Customer Reviews

A Man and His Mother: An Adopted Son's Search

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

It may not be an autobiographical masterpiece, but Tim Green's book is solid and thoughtful, and provides a valuable educational service. It presents the searching adoptee as a sane, rational person who is driven to do whatever he has to do to find the truth that is being hidden from him by a closed adoption system. I'd recommend it to adoptees who are thinking about searching. As a bonus, it is one of the few such books written from the male prospective. The Kirkus Review sounds as if it were written from the point of view of someone who believes that adoptees should shut up and be grateful. It mentions the fact that Tim Green's parents were "hurt" by his search, as if this should have stopped him from looking, as if adoptees should not look because it might "hurt" their adoptive parents. And the fact that he had to "trade on his fame" to get access to records that are all but inaccessible to the average New York state resident is an indictment of the current sealed records laws, not of Green. In addition, I believe the reviewer missed the point in saying that Green had to "learn" the real meaning of parenting by having his own children - I got the idea that Green deeply appreciated the love and support of his parents all along, although he probably should have made more effort to tell them so. The need to find your genetics, heredity, and heritage is absolutely unrelated to your parents or your upbringing (good or bad); it comes from inside you. This is the point that the majority of people who aren't adopted just don't understand. I thought Tim Green communicated this well, but the Kirkus reviewer, perhaps blinded by his/her own biases, seems to have missed that message.

I, too, am adopted, so I read this book with great interest. Green's story is similar to mine so I was very engrossed in finding out what happened in his search. I welled-up with tears in many sections of the book reliving my thoughts, reunions and fears. Very personal story, but very personably written. A must for all who are adopted! You will understand, and have compassion for, many of Green's emotions.

I read Tim Green's Book twice, once before
beginning my search, and again after finding
my birth-mother last month. I understood all
too well his feelings of rejection and the
need to pile up credits to "validate" himself
The Kirkus reviewer clearly doesn't understand
the emotional struggle of an adoptee to
reconcile their almost primal need to search
and connect with their past and the fear of
hurting the people they love so much, their
adopted parents! It is unfair that they should
be placed in this position in the first place,
by laws that consider the rights and feelings
of all members of the triad except the adoptee.

My second reading of Tim Geen's book was
shortly after I found my birth-mother. Tim
captures only too well the utter panic I
experienced when I dialed the phone and made
contact with my birth-mother for the first
time in 51 years! The Kirkus reviewer may
call it "slick", how fortunate he is not to
have had to feel the terror that you are
about to be rejected again by the person you
so desperately need to finally accept you!!
I felt Tim's anguish when he said "Is anybody
there?" when his birth-mother didn't respond
immediately, and I felt his joy . It would be
a rare reviewer indeed who could do justice
to this book without experiencing what Tim
Green and I have both experienced. To dismiss
this book so glibly is a reflection of the
reviewer's ignorance. This is a book written
by a man who understands both the pain and
the joy, and should be read by all who seek
to understand the plight of an adoptee.

I picked this up in the library, I am an adoptee, so I was curious.
I felt as though I was on the same page as Mr. Green a few times during his story, understood where he was coming from.
He seems to be a very thoughtful and honest man, and to open up about something that has touched his life so intimately I think took great courage. I applaude him.
Its a good story, I would read it again.

I was given this book by my adoptive parents on my 30th Birthday. I figured I would give it a once over since it was a gift and I wanted to show iterest. I could not put it down once I picked it up. I have a similar story having found both of my biological parents at the same age as Mr. Green did. I was blessed, like Mr. Green, to have had a positive outcome to my search. I found the book well written and honest. I could identify with many of the thoughts, emotions, and experiences Mr. Green described. I also enjoyed it because it was from an adopted male's point of view. It is a great read even if you are not an adopted child or parent of one.

My husbands birth mother gave this book to him the other day. I picked up the book and read it all in one day. It goes over several of obsticles that Tim Green and several other adoptee's go through. The book expresses the feelings that Tim has, the consideration involving his a-parents as well as his birth mother.

I recently discovered an author that has inspired, intrigued and compelled me to finish his work in one sitting, something I've not accomplished in quite some time. Tim Green, a former Atlanta Falcons football player, FOX-TV Sports host, lawyer and prolific author captivated me with his very personal, very vulnerable story of growing up adopted in the 60s and 70s. His story, I believe, is a must-read for every adoptive parent and professional who labor with the inner turmoil of those stripped of all legal and physical ties to those to whom they owe their very existence.
Tim, adopted as an infant, was a reticent young man early on. He had, however, bottled up inside him emotions that manifested in horrible nightmares difficult to escape on a nightly basis. Intelligent and driven, he strived to be the best at everything so as to win the approval of all in his circle. Yet, even the praise and glory of triumph did not assuage the churning cauldron of something going on inside him.
Tim was aware that he was different from his peers...not fitting in and called "Timidthy" because of his hyperbolic fear or sad reactions in proportion to the event. Remembering an incident from his elementary years Tim writes:
"In all honesty, I didn't understand myself. Being sad is one thing, hysterics are quite another. But the thing that bothered me about Charlotte's death [from Charlotte's Web] more than anything were the little babies she left behind. Charlotte was a beautiful creature. I loved Charlotte. Her children would never know her, and it was that fact that made me hysterical. At that time, I had no way of knowing why."
Ostracized by peers and feeling very alone, Tim continued through adolescence never speaking about his adoption although it was quite evident to those that knew him and his parents. People perceived quite readily that he had none of the physical features of the two he called Mom and Dad. Convinced that others, too, saw him as a throw-away child he believed himself to be, he felt ill as he responded to queries about the adoption issue.
Interestingly, an adolescent peer, too, was adopted. While camping in Matt's backyard one summer night, his friend broached the subject with Tim, asking him if he ever thought about his biological parents.
"I don't have any other parents," I hissed maliciously, as if I were spitting on his mangled corpse, hating him for tripping the wire, for bringing me so close to my own destruction, for, as far as our friendship went, destroying himself."
The friendship with Matt abruptly ended; rage consumed Tim as he trekked through the neighborhood back to his home where he felt safe "at least for the time being."
While a star athlete, gifted and determined, Tim's life was anything but easy as one might expect from such a person with stellar abilities. He is haunted by his unknown past. Myself being an adoptive parent and counselor with almost three decades of working with young people (and adults) who have been adopted, I was hooked on Mr. Green's account of his own struggle through the morass of not knowing "who am I?" Mr. Green has given me a new perspective and insight into an adoptive child's internal workings, giving me a better understanding of how I might best help my kids and clients negotiate the "finding of themselves." Our children carry unseen bloody wounds, along with the suitcases they bring to our homes. Tim's journey was both difficult and hope filled.
"I am at peace now, maybe for the first time in my life. I don't have to do anything or be anything. Before I met Illyssa [wife] and filled in the pieces of my past, I didn't know if I ever could have felt this way. I think what happened was that when I set out to find my biological mother, I was really looking for myself. It feels good to be home."
Thank you, Tim, for your willingness to share your heart. My kids and clients will later thank you, too.

Tim Green is a wonderful writer who details, with earnest passion, the search for his birth mother. This book is a must read for all birth mothers and all adopted children.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and believe it provides a rare and intimate look into the heart of a male adoptee. Not much is written for male adoptees, or those who love them. Therefore, I applaud Tim's courage and admire his journey. It would be a great resource for an all-adoptee male support group!

Green recounts his story of growing up knowing he was adopted. It's a touching story with emotional themes and a lot of fun football anecdotes. An interesting read for anyone involved with a domestic adoption. It's not as applicable to international adoption.