Customer Reviews

If The Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple's Guide to Healing

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

At the point i ordered this book, i was desparate to find understanding in my relationship. My husband was sexually molested repeatedly as a child. This book was absolutely astounding to me. It helped me to understand why he was lashing out at me, why he was angry with his surroundings. He has begun to deal with the abuse, and the dissociative personality disorder that is reference in the book...he has shown signs of this. You may not even know that your partner is doing this behavior though,until you better understand what the book says. As his partner, i was not sure what to do....should i leave him, should i stay in this craziness...and when you are a partner---it feels crazy and your husband begins to work through all these feelings. The book continues to show me that i am not alone, and that my marriage fits the text book, as far as marriages with a person that has been abused. it focuses on all abuses, but highlights sexual abuse victims. If you are feeling alone, and abandoned, and not sure if you have a marriage or not, then you need this book. I cannot tell you how much it has helped me....God---thanks! I have highlighted and marked pages and underlined...my book is a mess with all my notes...but it has become my solace. When i feel confused with the things that my husband is feeling or saying, then i run to the book and reread things that coincide with that days emotions. i didn't read it straight through...i skipped all over the book, but i have read it all. i keep rereading it. We have been married for many years and have several children. He just says he is not happy, doesn't want to be married any more, exhibits anger toward me, seems to not be able to see my hurting, complains that i controlled him all these years, (which is totally explained in the book)...i know that he needs to confront his past, but i know i need to change too. i want to go to counseling, but he has refused, but now he thinks he might do it....he goes back and forth on this topic, and i know he is just so deeply confused. It discussed the need for medication...but my husband has resisted it totally, and i pray to GOD that one day i can help him. i really don't know where my life will take me, but without this book, i could not have moved through the stages of being a partner of someone who has been abused. At first i was clinging to him, begging him, but his book helped me to see that i must stop clinging to him...because it forces him to see that running away is the only choice he has. it gave me communciation tools to use when i talk to him. It told me how to set boundaries on his anger towards me...it gave me instructions about how to find support in others, since he cannot support me during this time in his healing. May God bless you if you are reading this, because He is the only way you will make it through this trial. When i read this book, i crawl into God's lap, and let him hold me through this pain. May you let God do the same as you read this book.
Blessings and peace.

I have just finished reading this book after hearing the author's on a talk show. I never understood what my husband was going through after having been abused as a boy.What I found most helpful was that though the authors are a Ph.D. and a lawyer, I had no trouble understanding the concepts. In fact, I suspect my husband might have a borderline personality disorder, as I understand it from the first part of the book. Anyway, after reading the book, cover to cover, I have been able to tell my husband that I am here for him, that I will help him, and that there is hope. I told him about the other famous abuse victims in the book, and he found it reassuring. He has agreed to see a counselor to address his rage and fears of abandonment and emptiness. I'm hopeful that with help, he will be able to understand that what was done to him does not have to ruin, his life, or our life together.

The authors of this book made me aware of how many types of abuse my brothers endured during childhood.They helped explain to me the potential consequences of my brothers' abuse and most importantly,helped give me insight on how to help us mend with many suggestions on understanding the consequences of abuse . The clinical studies mentioned in the book were most helpful as well.

Although I am not a PHD., I have passed this wonderful book on to those I do know. Thank you Dr. Browne and Marlene! Molly Jane

Though "Patti" the reviewer identifies herself as a "counselor," she fails to provide her credentials or experience. While we look forward to "Patti's" book, we think she has deliberately misrepresented ours. "Patti" has misquoted our "message" by cutting and pasting words and using ellipses to connect disparate phrases. "Patti" also neglected to report that pages 1-106 of our book (which she disparages for describing "the many plaguing emotional and physical symptoms trauma survivors present with; as well as a detailed explanation and case examples of "borderlines") are found in Part One, titled, "Defining the Issue, Assessing the Damage." Part Two (pages 107-184) is called, "A Partner in His Healing." And, finally, Part Three (186-239) is called, "The Legacy of Abuse." The remaining 32 pages of our book contain the glossary, references, resources, and index.

We, the authors (Marie H. Browne, R.N., Ph.D. and Marlene M. Browne, Esq.), wrote If the Man You Love was Abused for reflective and concerned couples seeking relationship insights, to identify and deal with lingering abusive childhood experiences. Our book is informed by case studies from real patients, practical applications, and authoritative research offering the reader the ultimate guide for her relationship. Our message: the possibility of transcending his childhood trauma is real and attainable.

This book was a good book for men who were abused --- or spouses. It would complement any library of books for those who struggle with recovery in this area.

All I can do is express gratitude to the authors for writing this book. Thank you.

This is a very good book for people whose spouses were abused as children. It gives insight into what they are feeling and what they need to do in recovery. It empathizes with spouses since it is very difficult to be married to spouses who have been abused.

The book arrived a week ago & I couldn't stop reading until I finished it: considering the subject's complexity, this is an authoritative & comprehensive work written in a very easy & clear language that will boost your knowledge and skills to deal with the recovery of your loved one, as well as yourself in the process.

A MUST: 'this supportive, sensitively written book is the place to turn' whenever you need. I HIGHLY recommend.

I was disappointed with this book. The author spent a lot of time stating things I already knew. I wanted more information about mother/son abuse and there was none. I also wanted to know how abuse in a male's childhood affects his sexual desires as an adult. This subject was briefly mentioned with no specific details. Most of the information in this book can be found on the internet.

In brief, I was confused by the messages in this book. As a counselor of survivors of childhood sexual abuse, I would not feel comfortable recommending this book to a significant other of one of my male clients. While the book is informative on various issues, truthful and straightforward, it is not necessarily written for the average layperson (one who does not understand psychological lingo). On page 213, the authors sum up the "important message" of the book as being "your partner was traumatized...he does not become an automatic menace..." This is not the "message" I got from reading pages 1-106 which pour over the many plaguing emotional and physical symptoms trauma survivors present with; as well as a detailed explanation and case examples of "borderlines." Again, while the information may be accurate, the authors' language does not support empowerment theory or a strengths based model - either with survivors of trauma, their significant others or those struggling with mental health issues.