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64 of 94 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars God should have done the writting
Macedonia and the Seventh Bridge is a great feature of life and it is more surpassing than the quran,Dr. Soos and even the Lords of the Kings. You will wish you read this book even after your see it because there are things in life like wisom, love and happiness and all are Maradonia. 'Gloria Trash' is a porigidy between Albert Einstain and Jebus because she writs words...
Published on July 11, 2012 by creatinine

versus
154 of 160 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars A clearly novice work that should not have been published
I tried to read with my younger sister and we were gravely disappointed.

Here are our reasons:
1.) The story is cliche and brings nothing new to the table. We have super special kids going to another world to save the day from an "Evil Empire." (Yes, that is what it is called.) Yawn.

2.) The grammar and syntax are atrocious. May the...
Published on February 24, 2009 by SableSeal


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154 of 160 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars A clearly novice work that should not have been published, February 24, 2009
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
I tried to read with my younger sister and we were gravely disappointed.

Here are our reasons:
1.) The story is cliche and brings nothing new to the table. We have super special kids going to another world to save the day from an "Evil Empire." (Yes, that is what it is called.) Yawn.

2.) The grammar and syntax are atrocious. May the literary gods help us if this is how teens are writing these days. Words are used without regard to nuances of meaning and tone. Additionally, it is as if every name is in quotes. Why? The poor ellipses would like to protest their abuse as well.

3.) The author chooses to use exposition to describe events that are intended to be tense and exciting. The lack of actions makes it, in my sister's words, "boring."

4.) The formatting distracts from the writing as the lines are very short, only several words long. The text is not justified and the ragged edges detract from the presentation.

Every one is going crazy over child prodigy authors and this one doesn't deserve your hard earned money. In case you just think I "dont kno a good book" or am "jelous," I suggest you go to the author's website and download the first 40 pages to read. That would have saved me the embarassment of my 7 year old sister telling me, "This book is so bad. I could write it better." She'll never let me live this down.
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84 of 91 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars I can hear the trees screaming as they're cut down to make this thing..., May 17, 2009
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
I found out about this book from the Anti-Shur'tugal LiveJournal, and read the excerpt from the website. I was horrified. Who in their right mind would read this, let alone kill innocent trees to put in on paper? This "book" broke every rule of fiction, and it sounded like it was punched out by a fourth grader. Yet people still seem to think this girl's a prodigy.

Oh yes. The end is nigh.
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59 of 64 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars would give this story zero stars if it was possible, March 26, 2009
By 
Amazon Customer "Sierradragon" (North Ridgeville, Ohio, United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
A book is pretty bad when I can't get past an excerpt and this book is a prime example of such. The writing style is childish, the characters are flat cut outs, and the grammar gave me a headache.

In truth, the author should have edited the work and waited until a real publisher would pick it before she tried to sell it. Her work would have improved and been worth reading.
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44 of 47 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Very painful experience, April 2, 2009
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
I received this from a relative recently, and after reading it I am completely convinced it was intended as a "gag gift".

I try to always finish what I start, and wading through this took some real intestinal fortitude on my part. It reminded me of a junior high English assignment that evolved far beyond what it should have been, then fawned over by the parents and mailed off to a vanity publisher without ever crossing an editor's desk. I checked out the author's website, and sure enough my suspicion was correct.

I cannot recommend this book to anyone, unless they want to inflict some serious mental anguish. It certainly succeeds in that capacity.
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39 of 42 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Another example of self-publishing gone wrong, August 23, 2010
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This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
As I slowly made my way through this book, I found myself having to periodically pick up a hammer and repeatedly fracture my own kneecaps so the agonizing pain would distract my own brain from trying to commit suicide. Astonishingly, it isn't the amateur nature of the production - the frequent misspellings and typos, the random use of Capitalized Words, "quotation marks" and italics in sentences they had no place being, the horrid formatting mistakes, or even the enormous font size that makes the book roughly 60% longer than it should be. Those are all irritating and smack of a slipshod, haphazard production from people who really didn't care about what they were doing. And they are all reasons why you shouldn't purchase the book. But the main reason, far above and beyond anything else, is the quality of the writing itself.

