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Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage
 
 
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Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage [Hardcover]

Stephanie Coontz (Author)
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)


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Book Description

May 23, 2005
Marriage today is held up as a blissful haven of love and friendship, sex and stability. We long for the gold standard, the traditional marriage but marriage turns out to have a checkered past-the "traditional marriage" was evanescent. This real look at what people think of as "traditional" finally explains why so many married people are so unsatisfied.

In this groundbreaking book, award-winning historian Stephanie Coontz takes us on an eye- opening journey from the marital intrigues of ancient Babylon to the sexual torments of Victorian lovers to the current debates over the meaning and future of marriage. She provides the definitive story of marriage’s evolution from the arranged unions common since the dawn of civilization into the intimate, sexually fulfilling but volatile relationships of today.

For most of our history, marriage was not a relationship based on mutual love between a breadwinning husband and an at-home wife, but an institution devoted to acquiring wealth, power, and property. Picking a mate on the basis of something as irrational as love would have been considered absurd. Only in the nineteenth century did marriage move to the center of people’s emotional lives, when the wife became the "angel of the home" and the husband the "provider." Yet these Victorian ideals contain the seeds of today’s marriage crisis. As people began to expect romance and intimacy in their marriages, their unions became more fragile. The postwar era of the 1950s ushered in a brief "Golden Age" of marriage-the Ozzie and Harriet years-but the same advances in birth control, increased individual autonomy, and women’s equality that made marriage more satisfying than it had been in the past also undermined its stability.

Marriage has changed more in the last thirty years than in the previous five thousand, and few of the old "rules" for marriage still apply. In the courts, the op-ed pieces, and at the dinner table, battles rage over what marriage means, why people do it, and who can do it. Marriage, a History is the one book you need to understand not only the vicissitudes of modern marriage but also gay marriage, "living together" and divorce. Stephanie Coontz shatters dozens of myths about the past and future of married life and shows us why marriage, though more fragile today, can be more rewarding than ever before.



Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Politics, economics, greed, sex, cars—without them, matrimony wouldn’t have caused the historical revolution ensuing today, concludes social historian Stephanie Coontz, in Marriage, a History. Modern marriage is in crisis; but don’t pine for a return to "the good old days," when men earned money and women kept house. Don’t even assume the crisis is all bad. For as Coontz reveals in this ambitious, multi-century trek through wedlock, marriage has morphed into the highest expression of commitment in Western Europe and North America; and though assumptions no longer exist regarding which partner may say "I do" to work, childcare, or other shared responsibilities, a clear set of rules about saying "I don’t" (to infidelity and irresponsibility) rings loud as church bells.

"This is not the book I thought I was going to write," Coontz admits. She intended to show that marriage was not in crisis; merely changing in expected ways. But her exhaustive research suggested the opposite was true. Tracing matrimony’s path from ancient times (when some cultures lacked a word for "love" and the majority of pairings were attempts to seize land or family names) through present day, she closely examines the many external forces at play in shaping modern marriage. Coontz details how society’s attempts to toughen this institution, have actually made it more fragile. Her rich talent for analyzing events, statistics, and theories from a myriad of sources—and enabling the reader to put them all in perspective—make this provocative history book an essential resource.--Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. When considered in the light of history, "traditional marriage"—the purportedly time-honored institution some argue is in crisis thanks to rising rates of divorce and out-of-wedlock births, not to mention gay marriage—is not so traditional at all. Indeed, Coontz (The Way We Never Were) argues, marriage has always been in flux, and "almost every marital and sexual arrangement we have seen in recent years, however startling it may appear, has been tried somewhere before." Based on extensive research (hers and others'), Coontz's fascinating study places current concepts of marriage in broad historical context, revealing that there is much more to "I do" than meets the eye. In ancient Rome, no distinction was made between cohabitation and marriage; during the Middle Ages, marriage was regarded less as a bond of love than as a " 'career' decision"; in the Victorian era, the increasingly important idea of true love "undermined the gender hierarchy of the home" (in the past, men—rulers of the household—were encouraged to punish insufficiently obedient wives). Coontz explains marriage as a way of ensuring a domestic labor force, as a political tool and as a flexible reflection of changing social standards and desires. She presents her arguments clearly, offering an excellent balance between the scholarly and the readable in this timely, important book. Agent, Susan Rabiner. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 448 pages
  • Publisher: Viking Adult; 1ST edition (May 23, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 067003407X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0670034079
  • Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.4 x 1.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #85,224 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Average Customer Review
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

