Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating [Paperback]

Hayley DiMarco (Author), Michael DiMarco (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 2005

Many single adults don't realize how their actions and their communication style could be having a negative affect on the opposite sex. Popular thinking about dating identifies certain "rules for success" for today's singles. But the results are in, and popular thinking isn't working. Rather than attract the opposite sex, popularly promoted roles and actions often leave singles looking desperate while sending potential dates the opposite direction. In Marriable, Hayley and Michael DiMarco ask the question, "You aren't desperate so why are you acting like it?" With creative chapter titles like "They Just Might Be Out of Your League" and "How Being 'Just Friends' is a Waste of Time," the authors explore everything from internet dating to commitment-phobia. Writing with wit and humor, Hayley and Michael discuss the differences between men and women, what those differences mean in a dating relationship, and ultimately how to find and be a "marriable" person. With short, accessible chapters that tell it like it is, Marriable will be appreciated by men and women alike.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

SAMPLER COPY Oh great, another book about being single and finding "the one," right? Wrong. This isn't a typical dating guidebook. The type of book you're thinking about offers a fifteen-step program, scientific formula, or tries to spiritualize the process. But does it have chapter titles like these? - Why Being "Just Friends" Is a Waste of Time - The Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves - Men Lie to Get What They Want - Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last - Don't Marry Your Best Friend Unless You're Gay In Marriable, newlyweds Hayley and Michael DiMarco offer practical wisdom for surviving singleness in the trenches. Writing from their experiences of doing it all wrong so you can do it right, Hayley and Michael set fire to the so-called "rules for dating success" and give you real dating advice that won't send a potential date running in the opposite direction. With a witty he said/she said style, Marriable will help you expose and eliminate the secret ways you may look desperate by helping you understand yourself-and the opposite sex. Whether you're in a new relationship or haven't dated in years, this revolutionary book will show you how to turn desperate into Marriable.

From the Back Cover

Oh great, another book about being single and finding "the one," right? Wrong. This isn't a typical dating guidebook. The type of book you're thinking about offers a fifteen-step program, a scientific formula, or tries to spiritualize the process. But does it have chapter titles like these? - How Being "Just Friends" Is a Waste of Time - Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves - Men Lie to Get What They Want - Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last - Don't Marry Your Best Friend Unless You're Gay In Marriable, newlyweds Hayley and Michael DiMarco offer practical wisdom for surviving singleness in the trenches. Writing from their experiences of doing it all wrong so you can do it right, Hayley and Michael set fire to the so-called "rules for dating success" and give you real dating advice that won't send a potential date running in the opposite direction. With a witty he said/she said style, Marriable will help you expose and eliminate your desperate dating habits by helping you understand yourself-and the opposite sex. Whether you're in a new relationship or haven't dated in years, this revolutionary book will show you how to turn desperate into Marriable. Hayley and Michael DiMarco have more than forty years of dating desperation between them. After meeting online, they have found wedded bliss (or something like it) and a passion to write and creatively package relevant books through their company, Hungry Planet. They live in Nashville, Tennessee.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Revell (September 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800730836
• ISBN-13: 978-0800730833
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #729,454 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Decent book with a HUGE problem, July 6, 2006

By 

wombatty (Warsaw, IN) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating (Paperback)

There are many good things about this book, but space is limited, so I'll only address a HUGE problem. The chapter `Men Lie to Get What They Want' is mostly good; it deals with how men often lie to get sex and admiration from women. True enough, but near the end of the chapter the authors sail off a cliff.
Women are asked `does it bother you that all of the love and affection he has expressed are just attempts to get sex? It shouldn't, he's a man!' This is applied to both `bad boys' and `nice guys'. They insist that regardless of how dedicated to waiting for marriage & being honorable and respectful your man is; he is still a liar just trying to get sex. Worse, "when your man says he loves you, he means nothing more than when he says `I love doughnuts'. The fact that he gets to have sex with you is just a bonus." Then, `But ladies, just in case your guy doesn't take these words of advice, prepare yourself for lies desperately seeking admiration and sex. Hey, it's only natural.'

This is sick. Sincere men aren't perfect, but these slurs are insulting and patently false. The authors' excuse disgusting male behavior; smear nice guys with it; and then tell women to tolerate it because it's `natural'! And are women to be content being seen by their husbands as `doughnuts' with which they can have sex?
If a woman regarded my genuine displays of love and affection as manipulative lies, the relationship would be over. Period.
Here is how a mirror image of the authors' thoughts might read (nearly word for word):

Guys, does it bother you to know that she's interested in sex with you only to the extent that it can get her what she most desires; an `I love you', a bouquet of flowers, a foot rub or a romantic date? Don't be, after all, she's just a woman. Relax guys, you can play her like she was meant to be played; don't reward the conniving scheming wench. Love & affection are your biggest bargaining chips, so use them wisely. Make it clear that there will be no sweet nothings until you get a binding legal document! And, after marriage, if she wants any love and affection, she'd better be `putting out'. Also realize that when she does express a desire to make love, she's saying no more than when she was longing for that snazzy new pair of shoes. That she gets poems and flowers from you is just a bonus. Don't let this disappoint you, it's only natural!

