Customer Reviews

Man in the Middle

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Full disclosure: I was actually a fan of the man known as "Meech" back in his "pre-gay" days, when he was "merely" a center for the Orlando Magic (albeit a tea-drinking, poetry-writing center - none of which are gay per se, just highly unusual for NBA big men). I had no knowledge of his sexual orientation until this book was announced. I just knew of him as an articulate, funny, hard-working and self-effacing gentleman - an unlikely success story in the world of professional athletics, to be sure. The British version of Rudy, perhaps...

So I fully acknowledge that just because I really liked this book doesn't necessarily mean you will. After all, I am the most ready-made of target audiences, already holding the author in high esteem. But please allow me, in this review, to introduce you to Mr. John Amaechi and give you a sampling of his words. And hopefully once familiar with this wonderful fellow you will be encouraged to see for yourself just what he has to impart.

First off, let me say that with most sports books that are co-written with another author, you would be right to be cynical about words like "gregariousness" and "miscreants" (and phrases like "a bonanza of flesh") appearing in the prose. You'd be forgiven for finding it highly unlikely a pro athlete would write like that. But anyone who has heard John's spoken eloquence (or read his website poetry) knows that these would not be surprising word choices for him.

And one of the best things about this book is the joy in the language - John has always been a bit of a "word nerd" of sorts, so this offering comes loaded with a colorful vernacular and some nifty turns of phrase (I think "barmy armies" is my favorite - used to describe the truly fanatical basketball fans in Europe. That would make a great band name, come to think of it - somebody get on that!). I honestly wish I knew why John even needed a co-author in this case (grammar police? Motivator?).

That said, the book itself could have used a better editor - it's a little bogged down with typos (every 20 pages or so) and technical errors (the same sentence is repeated on p.6, for example). But John's words and stories are so effervescent and uplifting, that they ultimately rise above most of the technical difficulties.

So who is John Amaechi? Well, he's so much more than "the gay NBA player" and he has a lot more to say. I understand that his being the first pro basketball player to come out of the closet is "the hook" of this book, and maybe why many are interested in it. And I'm not downplaying the importance of a gay professional athlete coming out in this day and age. But for those who read this knowing only of Ameachi as "the gay player," they are in for a surprise - there are so many other interesting and evocative things about the man that are here to be found.

And while we're on the subject, a word (actually, two paragraphs) of caution: For those of you who are only interested in the "homosexual aspect" of his story, I think you will be disappointed, as talk of his experience as a gay man accounts for only about one tenth of this book: though hinted at, it doesn't even begin in earnest until about 40% of the way through (p.110 of 290, if you're scoring at home - or even if you're alone. (I stole that line from Sportscenter, by the way)). And it's not discussed again until p.140, where interesting assertions about the intermingling of gay and sport cultures are made: "It's not so much that there's a repressed homosexuality at play...only that there's a tremendous fear that the behavior might be labeled as such...that gay men in the locker room would somehow violate this sacred space by sexualizing it."

Amaechi spent most of his early days very unaware of his orientation, and he put the issue aside through most of his career (his sister referred to him as "asexual"). So while John has some noteworthy and sometimes even vital insights regarding life as a gay pro athlete, if you're looking for solely that aspect, I think this book will fall short of your expectation.

The good news is, he has so much more to offer: I read with fascination things I never knew about his mother's extraordinary life, John's growing up under the threat of kidnap, and his remarkable transformation from an awkward, out-of-shape, self-described "whale" who hated (and still hates) physical exertion to someone who "for a shining season in Orlando...had been a fantastic NBA player." His first impressions of America are particularly amusing, and his "foreign" take (in the best kind of "distance adds perspective" way) on everything from racism to guns to parenting makes for an absorbing read.

