syndrome, the voices of thestepfamily members interviewed resonate long after the book is put down.Stepparents cannot help but recognize their own disappointments and joys inthese stories. All readers will find Making It as a Stepparent full of wise counsel and needed reassurance.


Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Claire Berman is director of public education for the Child Welfare League of America and past president of the Stepfamily Association of America. She is the author of three previous books and writes and lectures widely on family issues.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 202 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Perennial; Updated edition (February 13, 1986)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060970197
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060970192
  • Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.3 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 2.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1 customer review)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,486,991 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

How do people cope with challenging relationships? That question has guided my professional life. How do we form adoptive relationships, come together in remarried families, deal with divorce and its aftermath, care for ailing parents, survive schizophrenia, and--in my latest work--grieve and cope with the death of a sister or brother, our lifelong companion.

I feel privileged that so many people have let me into their lives by sharing their stories and coping strategies, and pleased when they tell me I have conveyed them well. The highlight, however, is hearing from readers who my work has touched and helped.

Please visit me at www.claireberman.com.

 

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3 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars readable, narrow scope, omits many essentials, August 17, 2004
By 
I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this pioneering book to readers who want a cursory introduction to stepfamily life, and an historical marker by which to see how much we've learned about stepfamilies since Berman updated this in 1986. I do not recommend this book to anyone who wants to know the core reasons most US stepfamilies are significantly stressful, and why millions redivorce or endure daily agony. The index in this brief book has no entries for shame, values conflicts, communication, grief, loss, stepfamily identity, or psychological wounds.

Like most stepfamily authors since she published, Berman omits explanation and advice on these essential stepfamily stressors:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce. Most divorced and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. All stepfamilies follow (and cause) a series of profound losses (broken bonds);

3) co-parent unawareness of - and indiference to - five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) the implications of little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then the factors inhibit co-parents from identifying and resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

[...]
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