Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited [Unabridged] [Paperback]

Sam Vaknin (Author), Lidija Rangelovska (Editor)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 2001

You are not alone!

Are YOU Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Confused and Frightened? Were you brought up by a Narcissistic or Psychopathic Parent? Married to a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or Divorcing One? Afraid your children will turn out to be narcissists or psychopaths? Want to cope with this pernicious, baffling condition?

OR: Are You a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or suspect that You may be one ...

This book will teach you how to Cope, Survive, and Protect Your Loved Ones!

"Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" is based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people diagnosed with Narcissistic and Antisocial Personality Disorders (narcissists and psychopaths) and with thousands of their suffering family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.

The first ever book about narcissistic abuse, Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Re-Visited offers a detailed, first hand account of what it is like to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It contains new insights and an organized methodological framework. The first part of the book comprises more than 100 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is a personality disorder? When the personality is rigid to the point of being unable to change in reaction to changing circumstances - we say that it is disordered. Such a person takes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues exclusively from others. His inner world is, so to speak, vacated. His True Self is dilapidated and dysfunctional. Instead he has a tyrannical and delusional False Self. Such a person is incapable of loving and of living. He cannot love others because he cannot love himself. He loves his reflection, his surrogate self. And he is incapable of living because life is a struggle towards, a striving, a drive at something. In other words: life is change. He who cannot change cannot live.

The narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage, instead. The Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the Narcissist does not "love" himself in any true sense of the word.

He feeds off other people, who hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he exists. Otherwise, the narcissist feels, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions.

The posting of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Re-Visited on the Web has elicited a flood of excited, sad and heart rending responses, mostly from victims of Narcissists but also from people suffering from the NPD. This is a true picture of the resulting correspondence with them.

This book is not intended to please or to entertain. NPD is a pernicious, vile and tortuous disease, which affects not only the Narcissist. It infects and forever changes people who are in daily contact with the Narcissist. In other words: it is contagious. It is my contention that Narcissism is the mental epidemic of the twentieth century, a plague to be fought by all means.

This tome is my contribution to minimizing the damages of this disorder.

Editorial Reviews

Review

...This book has an important purpose ... It will be appreciated in a library,classroom or among the mental health profession. -- Katherine Theriault - Inscriptions Magazine, Vol. 2, Issue 20

I cannot recommend this book enough to those who have this disorder, families, and friends who are trying to understand. -- Patty Fleener, MSW, Webmistress of mental-health-today.com

If you wish to get under the skin of a Narcissist ... to know how he thinks, feels, behaves... -- Anthony M. Benis, Sc.D., M.D. - Author of

If you wish to get under the skin of a Narcissist, then this is the book for you. -- Dr. Anthony Benis, Mount Sinai Hospital, New York - Author Towards Self and Sanity - On the Genetic Origins of the Human Character

My 4000+ members enthusiastically and unanimously recommend Dr. Vaknin's book. It is an essential and crucial 'Must Read'. -- Darla Boughton, owner of the MSN Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopath support groups

Sam Vaknin is the world's leading expert on narcissism. -- Tim Hall - New York Press, Volume 16, Issue 7

This book is required reading for any codependent - to understand how the other side works. -- Dr. Irene Matiatos, Webmistress of drirene.com

Truly insightful. The author has done probably more than anyone else to educate others to this poorly understood condition. -- Tim Field, author of

"Malignant Self-love (is a) ... magnum opus" --Yvonne Roberts, Sunday Times, September 16, 2007

"Few people can claim to have increased the public awareness of NPD to such a degree." --Adrian Tampany, Financial Times Weekend Magazine, September 4-5, 2010

"Malignant Self-love (is a) ... magnum opus" -- Yvonne Roberts, Sunday Times, September 16, 2007

From the Publisher

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited and other books about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths.

His books are based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.

Sam is not a mental health professional though he is certified in psychological counseling techniques. He served as the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net.

Sam was also the editor of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic in Suite101, the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse List and other abusive relationships mailing, support, and discussion groups (with c. 15000 members).

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 600 pages
• Publisher: Narcissus Publications,Czech Republic; Revised edition (July 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 8023833847
• ISBN-13: 978-8023833843
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (111 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #33,791 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #61 in Books > Self-Help > Abuse

More About the Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited and other books and ebooks about topics in psychology (personality disorders), relationships, philosophy, economics, and international affairs.

He is Editor-in-Chief of Global Politician and wrote columns for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, eBookWeb , and Bellaonline. He was a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

198 of 209 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT HESITATE TO BUY THIS BOOK September 19, 2004

By Free At Last

Format:Paperback

First of all, let me say that I am a bright, well educated (doctorate) woman of some age. After twenty years of living with a Narcissist (although I did not know this syndrome actually had a diagnostic name), being controlled, manipulated, lied to, deceived, cuckolded and gaslighted, I felt quite confident that

1) something was wrong and it had to be me, since he told me that constantly (WRONG),

2) i couldn't put a finger on it, but nothing ever made sense - i could not validate the experiences in this relationship by comparing it to my family - friends - other experiences with men and

3) no one could ever understand because it was such a bizarre situation.