More than that, what really shines through is the integrity and humanity of this gentle giant. In many ways, this book also works on the level of a self-help or inspirational guide, with Amaechi leading with both his words and deeds. Early in life, he constructed something he calls "The Plan," and while "The Eleven Rungs" it's comprised of aren't especially groundbreaking or original, they do help greatly in understanding the what lies at the core of this unique man and what makes him successful.

"...it's about truly understanding yourself," he writes on p.50, "My goal...was also a moral one: I had to conduct myself in a way that was consistent with the ideals I'd been brought up with. Identifying them and applying them would be as important as, say, improving my rebounding. How many times do hear about young NBA players who, having earned millions and achieved stardom have nothing left to give? In the unlikely event that I achieved my goal [of becoming an NBA player], it would only be the beginning, not the end."

Though "Man In The Middle" is far from being a masterpiece (it is, as Amaechi himself might say, "a trifle"), I still found it a highly enjoyable way to spend some more time with the funny and insightful man I've always been a fan of, and the added layer of his struggle with his sexuality is only that - an added layer.

Most famous gay people are really famous people who happen to be gay. Being a writer is what put Oscar Wilde in the spotlight; being the First Lady is what did the same for Eleanor Roosevelt. John Amaechi's life is the exact same way. This book is 95% about life before and in the NBA, period. A straight person who wants to be a basketball star could find this just as useful as a person struggling to accept being gay. Governor James McGreevey and Mr. Amaechi both visited what the British call "cottages," but just as McGreevey's autobiography was mostly about politics and a little about being gay, so Amaechi's book is mostly about his profession.

That being said, homophobes, and of course I disagree strongly with such bigotry, could pick apart this book and the man's life. John Amaechi had an absent father and a strong mother: the recipe that many bigoted people say would make a male gay. Amaechi is a political liberal who loves writing poetry and drinking tea. He also hates guns proliferation and doesn't really care for sports. Again, bigoted readers may dismiss him as a stereotypical gay man, despite his accomplishment as the first NBA player to come out. Amaechi's witty urbanity will rub many "red-blooded, all-American" sports fans the wrong way.

Though there are more out football players than basketball players, Amaechi makes the NBA sound far less homophobic than Esera Tuaolo described of the NFL. Tuaolo said he feared for his bodily safety and that footballer players spouted homophobia constantly. Amaechi never describes fearing for his life and he minimally talks of homophobia in the NBA. Moreover, Tuaolo basically said NFL players could lose their jobs in an instant. Though unhappy about his many transfers, Amaechi made the NBA sound like players have much better job security.

Almost every autobiography about gay male athletes has a photo section in it, yet this one doesn't. Rebecca Walker gave a speech in which she said serious memoirs aren't supposed to include photos. Though Amaechi is highly intelligent and sophisticated, this is a chatty book that everyday readers can pick up. Without photos, we never see if his parents were tall, what his sisters looked like, what he looked like as a child, how drastically his weight changed, etc. Sometimes Amaechi suggests he has "low self-esteem" (I use scare quotes because I hate that overused term) and I wonder if that plays into the camera-shyness of the book.

Amaechi said he wears a size 15 shoe. If you are superstitious, then you know what that means! He often refers to being taunted as a "whale," but remember how the main character in Terry McMillan's novel "Disappearing Acts" went on and on about how she loves tall, Black men? Like Tuaolo, Amaechi underestimates his hotness. He describes gay friends much more than gay partners. For both athletes, I wonder if that is done in response to squeamish readers.

I wish Amaechi had said more about his Blackness. He described going to visits patients with his mother, a Caucasian doctor, and doesn't mention if they faced problems. Maybe Britain is different from the US, but many biracial people Stateside have talked about how people mistreat them with they are out with their white mothers. It's great that Amaechi played a father figure for two teens who happen to be white. However, what has he done for Black children? Barack Obama, a biracial African, visited his father's village and prides himself on his Kenyan ancestry. Amaechi never says anything about helping Nigerians, or specifically Ibos. He never mentions donating money to Morehouse. Large numbers of African-American athletes are interested in "lifting as they climb," it disappoints me that Amaechi doesn't try to help us brothers and sisters more. Amaechi frequently talks of "playing the down low," but he means something far different from J.L. King's books.

