Man enough: fathers, sons and the search for masculinity (Perigee) [Paperback]

Frank Pittman (Author)

Book Description

Series: Perigee | Publication Date: October 1, 1994

Combining case studies, examples from literature and films, and personal vignettes, a family therapist considers male childhood with no caring father or male role model and offers ways for adult males to overcome this loss. Reprint.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Being manly doesn't mean being macho, declares Atlanta-based psychiatrist Pittman ( Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy ). Here he explains the "masculine mystique" and suggests how men can overcome their obsession with masculinity, achieving greater happiness and intimacy with members of both sexes. The first section details three kinds of men afflicted by "masculopathy": philanderers (who can't make or keep commitments), contenders (who feel driven to compete) and controllers. The second section explains how men become masculopathic. Through sometimes humorous anecdotes and numerous references to films, Pittman explores such areas as father/son relationships, homophobia and the striving to separate from Mother (and thus, the "feminine"). Finally, he shows men how to shed the "mystique" through cooperation (as opposed to competition) and emulation (rather than envy); how to let go of the fear of women and the need to dominate them; and how to "raise themselves" through raising their children. A sensitive and reasonable guide for enlightened men--and those who want to be.
Copyright 1993 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Kirkus Reviews

Atlanta psychiatrist Pittman (Private Lies, 1989) returns with an engaging, if not always convincing, assessment of the causes and cures of masculine inadequacy in America today. Citing a diminished patriarchy and patrimony as reasons for the difficulties modern men have in making the transition from sons to fathers, Pittman isolates three primary character types-- ``philanderers,'' ``contenders,'' and ``controllers''--as reflecting arrested or socially damaging development. Histories of the author's gym-buddies and cases from his family-therapy practice, specifics of a difficult relationship with his own father and of turbulent times with his son, and a dazzling array of references to popular cinema from Life with Father to Dances with Wolves help to illustrate these types, with a similar variety of examples used to examine the conditions necessary for becoming and being a ``man.'' When absent, overbearing fathers create men out of balance, Pittman says, equilibrium is attained only by understanding bonding and friendship, and, if necessary, by coming to terms with and forgiving one's parents. Men can then perceive women as equals and can ``join the team'' by working with others rather than by always striving to prove their masculinity. Long on personal anecdote but short on substantive analysis, and gushing with feel-good fixes from a seemingly bottomless reservoir; still, a witty, well-meaning consideration of a serious social problem. -- Copyright ©1993, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Perigee Trade (October 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0399518835
• ISBN-13: 978-0399518836
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #213,528 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Searching for a Father, Searching for Yourself, February 9, 2004

By 

A. Lucas "teachem2" (Roanoke, VA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Man enough: fathers, sons and the search for masculinity (Perigee) (Paperback)

The dominant argument in this book is pretty simple, and it mimics arguments in many contemporary works of masculine fiction. Men are searching. Fathers, sons, brothers, and husbands are searching.

Reading this book, I am reminded again and again of Palahniuk's Fight Club, a book that warns us through satire of the dangers of allowing generations of men to grow up fatherless and no way to express what it means to be a man. I think the author of Man Enough would agree that currently the American male population is struggling to identify itself. Our fathers are not with us (in one way or another) and we look to overexagerated symbols of masculinity that we can never emulate completely.

This book is NOT satire. I believe it to be an accurate (albeit a little negative) view of men in our world. If you are reading this, it's more than likely that your father wasn't there for you. This book will explain why, and give you a nudge in the right direction as to how you can work toward becoming a real man ... not a man from the movies, not a man from a fairy tale, not a man from a woman's ideal, but a REAL man.

The book doesn't provide all the answers, but it asks the questions we need to ask ourselves as we move toward masculinity. Questions are raised about why it's difficult for men to maintain friendships, why homosexuality is so feared by many heterosexual men, why men are unhappy in their marriages, why fathers are missing, why our sons hate us, and why at times we hate ourselves.

Men will use this book to understand themselves. Women will use this book to understand their men. It's high time our world recognized the trouble this generation of men has been dealt.

Boys, no matter what your age, read this book and ponder your plight.

We have no great war or great depression to bond us together. We have no fathers to show us ourselves. We look to heroes, and strive to be Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams. We risk everything to reconnect with our fathers who are little more than ghosts.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Warm, Wise, & Full of Common Sense, June 22, 2003

By 

Christopher Schmitz (Rocky River, Ohio United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Man enough: fathers, sons and the search for masculinity (Perigee) (Paperback)

In the course of researching a book I hope to publish ("Stalling the Revolution: The Men's Movement in the Ambivalent 1990s") I read a staggering number of "men's books" like "Iron John," "Fire in the Belly," "The Myth of Male Power," "Fatherless America," "Manhood in America," etc.

This one stands above the rest on the strength of its pleas for solutions and action. So many books on the subject of embattled manhood or vanishing fatherhood simply delineate the problem through dozens of well-researched, heavily foot-noted chapters then turn--in the last few pages--to some improbable, uninspired "solution."

Pittman's flaws include returning to the same ideas with a kind of circular redundancy, but at least they're good ideas. He pleas almost desperately, tearfully for men to father boys whatever it takes, whatever the obstacles. The reality that the father-son relationship so central to our dominant (Christian) religion has atrophied in our homes is rightly seen by Pittman as the great tragedy of our times. A heterosexual married man, this intelligent psychotherapist throws our homophobia in our face and curses its damage. He even comes to verge of endorsing pederasty.

Rather than pack his book with psychobabble, Pittman has filled "Man Enough" with real-life anecdotes from his own life as well as those of his clients and friends. He also includes commentary on popular films with regard to men's issues. The oedipal conflict between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker is mentioned for instance--along with the poisonous "masculopathy" of the Godfather series.

Pittman may be unsparing about mens' faults, but he offers us hope. The best compliment I can pay this book is that, throughout it, you feel the author's warmth, wisdom, horse sense, honesty, and love.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must for every father, June 19, 2001

By 

Stephan Akin (Dallas, TX United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Man enough: fathers, sons and the search for masculinity (Perigee) (Paperback)

This book talks about how we make ourselves feel like men, both in a healthy way and in a dysfunctional way. It talks about how we can change how we parent so that the way our sons make themselves feel like men is not as disfunctional as their father's ways.

I didn't like some of what I read, but after reflection, I found much of what was said applied to me. Truth hurts sometimes, but it's good to hear.

I would give it to every father I cared about.