Customer Reviews

Man enough: fathers, sons and the search for masculinity (Perigee)

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The dominant argument in this book is pretty simple, and it mimics arguments in many contemporary works of masculine fiction. Men are searching. Fathers, sons, brothers, and husbands are searching.

Reading this book, I am reminded again and again of Palahniuk's Fight Club, a book that warns us through satire of the dangers of allowing generations of men to grow up fatherless and no way to express what it means to be a man. I think the author of Man Enough would agree that currently the American male population is struggling to identify itself. Our fathers are not with us (in one way or another) and we look to overexagerated symbols of masculinity that we can never emulate completely.

This book is NOT satire. I believe it to be an accurate (albeit a little negative) view of men in our world. If you are reading this, it's more than likely that your father wasn't there for you. This book will explain why, and give you a nudge in the right direction as to how you can work toward becoming a real man ... not a man from the movies, not a man from a fairy tale, not a man from a woman's ideal, but a REAL man.

The book doesn't provide all the answers, but it asks the questions we need to ask ourselves as we move toward masculinity. Questions are raised about why it's difficult for men to maintain friendships, why homosexuality is so feared by many heterosexual men, why men are unhappy in their marriages, why fathers are missing, why our sons hate us, and why at times we hate ourselves.

Men will use this book to understand themselves. Women will use this book to understand their men. It's high time our world recognized the trouble this generation of men has been dealt.

Boys, no matter what your age, read this book and ponder your plight.

We have no great war or great depression to bond us together. We have no fathers to show us ourselves. We look to heroes, and strive to be Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams. We risk everything to reconnect with our fathers who are little more than ghosts.

In the course of researching a book I hope to publish ("Stalling the Revolution: The Men's Movement in the Ambivalent 1990s") I read a staggering number of "men's books" like "Iron John," "Fire in the Belly," "The Myth of Male Power," "Fatherless America," "Manhood in America," etc.

This one stands above the rest on the strength of its pleas for solutions and action. So many books on the subject of embattled manhood or vanishing fatherhood simply delineate the problem through dozens of well-researched, heavily foot-noted chapters then turn--in the last few pages--to some improbable, uninspired "solution."

Pittman's flaws include returning to the same ideas with a kind of circular redundancy, but at least they're good ideas. He pleas almost desperately, tearfully for men to father boys whatever it takes, whatever the obstacles. The reality that the father-son relationship so central to our dominant (Christian) religion has atrophied in our homes is rightly seen by Pittman as the great tragedy of our times. A heterosexual married man, this intelligent psychotherapist throws our homophobia in our face and curses its damage. He even comes to verge of endorsing pederasty.

Rather than pack his book with psychobabble, Pittman has filled "Man Enough" with real-life anecdotes from his own life as well as those of his clients and friends. He also includes commentary on popular films with regard to men's issues. The oedipal conflict between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker is mentioned for instance--along with the poisonous "masculopathy" of the Godfather series.

Pittman may be unsparing about mens' faults, but he offers us hope. The best compliment I can pay this book is that, throughout it, you feel the author's warmth, wisdom, horse sense, honesty, and love.

This book talks about how we make ourselves feel like men, both in a healthy way and in a dysfunctional way. It talks about how we can change how we parent so that the way our sons make themselves feel like men is not as disfunctional as their father's ways.

I didn't like some of what I read, but after reflection, I found much of what was said applied to me. Truth hurts sometimes, but it's good to hear.

I would give it to every father I cared about.

Pittman's review is brilliant, so different from other books on male development. I sent copies to my three adult daughters.

In my view, male pathology is severely harming us all. Pittman describes how that develops and how it can be avoided. He goes way beyond the pettiness of the contemporary sex wars.

I first read this book almost six years ago now, and it impacted me profoundly. Dr. Pittman tackles the essential loneliness of what life can be like for a male and offers a means of escape from this foolish dance of solitaire.

He advises men to expose their vulnerabilities to the other guys, relinquish the score-keeping that serves as a barrier to happiness. This does not mean opting out of the games-- life without them would be pretty dull; "what would we do, shop all day?"-- but delight in playing our best and cooperating with members of the team. Then, and only then, are we ready for a full cooperation with the other sex and can begin the process of raising boys ourselves.

Dr. Pittman grinds no ideological ax and, like the best of therapists, invites us to learn; he never lectures. His voice- wise, funny, responsible, and modern in the best sense of the word- is one both men and women would be smart to heed.

I got this book from my therapist. Perhaps too simple for the analytical types, but I believe he is right in thinking we are shaped by images from movies, television, and literature. Raising sons is my most important job. I don't want them to just grow up, I want them to grow up healthy and happy and well able to take their place in the world. Pittman's story of success and failure and flawed role models and good ones is worth reading if you wonder where you came from and what the hell you are supposed to be doing with your sons

This book is about the silent disease of machood and what it does to men and women alike. It offers much to be learned, if one really wants to be a free man in the world today!

Unbelievably insightful and accurate. This is for all men, regardless of where they are in their life. This is one of those books that hits hard and stays with you for life. Can't tell you how many people I have recommended to.

An insightful and a strong book! A book for guys who want to know
more about themselves and their masculinity and relationship to their
fathers and mentors!

Incredible and life changing content. Great for men, great and heart-wrenching for the women who love them, invaluable to their children. HOWEVER, the print quality of this paperback is so poor that reading the book for both my husband and me was an incredibly painful chore. I own literally thousands of print books and this is one of only two that I own with such maddeningly sub par print quality. BTW, Man Enough was purchased through Amazon and is the softcover Penguin book.