Customer Reviews

The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace

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"The Male Factor" is based on a statistically solid survey of 600 men, plus dozens of interviews, and details how men think at work. The point of this book is for women to understand how men think at work (not at home or in relationship, but when they are in their `work' box) so that women can decide how/if they want to make adjustments in the way they act/talk/dress so that men will perceive them more accurately. The author says, "We can be skilled, talented, highly educated, mentored and networked - and yet trade all of that away by unintentionally undermining ourselves in our interactions with male colleagues." Yes, the business world still has its own set of rules, that were invented by men, and so you must decide how you will play in that world...will you understand and adapt to the rules, or not? Not to worry, the corresponding book to train men is under development.

"The Male Factor", the expanded edition for Christians, has a little bit of biblical reference scattered here and there, but you might miss it in general. The main difference between a secular version and this version is an additional chapter that provides the perspective and advice of Christian women in leadership positions in business or ministry.

Why should you read a book like this? Because you need to understand all the factors at play in your career. "Generally, especially as you rise through the ranks, no one is incompetent - so it falls to other factors. It's not just talent, because everyone has that." So what are these other factors other than talent? That's what you'll learn in this book. The author makes another analogy ... if you were engaged in international business, you would want to learn about that other culture so that you didn't sabotage your work... men are simply a different culture that you must learn about so that you can decide how/if to change anything in your control.

Men typically compartmentalize, so they have a Personal World and a Work World. Each of these has different rules and expectations. The way you interact with your husband in Personal World is NOT the way you may interact with a man in Work World. So chapter 3 explains the differences in these worlds; and chapter 4 explains the basic rules of the Work World. Then chapters deal with particular topics like emotion in the workplace, fear and insecurity, and how women's clothing can completely derail a guy. Do we need to wear a burqa? No, but men perceive figure-fitting or revealing attire to be intentionally eye-catching and inappropriate, not simply stylish, and they think a woman is less competent ...that she's intentionally distracting them from seeing her job performance flaws.

The Male Factor is pretty easy to read, and probably pretty valuable to any woman who wonders why her career doesn't seem to go anywhere. The information can also be pretty aggravating, but until the world is perfect we all have to learn to get along.

If you're a working woman, you should read The Male Factor. The book explains how a failure to understand gender differences in workplace communication styles can sabotage both a woman's contribution to her employer's mission and her prospects for professional advancement.

Here's an example of one of the many aha-aha moments I experienced as I read the book: At work, have you ever asked a "why" question such as "Why did you come to that conclusion?" If so, you probably thought that you were asking for information and doing so in an appropriate, straight-forward manner. But, are you aware that men often perceive "why" questions as calling into question their judgment? In contrast, if you simply rephrase along the lines of, "Can you tell me what you're thinking here?" most men will no longer take offense at the question and will be glad to answer it.

That is just one example of the author's hundreds of helpful tips and insights into how men communicate in the business world.

If you're at all skeptical, I urge you to begin with the Appendix, where the author explains her research methodology. You'll find strong evidence of a commitment to positive science and valid statistical inference.

As you read, you'll also realize that the author is herself a successful professional and is motivated by a desire to help women succeed.

You'll learn that small changes in your communication style can have a significant, positive effect on how your presentations, your comments at meetings, and your conversations are perceived by your male co-workers.

Like most working women, I have limited time for general business reading that isn't directly related to my field. In fact, I probably won't read more than a handful of general business books this year. I'm glad this book was on my short-list. It should be on your short-list, too!

The fact that this book is based on research, interviews, and thoughtful analysis is great. I would not have bothered with it otherwise. I found some of her insights useful, and some of her nearly blind acceptance of what the men she interviewed and surveyed said, that gullibility, humorous. I also wonder about the men she surveyed. Maybe I have been lucky to have met a disproportionate number of intelligent, insightful ones. This book does give good advice on how to deal with the other kind.

