Customer Reviews

The Marriage Builder

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This book was a total blessing to me. The author argues that there are 3 ingredients to a healthy, godly marriage. Spirit oneness, Soul oneness and Body oneness. Note I am not saying happy. I think we are just so after happiness, that we forget the whole purpose behind marriage. Marriage is not to make me happy, but to make me holy! When I am transformed into an image of Christ that's where I am most happy to be. In His presence, the pleasures are forevermore. John 15:5 Apart from Christ I can do nothing! So there are 3 bulding blocks, Grace, Committment and Acceptance. If couples understood the grace of God and the biblical principles of marriage then the divorce rate in America wouldn't be so high. Must read for every couple umarried or married who want to please God and meet each other's needs. I reccomend it highly as I was able to put a lot of the book into practice in my own marriage and in my life !

We have just completed a study with another couple using Dr. Crabb's book, that has spanned more than 5 months, and we will be starting over again in a couple of months. This time however, we will be including several other couples because it is too good to not share it. This is truly a manual for a biblical marriage, whether newly-married, or married for a lifetime. Dr. Crabb describes our self-centerdness so accurately, and gives such realistic examples of the pitfalls we find ourselves trapped in. Fortunately he also gives examples of how to avoid common mistakes. His description of marriage as our chance to minister exclusively to our spouses and provide tangible evidence of God's love to each other is accurate and helpful. On many occassions I wondered if he had written this book especially to me. We have been blessed by this book and find it difficult not to recommed it repeatedly.

I read the book before I got married as homework. And I got a lot of answers from it. This book teaches you the basic; the definition of marriage in Christ. In our society, marriage does not sound sincere and serious. But this book fixed my distorted view of marriage. I strongly recommend this book for those engaged. Because you need to know why you marry as a Christian and how you are going to do it.

The "Reader" from Southern California who wrote the "not a Biblical view" needs to learn how to read! When the author talks about security and significance, he makes it quite clear that he is discussing emotional needs. He also shows how we receive that security and significance IN and FROM our salvation in Christ. He also says that you must deal with people's urgent perceived needs before they can hear a larger message - this is straight out of the book of James - if you try to preach the gospel to a starving man, how could or why would he listen to you? Feed him first. Similarly, Dr. Crabb deals with healing emotional pain as a road to spiritual healing.

This book was used in our pre-marriage counseling group at our church. It was a bit intense, and perhaps too esoteric, for the younger engaged couples(20-something) but for those of us who were older it was an excellent tool. Periodically, I re-read this book to re-focus my thinking about my actions/thoughts as they affect my marriage. I think it is an excellent resource for married couples as an enrichment tool or as a counseling tool.

"The Marriage Builder" by Dr. Larry Crabb has become something of a classic in the genre of Christian books on husband-wife relationships. In it, Crabb highlights three relational areas: the couple's spiritual relationship to God, their social/soul relationship to one another, and their physical relationship to each other. When dealt with properly, and in priority order, Crabb asserts that relationships will be healthy (not necessarily happy, since that is not God's goal nor guarantee for life this side of heaven).

Discussing the spiritual relationship, Crabb explains that when God cleanses sin through salvation, His grace simultaneous quenches the deepest thirsts in the human soul. Rather than beings some new-age mantra as some claim when they critique Crabb, the concept of longings, desires, thirsts, and hunger is both biblical and historical (church history). The Trinitarian God of the Bible created humanity in His relational image. Since human beings are finite, they will always long for the infinite--for God's infinite holy love.

Once a husband and wife have come to understand that all they need is God and what He chooses to provide, Crabb notes that then they can quit the old "tic on a dog" relationship of mutual manipulation. Instead, they can begin a relationship of mutual ministry.

In this area, Crabb explores God's essential design for the masculine and feminine soul. He posits that males have a deep social longing for respect, which coincides with Paul's teaching in Ephesians 5. Crabb also explains that females have a deep social longing for intimacy, also correlating with Paul's teaching in Ephesians 5.

As couples learn to drink fully from the God of the universe and to serve one another "heapin' helpins'" of respect and intimacy, then they are prepared to experience body oneness (not simply fun sex). One in their walk with God, one in their relationship with each other, now they move toward physical oneness.

"The Marriage Builder" is a classic because it remains true to God's classic teaching on relationships. We are spiritual beings designed to worship God; we are social beings designed to mutually minister to and intimately connect with one another; and we are physical beings, designed in the state of marital matrimony, to experience body oneness.

Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of "Soul Physicians," "Spiritual Friends," and the forthcoming, "Beyond the Suffering: The Story of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction."

Although I have not read the book in its entirety, quotes from Larry's book are used extensively in my Promise Keeper's study, and we all agree that he is the one writer who consistently causes us to pause and reflect...and most often to change the way we view and treat our wives.

I found the book quite a help. It concentrates on getting your head straight about a relationship that's bound to have issues. But a warning: it's not a "handy fix-it" for relationships. Nor is it a how-to, to minister to a spouse with problems. It focuses on personal responsibilities and ministry and (by inference) where those responsibilities cross into influence and then manipulation.

As far as I could tell, there was no heavy pressuring into traditional roles in the book. What it did say is that there are limits in the marriage relationship: in what you can reasonably expect from a partner, and in what you can do to make things happen. There is no handy way of "doing stuff" to make a marriage perfect. But there is still a realistic approach to your responsibilities and ministries in a relationship.

I've read quite a few marriage and relationship books during my long engagement. This book stands out from the rest in that it addresses issues MUCH DEEPER than communication or listening skills. Why should my wife care how good of a listener I am in the middle of a heated argument when I intend to manipulate her rather than minister to her?
The author develops the concepts of Oneness (spirit, soul and body) and helps the reader clarify his or her goals in marriage.

Sure it's called Marriage Builder, but I'd rename it life builder, because the things that it talks about really apply to all your relationships that are close; wife, friends, family, girlfriend, mentor. I can't let anyone (wife or others) define who I am, the Bible defines who I am. I learned so much from this book, both for my marriage, and also how I handle events and people.