It is, in a word, atrocious. Random events happen for no reason. There is no characterization to speak of, and no character development either. Characters make random, asinine decisions that in real life would get thousands of people brutally killed and are lauded for their genius strategies. The laws of physics, nature and common sense are thrown aside and ignored, and throughout it all, Ms. Tesch doesn't even bother keeping the world she's created internally consistent. Also, she plagiarizes from THE BIBLE. I'm not making that up.

I'm well aware of Gloria Tesch's young age, and this novel is yet another example of why young children shouldn't publish their first writings, and it's because it's not good enough. As a first attempt rough draft from a twelve-year-old? Yeah, this book is fine, but there is a reason why rough drafts aren't published, and that's because rough drafts suck. Like this book sucks.

It's a pity, because Gloria Tesch is clearly a motivated individual. With a writing group, some positive and supporting parents who don't shy away from constructive criticism, she could have re-written and extensively revised this book into something that was actually a good story, something she could look back on and be proud of. Something that wasn't literary trash. Instead, we're left with a brick that can be used to bludgeon cattle to death with, and not much else.
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46 of 51 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars A huge doorstop with a hideous face, March 15, 2010
By 
Beau Smith (Desert Southwest) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
Like others who've heard about Gloria Tesch and her debut novel, I'm a writer who's trying to get a book published. For the past year, I've been following a website, Anti-Shur'tugal's LiveJournal community, that critiques writers. It started as a website that dissected the works of Christopher Paolini, but it's grown since then to include critiques of other authors. That was how I found Gloria Tesch. She's one of their more popular victims, and this shouldn't come as a surprise. Anyone who calls herself the "World's Youngest Novelist" begs to be examined under the most critical eyes. The self-praise and lofty claims are nauseating, and the cover art for her debut novel is atrocious, but my curiosity wasn't appeased until I actually read the book.

When I read it, I didn't do as many facepalms as I thought I would. I expected it to read like a kid's work, and that's exactly what I got. The characters are cutouts, the dialogue is unreal, and there's not much of a story. (Two kids from Earth are amazingly pulled from earth into a strange new land to fulfill a prophecy and battle the 'Evil Empire.' Yeah--that's the empire's name.) But frankly, that's to be expected with writing of this level. The only difference is that it got self-published before it received the benefit of years of revision.

Even though the book needs work--and I mean that it needs years of work--it doesn't read like a lot of novels I've read. Bear with me here--I was actually able to read this without struggling through it. I'd much rather read a book written with too little effort than too much effort. The amount of effort put into a book comes out in the way it's written. Books that are written with too little effort come across as sloppy and lackluster. On the other hand, books that are written with too much effort are (literally) painful to read; they may have content and ideas that were thought-out, but everything is so forced and artificial that it keeps the story from growing to its fullest potential. Tesch's book doesn't fall into either of those categories. To me, it's the right amount of effort--the kind that does its best in regards to age and skill level. That's why it reads like a kid's book but doesn't feel forced or completely careless. It just reads like a book written by a kid: it's not ready to send to audiences, but it's easy to improve.

I'm not in any way trying to justify the mess that this book is. Let's face it: it's terrible. But that's to be expected with a kid's first novel, and if this didn't get published, it'd deserve some respect. I'm not against young authors trying to write and get better. I'm one of them. I've been writing since I was eight, and my thirteen years of experience have taught me that young authors should be encouraged, not published. They have a long way to go, just as any other novice author has a long way to go.

But what I'm against are people who self-publish bad books and market them as the second coming of Tolkien. Frankly, I'm alarmed at how bad the book is, but I'm speechless that her parents paid to have it published like this. It's clearly never been through an editor: the typeface is huge, the words are quoted for 'dramatic' 'emphasis,' and too many spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors went ignored. No discerning publisher would ever touch this book, and no editor would let it go to press like this.

