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Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love

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One hundred and twenty-nine of Pope John Paul II's general audiences (9/5/79 to 11/28/84) have become known to us as his Theology of the Body. In spreading the good news about the late Holy Father's teachings, Christopher West explains: "The Holy Father presents a vision of Marriage and sexuality never before articulated." Clarification may be in order. It takes nothing away from the Theology of the Body to look at some of its influences.

In 1929, German philosopher Dietrich Von Hildebrand published "Marriage," which was excitedly received by his country's papal nuncio (who later became Pope Pius XII). On its web site, EWTN explains that Marriage constituted the "earliest orthodox presentation of the personalistic approach to matrimony which would find its way into Vatican II's Guadium et Spes, Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae and...the writings of Pope John Paul II....Pope Pius XII called von Hildebrand `the 20th century Doctor of the Church.'" Published just one year before Pope Pius XI's Casti Connubii, "Marriage" is a wonderful little book, which reads as fluidly and beautifully as a Christopher West presentation of the Theology of the Body (My quotes are from Sophia Institute's 1997 paperback edition.):

"there is no greater mystery in the natural order of things than the fact that this closest of all unions procreates a human being with an immortal soul (although the soul, in each case, is a direct creation of God), and that this act brings a new being into existence destined to love God and to adore Him, a new being made after His image" (p. 26). "How terrible to think of man wanting to destroy this unity which God has established so mysteriously, deeming those united in the highest earthly union of love worthy to take part in His creative power" (p. 28). "He alone can understand the horror of the sin of promiscuity who has grasped the grandeur and sublimity of bodily union as the full realization of conjugal love, and who realizes that besides the primary end of procreation, the primary meaning of bodily union lies in the fulfillment of conjugal love" (pp. 30, 31). "Jesus has invested marriage with a dignity which represents something quite new....He raised it to the rank of a Sacrament. He made of this sacred bond a specific source of grace. He transformed marriage - already sacred in itself - into something sanctifying" (p. 53).

Despite its freshness and seeming newness, Marriage was based on notes from one of von Hildebrand's own 1923 talks! As per Dr. Thomas Howard (A Portrait of Dietrich von Hildebrand, 2000), "It is inconceivable that the writings of von Hildebrand will ever be dated, no matter what tortuous metamorphoses the coming centuries may bring."

Von Hildebrand's life seems to have been packed with sanctity, romance, heroism, and intrigue. An outspoken opponent of Hitler, he became targeted for assassination. Hunted throughout Europe, he arrived in New York City in 1940, where he taught at Jesuit-run Fordham University until 1960. Widowed in 1957, he remarried in 1959, to a woman 34 years his junior (Dr. Alice Von Hildebrand is familiar to many from EWTN.). Just two years before Pope Paul VI's Humane Vitae, Von Hildebrand published Man and Woman: Love and the Meaning of Intimacy (My quotes are from Sophia Institute's 1992 edition.):

"Although we hear that sex is overemphasized today, this is not correct. Rather, we live in a time in which sexuality is no longer understood in its true nature. People today are generally as blind to its true meaning as are persons who completely lack sensuality....Today's blatant sexuality conceals a pathetic sensual emptiness" (p. 3). "It was said that Christians are to be recognized by the fact that they love one another. I would add: Christians should also be recognized by the fact that they who have received the festival clothes in Baptism shun any superficial, mediocre approach to the great goods of creation, that they understand more profoundly than others `how admirable are they works, O God'" (p. 45). "As long as conception and birth are seen exclusively as mere physiological processes, we cannot understand the impact and seriousness of the making of a new human being" (p. 61). "Every active intervention on the part of the spouses, which eliminates the possibility of conception through the conjugal act, is incompatible with the holy mystery of the superabundant relation in the incredible gift offered by God....To make use of natural family planning is not to imply the slightest irreverence or rebellion against God's institution and the wonderful link between the love union and procreation" (pp. 68 - 69).

As reported by Dr. Thomas Howard (A Portrait of Dietrich von Hildebrand, 2000), "John Paul II forthrightly acknowledged his own intellectual debt to von Hildebrand, especially in the matter of marriage." Alice von Hildebrand's 2000 biography of her late husband (i.e., The Soul of a Lion) features a forward by then Cardinal Ratzinger:

"Dietrich von Hildebrand was exceptional in many ways. His extensive writings on Christian philosophy, spiritual theology, and in defense of the Church's teaching, place him among the great thinkers of the twentieth century. His steadfast and determined opposition to totalitarianism, whether in the form of National Socialism or Marxist Leninism, a conviction that would cost him greatly during his life, illustrates the profound clarity of his moral vision and his willingness to suffer for what he knew was true."

von Hildebrand recovers for our modern world a vision of marriage not often believed to be possible, showing that -- in fact -- such a marriage is both eminently possible and _necessary_, a marriage in which the bond is much deeper than legal or emotional, a marriage in which the couple -- as another reivewer noted -- "fight against themselves on behalf of the other." It is a thing of hard work, of surrender, of bliss, and of deep growth and union. It is a path to true sanctity. This is the marriage for which everyone longs but which few realize is possible.

