Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating (Paperback)

~ (Author), Michael DiMarco (Author)
Key Phrases: male porn, online dating, adult material, Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves, Waste of Time, Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Many single adults don't realize how their actions and their communication style could be having a negative affect on the opposite sex. Popular thinking about dating identifies certain "rules for success" for today's singles. But the results are in, and popular thinking isn't working. Rather than attract the opposite sex, popularly promoted roles and actions often leave singles looking desperate while sending potential dates the opposite direction.

In Marriable, Hayley and Michael DiMarco ask the question, "You aren't desperate so why are you acting like it?" With creative chapter titles like "They Just Might Be Out of Your League" and "How Being 'Just Friends' is a Waste of Time," the authors explore everything from internet dating to commitment-phobia. Writing with wit and humor, Hayley and Michael discuss the differences between men and women, what those differences mean in a dating relationship, and ultimately how to find and be a "marriable" person. With short, accessible chapters that tell it like it is, Marriable will be appreciated by men and women alike.

From the Inside Flap

SAMPLER COPY Oh great, another book about being single and finding "the one," right? Wrong. This isn't a typical dating guidebook. The type of book you're thinking about offers a fifteen-step program, scientific formula, or tries to spiritualize the process. But does it have chapter titles like these? - Why Being "Just Friends" Is a Waste of Time - The Desperate Lies Women Tell Themselves - Men Lie to Get What They Want - Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last - Don't Marry Your Best Friend Unless You're Gay In Marriable, newlyweds Hayley and Michael DiMarco offer practical wisdom for surviving singleness in the trenches. Writing from their experiences of doing it all wrong so you can do it right, Hayley and Michael set fire to the so-called "rules for dating success" and give you real dating advice that won't send a potential date running in the opposite direction. With a witty he said/she said style, Marriable will help you expose and eliminate the secret ways you may look desperate by helping you understand yourself-and the opposite sex. Whether you're in a new relationship or haven't dated in years, this revolutionary book will show you how to turn desperate into Marriable.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Revell (September 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0800730836
• ISBN-13: 978-0800730833
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #56,090 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #22 in	Books > Religion & Spirituality > Christianity > Christian Living > Relationships > Dating & Single Life
  #22 in	Books > Bargain Books > Health, Mind & Body > Love & Romance
  #33 in	Books > Bargain Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Decent book with a HUGE problem, July 6, 2006

By	wombatty (Warsaw, IN) - See all my reviews

There are many good things about this book, but space is limited, so I'll only address a HUGE problem. The chapter `Men Lie to Get What They Want' is mostly good; it deals with how men often lie to get sex and admiration from women. True enough, but near the end of the chapter the authors sail off a cliff.
Women are asked `does it bother you that all of the love and affection he has expressed are just attempts to get sex? It shouldn't, he's a man!' This is applied to both `bad boys' and `nice guys'. They insist that regardless of how dedicated to waiting for marriage & being honorable and respectful your man is; he is still a liar just trying to get sex. Worse, "when your man says he loves you, he means nothing more than when he says `I love doughnuts'. The fact that he gets to have sex with you is just a bonus." Then, `But ladies, just in case your guy doesn't take these words of advice, prepare yourself for lies desperately seeking admiration and sex. Hey, it's only natural.'

This is sick. Sincere men aren't perfect, but these slurs are insulting and patently false. The authors' excuse disgusting male behavior; smear nice guys with it; and then tell women to tolerate it because it's `natural'! And are women to be content being seen by their husbands as `doughnuts' with which they can have sex?
If a woman regarded my genuine displays of love and affection as manipulative lies, the relationship would be over. Period.
Here is how a mirror image of the authors' thoughts might read (nearly word for word):

Guys, does it bother you to know that she's interested in sex with you only to the extent that it can get her what she most desires; an `I love you', a bouquet of flowers, a foot rub or a romantic date? Don't be, after all, she's just a woman. Relax guys, you can play her like she was meant to be played; don't reward the conniving scheming wench. Love & affection are your biggest bargaining chips, so use them wisely. Make it clear that there will be no sweet nothings until you get a binding legal document! And, after marriage, if she wants any love and affection, she'd better be `putting out'. Also realize that when she does express a desire to make love, she's saying no more than when she was longing for that snazzy new pair of shoes. That she gets poems and flowers from you is just a bonus. Don't let this disappoint you, it's only natural!

Disgusting, demeaning and indefensible, but no more so than the authors' words.

This is to say nothing of the contention that guys are, by nature, unable to be truthful and respectful. God commands guys to be truthful and honor women as they would their sisters. God asks of us nothing we can't do (even if only with His help). To say that guys `cannot help it' is to impugn God.
All of that aside, this is an otherwise good book.