Related to the first comment that this book is not gay-heavy in content, Amaechi focuses much more on his lifelong struggles with weight. Readers, beyond sexual, racial, or gender-based identities that struggle with the pounds, may relate to this. Those who liked autobiographies from C. Manheim or M. Cho (both who have kicked it with members of the same sex) may appreciate Amaechi's talk on this topic. For a foreigner, Amaechi lives all over the United States and travel buffs may be interested in his experiences.

John Amaechi's book chronicles the life of a young man who has dedicated himself to helping others achieve their best. His respect, love, and dedication to his mother, who raised three children by herself, is admirable. His perspective on family, especially the mother/son relationship, illustrates what unconditional love is all about. The book is not necessarily a "coming out" but rather a commentary on those who have touched John's life for better and for worse. However, the statement that the book makes concerning gay athletes definitely needs to be heard by everyone, not just homophobic athletes and coaches in the NBA. John's message that we are all human beings with our own strengths and weaknesses is more of a testimony to who he is rather than to his sexual orientation. John's candor, his cynicism, and his sincerity make this book a must read for everyone.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I was a fan of Meech and even had a little crush on him when I watched him play with the Magic. I was impressed with how he behaved on and off the court as a person. When this book came out, I was surprised and disappointed to learn that he was gay (he was on my "list" of dream men that I would love to meet someday - shoot). I was surprised when he shared his views on his body image and desirability, he didn't know how others viewed him. I'm sure he will make someone a wonderful partner. John's life's journey is certainly no accident, it appears that his struggles prepared him to illustrate to the world how determination conquers all. I believe that John is the right person to show that gay men can be great basketball players, mentors and role models for us all.

I found John's story to be both heartbreaking and inspiring. I felt so sad for him because of the struggles he had with being accepted growing up and dealing with the whole akwardness of school life. I find his willingness to share his story inspiring because of the relationship he had with his mother and the goal he had for "The Plan". John's writing took me to every place he went in an effort to fulfill "The Plan". What stood out to me the most was when he described his experience with the Utah Jazz. I'm a sports fan, and I must admit that I never cared for Utah's coach - I was appalled by what John described. John's description about the lockeroom behavior with so called "straight" players in the league was classic comedy, I never laughed so hard. John has a knack for incorporating humor at the right times throughout the book.

I really hope that the NBA keeps recognizing John Amaechi - he is an outstanding individual. I'm glad he shared his story and hopefully he will inspire others to be more tolerant and respectful toward all individuals, especially the thought of gay athletes in professional sports.

I bought this book and I plan on sharing it as a gifts for other sports fans who are fans of John and admire his courage to show the world who he really is as a man. I'm still bummed that women aren't his thing, but I can respect him and give him his propers. Well done.

I am not a basketball fan, but did learn a lot about this sport through reading John's account. I was pleasantly surprised, and, as gay man I bought the book expecting another "coming out" story which would simply be perfunctory. It is quite the opposite. It is engaging and extremely well written. I have recommended to several friends who are not "sports minded" as I think anyone can open up their minds to this intriguing story.

At ten years old, little John Amaechi was not so little. Almost six-feet tall and overweight, he stood out in his predominately white school in Manchester, England. In his highly-touted autobiography, Man In The Middle, chronicling his rise from the aforementioned awkward giant to jet-setting NBA star, he described himself as "... the worst athlete in a country not known for its athletic prowess." And he admits that by the time he was recruited at 17, he'd never even touched a basketball.

From the very first chapter I related to Amaechi's experience. I was that same awkward odd-ball as a boy - though extremely diminutive - and ball-handling skills were just not in the cards for me. Also like Amaechi, I didn't have a great love for the sport of basketball. Any sport for that matter.

