Customer Reviews

Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son: A Memoir of Growing Up, Coming Out, and Changing America's Schools

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Very few books I've read have touched me as deeply as Kevin Jenning's book "Mama's Boy, Preacher's Son." The author does an excellent job hooking the reader in with descriptions of life growing up in the South, with feelings of not being "normal."

From the depths of despair in a childhood gone wrong, Kevin managed to form an idea of how to change the climate in schools, and make them a better place for kids to learn. The things he went through as a student trying to get an education and putting up with bullying and harassment are amazing, and incredibly sad. This book should be required reading for teachers entering the field, so they understand why bullying and harassment isn't just "kids being kids" and can cause significant and lasting damage to the victims.

Kevin Jennings grew up as a preacher's son (the son of a Southern Baptist Minister) and a mama's boy (more interested in intellectual pursuits than athletics). This memoir is not merely the story of a homosexual boy in the Deep South living below the poverty line. Jennings's personal struggles with family and community acceptance are neither extreme nor representative of the majority. The strength of Jennings's life story lies in the experiences and incidents which led to his career as an activist. The author is able to portray the gradual development of his adult activist spirit, so far removed from the boy who lived in fear of school and his classmates.

As a reader, I especially enjoyed the story of young Kevin's black sister-in-law. His decade-older brother came back from military service with (gasp!) a black wife. They were exiled from the family and community and moved to the Northeast. Kevin had been raised to believe that the KKK, while not a part of his immediate family, did good for the whites in the South. He was ingrained with beliefs about scourge of the blacks in the South. He had extreme anxiety about visiting his brother and sister-in-law, but when he arrived at their house, he learned first-hand what a lovely woman Claudette was, and they quickly became friends and confidantes. Kevin's earliest moment of activism was introducing Claudette to all the family members at a funeral, and ensuring that they all shook her hand and talked politely with her, despite her outsider status.

Kevin Jennings was the first member of his family to go to college, but the family was disappointed that he chose a profession as un-important and un-manly a teaching. If there is one lesson from the story of Kevin Jennings, it is this: a teacher learns as much from his students as they do from him. A teacher who goes into the classroom ready to learn from his or her students has boundless capacity for growth. Jennings worked at a number of private institutions in his early career, learning from his students what level of "outness" they could accept (a lot, it turns out). He spoke up against administration policies which did not prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. He formed early Gay-Straight Alliances, describing the impetus that came directly from both gay and straight students who placed importance on such partnerships.

I highly recommend this book as high school classroom reading. Kevin Jennings has a life story with elements of poverty (classism), sexism, racism, and discrimination based on sexual orientation. These are universal issues, and his personal experiences provide a starting point for dialog about acceptance and the destruction of stereotypes.

The post-college years, especially those at Concord Academy, are the most interesting in terms of Kevin's personal development. Having been a gay teacher at al all-boys boarding school in the 80s, I was especially involved in his narratives regarding how he gradually revealed himself to his students and then had to fight with the administration to achieve some level of recognition and comfort, a fight that ultimately failed. My own way of finally coming out was to start teaching As Is, a gay-themed play, in my theater class. Although that was a big moment for me (and one I cleared with my department head first), I found out much later, as Kevin did, that the students all pretty much knew I was gay anyway. Students really are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for. Reading about the growth of the student gay-straight alliance and Kevin's wrestling with how to advise them will be compelling reading to any teacher, gay or straight, who has wanted to help students with their questions about sexual orientation but who have experienced their own doubts and worries about what that entails.

I sense that Kevin's book has been edited to create almost a straight line from childhood to GLSEN, as if it were somehow foreordained. It comes off as a bit artificial, a bit too trimmed of any incidents that, while they may have added something to our understanding of Kevin's personality, didn't directly lead toward where he is today. It is more reportage than memoir, and for that I'm sorry because it's clear that Kevin has done an extraordinary job as a teacher and leader. I wish I had been as courageous with my students as he was, although I like to think that in some small ways I was. It would have been worth the extra pages to have him plunge more directly into his past without arranging it too precisely to fit a predetermined outcome.