Von Hildebrand beautifully describes the mystery of conjugal love.

Listen to what he says on page 9:

"But two human beings can also turn to face one another, and in touching one another in an interpenetrating glance, give birth to a mysterious fusion of their souls. They become conscious of one another, and making the other the object of his contemplation and responses, each can spiritually immerse himself in the other. This is the I-thou relationship, in which the partners are not side by side, but face to face".

If you like this short book, I would also recommend "the heart".

This book, along with JPII's Theology of the Body, really opened my eyes to the intrinsic meaning of marriage. Here von Hildebrand illuminates the reality of marriage as an objective bond resulting from the spouses' solemn decision to bind themselves to each other in Christ. Because of the objectivity of this bond, von Hildebrand clearly shows that once the solemn vows have been made marriage is outside of a person's arbitrary inclinations, and thus is irrevocable. Furthermore, he points to marriage as a fulfillment of the loving "I-Thou" communion of the spouses, the sacramental vessel through which they raise each other towards God in their love and create, in cooperation with Him, new human beings intended for heaven. In this way von Hildebrand particularly expresses the unique mystery of marriage as a natural good elevated and sanctified by Christ to even such an extent as to symbolize the union between Christ and His Church.

In addition to making the important distinction between the meaning of marriage as conjugal love and the end as procreation, von Hildebrand also serves as a beacon of light on the true nature of love and freedom in a secular world which horribly twists both of these concepts. He quickly points out the absurdity of thinking that love is merely infatuation or attraction and argues forcefully that true love must have an intention of permanent, exclusive self-giving to the beloved, a self-giving which can only become entirely actualized in marriage. Von Hildebrand distinguishes between love of neighbor and conjugal love to show that conjugal love is not simply love of neighbor with superadded sensuality, but rather an entirely unique love oriented towards the beloved in a special way. He makes it clear that conjugal love consists of a realization of the beloved as an objective good and a selfless abandonment of oneself to that person for his/her own sake (In a later work, "The Nature of Love", von Hildebrand further develops the idea that a person's desire for union with the beloved, assuming it is motivated by his/her recognition of that individual's objective goodness, is not selfish but rather expresses that person's selfless response to the individual's value and thus belongs to the fullness of love). Von Hildebrand insists that with this love there must be a deep-seated conviction that the vocation of the beloved and oneself is specifically to be united to each other and that this union is intended by God for the salvation of each spouse. Additionally, he explains that, far from destroying love and hampering freedom, marriage liberates love from self-centered egotism through the selfless, permanent giving of each spouse and that freedom is fulfilled only through binding oneself to an objective good.

Ultimately, this book is a powerful defense of the Catholic vision of marital love. I would highly recommend this book to anyone considering marriage or who is already married and wishes to deepen their spousal love.

Nobody understands what marriage is and explains it as well as Von Hilderbrand. Particularly in these times, a book that ought to be read by anyone interested in the nature of marriage.

The mystery of marriage, natural and/or sacramental, was evident in humanity since the creation. Early in the passages of Genesis, God creates Adam and then his companion. This was beginning of natural marriage.

God's intent for marriage was plainly visible from the start:

27 And God created man to his own image: to the image of God he created him: male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, saying: "Increase and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it, and rule over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all living creatures that move upon the earth." (Genesis 1)

One man was given one woman for the ultimate purposes of procreation through a life-long union of equal but complimentary souls (Genesis 2:24). In the classic work, Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love, author, philosopher and theologian Dietrich von Hildebrand reminds us of the divine origin of natural marriage and its fulfillment of sacramental grace in the New Testament in which marriage is the visible construct of Christ's love for the Church and for our very souls.

This is a small, almost pocket-sized work of marital spirituality that found itself out of print in the United States but ironically remained popular in Europe. Thanks to non-profit publisher Sophia Institute Press, we have the luxury of being reintroduced to this short and pithy work. For marriage today, as when von Hildebrand wrote the book, is suffering from demonization and contempt, which threatens the very foundation of society.

It is in the rediscovery of true, transcendent and selfless love that we can fully understand the purpose and means of marriage and its role in the life of the Church and in the sanctification of humanity. As von Hildebrand rightly points out, marriage is not only a sacrament but it is a vocation with it being near equal to the Sacrament of Holy Orders.

And if marriage is a vocation then it is logical to understand that it is God who calls us to serve him in this manner. And it is He that gives us the graces to carry it out in full - we need only to respond with acceptance. This is the core of Marriage - a call to reawaken the understanding of man and woman in this oldest of institutions.

*Sophia Institute Press sent me a complimentary copy of this book for me to review.