The Man I Might Become: Gay Men Write About Their Fathers [Paperback]

Bruce Shenitz (Editor), Andrew Holleran (Foreword)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 6, 2002

Few men, straight or gay, find the father-son relationship easy, which explains why men's groups overflow with stories of fathers who ignored, brutalized, or otherwise wounded their sons. But gay men find the subject particularly problematic: When they come out to their families, they enter emotional territory their straight counterparts often avoid their entire lives. For many fathers and sons, the deepest feelings often remain unexpressed; if a son is gay, the very act of coming out virtually ensures that silence will be broken. Now, the pieces in The Man I Might Become—by some of our finest writers, as well as notable newcomers—depict worlds of experience that are sometimes painful, sometimes funny, and always engaging. Including contributions by Andrew Solomon, Jesse Green, Dan Savage, Stephen McCauley, Joseph Hansen, Bernard Cooper, Mark Doty, James Saslow, Jaimé Manrique, and many others, this anthology will take its place as essential reading for every gay man coming to terms with his past, his family, and his own future as a man.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Much has been made of the "cloying mother/ distant father" connection in the development of male homosexuals, but this collection of essays by over two dozen journalists, novelists, playwrights, and poets more truly describes the real range of this often complicated relationship. Indeed, even many of those distant fathers may not realize just how truly influential, for good and bad, they were in their sons' lives. Compiled by the executive editor of Out magazine, this collection runs the emotional gamut from pedestrian confessional to poetic musings that reveal heart-wrenching beauty and tenderness. The best pieces not only describe the father but also illuminate what kind of men their sons have become, although it would have been enlightening to hear more from gay men now becoming fathers themselves. The 28 contributors include Mark Doty, Felice Picano, Bernard Cooper, and many others both well known and not, covering a broad range of geographies and ethnicities. The specificity of the topic might limit this title's appeal, but it is nevertheless recommended for most larger collections.
Jeff Ingram, Newport P.L., OR
Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

A man's relationship with his father is always complicated--it's the stuff of novels, films, and made-for-TV movies. So what happens when the son is gay? Shenitz brings together an anthology of some of today's finest gay writers to discuss, from a very personal perspective, what happens to the father-son dynamic when this is the case. The writers reflect various generations of gay writing, from the reliable-but-tired stars of the 1970s, to queer theorists and other gay academics, to some wonderful new voices emerging in contemporary gay fiction. The book can be broken up into three categories: dead fathers whose sons never mentioned their homosexuality, fathers who never forgave their sons for being gay, and fathers who have been marvelously accepting. This collection of 28 pieces offers a rich pageant of emotions as sons come to grips with their own feelings about their fathers. Wonderful for anyone coming to terms with his own sexuality, coming out to his family, or coming to realize the importance of a father in his life. Michael Spinella
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

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Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press (November 6, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1569245649
• ISBN-13: 978-1569245644
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,748,139 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very cool, January 14, 2003

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Benjie Nycum (Canada) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Man I Might Become: Gay Men Write About Their Fathers (Paperback)

This book book is great. Over the holidays I had a chance to read it (some of it twice). I have to say i didn't expect it to be such a captivating read. As it turned out it was the kind of thing where you cant just read one story - you have to get the next one in and then the next - staying up way past bedtime!! It was fun - in places dark, in other very funny. I am always amazed at how many different points of view there are on the topic of parents. It is amazing what some parents are capable of. It was fascinating to see how people had come to terms with their lot in life and managed to rise above, forgive, and so on. I also think it is a treasure in the sense that things are changing quickly and that in 20 years, folks might write quite differently. A must for every library. Enjoy!

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Landmark Collection, September 30, 2003

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california-bookworm (California) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Man I Might Become: Gay Men Write About Their Fathers (Paperback)

"The Man I Might Become" is a landmark collection that shows a welcome maturation of the gay community - an acknowledgement that to understand and accept the self, we must understand and forgive others. And for many gay men, there is no figure more "other" than one's own father. Yet, as the title suggests, coming to terms with one's father is also a way to truly see oneself. The best essays in the book (notably those of Joseph Hansen and Bernard Cooper) are superbly written evocations of the knot of father-son love, scary and deep with feeling.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Add this to your library, January 27, 2003

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Jeffery Rudell (NYC) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Man I Might Become: Gay Men Write About Their Fathers (Paperback)

I'm not a fan of compilations since they tend to be uneven and often predictable but this one is an exception to the rule. It is by turns affirming and profoundly sad. The themes of conflict and acceptance, shame and forgiveness have rarely been touched upon in such a sensitive way. I found it terribly affecting and emotionally honest without it being sentimental. The sort of confessional, self-revelatory writing sometimes runs the risk of sounding preachy or self-rightous; this book succeeds precisely because it does neither. I'd recommend it to parents, gay or straight, as well as to their children.