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Considering how this movie consistently fails in nearly every aspect, one important element not lacking is a plot. A family, consisting of mother, father, daughter, and poodle, heads out across the blasted wastelands of Texas on a fun filled trip. The excursion consists of a shifting series of seemingly endless shots of the barren landscape, punctuated occasionally by staccato bursts of nonsensical dialogue. Moreover, the first strains of elevator music play over the proceedings. You will learn to loathe this music, but at first it's sort of funny to hear these types of tunes in a film. The family ends up arriving at a decrepit house populated by the film's strangest character (and that says a lot). This is Torgo; a bizarre looking dolt who whispers stuff about "Master," sways a lot, and shambles around while whimsical music plays. He also takes a hankering to the mom character, has kneecaps the size of tires, and acts as the procurer of hapless victims for this enigmatic "Master." By the time I reached this point in the feature, I began mentally willing time to move faster. I looked at my watch so many times I suffered compound whiplash. But the Muzak kept playin', Torgo kept shufflin', and the dialogue kept getting dumber, so I kept watchin'. What can I say? I'm an idiot that way.
After the poodle and the daughter disappear, the parents become alarmed about Torgo's antics. Dad heads out into the dark desert to look for his kid and runs into a heap of trouble. It turns out "Master" and a number of his scantily clad wives are holding a secret ritual that requires the family to play a pivotal role. "Manos" shifts focus significantly here, as we see the inner workings of these odd characters. What do they do? Not much. Master wears a nifty cape with two large hands stitched on it (the best effect in the film, actually) while he rants and raves, and the women stand around gabbing or wrestling with each other. Torgo gets into so much trouble that Master decides to sacrifice him for his crimes in a spectacularly boring way. Why? Who knows? Who cares? If you're so involved in the film that you need answers to these questions, you have problems in need of serious resolution. The story fails in many ways but succeeds wildly in one important aspect-it ends.
"Manos, the Hands of Fate" reminded me of another film I watched recently, the incredibly awful "Invasion of the Blood Farmers." Both movies looked terrible but had a weird appeal, much like a car accident on the highway. You know you shouldn't look at human misery and suffering, but you simply cannot help doing so. One reason you look at such a horrific tragedy is for life affirming reasons; you're so thankful that isn't you and yours stretched out on the road. The same principle applies here. I'm so glad I had nothing to do with the production of "Manos, the Hands of Fate" that watching the whole thing provides a certain measure of detached relief. This principle is completely theoretical, of course, but it does justify why I let the DVD run all the way to the end. For some reason, claiming to love bad cinema for the sake of its badness just doesn't seem enough with movies like "Manos" and "Invasion of the Blood Farmers." In fact, promoting this picture as "so bad its good" in certain circles would probably get you taken out behind the woodshed. Watch "Manos, the Hands of Fate" as a metaphysical exercise and you'll probably emerge unscathed. Maybe. O.K., probably not, but I'm just trying to make the experience easier for you.
If you really must view this abomination, at least you won't pay a heavy monetary price to do so. Forget about any extras on the DVD-there aren't any, and that's how it should be for such a wretched piece of refuse. And really, why would you want a widescreen, crystal clear picture transfer, trailers, interviews, behind the scenes footage, commentaries, film history, and stills when a film like this one goes above and beyond the call of duty? "Manos, the Hands of Fate" is one of the seven wonders of the cinematic world. Enjoy, if you dare!
1. The film's title translates to Hands: The Hands Of Fate
2. It was filmed entirely with a handheld camera that could only record thirty seconds of film at a time.
3. The film was shot without sound; all the lines were later dubbed by only three people - two men and one woman.
4. The real reason John Reynolds (Torgo) appears to have big knees and walks funny is because his character is supposed to be a satyr. Reynolds designed his own prosthetics to make himself look like he had goat's feet. (Note how the wife gasps when she first looks down his feet, which the viewer does not get to see.)
5. Torgo was originally named Igor.
6. Harold P. Warren (writer/director/producer) is a fertilizer salesman from El Paso. He made a bet with a visiting location scout Stirling Silliphant that he could make a popular horror film on an extremely minimal budget.
7. Three stars of the film committed suicide shortly after shooting was completed: John Reynolds (Torgo), Joyce Molleur (teenager in car), and Diane Mahree (Margaret).
8. The film was shot in two and a half months with a budget of about $19,000.
9. The movie was given a gala premiere in El Paso upon its release, and many of the local dignitaries were on hand. Part way into the film, many people in the audience began to heckle the movie. Many of the film's stars and crewmembers snuck out before the end out of embarrassment.
10. The endless driving sequences at the beginning were supposed to have the opening credits over them, but were inexplicably left out.
11. In lieu of a salary, Hal Warren sold shares to the cast and crew for their hard work and long hours.
12. The Master's "Lodge Of Sins" was actually the ranch of then El Paso County Judge, Colbert Coldwell.
13. The city of El Paso was so involved that Hal Warren sent free tickets for the premiere to the press, all the aldermen and the Mayor of El Paso.
14. People attending the premiere at The Capri Theater in El Paso paid $0.35 (Children) $1.25/$1.00 (Adults/with a discount card).
15. Hal Warren later approached cinematographer, 'Robert Guidry' , with another script, this one called "Wild Desert Bikers". Guidry declined.
16. If the day or scenes or performances went poorly, director Hal Warren would reassure the novice cast that any errors would be fixed post-production by the magic of Hollywood.
17. The scenes featuring two teenagers who are hassled by the cops while kissing in their car were added because actress Joyce Molleur broke her leg during filming, and was unable to perform her original role.
18. Joyce was originally cast as one of the master's brides.
19. The master's brides were played by a group of models for Mannequin Manor.
20. The majority of the cast and crew never appeared or worked on another movie after this.
Be sure and watch this film at some point. It is the worst movie of all time and that alone assures it's legendary status.
I won't bother to review the plot much here as anyone who would be looking this up almost assuredly knows the plot already. In case you don't here is the much abbreviated version: a family gets terrorized by lunatic devil worshippers, one of whom, Torgo, has really big knees. There. That's it. The beauty of seeing this version is in noticing the small things and subtle nuances that aren't obvious from the MST version, most notably clearer dialogue. I would bet that some of little Debbie's lines was dubbed by adults trying to sound like a four year old, for instance. The dialogue is still wretched, of course, but you can hear it better now. You also get the added minute of footage, and a whole new appreciation of how much suffering the people at Best Brains went through watching this repeatedly while writing the MST script.
"Manos" is definitely worth five stars: it truly is one of the most ineptly made films in history. It was the brainchild of Harold Warren, who spent his own money on it, and it brought him ridicule from legions of movie watchers since it was made in 1966. If you are interested in trivia, in addition to Warren's financing, Tom Neyman ('The Master') designed the sets. Neither ever worked in the movies ever again. On a genuinely sad note, the scathing criticism of this film is reportedly one of the things that drove John Reynolds ('Torgo') to suicide within a year after the films release.
It is amazing to think that this movie would have rested in obscurity, never again seeing the light of day if it hadn't been for the MST folks who brought it back into general circulation by mocking its very existence. Go watch the original. It's cheap and it only takes 69 minutes of your time.
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