Customer Reviews

Many Roads One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This book is a treasure. I am a black female. I read this book last year. I was making 10,000 a year working as a clerk and, I was in a relationship with an abusive, sex addict. I attended several traditional CODA 12-step groups where they were telling everyone to become more humble, less egotistical and ask others to forgive them for all the bad things they've done and so on. I guess that works if you are a member of a group/several groups who have always had social and economic power and priviledge in America. I would always leave feeling even less self-esteem that before I came. This would have the effect of making me try even harder to put up with this "relationship". Now I understand why the 12-steps did'nt work for me. Her insight and compassion for women and other races/socio-economic groups is unbelievable! If you have found that the 12-steps are not working for you, (even if you are financially independant/white male--her approach is intelligent and loving to everyone) read her book and you may get insite that can give you strength and hope. Thank you Charlotte. Now if only I could find a group that uses the "empowerment" model she discuss in the book...

I was raised in a family where everyone was/is involved in one or more of the 12-Step programs and was taught that attending AA and working the 12 Steps was the only way to stop drinking, or to recover from being a child of an alcoholic. In fact, to my subsequent embarassment, I have preached those rules to people without really knowing what I was talking about. But in spite of this, I have always felt uncomfortable with some of the language in the 12-Steps and other 'conference-approved literature', and this book helped me figure out WHY I was uncomfortable, and also reassured me that I wasn't going to go to hell for not being in a 12-Step program (I'm joking here, but since the 12-step 12-step philosophy is essentially my family's religion, the comparison is apt.)

This book clearly explains the history of the 12 Steps, the original intentions of Bill W. (founder of AA), the ways the steps are implemented in current 12 Step programs, and, very importantly, why they don't "work" for a lot of people (contrary to the message that one gets in AA and other step groups). She also takes a look at the strengths and weaknesses of alternative recovery programs.

Despite the opinions of some other readers, I found the book very non-judgmental - Ms. Kasl doesn't tell people not to go to AA or whatever if it is working for them, and she certainly doesn't tell people that her sixteen-step method is "the way", or that you need to agree with everything she believes. She just points that, contrary to many people believe, "working the steps and going to meetings" is NOT the only way, and there are many people who have gotten and stayed sober without AA.

If you've ever felt uncomfortable with the 12 Steps, or have not been able to work the program successfully, or have not felt comfortable attending meetings, this book will help you realize that those feelings are not indicative of "defects of character", and will present an alternative philosophy which may make more sense to you. It certainly did to me.

Five stars for this book, and many thanks to Ms. Kasl for writing it!

My only regret is that I didn't read this book years ago. Although there is much to be said for 12 step programs (especially in initial stages of recovery), many people feel excluded by them for various reasons. Sadly, they are then told by people in the addiction field and in AA that they "are not trying hard enough" or just "don't want sobriety badly enough" .
Alternatives to 12 step groups are not offered by many treatment centers and counselors so those who do not fit into the mold reeive no guidance or choices. To read a book which not only spells out other options, but sets out reasons why you may not fit in AA is affirmingAlthough I concluded years ago that I would never fit into the mold, this is the first time I have ever had my reality validated. It is refreshing to read a book in the addiction field that encourages thinking outside of the box. This book will save lives - hopefully people will realize they do not have to choose between sobriety and being part of a herd. If you are a therapist and work with alcoholics, addicts, etc. you owe it to your clients to read this book and familiarize yourself with options other than 12 step groups.

I spent 5 years in AA trying to "get it". After reading Charlotte's wonderful book, it became clear that the 12 steps were written by and for individuals of a specific gender, and of a specific socio economic group. (WASPy men of the 1930s) Today's 12 step climate draws individuals of vastly different backgrounds, who try to personalize the 12 steps only to find guilt, shame and disempowerment. (the opposite of what they need!) Such a result might be an appropriate "balancing out" goal for sociopathic grandiose indivdiuals who lack a sense of guilt or shame when hurting people, however it can have disastrous results for those who feel guilt & shame easily! Charlotte's book is a must-read for anyone (especially women & minorities!!!) who wishes to join a 12 step group. Thank you Charlotte for your insight. I am now offering your book on my website. Hopefully others will find it in time and get off the 12 step stairmaster and find a more empowering and uplifting path.

At first I found Kasl's feminist rhetoric off-putting. However, continued reading convinced me that there is much validity in her analyses; her critiques of AA are convincing; much of what she writes, particularly regarding humility vs. affirmation, in the context of women and minorities, is equally applicable to many white males.

In short, a remarkable book full of good analysis, common sense and human understanding

I found this book very insightful and healing. I am a white male and I had to agree with most of Kasl's feminist views on how the patriarchal system is destructive in many ways. As a natural health practitioner I found one of her most valuable topics was discussing how medical science, 12 step groups and most people ignore that the mind, body, and spirit are connected. Her insights into addictions such as sugar, food, TV, sex, etc. are all right on. This book highlights how to think for yourself instead of submitting to someone elses recovery plans for you that may be damaging. I think everyone involved in therapy and 12 step programs needs to know the information in this book.