The book could have used a bit more editorial input as well. More than once Kevin relates a confrontation or tense moment with someone only to say, "I forget how he responded." It's not really fair to bring us into one's life only to leave out specifics of a climactic moment. Certainly, memory fails us all, but as the playwright says, if you show a gun in the first act, it had better go off by the third. Building up the tension of the moment only to cut it off too soon deprives us of the catharsis we need and dissipates somewhat the power of Kevin's reactions. Kevin also resorts several times to the lazy student's expression, "I was in awe" of something. Again, his editor should have prodded him to describe himself fully at those moments instead of taking the easy way out. Finally, he skips over some things that might in fact be relevant: his relationship with his first boyfriend Bob simply ends, as if he needed to get Bob offstage no matter how, and his current husband Jeff just seems to appear at the right moment, without the usual romantic introductions. And we learn incidentally that somewhere during all this time Kevin's earned an MBA, but from where we have no idea (much less can we figure out where he got the time to do that.)

On the surface, Mama's Boy tells a good straightforward story about a young gay man who overcame many obstacles to become the head of a major national organization dedicated to promoting awareness and understanding of gay and lesbian students in schools. It has grown from the proverbial card table in the living room to a powerful positive force in education. Ultimately, though, the book is less memoir than founding document; it tells us less about the man who wrote it than it does about the head of the organization. It's closer in spirit to some CEOs' memoirs than to genuine autobiography. Those of us who have experienced even a small part of Kevin's struggle will appreciate his forthrightness but ultimately, one wishes the person, more than the image, were better revealed.

One might expect the life of a gay son of a Southern minister to be miserable and brief, but this one is truly inspirational, both because of the quality of the son, and of the extraordinary tenacity of his uneducated but street-smart mother. Jennings has a memory for and eye for detail that is astonishing. Anyone who believes that homosexuality is a "lifestyle choice" should be convinced otherwise by this memoir, though some will be troubled by Jennings' brazen attitude during his Harvard years. My experience with teaching at a "private school" paralleled his -- not the place for a liberal-minded person with an independent streak. One has to admire the man Jennings became and appreciate the strength required to get there.

Though Jennings has become a very successful and well-known advocate for LGBT equality, he walked a long yet familiar road. Many readers will identify with the paradoxical situations posed by figuring out how to navigate the waters of faith and family in light of one's own sexual orientation. Jennings ability to share of his family and growing up experiences with clarity, honesty, and genuine love and reflection make this a must read.

I am not gay but I have friends and family who are. This book really helps the reader understand, very clearly, the issues that millions ignore. I can't wait to read Kevin Jennings' other book(s).

I thought this book was very moving. I couldn't relate to the growing up poor part but I certainly connected to the growing up gay part.
I was particularly impressed with the descriptions of how the author perservered through some of his most challenging times fighting the homophobia in the different schools.
Personally I had a hard time imagining myself in the same situations being so brave and committed to doing the right thing.
I would highly recommend this book to any person working in the education system who would like to make a difference.

I found this book to be a wonderful story, which demonstrates the horror that many gay children face as they pass through our school systems. With adequate education and staff training, there is hope that future generations will not have to face the same conflicts of prior generations. Through the support of Kevin's mother, Kevin was fortunate to have the chance to continue his education. And the book makes one realize how fortunate we are to have Kevin along with many others in this country fighting homophobia for our future generations. This book was truly enjoyable as well as very informative. I recommend it very highly.

I have to admit that I didn't know who Kevin Jennings was before I read this book. I was drawn to the very human side of the story--the idea of growing up poor and gay in the religious south. In the end, I think that was the most enjoyable part of the story for me and I wish there had been a little more. Of course I recognize the importance of the later material on Kevin's contributions to gay rights, especially in the schools, but I didn't find these parts as touching as his reflections on childhood and his family. I had a sense reading this book that writing it was another "coming out" experience for Kevin, this time talking honestly and openly about what it was like to grow up very poor. In some ways, I wonder which is more difficult in today's world: to come out as gay or poor.

Rarely have I had a book move me like this one. I spent the last fifty pages outside reading with tears streaming down my face. I wish I had the courage of Kevin Jennings. I was raised in the south, also the son of a southern baptist minister. While not from the same socio-economic class as the author, I know the religious doctrine of which he writes. It scares me now to look back and think of what I went through in my mind all those years. Jennings clearly tells his story. Particularly poignant is the reconciliation he makes with his mom. I came out to my mom two years ago, and while she hasn't started a PFLAG group, she is supportive, loving, and is really starting to understand what I went through growing up. She feels bad that I had to do it alone, but she now understands that it was the church's fault. The teachings there are so un-Christ like it is frightening. If you are trying to understand homosexuality, are interested in how societal institutions influence individuals, or enjoy seeing how someone makes good from their suffering, then this is a great read. I am requiring it for my rhetoric class at the university next term. Should provide quite interesting discussion and, hopefully, will change some minds.