Disgusting, demeaning and indefensible, but no more so than the authors' words.

This is to say nothing of the contention that guys are, by nature, unable to be truthful and respectful. God commands guys to be truthful and honor women as they would their sisters. God asks of us nothing we can't do (even if only with His help). To say that guys `cannot help it' is to impugn God.
All of that aside, this is an otherwise good book.

30 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A knight in farting armor...?, September 17, 2005

By 

Erik Olson "Seeker Reviews" (Ridgefield, WA United States) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating (Paperback)

"Marriable" is yet another entry into the ever-expanding Christian adult dating genre. But despite this review's title (a term of endearment from one author to the other), it's a breath of fresh air. The book's format is visually hip, with flair such as little "instant message" windows by a passage that directs the reader to other pages for supplemental info. The authors write with a lighthearted and accessible style, and they include little sidebars with conversational commentary about the text (she's the cute doggy; he's the gorilla).

Hayley and Michael DiMarco are a thirtysomething Christian married couple who write books about relational topics under their "Hungry Planet" publishing company (they have a couple of websites as well, including one based on "Marriable"). Their goal with this book is to take the desperation out of dating by helping the reader transform him- or herself into a "marriable" person. They recognize dating as the culturally dominant means for achieving marriage, and unlike other Christian authors they don't disparage it as a methodology. Hackneyed formulas for successfully snaring a mate are avoided, as is equating the practices of ancient Hebrew culture with eternal divine decree (courting, anyone?). What truly matters is not the means, but the person's heart condition and motivation.

"Marriable" really shines when it explores the contrasts between men and women in the context of romantic relationships. The DiMarco's focus on the different, yet complementary, roles men and women play in relationships was illuminating. For example, men should exercise their masculinity by pursuing and having a plan, while women need to demonstrate femininity by responding (if they actually want to date the guy) and being mysterious. Although neither author advocates stereotypical macho or shrinking violet mentalities, they do favor a more old-fashioned ideal of male and female. In addition, the common dating mistakes they highlighted were important. Men can be too emotional or passive and end up being the "nice guy that finishes last," while women have a tendency to fool themselves with "desperate lies" to maintain a bad relationship. Plus, there's counsel on moral pitfalls, like how male pornography (skin mags and so on) and the female equivalent (romance novels and the like) damage marriable potential. And there's even a chapter on the pluses and minuses of online dating - not surprising, since that's how the authors met.

I did question a couple aspects of "Marriable." First, I was a bit wary about classifying dating as a "game." The authors assure us that dating should be done by "marriable" folks for the purpose of getting married. But then they portray it as a battle of wits using coyness to avoid sex on the way to the alter. That was a bit disconcerting. There are many hurting people in the world who are weary of anything that smacks of manipulation. They simply desire mutual honesty and respect. I think a "dance" allegory would have fit their goal of "tempering the emotional with logic, faith, and trust" a bit better, since "game" has too much negative baggage. Finally, for a Christian book there was a dearth of Biblical references. Perhaps the authors want to reach a wider audience and avoid sounding preachy, but grounding their assertions in Scripture would have lent them more credibility.

Despite a few minor issues there's lots of good stuff in "Marriable," and I'd count it as a solid choice for Gen X and Y singles looking for common-sense dating guidance. But leave the "farting armor" at home in the closet until *after* the wedding.

16 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Lovely to look at, not much inside, February 2, 2006

By 

Julie R. Neidlinger "From the Lone Prairie" (North Dakota) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating (Paperback)

I bought this book because the interior layout was catchy and unusual. Unfortunately, the book turned out to be a victim of what it spoke against: all exterior flash, not much inside.

The book's advice can be summed as follows: Women, shut up and let the man chase you. And men are stinky and shouldn't be weak nice guys.

That's pretty much it.

Some of what is in the book has a ring of truth, but too often it was dumbed down to be funny and "approachable." I'm not sure what the intended audience for this book was but since it is about marriage I assume it wasn't for teenagers. Much of it was written as if it were for teenagers in tone and flippancy, though. I know the in-your-face chapter headings, graphic layout, and tone of the book is supposed to be cutting-edge and relevant, but I found it shallow and archaic in the assumptions made instead.