A Man's Field Guide to Dating [Paperback]

Robert A. Wray (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 4, 1999

Finally, the most comprehensive mens guide to dating ever written - authored by a man, for men. Twenty-seven chapters of relevant, practical advice presented in a lighthearted, entertaining and highly readable style. This helpful book provides a collection of ideas and advice culled from the dating experiences of many men - and women. Its aim is to help men develop social relationships and meet and enjoy the company of women.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Why did I write this book? I found myself single again after several years of marriage. Like many others I simply stumbled into the world of dating and made lots of mistakes. I also met some wonderful people. The whole process fascinated me. I discovered that most people were as mystified by dating and relationships as I was. I talked about this incessantly with my friends and colleagues. What do women want? Why do we behave the way that we do? Why can't guys commit? You have heard all the questions.

I reviewed the literature in the bookstore. There are many excellent books about relationships - how to fix them, how to improve them. There are some good books about dating. However, most of them were written by women for women. The ones that did address both genders still seemed to emphasize the problems from a woman's point of view. I really couldn't find one that would help me improve my dating life as a man. I thought guys would appreciate a book that approached the subject purely from a male perspective.

I have always enjoyed the company of women and have nurtured platonic friendships with them when I could. Often I would receive desperate calls late at night asking for my advice "as a guy." I thought that it would be a lot simpler if the guy in question were in the loop. Then I could get more sleep. This book includes many of the insights I gleaned from these tearful conversations. Now I can just suggest that her boyfriend read the book before she calls.

I sincerely wish you the best in your search for happiness. Being single and dating can be a wonderful period in your life. It's all up to you and how you look at it. People don't date enough. Guys are afraid of rejection. They don't extend enough invitations. (Women say "no" too often, but that's another story.) It is my hope that this book will have some impact on the problem. Date more. Enjoy yourself. Make as many women smile as possible. I think that will make everyone happier, especially your mom.

Bob Wray -- Publisher Comments

From the Author

Why did I write this book? I found myself single again in 1992 after several years of marriage. Like many others I simply stumbled into the world of dating and made lots of mistakes. I also met some wonderful people. The whole process fascinated me. I discovered that most people were as mystified by dating and relationships as I was. I talked about this incessantly with my friends and colleagues. What do women want? Why do we behave the way that we do? Why can't guys commit? You heard all the questions.

I reviewed the literature in the bookstore. There are many excellent books about relationships - how to fix them, how to improve them. There are some good books about dating. However, most of them were written by women for women. The ones that did address both genders still seemed to emphasize the problems from a woman's point of view. I really couldn't find one that would help me improve my dating life as a man. I thought guys would appreciate a book that approached the subject purely from a male perspective.

I have always enjoyed the company of women and have nurtured platonic friendships with them when I could. Often I would receive desperate calls late at night asking for my advice "as a guy." I thought that it would be a lot simpler if the guy in question were in the loop. Then I could get more sleep. This book includes many of the insights I gleaned from these tearful conversations. Now I can just suggest that her boyfriend read the book before she calls.

I asked dozens of women to read the manuscript before we went to press. Many of their names are in the acknowledgments. They were brutally honest. Because of this, I feel very confident that the ideas presented here are valid. They are telling you what they want. You only have to listen and adjust. I wish I had had this information seven years ago.

Why is the book written in first-person plural? (We) I had so much help from friends and family that I could not represent these ideas and suggestions as purely my own. Much of the information is conventional wisdom. I was not comfortable speaking to you as an individual. Many women contributed their thoughts and feelings to these pages. You get the benefit of their honest perspectives on dating. That is who the "we" is.

I sincerely wish you the best in your search for happiness. Being single and dating can be a wonderful period in your life. It's all up to you and how you look at it. People don't date enough. Guys are afraid of rejection. They don't extend enough invitations. (Women say "no" too often, but that's another story.) It is my hope that this book will have some impact on the problem. Date more. Enjoy yourself. Make as many women smile as possible. I think that will make everyone happier, especially your mom.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 450 pages
• Publisher: NetImage (January 4, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0966972309
• ISBN-13: 978-0966972306
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,715,811 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars As a woman, I hope every man on the plaet reads this book!, July 11, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: A Man's Field Guide to Dating (Paperback)

I am also an author of a book about dating. It is beyond rare for me to endorse a book about dating written by a man. That is because most of them treat women as objects and men as sex crazed fiends who only want to know how they can get as much sex as possible on a regular basis. This book will teach men who are looking for a great partnership with a woman exactly how to get what they want. Oh, and for those of you men out there who responded to that statement, "But I am a sex crazed fiend who just wants to know how I can get as much sex as possible on a regular basis." I have this to say to you--geting into a great relationship with a fantastic woman and being a quality man/great spouse is, in fact, the number one best way to get as much sex as possible on a regular basis! Logical?!