Unfortunately, anyone with the money and the connections can publish anything, and that's how this book got out to the public. It's created nothing but a fantasy world, and it's wearing thin. The "child author" taglines have gotten old since Christopher Paolini came on the scene, and the "World's Youngest Novelist" claims are questionable at best. They're gimmicks, and people are sick of them. They know that the best way to judge a child author is the same way to judge adult authors: by examining the quality of the writing. People have judged her writing, and they have all said the same thing: it's a huge doorstop with a hideous face.

Her marketing strategies make the problem worse. She's bought her own television slot on a local channel, she's printed her own newsletter, and she's put up more self-praise on every one of her web pages--all with the same nauseating results. She's boasted about her book becoming a movie--with her as executive producer. She's said that the alleged "collectors' edition" of her book--which allegedly sold for $380--is completely sold out. She deletes negative posts from her blogs, and she uses fake names to post positive reviews of herself and her book. One of her negative reactions to criticism in general was so intense that it led to a brawl. (You can find the video if you do a little searching on YouTube.) To say that she doesn't want to improve would be the understatement of the year.

Back to the book. I've covered my opinion of the book as an aspiring author, and I've gone over Tesch as an author, so now I need to judge this book as an editor. This is the most mild criticism I can give: no amount of red ink would ever be enough. This book needs to be scrapped, revised, and started over like the rough draft that it is. But since Tesch won't listen to advice, revision won't happen anytime soon.

I'd love to mark up the whole book and send it back to her and her family, but until then, the only advice I can give is this: don't waste your time and money. All that's here is a teenager's fantasy of fame and fortune. Instead of reading this, you might have more fun writing your own book. You can do better. You can do much better.
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32 of 35 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Needs Editing - And A Few More Years of Work, April 8, 2009
By 
Rose (<Unavailable>) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
I'm all for young authors. If they're talented, enthusiastic, etc, I say cheer them on. It is entirely possible for book-writing to be the passion of someone who is not... particularly good at it.
However, any writer, professional or not, needs to know what too publish, and what to keep in the notebook. This should have been kept in the notebook.
For any child author, it is VITAL that they have guidance, and are truthfully told what they are doing right, and what they are not. It is painfully obvious that Miss Tesch had no editing done to her book at all - or if she did, I hate to think what it was like beforehand.
The book is juvenile in terms of grammar, formatting, storytelling, characterization - and the 'random quotes' are enough to drive anyone 'nuts.'
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26 of 28 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Forget this! If I want bad fanfiction, I'll read it online, thank you very much!, September 14, 2010
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
That is basically what all of Gloria's books are, bad fanfics. Gloria, here's a message to you if you're reading this: When people criticize your work, maybe you should try, I dunno, LISTENING TO THEM! It's a great way to improve upon your writing and, who knows? Maybe if you do try listening to criticism, you might actually have a shot at becoming a good or even a great authoress. This book is really bad and so are the others Gloria's pumped out. The dialogue is unnatural, the characters are bland as can be, and anything that makes Twilight look good by comparison deserves all the hate it gets.
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29 of 32 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This Makes The Twilight Series Look Like A Masterpiece, January 8, 2010
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
When you can't get past a horridly written excerpt to an eight hundred page book, that really says something. As you can guess, it's nothing good. This is not a "book" and by no means should be considered "proper fantasy literature". If anything, Maradonia and the Seven Bridges is a big, crappy, eight hundred page door stopper.
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33 of 37 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Clearly a vanity project..., August 27, 2009
This review is from: Maradonia and the Seven Bridges (Paperback)
This book is terrible. Everything about this novel--from the technical aspects of grammar and formatting to the content and avalanche of clichés--shows the immaturity and inexperience of this author. Some gush over these so-called child prodigies, saying how marvelous their writing is for being X years old. A book should just be good, not good when compared to the author's age.

Save your money and your sanity. DON'T BUY THIS BOOK.
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Maradonia and the Seven Bridges
Maradonia and the Seven Bridges by Gloria Tesch (Paperback - 2008)
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