77 of 90 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Some excellent skills with some major philosophical problems, May 7, 2002
It's unusual for me to read chapters of a book out of order. Had I read this book from front to back, I would have angrily tossed it out when I hit chapters 3 and 4. The authors have not had the pleasure of grasping the virtue of selfishness. Instead, they occasionally apologize and appease. In these early chapters they recommend "unconditional positive regard" stating that it's "not selfish, nor egoistic" to have this attitude towards ourselves. This chapter is a philosophical junkyard. They ask why we admire a Mother Teresa and answer that it's because she sacrifices herself for others. They ask "Would you admire her if she sacrificed herself for something worthless?" and omit the possibility that she is not admirable because she lived a life of sacrifice by choice and encourages others to do likewise. The authors also invent the contradictory concept of the "unselfish I."
So heaven help me! Why would I recommend such a book? I recommend it because it is chock full of simple good tips - e.g., good study skills, identifying and pursuing healthy goals to bring you pleasure, keeping friendships fair - with a lovely undercurrent of egoism despite occasional nosedives. For example, "Cultural attitudes, including religious ones, seem to make rewarding oneself seem bad..." (Were it my book, I would omit the "seem to") - or "Do not make a virtue out of being a martyr." The mix of good and bad ideas in this book makes me wonder if one author was philosophically healthier than the other one. This book offers valuable thinking skills. I recommend skipping chapters 1-3. This is a good book to keep in your reference library. If you are having difficulty with a particular issue in your life, read the chapter on that. Some skills that are helpful include:
- "swat" the NATs (negative automatic thoughts)
- distant elephants (do not commit yourself to unimportant activities no matter how far ahead they are)
- focus on important but non-urgent activities, rather than urgent non-important activities
- avoid "pressurizing" words: "should, must, have to, ought" which drain motivation
- avoid avoidance - actively solve your problems rather than run from them
- reduce the "inside" load of stress by changing attitudes
- learn how to unpackage your fears
- motivate yourself by focusing on the personal benefits of your success
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent advice for those seeking relief from depression, March 9, 2000
By A Customer
I just picked this up at a local book store when I was very depressed, and it was just what I needed! The chapters on depression and anxiety are full of strategies and, dare I say, remedies for the depression illness. I've read a couple other books on similar therapies such as cognitive therapy, but have to recommend this one most of all. I especially found the section on what causes depression very insightful. One of these is not living your life to match with your values. How true! Although my values are God, wife, family, home, I've lived my life single til now as a wanderer with no direction to achieve those things I value so much. Now that I understand the rut that I'm in and how I got here, I'm going to make the changes necessary to be happy again!
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Comprehensively covers many problems people experience., August 23, 1999
By A Customer
This book offers practical approaches to helping a person solve his own problems. I read it through when I first purchased it (1996). Now I refer to it from time to time when I feel I need help with a particular matter. This book is easy to read, and it explains things in a professional manner for better understanding. The book offers practical techniques for solving many common and some difficult problems people experience. Teenagers can benefit reading this book because it addresses real problems which they are likely to face with real answers and stresses personal accountability for the answer to most of life's problems. I recommend it highly to everyone. It's a great book!
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