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15 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Will this book change your life?, February 1, 2007
"The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His" really brings home the point about how spirituality is not determined by what you believe, but how you put those beliefs into practice. Joel and Kathy Davisson speak with complete honesty throughout, although I felt that one of the main reasons their marriage now works is because they have found a common goal (a common life purpose seems essential) and a way to heal the world through their own experience.
The way this book may change your life is through a realization of the basic needs of any human being. Respect and kindness go a long way in a marriage and the issues Joel and Kathy struggle with at the start of their marriage are probably the same issues their souls struggled with before they were married. Marriage amplified the problems and many times I think marriage is a place where your love for God is severely tested. It can at times feel like you are under constant attack until you finally realize that you may be your own worst enemy. Character flaws become especially painful in a marriage and by improving yourself and healing your past wounds, you can heal your marriage with love and understanding.
Kathy committed herself to her marriage even after physical, spiritual and emotional abuse. She believed there was hope, although this book says that a woman does not have to remain in a marriage if she is being physically abused. When her husband Joel had an affair, the marriage could have ended, but she decided to forgive.
This book is a beautiful story about what is possible when two souls decide to grow spiritually instead of continuing to control each other with a belief system. The idea of "spiritual" abuse makes sense and is not one I had considered before. This book is about a power struggle that turned into a struggle for love's completion. The couple's fear of intimacy, selfish actions and unkind words eventually had to be dealt with because they went against everything a marriage is supposed to be.
When Joel and Kathy decide to "embrace a new paradigm" they suddenly break free from the old restrictive traditions of their belief system and they enter a place of mutual respect, kindness and deep consideration for each other's spiritual growth. I cried and laughed (I read my husband the story of THE NOTE which was hilarious) while reading this book, it was so real! I hope you will read this book and try the new power-sharing paradigm in your relationship. Some of the great ideas in this book include:
A man's responsibility to meet his wife's needs
A woman's responsibility to understand her husband's needs
Living what you believe - the challenge of trying to live a spiritual life
Golden Keys - Ideas to open the heart of any woman
Ways to show love that are unmistakable and undeniable
Why you should turn up the heat in your relationship
I'm happy the authors were so honest about their lives because I think many times in religious communities, people are afraid to admit they are human and are struggling with incredible pressures from society.
This book will give you hope and if you are struggling in a relationship that seems chaotic and unsatisfying, give yourself the patience you deserve. It can take years to put the principles in this book into practice, but your marriage is worth saving! In two or three years, you may look back at the day you decided to stay in your marriage and realize that you are now happier than you ever thought you could be.
~The Rebecca Review
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9 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A New, Fresh, Scriptural Approach to Healing Marriages, December 20, 2008
*****
This book introduces and effectively communicates a radically different message to Christian couples regarding marriage. In my opinion, it is more Scripturally accurate and far, far more effective than what is currently being taught in American churches---which has not so far been able to significantly impact a 50% plus divorce rate among Christian couples. If the tenets of this book are implemented, the healing of marriages will result.
The book is written in a conversational style and in a gentle way, slowly leading the reader to be able to accept of the harder and more challenging aspects of this route to healing. I will detail some of the points here, but I hesitate to go into too much depth because they do put a great deal of responsibility on husbands who, just reading them in a list here and out of the context of the book, may just reject them as being too hard or undoable. They are not easy, but they are absolutely doable.
Here are some points:
Marriage is God's gift to men and women.
To have a happy and enduring marriage, couples must overcome their carnal natures.
Men must take the initiative in doing this; if they accept this responsibility and implement it, women will be successful in responding.
If men will not initiate, the marriage will be miserable and possibly or even probably fail.
If women initiate instead, they will prolong the marriage, but also enable the men to persist in selfishness and immaturity. In this case, it probably also means that the marriage will fail.
I recommend this book especially to husbands in troubled marriages because it will equip them to begin to find a way to save their marriages. To continue the process, I also recommend the second book in this series by Joe and Kathy Davisson, "The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His 2 - Livin' It and Lovin' It! (Volume 2)".
I recommend this book to wives in troubled marriages because it will comfort and empower them. This is what it did for me. It pointed out and highlighted the error in current Christian teaching that had trapped me in unhealthy ways of thinking, especially unconditional submission.
I recommend this book to anyone in Christian ministry or who works with troubled Christian marriages. It would also be helpful to couples of other faiths who would be interested in applying the principles; however, the book is heavily Christian in orientation and filled with Bible verses. WARNING: They are not the usual "submissive wife" and "leader husband" interpretations that are prevalent in churches today. If you are tired of what seems to be ineffective Biblical interpretations and truly want a happy and loving and Christian marriage, do not miss this book.
Especially---especially---if you are a woman who has submitted for years to a selfish and immature man---and are at the end of your rope---but you love God and want to be obedient---read this book!
Very highly recommended.
*****
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6 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Man of Her Dreams, Woman of His, November 18, 2006
Joel and Kathy's first book found it's way into my hands during a dark recovery phase in my life. It was truly a Godsend and helped clarify why yet another marriage had failed. The God-inspired truth that this book so clearly explains is, without a doubt, the guidebook to having a deliriously happy marriage. I have purchased many copies to use in my own ministry and have seen amazing changes in the lives of others. I am certain that I would not be a divorcee today if this book had entered my life earlier and my husband had been open to the truth it reveals. I decided that if there was ever to be another man in my life, this book would be required reading for him. God sent just that man and he also agrees that the principles and guidelines outlined in this book are right in line with God's plan for a happy and successful marriage. The book is not just informative, but easy, interesting reading. God bless Joel and Kathy for putting themselves in His service to show others how they overcame the problems they faced and discovered these truths for themselves. I am excited to read the follow up book, Livin' It and Lovin' It.
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