Customer Reviews

Man to Man : Gay Attraction Body Mist 2 Oz

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I got this hoping it would end a long dry spell, and got a lot more than I bargained for. Before the UPS guy came around (yes, I'm a sucker for the Boys in Brown!) I applied a liberal dose of the spray. Well, it certainly got the UPS guy's attention.... and my cube-mate, Bob, Chuck from accounting, the team of IT guys across the hall, my boss, HIS boss... I guess you can see where I'm going with this. I had to flee for my life.

I'm writing this from a women's retreat center. They were kind enough to take me in until the spray wears off, but I'm not sure if they can hold out. The local high school boys swim team broke into the compound twice already, and we're thinking of moving me out to the desert....

I'm a 44 year old, life-long heterosexual male. I'm a retired Navy SEAL and I hold black belts in two different martial arts. I am an avid hunter and enjoy restoring muscle cars. My wife and I have been happily married for 21 years and I have two rugged sons.

Recently, I made a BIG mistake. I bought this stuff as a gag for my buddy's 40th B-day. We all had a good laugh when he opened it and he good naturedly spritzed some behind each ear to play along with the joke. Since then, I can't stop thinking of his deep buttery voice, his mesmerizing eyes and his taut muscular buttocks.

I've taken to wearing a beret and drinking wine coolers while listening to Barbara Streisand CDs. I just finished knitting matching rainbow colored sweaters for my newly rescued cat Tom and his partner Jerry. My wife is starting to ask uncomfortable questions.

Hoping the effects will wear off before I save up enough money for a lower back tattoo that I may someday regret.

I sprayed this product on my wrists and neck as instructed, but it had no effect on gay men. In fact, it had the WORST possible effect, in that women wouldn't leave me alone! Yuck! That's not what I wanted at all!

In two words or less: THIS WORKS!

Unfortunately, the manufacturer didn't know when to leave well enough alone. Their tagline ("Draws Gay Men to you, your home, and business") seemed like fruity hyperbole at first blush, and yet it has created some not insignificant problems for me.

My wife, bless her soul, is supportive of my efforts to find true happiness or at least a hot Mister Muffin. My boss, however, is considerably less tolerant of my man-lovin' dreams. I work for Focus on the Family, you see, and all that irresistable (sic) hot man love is bad for business.

I even find myself strangely attracted to...myself. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

DISCLAIMER: The above is a parody review. That means it's a joke. Man to Man Gay Attraction Body Mist may make me hotter than 1991's Brad Pitt. The law of probability says so. But I wouldn't know from personal experience. Furthermore, I don't work for Focus on the Family, and I'm not gay. Not that there would be anything wrong with that. (The latter, not the former.)