This book respects men and women and gives clear solid advice that will definately improve all of our love lives! It is fun to read and easy to digest. If your not getting what you want out of your love life, get this book!

This book is also great for women to read. One of the biggest things that prevents women from attaining the love life they desire is that they do not understand men and what their dilemas and confusions are. This book will be invaluable in helping you with that.

My favorite part has got to be the part about hygiene. It has never ceased to amaze me that men don't already know some of this stuff, and yet they don't. Someone had to tell them and Bob Wray is just the man for the job.

Sincerely, Felicia Rose Adler Author of Master Dating: How to Meet and Attract Quality Men!

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Great reading for...women!, March 25, 2001

By A Customer

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: A Man's Field Guide to Dating (Paperback)

First of all, there is nothing new here--and if you're not aware that women prefer men who do not smoke & wear clean clothes well, you need a copy of Stupidity For Dummies. Mr. Wray does a great job of conveying what women SAY they want and how to be the friend a woman turns to when she's having trouble with the guy who turns her on.

The author says he consulted a lot of women, and it shows. The entire thrust (sorry, ladies) of this book is, you must do everything possible to make yourself worthy of a woman's hand. As you might expect, the "S" word comes up only at the very end after 200+ pages of relentless self-improvement. The list is long and the tone of the book is anything but "lighthearted and entertaining".

While the book is padded with diet, excersise, mortality statistics and so on, its quite ambiguous about stuff that has to do with dating. For a guy who goes into such detail as remember not to fart, you'd think there would be better advice than stuff about pretending to be confident when you're not (why not pretend to be rich while you're at it).

At the very end he says "When the results are less than you expect, you find yourself feeling worse than when you used to just lay around watching TV". Exactly--and that's life. But why pay for a book to tell you this?

21 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Hit and Miss Advice, March 27, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: A Man's Field Guide to Dating (Paperback)

"A Man's Field Guide to Dating" is full of mixed messages that could frustrate an average guy who is looking for clear-cut answers and advice. For instance, Mr. Wray starts out by saying that the book will give non-judgemental advice. Soon after that statement, he writes something to the effect that "married men should pass this book on to their single friends" and should not cheat. Good advice? Maybe, but that's definitely a judgemental attitude, considering that Mr. Wray can't possibly know the circumstances in every marriage. Later, this supposedly non-judgemental attitude comes into play when Mr. Wray makes statements that seem to condemn men who are dating primarily to fulfill sexual needs. If that isn't making a judgement, I don't know what is? Who is he to decide for his readers which is more important: sexual needs or emotional needs? Imagine for a second a woman writing a book on dating that mildly chastizes women who are dating to fulfill their emotional needs and states that instead the focus should be on sex. Improbable? I think so, but this is that kind of book, only for men. Robert Wray should stick to pragmatic advice and leave judgements about the reader's motivation out of the book, or he should entitle his book, "Dating to Meet Emotional Needs -- For Men" or "Dating for Men Who Think Commitment is the Ultimate Goal in Life." Even if those aren't reflective of the explicit advice given in the book, it is definitely reflective of the feeling the reader will have upon finishing it.

Then again, Mr. Wray's practical advice is found wanting in some sections. He actually advises that guys approach women in a way that would result in projecting an image of a perfect "nice guy." Ask a thousand guys who have been called a "nice guy" by a woman, and I would bet that 90% would tell you that being a "nice guy" and a "perfect gentleman" is the quickest way to be frozen permanently outside of a woman's bedroom. That's not to say that guys should act like jerks and be total boorish louts with no manners, but to come across as a sexless, passionless Ken Doll is a libido-killer for most women I've encountered (even most of the "quality women" that Mr. Wray refers to throughout the book). In many places, Mr. Wray advises men to avoid any sexual comments or discussion with a woman early in initial converstaions. While one shouldn't necessarily saunter up to a woman and utter lascivious comments, it's important to make sure the message is clear that you, the man, are a sexual being, unless of course you are comfortable being told "let's just be friends" the rest of your life.

This book is not without good advice, despite these flaws. There are many sections that, once one filters out the opinions of the author, are full of solid, pragmatic tips that many of my fellow men could benefit from.

In closing, if you aren't put off by Mr. Wray's obvious editorializing, you will find worthwhile nuggets here and there. If you buy this book, make sure you have several other books on dating and relationships to read, since reading this one alone and following all its advice is a sure way to frustrate a guy who may not hold the same values as Mr. Wray. This book does belong in a syntopic analysis of the subject, but it certainly isn't an authority on successful dating.