The idea that, according to her research, men cannot think and feel at the same time and so assume that if a woman shows any emotion at work, she must have turned her brain off, is a useful point of view when dealing with some men. She gives good advice for what to do in the situation where a woman's ideas are being dismissed as being illogical because she is also excited, angry, worried, etc.. Her advice would also be useful for situations where a woman presents a new, unusual way to solve a problem and is assumed to not understand the situation. Give your premise, even if you think it is obvious, even if it won't fit in bullet points.

She also seems to think women "take everything personally" but men do not. Men have feelings, particularly about their work. She seems to think men are not deeply hurt when they lose a job or do not feel anguish when they have to let workers go. There is a difference between not having feelings and not putting them in charge.

What I worry about is that she seems to accept a belief that women are all walking pots of overflowing emotion at work while most men walk around with only cold rationality behind their actions. It is hard to see how a woman who has had experience in business could believe that. If that is what her surveys tell her, then the problem is that unrealistic perception.

She definitely does a service in telling some women that if she treats the office as a place to show off her figure, nobody will take her seriously. That should be a "duh," statement, but unfortunately, it is not. Articles in fashion magazines that tell women how to dress in the office are almost universally wrong, because if they all said, "extremely modest, very conservative, and professional" they would have nothing new to sell. She also rightly recognizes that no amount of conservative dress on the part of women will make men forget they are talking to women.

On the other had, when she gives the example of a man hiring his golf buddy for a highly responsible job in which his buddy has no experience, she accepts with little argument that he does so because he "knows for sure" that the golf buddy is also very qualified. Why don't the pages have a little electronic chip that laughs when you get to that part?

She also talks about men feeling the constant pressure of bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders, the unceasing fear of letting up from work because they have to provide a decent life and a stable future for their families. And this would be different from women in the workforce...how?

This book will not level the playing field; to believe that would be the same as accepting that all discrimination is justified by women being too emotional and too flirty at work. But if you read it with a sense of humor, it will take a few bumps out of the way and give some useful advice and insights.

I think the women who will most benefit from this book are those who were moving up in a company but now feel like they've hit the "glass ceiling"--they're being passed over for promotion or leadership responsibilities or are feeling like their input is being deliberately ignored. The information in the book can help them understand how their actions may be perceived by their co-workers (and not always just by men) and what they can do to fix the situation.

Unlike her previous books, very few survey questions were actually shown (the exact question with the results), which disappointed me. Instead, especially in the first half of the book, each chapter was mostly references to problems she heard mentioned frequently by men and the real life examples they gave to illustrate the point. Shaunti usually tied this in to how men are geared differently than women and thus behaved differently in the workplace--or were at a loss of how to deal with women who act differently in the workplace. At the end of each chapter, she gave excellent and do-able advice on how to deal correctly with those situations.

I really enjoyed chapter 12, the "Counsel from Experienced Christian Women." I also thought that chapter 10 had information that all women, working or not, would benefit from reading.

However, I found some sections and chapters--especially in the first third of the book--more confusing than enlightening. Often the issues raised weren't really male-female differences, and I'd agree that the behavior in the example wasn't appropriate work behavior (for men or women). Other times I was ticked at the guys because the woman in the example picked up on something "because she was female" but lacked experience in dealing correctly with the situation. If trained how to do it correctly or allowed to learn from the experience, she would have become a real asset in the same situation in the future. Yet the men assumed that the mistake was also inherently "because she was a female" and gave up on her instead.

These sections left me feeling frustrated and depressed. Why? Because I didn't feel like this book was intended for or could be used to open dialogue and clear up misunderstandings in the workplace. The book was intended to help women change their behavior (if they choose) to avoid triggering these misconceptions.

So, as I said, I think "The Male" Factor would definitely be helpful to women who are "stuck" on the corporate ladder. Women who work in a male-dominated job and who want to learn how to get along better with the men at work will also find the book useful.

I received this book as a review copy from the publisher.