Man In The Middle is touching story akin to the little engine that could, or in his case, the "whale" that could--a nickname given young Amaechi by a classmate which unfortunately stuck. Like many kids who are different, he was subjected to endless and cruel ridicule. In this book, co-authored by Chris Bull, Amaechi not only takes us into the uber-masculine world of professional basketball, he also deals with his father's abandonment, being cut from his first college team, abusive coaches, and the untimely death of his mother--all while protecting the secret which could bring his career crashing down. John Amaechi was gay.

Every great story has a part that sticks with you forever. As teenaged Amaechi mapped out his `plan' for making it to the NBA, his mother asked, "Son, would you recognize your soul in the dark?" He didn't understand. But decades later, while making the rounds of the inspirational speaking circuit for his company, Animus Consulting, he was able to boil all that ephemeral `soul in the dark' stuff down to eleven simple precepts for true success, all while being true to oneself. They will always stay with me. But you'll have to buy the book to read them.

In the wake of the release of Man In The Middle, former NBA star Tim Hardaway made a public statement that he `hates gay people'. Surprising, his baring his homophobic fangs back-fired big-time and he was removed from his positions as representative for the National Basketball Association (NBA), the Continental Basketball Association (CBA), and big money endorsements dried up despite his constant feeble apologies. Even the legendary Charles Barkley chided Hardaway and expressed wonder over how a black man could so easily discriminate. All in all, Man In The Middle is an inspirational tour de force changing attitudes in the sports world, and making people realize that being a homophobe doesn't pay. ~ Taylor Siluwé, author of Dancing With The Devil

When I first bought this book, I thought it was a book of coming out, from that I could gain some solace and strength. However it turned out more than a record of how a gay celebirty struggled and survived in a straight-dominant professional sports world. It is also about how a passionate man sees this world and makes a difference to it.

To be honest, I know nothing about basketball and therefore the words on points and games in the book just have literal meaning to me. Yet, it does not interfere with my enjoying the book as the author spends not many words on the technical aspect of basketball playing but focuses on how his sport career relates to his childhood, beloved mom's advice and expectation, struggle over sexual orientation as well as his belief and commitment to the social cause.

If you are or ever closeted but coming out, you may feel the same way what the author said in chapter 23: "In the end, I asked myself why I'd bothered to hide at all. I'm not sure why I felt the need to stay away from those darkly alluring American nightclubs, where my friends celebrated their youth and their gayness. I suppose I feared the club's aggressive sexuality, their love of the glitter of celebrity and gossip. Perhaps I feared I would enjoy them a little too much, see what I'd been missing out on these basketball years, and never want to leave."

I revere the author, not only for his being a gay rights advocate but also his contributions to helping the underprivileged young people.

As a black, gay athlete, I appreciated the story the John Amaechi had to tell in this book. It was well written and a good read. It brought back memories of dealing with my personal struggles in high school and college and my desire to find a fulfilling, open and loving relationship with another man. I can only image that it will help many closeted gay athletes who have yet to open the closet door and stepped out into themselves and the world. Great job!

This was a quick read and a real treat for any basketball fan. If you follow basketball you will love the read and even if you don't follow b-ball you will love the book even more.

John Amaechi's story is one of many that will never be told. I will assure you that you will be touched by the story and it's unfolding tale of struggle. John Amaechi will be a hero for many after they read this story and he helps them to "come out" to end their struggle.

I am so pleased with Amaechi that he is now endorsing the head razor and that more importantly he is working with the Human Rights Campaign.

Way to go John! You have put a smile on my face and some great good feelings in my heart. I can only imagine my child-like reaction if I were to meet this great man in person.

Mark Williams, Pickaway County, Ohio

Very well written. John is very educated, interesting, informative. Also a great humanitarian for his work with young children. His Mum is very proud! Enjoyed following his story.