Let me tell you this, and let it be a ray of hope for all of you interested in this book. Vaknin explains this disorder so very well, and he explains the ramifications of living with it and the repercussions, that you will put this book down and scream, "EUREKA! I FOUND IT!"

Any reviews that slam this book have either their basis in not having lived or dealt with someone with NPD or they are one themselves and are in denial and can't stand for someone to NAIL IT ON THE HEAD.

Read the book. And then run for your life and never look back. Ever. Empowering. Engaging. The absolute truth. From someone who should know - Vaknin. Sam, if your disorder was good for only one thing, it was this - to enable you to write this book for the empowerment of those who have been destroyed by narcissists.

And before I end this, lest you think I am a pessimist - I have great friends (many over a whole life, many over the last twenty years, I have wonderful children who love me, I have a good career, a nice home and a lot of other attributes. I travel, have fun, cook, do theater. I was able to rise above the criticism, control, and downspiral that an NPD can do to you. You readers can too. And just knowing that someone could explain it so well is the most amazing thing ever. Thank you Vaknin (just what you wanted to hear, wasn't it Sam?). But thank you anyway.

189 of 204 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource! November 3, 2003

By [e-mail]

Format:Paperback

It isn't that often that you know someone who is totally self-consumed and unaware of the needs of others. This person may present himself as a helpful, caring friend, who is overzealous about giving assistance, but subtly manipulates others into thinking he cares. In The Malignant Narcissist, Mr.Vaknin provides the reader a thorough and honest discussion about narcissism, clarifying why most narcissistic relationships don't work.

I read this book on a personal level because of my own experience with a narcissistic individual. He was charming, drawing me in, and knew how to compliment and manipulate me. I soon became aware of his personality and felt his control. Mr.Vaknin's book helped me pinpoint the clues that indicated his narcissistic personality. When I first began researching narcissism, I found that many of my questions were still unanswered. I wanted to know the causes of narcissism, how to deal with a narcissistic person, and the prognosis. Sam Vaknin's book, Malignant Love, not only answered my questions, but also provided me with valuable information that I couldn't find elsewhere. His approach is unique because he is a narcissist, and participates in a thorough examination of himself, confronting his own narcissism, enlightening the reader about the causes and ramifications of narcissism. Sam Vaknin's book is a must read for psychologists, social workers, and all individuals who want to learn how to deal with the narcissists in their lives. The information presented in this book is the most exhaustive resource on the subject of narcissism that I have encountered in my research. If you read The Malignant Narcissist, you will need to go no further in your pursuit of information regarding narcissism.

284 of 311 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Skip the Therapy, head straight for Vaknin March 5, 2005

By Carolyn Rampone VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

Did you ever experience a relationship where you knew something just wasn't right but you couldn't put your finger on it? One where you knew what you were going through wasn't normal but you were being told constantly it was. Did you ever have a partner who is incapable of showing real emotion unless of course, it's about him? What about the end of a relationship? Were you ever just "unplugged" so that he could "plug" the new one right into your slot as if you never existed?

Do you find yourself slowly disappearing, your interests and talents pushed aside in favor of trying to meet his needs? Do your successes bring out the worst in him?

Dr. Vaknin gives an in-depth look into the mind of a narcissist. It doesn't matter that it's his own mind he is opening up for viewing. He makes it painfully clear how much alike all narcissists are though they live their lives thinking they're unique. Through the pages of "Malignant Self Love," you will come to know your narcissist intimately, in a way he would never allow on his own. You'll learn why he's the way he is but what is most important, you'll learn why he won't ever change. You'll learn that he recreates reality so that talking to him, seeking closure becomes impossible. You never existed so what is there to talk about? You could have been together two years or 20 and it doesn't make a difference to this personality disordered, soul-less creature.

The most terrifying thing to learn is how completely normal they look and act, at first. It's easy to fall into their trap and getting out is nearly impossible.

A narcissist can't love but he's a great actor. He knows how to suck you in, to pretend to be everything you were looking for. Once he has you, watch out because that's the end of your ride.

He is capable of devaluing and discarding you without ever looking back. A narcissist looks at his ex the way you would look at an old pair of sneakers...totally used up and ready for the trash.

It can be hurtful to know how he talks about you to others, calls you names and labels you in the most horrible way until you read Dr. Vaknin's work. There you will learn how almost every narcissist does the same thing as if they had a manual to go by. You find a slight sense of peace to see how 'every' narcissist's ex is crazy, psycho, a lunatic in their eyes. If you're the ex, it is very validating and healing.

I think this book should be on everyone's list. The knowledge you will gleam from the pages could very well save your life.