Reviewed by Debbie from Different Time, Different Place
(differenttimedifferentplace. blogspot. com)

What working woman wouldn't want a free pass inside her male colleagues' head and figure out just "what was he thinking?" While being transported inside a man's brain is unrealistic, The Male Factor accomplishes the next best thing. Based on seven years worth of extensive research pulling results from confidential interviews with thousands of men, this book is a valuable tool for understanding and navigating the workplace rules from a man's perspective. Exploring a topic that lends itself to sensationalism and tabloidesque drama, the depth and integrity of the research is vital to substantiating its credibility and foundational to it being taken seriously. It validates the observations in the book as reliable and the genuine response of real men in real situations.

What is commendable about The Male Factor is that spells out up front that it is not intended to throw a universal blanket statement that relegates all men into a one size fits all standard fabric. It takes into account a man's individuality and admits that not everyone fits the mold. Likewise, each reader can expect to apply the concepts as it relates to her experience and situation. The goal is to present the evidence necessary to make informed decisions by examining the working world through male-coloured lenses. The book does not just dispense facts and findings and leave you hanging. It is informative and useful, offering alternatives and suggestions on what women can do to get themselves on the same side of the fence as their male counterparts. It establishes common ground by not only communicating the "why" but also the "how."

The Male Factor is subtitled, "the groundbreaking research that reveals what every woman should know". I would agree with that claim. Even for those who are well-versed in the intricate details of how a man's brain is wired and have found joy and success working with men, this book still has plenty to offer. I would definitely recommend reading it from cover to cover so you won't miss a thing. You may also want to keep a journal or notepaper close by - and perhaps a few highlighters. Though the journey will be uniquely yours, some takeaways include:

* Articulate your point or concern then let it go and move on
* Get to the point quickly
* Never start a conversation with a man by asking him "why" or jump in with "You need to...what you need to do..." advice
* Don't take things at work personally
* Find out how men perceive and process emotions
* Know what being treated with respect and trust looks like in a man's eye
* Why you're not likely to see a man ask for help

What perhaps stands out as the most empowering and encouraging facet in The Male Factor is that none of its recommendations and insights negates or asks a woman to change who she really is or deny the strengths and qualities that are inherent in most women. What it does is erase the "I didn't know" factor and makes women more clued-in when interacting with men in the workplace by being aware of his vantage point. Undoubtedly, as you read the book, you will shake your head and say, "if only I had known I would have approached it differently." And that is the whole point of The Male Factor. It's about converting knowledge into tangible results. The bottom line is that understanding the male culture at work magnifies a woman's effectiveness and ultimately adds value to and prospers the organization. At the end of the day, it creates a partnership that challenges each other to move forward and advance the goals of the organization. And that works for me.

Like Shaunti Feldhahn's previous works, the Male Factor is commentary based on surveys. I was introduced to Feldhahn's work through For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women, which I found to be very helpful in understanding my wife and her needs. And though I am a man interested in women, I also read For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men to see how accurate I found the survey information to be. I found that Feldhahn was spot on and the surveys incredibly insightful. Now with this book, we get the same insightful information but based on surveys focused on the work environment instead of the home.

As a man in the business world I found that the survey was right inline with how I see the workplace and / or how I know that my male peers do. I imagine that if a woman was to read this book and implement some of the suggestions that they would immediately find their male peers much easier to work with and her job much more enjoyable. (In the same way, I look forward to the upcoming partner book, which will focus on how males can function better at work with females.) Interestingly, this book also sheds light on some of the weaknesses in the way that men function, and while reading I found that I could benefit from changing my worldview as well.

Another solid book that I recommend to all business people, male or female.

This book was supplied to me by the publisher as a review copy.

Wow! I wished I'd have known all this 20 years ago! The info Feldhahn gives in this (& her other books) is so valuable! I think many things are such a "given" to men that they don't even consider women might think differently. Men also can benefit from this book, if they approach it as "what do women NOT know about men", or "what's a woman's perspective on what she says/does" as opposed to "well, of course this is how I think/interpret her words/actions."

I'd highly recommend this book not only for people working with the opposite gender, but also for married couples. The insight offered is invaluable for understanding each other.