26 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Want to learn about marriage and relationships? Read this book!, June 27, 2005
By 
Dorothy Marcic (Nashville, TN USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (Hardcover)
Stephanie Coontz has once again written a thoughful, informative and thoroughly readable book. After devouring her THE WAY WE NEVER WERE, I didn't think it could get any better. Oh, was I wrong. Marriage, A History, is so interesting, so captivating, that you will not want to put it down, you will be telling all your friends about it. And, if you are smart, you'll get a book club together to discuss this important piece of work.
As an author and academic myself, I know how much work goes into writing a book. Coontz has done one difficult piece of investigative research--and she makes it interesting, even compelling. Coontz documents the changes marriage has gone through from times past when women were socialized to obey the man, when no one even expected to marry for love. Back then, marriage was for economic and social reasons and the web or family and society kept a couple together. Now we expect to marry for love, but as Coontz shows, love is the most fragile part of the equation. Thus, it has meant a change in how we see marriage, a change in behaviors. Not only do we expect emotional intimacy, but women (in Western societies, anyway) are more equal than before. And so marriage continues to evolve. Coontz also shows how robust the institution of marriage is: try to think of many other institutions that have survived for thousands of years. She also gives honest--and personal--insights into the difficulties of sustaining a happy marriage, as well as the rewards. Consider that married couples in Western countries are generally better off emotionally, economically and are healthier than couples living in other types of arrangements.
So, click on the button and buy this book. You will be thankful you did.
Dr. Dorothy Marcic
Vanderbilt University
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35 of 45 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Hey state legislators, What are you really protecting?, June 24, 2005
This review is from: Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (Hardcover)
Once again Coontz (The way we never were, The way we really are) delves beyond simplistic pop culture/political sound bites to deliver an infinitely more complex portrait of American family life. This time she tackles marriage.

Because marriage has traditionally been about possession of property (the woman and her family's ownings) today's pop culture promotion of marriage as a partnership of equals is VERY new. It is not at all traditional in the actual historical sense.

People who are eager to restrict same sex marriage might want to reconsider after they learn what had previously been restricted throughout American history. Interracial, inter-religious, and the unions of people with disabilities were all once barred under 'protection' guises of their day.

We endorse a very selective and unrealistic history of marriage whenever we avoid recognition of these histories. It is easy to support marriage restrictions until we have to concede that we might ourselves be discriminated by a genuinely 'traditional' institution. Today's attempts to ban same sex marriage only carry on the tradition of fear and division rather than affirming the institution itself.

Coontz delves into disturbing histories, but this book is completely readable. Like her previous works, this book is accessible; the scholar, community activist, and general audiences all will find this title a very informative work.

We cannot discuss the tradition of marriage without first actually conceding that this institution has previously changed and then what adherence to tradition really would mean for the country.


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19 of 24 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Not the most definitive book in the field, but very enjoyable, December 27, 2005
This review is from: Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage (Hardcover)
I was excited when i heard that Coontz was coming out with another book because I found her books The Way We Never Were and The Way We Really Are to be incredibly informative and eye-opening.

I really enjoyed this particular book because she looks at the phenomenon of marriage from an objective, historical point of view. People who are interested in history, interested in the social development of relationships and interested in womens studies would really enjoy this book.

However I found that some of the information that was displayed in this book was done in more depth in previous books on the subject. Coontz pulls together a very basic history of marriage and pieces it together from her sociological historical perspective. Other books that go into more depth on the details of the history of such things would definitely be: Hands and Hearts, Public Vows, The History of the Wife, All Dressed In White, From Front Porch to Backseat. Also, getting in touch with old etiquette books as well as getting a hold of the books Pink Think and Feminine Mystique would be very useful as well in terms of understanding the development of romantic relationships the way that they are. She uses her previous books as a springing point for some of the stuff displayed in this book as well. However a lot of the books that I previously mentioned are appropietely used in the bibliography for this particular book. As a result, i think that her work is well researched. Its probably not the most definitive book in the field, however people who are interested in the history of marriage and family will probably this resource. Fans of Coontz will more than likely enjoy being exposed to another aspect of family studies as well.

What Coontz does best is finding ways to address these issues in a way that both the casual and academic reader would be interested in. It is easy enough for people who may not have been to college to understand and substantial enough for the more academic reader to find further areas of research.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
male breadwinner marriage, breadwinner marriages, heaving volcano, male breadwinner family, marital norms, yoke mates, male breadwinner families, incest rules, divine wife, primary wife
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
United States, North America, Middle Ages, World War, Mark Antony, Catholic Church, Roman Empire, African American, Supreme Court, New York, Middle East, Old Testament, Asia Minor, Something Old, Charles the Bald, Percent Wed, Stone Age, Byzantine Empire, Floyd Dell, Home Journal, New Jersey, Samuel Pepys, Sir Ralph, Catharine Sedgwick, Claudius Nero
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