I am only sorry I didn't find this book sooner. This book is great for anyone who has been through the ringer and/or repeatedly in and out of AA or any 12-step program. If you wonder why 12-steps don't work for you and if you want to take your power back and design your own program, this book is definitely for you. This book provides alternative solutions to healing and empowers you to take action. Thank you Charlotte, for this book and for giving me my life back.

Charlotte Kasl is a no-nonsense writer who expresses herself with wisdom, honesty and guts. Although I did not like to hear part of what I read in Many Roads...I knew what Kasl shared was, and is, true. I am committed to allowing myself to be comfortable with my own inner power and to manifest my full capacity. Kasl's book (like Women, Sex and Addiction) is most helpful in assisting me in my growth and in releasinge co-dependent patterns I learned as a child. Many men (particularly those afraid of powerful women) might find this book very threatening, but, so be it. For women willing to heal and grow, and honest, sensitive men, it's exceptional....

This is one of those rare books that can change your life. Not because it's telling you something else new you have to work on or change. Because it's telling you what you already knew before your life got off track and it's affirming your existence.

Any man or woman of color who is in any of the twelve step groups should read this book. You'll want a copy of your own you can write in and highlight as well.

You can tell this was a labour of love for the author and she is to be commended.

The 16 Steps help move people who have moved to [Stage 4: Late Adolescence and Early Adulthood, The Critic: Ages sixteen - twenties and thirties] of their faithing (journey of faith) and are no longer dependent on a traditional 12 Step program. They have moved past a dependency level of a Program to one of personal empowerment and one that honours their own wisdom & internal strength. Dependency on an external set of rules or dogma needs to be replaced thusly if one is going to grow & mature into someone with a healthy ego that has an autonomy balanced with interdependency. Such a program of 16 Steps that moves beyond the rigid 12 Step program is necessary to develop a person's God-given potential here and now. Through such a program, people will be empowered to find their own unique place in the Universe. Instead of rigidity to a traditional 12 Step mantra, they will be encouraged to think for themselves and question those things that don't "feel" right.

She says we cannot slide into a dangerous one-size-fits-all mode that is sure to be wrong for many people. If we remember the overall goals are to alleviate people's suffering, we can put our rigid egos aside and ask, "What works? What doesn't work?" Are there ways support groups could be more effective, possibly for different groups of people such as those who have been spiritually abused? Because of my two years in Celebrate Recovery as the Assimilator Coach, CR is NOT the place for the spiritually abused. I became very familiar with how it works and had some difficulty with some of the things in it but couldn't put my finger on what they were and why there were so many triggers there for me.. After reading this book, I came to identify what they were. It's a great read. Although I don't agree with everything she believes, she has identified for me the things I needed to know.

Kasl shows us how we need to find ways to create SAFETY in these 16 Step recovery (uncover/discover) groups so there are fewer instances of CONTROL, ALIENATION & EXPLOITATION. We need to instill in people a sense of internal power that they lack in their "POWERLESSNESS". It is this attitude that fosters a newdependency on their recovery groups. Recovery grounded on fear does not lead to the development of a healthy aware ego (self-image).

To lock them into a similar 12 Step program will present too many triggers that will make them withdraw. While initially it may seem to help them, they will eventually leave because they realize they have to stuff too much to stay connected to the group at the cost of their human development. By staying locked in a rigid box/set of rules and authority like the controlling group/church/cult they left, they will continue to stuff and not advance in their healing. Eventually they will leave when it becomes too unbearable.

Solutions have to "feel" right for each individual if they are truly going to last. They need to be more than "bandage" therapy solutions. If there is little room for questioning, then a certain fear sets in that leads on to believe that the program is unchangeable or the leader/facilitator is too controlling. This is very triggering for the spiritually abused. They do not want to take a backward step in their journey and enter a program at a more mature level of our faithing by being asked to go back to a more childlike state of faith in order to get well. If there isn't room for shades of gray, then there isn't room for the Spiritually Abused.

Kasl says, "Although small groups have an immense capacity for healing, it is important that we not attribute this healing capacity solely to a 12 Step program. We need to have our own internal sense of power and realize, in the end, we are responsible for our own recovery (uncover and discover). We need to honour our own internal compass and respect our own wisdom & internal strength. If it doesn't "feel" right, it probably isn't for us. Our "gut" feelings have often been right in the past and we ignored them only to our own hurt. We cannot afford to do so in the future.

Kasl says, "The 16 Step program needs to lead people to a level of transformation and maturity where they no longer need a 12 Step group identity." They can't go back to a program of dependency because they know too much. We need to move past this in order to grow to the latter stages of faithing and Wisdom in order find our unique place in the Universe.