Reality is that there are differences between men and women, and to ignore those God given differences is to ignore the truth. I appreciate Shaunti's research and her objective approach. This book, if taken to heart, will help any woman advance her career and her understanding of men. I am a Christian woman running a ministry that does leadership training and marriage training, and I can tell you that ignoring the differences between the genders is a detriment to everyone, from husband and wife, to the corporation. This is a great book, solid on the research, and ties in completely to Biblical teaching as well. When I was an executive in corporate America, I followed many of the principles communicated and substantiated by her research, and many of my executive women friends did as well. It is true - women who understand how to deal effectively with men (AND other women, for that matter) rise to the top. Get the book, read it and implement it - as a woman, you'll be more effective in your job!

I give this book five stars despite what I'm about to say.

Missing from this book is the reality that not all workplace situations are full of the goodwill that Feldhahn seems to assume.

In a perfect world, and in perfect companies, people act to create value to the business. One of the most positive aspects of this book, in fact, is its repeating mantra that men really do want women to succeed. And why wouldn't they? Men don't hire women to watch them fail; neither do teammates trip up each other.

But Feldhahn forgets that the workplace can also be a place of ego competition. This doesn't just affect women, but men competing against women can exploit all the assumptions uncovered in this book -- and more -- to thwart their careers.

For example, a man can send confusing e-mails to a woman who suggests some course of action. He'll answer questions she just didn't ask; for instance, if she asks for training for a certain employee he can say, We can't afford to fly in a dozen people from around the country and train them here. Reasonably, she would answer, I can understand our budget constraints (acknowledging); but I didn't ask to fly in a dozen people; I asked to train one person. Then he answers, Are you saying all our employees are deficient in this area, that our hiring practices are bad? OK, she's not born yesterday, and she knows this could be as much a defense as a request for information. So she answers "as if" it's just a request for information: No, I find most of them excellent. What about training for this one person?

Here's where Feldhahn's rule about "pushing" comes in. Don't push. When you're given a no, back off. So she backs off after one more round. But this guy has won through psychopathic behavior. And when it comes time to consider her for a promotion -- or even to consider her next idea -- he'll say, She never listens to me, and the last time I talked to her, she even suggested that we fly in a dozen people from all over the country for training! And she'll be afraid to bounce any more ideas off this guy, knowing that she loses points every time. Meanwhile, all the men in the group get full and accurate consideration of their ideas.

Assuming she even gets wind of what's being said about her to others, she tries to explain, in the simplest terms possible, what happened. But it's not simple; she has to explain that she said this, and then he said that. The other men, solicitous of their position with this guy, now get to see what a long-winded little whiner she is. As Feldhahn writes, "Where's she going with this?"

Does he do this to other men? No. What's wrong with her?

And this is just one example. I could give you a few more, including taking credit for ideas that came from me, after previously shooting them down. None of this is rare. An unethical power play, using gender power to conceal it. And I think it should be answered with a play that's just as Macchiavellian.

My boyfriend and I discussed last night whether this guy was a psychopath or an idiot, pissing away his own organization. Just too stupid to follow a simple discussion thread? I think we actually voted yes on that, but there's another problem: Male incompetence, covered up with gender stereotypes.

The reason I still give the book five stars is that its research approach is excellent. I feel that I can trust the observations and advice because Feldhahn has conducted well-designed studies. What she needs to do next is tackle the really ugly scenarios. Where's my Nancy Sinatra playbook for "These Boots Were Made for Walking"? I remember a book called "Games Mother Never Taught You," but it's from back in the '80s and not nearly as sophisticated as Feldhahn's research-based approach.

The Male Factor is the latest title offered by the brilliant Shaunti Feldhahn (author of several favorites of mine, including For Women Only and For Men Only). In this volume she presents to us how men think and react to women (and other men) in the workplace and how women are often misunderstood by men in their jobs. To understand this she explains to us the basics of how we are wired differently, of how our brains function differently. She explains that there is a difference between "business" and "personal" to men and how they are able to keep the two separate (while we as women tend to get the two emotionally intertwined).
This book shows how what we (women) do in the workplace is interpreted by men and how we can change our actions in order to be able to stand our own in a mans world.