Customer Reviews

The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

For $10 I guess its fine, but I didn't learn anything from this book at all. If anything, I actually feel more alienated. I do not live in the gay neighborhood of my city nor do I hang out exclusively with gay people. However, coexisting with straight people isn't even a passing thought in this book. Basically, if you don't live as a cher-worshipping rainbow flag waving poster child of gaydom, the book paints you as a maladjusted closet case who should be avoided at all costs. I agree with the review that said this is a good guide to turning into a "flaky queen". Also, I cannot even count the number of times alcohol is referred to in this book (and I rarely drink) but any drug use is met with a "kick him to the curb, girlfriend" attitude (I don't do drugs either, but I'm just pointing it out). The book does not answer any central questions about what men want. There is research out there about how important a good body *really* is and how important masculine traits really are for a relationship vs. hookup. This author did not pull any of that in. However, there is an underlying assumption that ALL gay men go to the gym, and usually that is an all-gay gym (so I guess a good body is really important to him...). As far as the authors take on the value that gay men place on education or personal growth - oh wait - neither topic is ever mentioned. The whole book can be summed up with the fact that the author actually gives advice on "what to say if he catches you looking at his Streisand CDs when he comes out of the bathroom". So, essentially, the book is a disappointing series of common-sense superficial tips that anyone who went to high school already knows: "don't seem needy or desperate, be confident, don't go into your whole life story on the first date." I mean, if you're THAT clueless about dating... then go for it. Maybe I would've found this useful at 16 or 17, however. (Oh, by the way I just learned that being 30 is old. It's mentioned about 4 times.) I also like how there is a whole chapter devoted to what you should hide & display in your bathroom (aveda = bad... generic shaving cream = good). Um, by the time a guy is in my bathroom, he is probably on his way to having sex with me so I think it'll just have to be ok if he sees moisturizer with retinol. If he wants to end the relationship over my brand of shaving cream (yes, that is mentioned as well) then I'm done too. What is amazing is that in previous chapters, "being your fabulous gay self" is encouraged, but now we're playing "hide the gay cosmetics?" The book is replete with hypocritical counsel, vague generalizations, and inconsistencies. I suppose, then, it is more of a metaphor of gay dating than a guide to it.

Most of this book was common sense aside from a few things with which I completely disagreed.
It was good in the sense that in went into the details of how you merge the two lives, and the complications that happen once you're an item.
However, the author confuses sarcastic bitchyness with humor at times.
There is a section about how to handle your friends when they're about to "dish" you to your date. First of all, why would you be friends with someone who would mudsling you in the first place? Why keep that kind of negativity around? He could've simplified that chapter into one sentence, "don't keep mean-spirited idiots for friends".
The author has an obvious bias against monogomy and those who only feel comfortable in monogamous relationships. He admits to being burned once, and somehow blames monogamy rather than the idiot who cheated on him. It's like blaming the school because your kids skip class.
Oh, and if you're thinking about family and kids, this book has almost no mention of looking for guys with fathering skills.

Unfortunately by trying to simplify dating, and alieviate heartbreak, misfortune, and poor judgement--the author has managed to suck all the magic out of it.

I consider myself an average normal guy. This book is good for people who are concerned about the way they look, the way they age (Apparently 30 is old, old, old) and people who don't see themselves settling down and having kids.

As the Author says "The real goal of Mandates is for men to date successfully. That means finding a man who attracts you, sustains your interest, makes you as happy as you make him and wants the same level of dating as you." He points out that this doesn't mean Getting Married or reaching your 50th anniversery together surrounded by grandchildren. According to him this doesn't seem likely and setting yourself up for failure to expect too much from other guys.

Take note - if you feel a certain way about romance, chances are there are guys out there who think the same way as you. Look for them and bypass this book.

On the other hand if you are that shallow to care about what a dude thinks of your CD collection then pick this book up. And don't call me, i'll call you.

This book was written well, easy to read but the content was stereotypical and useless for anyone looking for a real relationship. I think the author would be excellent at writing a column for a newspaper and have the ability to write compelling articles, just not a book on dating.

The bulk of the book is really smart and on target.Some of the writing is tongue in cheek, but I enjoyed that part, too. It's well put together and reads very "real" and personal. The author does a great job of weaving his own stories and advice in with the stories of men he interviewed.

Dead on about gay men without being overly rules-y. Doesn't tell you that you have to get married to enjoy being in a relationship. Uses humor in an engaging way.

I loved this book, and am coming back to buy two more for friends. At first I thought it would just be funny, but then I read it and didn't put it down all night. It's funny as hell for sure, but it's straight up, smart, and I related to a lot of the stories from the guys in the book. I am 27, have been out for about three years and dating (endlessly???! it seems). Stuff from the book has stayed with me, it was really helpful. Best book on dating other guys I've read.

I read this after three dates in a row really tanked, I was bummed, and it made me laugh. Only a gay sourpuss would have a problem with his bringing some humor to this subject. If all you want is serious psychological information, then this isn't the right book for you. The author is sharp, funny and I liked that part of it. I mean, if we can't laugh at dating, what can we laugh at? It's laugh or cry sometimes, you know? I wish the author had provided a few more of his own stories, but there are plenty of dating tales from the multitude of men he interviewed. I learned a few things too. You can find things out a lot sooner from a date if you ask the right questions. You can learn to read between the lines. You can be clearer about what you really want and spell that out in an online profile (I already changed mine on Yahoo Personals). Bottom line: we've all been there; some more than others. And this book has that perspective -- humor mostly, but also some thought provoking scenarios.

I would say that this book is very entertaining. It runs the gamut of gay dates from hell to smart ways to think about creating good dates. It has great information, it's very well-written, meaning the author has a real style about him, and for the most part it's smart advice. But it's not just an advice book. You should know that upfront. There are lots of personal anecdotes about relationships, sex, dating, etc.

Loved it. It contains some wonderful, practical advice. But really, it's like spending the afternoon with a wise and witty friend who left me feeling better about myself than when I started it. I don't get the naysayers who act as if every so-called self help book has to be written in dense academic text or swamped in psychobabble. There's a lot of dreary stuff out there and I have read most of it. This was really enjoyable. There's some obvious satire in here, mixed with the stories. If you hate being entertained or laughing out loud then some parts of this are not for you I guess.

I like the author's "Been there, learned that" attitude. It's not like serious "you must do this to get a lover" rules, which was a huge relief. I related to the stories from other guys and it was perfect for the beach last weekend. It's best when it's both funny and wise like with these chapters that I really liked:

-The "Hurry Up But Hold Back Factor"-Men Want What They Want When They Want It, Don't We?
-Eager Beavers Gnaw Quickly Then Drown.
-Be Your Own "Judge Judy" With Relationship Mistakes: Evaluating Heinous Vs. Forgivable Sins.