28 of 33 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A knight in farting armor...?, September 17, 2005

By	Erik Olson "Seeker Reviews" (Ridgefield, WA United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

"Marriable" is yet another entry into the ever-expanding Christian adult dating genre. But despite this review's title (a term of endearment from one author to the other), it's a breath of fresh air. The book's format is visually hip, with flair such as little "instant message" windows by a passage that directs the reader to other pages for supplemental info. The authors write with a lighthearted and accessible style, and they include little sidebars with conversational commentary about the text (she's the cute doggy; he's the gorilla).

Hayley and Michael DiMarco are a thirtysomething Christian married couple who write books about relational topics under their "Hungry Planet" publishing company (they have a couple of websites as well, including one based on "Marriable"). Their goal with this book is to take the desperation out of dating by helping the reader transform him- or herself into a "marriable" person. They recognize dating as the culturally dominant means for achieving marriage, and unlike other Christian authors they don't disparage it as a methodology. Hackneyed formulas for successfully snaring a mate are avoided, as is equating the practices of ancient Hebrew culture with eternal divine decree (courting, anyone?). What truly matters is not the means, but the person's heart condition and motivation.

"Marriable" really shines when it explores the contrasts between men and women in the context of romantic relationships. The DiMarco's focus on the different, yet complementary, roles men and women play in relationships was illuminating. For example, men should exercise their masculinity by pursuing and having a plan, while women need to demonstrate femininity by responding (if they actually want to date the guy) and being mysterious. Although neither author advocates stereotypical macho or shrinking violet mentalities, they do favor a more old-fashioned ideal of male and female. In addition, the common dating mistakes they highlighted were important. Men can be too emotional or passive and end up being the "nice guy that finishes last," while women have a tendency to fool themselves with "desperate lies" to maintain a bad relationship. Plus, there's counsel on moral pitfalls, like how male pornography (skin mags and so on) and the female equivalent (romance novels and the like) damage marriable potential. And there's even a chapter on the pluses and minuses of online dating - not surprising, since that's how the authors met.

I did question a couple aspects of "Marriable." First, I was a bit wary about classifying dating as a "game." The authors assure us that dating should be done by "marriable" folks for the purpose of getting married. But then they portray it as a battle of wits using coyness to avoid sex on the way to the alter. That was a bit disconcerting. There are many hurting people in the world who are weary of anything that smacks of manipulation. They simply desire mutual honesty and respect. I think a "dance" allegory would have fit their goal of "tempering the emotional with logic, faith, and trust" a bit better, since "game" has too much negative baggage. Finally, for a Christian book there was a dearth of Biblical references. Perhaps the authors want to reach a wider audience and avoid sounding preachy, but grounding their assertions in Scripture would have lent them more credibility.

Despite a few minor issues there's lots of good stuff in "Marriable," and I'd count it as a solid choice for Gen X and Y singles looking for common-sense dating guidance. But leave the "farting armor" at home in the closet until *after* the wedding.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars If you have ever felt you are your own worst enemy..., October 6, 2005

By	Neatnina (South Florida) - See all my reviews

October 7, 2005
... this is the book you should read before you go on another date. This book contains the things your mother never told you should and shouldn't do.

I have attracted several fantastic dream men. I was able to keep my cool and make myself appealing for the first few weeks until my inpatience took over and wanted to go straight into a full blown relationship, including sex. Little did I know that dating at the early stages is what Hayley and Michael describe as playing hide-and-seek. The whole fun of the GAME is to hide and make him find me! There is no fun in hiding in the middle of the living room because I'm afraid he won't find me. Besides, if he doesn't go looking for me or easily gives up, that probably means he's lazy. Who wants to date a lazy man anyway?? I'll let him go!

I didn't realize how desperate I came out even though I felt I was alright. The book contains a lot of common sense items, but the analogies they use make it click in your brain (like the hide-and-seek example). I think this book is written mostly for women (the majority of the readers anyway), but men can get many great pointers as well. I wish I had read it a month ago before I spooked yet another dream man away, but Father knows best and He'll send a better one as soon as He says I am ready.

May 20, 2007
Dear readers, here I am 2 years later and still support the message in this book. Might seem a little bit like common sense to others, but for those who do not know the common sense stuff this book is incredibly helpful. It changed me, the way I see dating, and the way I go about it. I recomend this book 100%, I don't see myself getting to were I am today if I had not read this book. I still wish I had come around this book earlier in my life.