Customer Reviews

A Marriage Made in Heaven: How to Find and Keep a Spiritually Satisfying Relationship

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I think this book not only defies cross cultural barriers it challenges the "modern woman" to reexamine her values and priorities when it comes to getting married. The book gives a beautiful portrayal of a relationship that develops based on a connection of values, spirtuality, and intellect that takes the reader through a process on to itself of reevaluating one needs in a relationship.

I would recommend this to anyone who is thinking about getting married (in a relationship or not), or who is married. It is also beautifully written, with lovely photos and paintings that take you to the heart of India.

In a culture that has forgotten how to educate us about the fundamental elements of success and happiness is marriage and family life A Marriage Made in Heaven is a profound presentation of what is missing from generations of advice and teaching in western cuture.

How do you find the right marriage partner? What makes a marriage happy and what makes a marriage last? These questions are asked and answered constantly in ninety percent of our popular music, by rows and rows of books that publish tips for singles and strategies for marital sucess. Still, the divorce rate in our country climbs higher and higher.

I walked into the local bakery in the small town where I lived on a freezing January afternoon, hoping to warm up with some hot chocolate and finish my to do list for leaving to work in a clinic in India a week later. By chance, I picked up a copy of A Marriage Made in Heaven. I had just turned forty two and had never been married. I was always curious about how people found a life partner and actually managed to make a marriage last. For several years I knew that I could only have a strong connection with someone who shared a deep commitment to spiritual growth and family values that would preside in our relationship and home. Many people had told me that this was impossible to find and that I would have to just settle. One yoga teacher I had, however, encouraged me never to settle. "Be strong in your sadhana" he said "and your devotion to God will bring the right person to you. You will not be able to live with someone who does not have this same level of devotion. " I followed his advice and for several years I focused on my spiritual practice and my healing arts practice almost to the point where I wondered if I was going in the total opposite direction of marriage towards celibacy! But I still had the hope that somehow the right person would materialize. How, I had absolutely no idea, it seemed like I had already been to every place where this type of person might be and I had met absolutely no one suitable.

I was so happy to read a dialogue between two souls, two families and two cultures that started from discussing values, sharing emotions, and processsing a comprehensive world view besides. It confirmed what I had always felt "....the relationship between a man and a woman embodies the whole mystery of creation and the meaning of life. Marriage takes place not only in this world of comings and goings but on a deeper more mysterious plane. A healthy, loving, positive relationship between husband and wife is one of the most important goals we can aspire to".(p.41) I agreed with Ehud, that sadly, most marriages, in this country did not reach that depth. His own example of a marriage ending with a phone call struck me at my core. I found great courage in this example that Ehud was able to pick up the pieces and carry on to find so many blessings. He tells Vatsala that, "Ultimately the marriage should reflect the spiritual ideals of that greater marriage between the masculine and the feminine. The man must worship the goddess in his wife and conversely the wife should see her husband as her god. We are just reflections of the beloved, striving in our imperfect way for union and liberation. Marriage should be the foundation that helps us ahieve those goals" (p.75)

Describing how you have been able to find and live your truth in a book can have a miraculous way of opening the door for another person to do the same. When I left the bakery five hours later, I was not quite the same person, who walked in. I knew that if two people, devoted to their convictions, under extraordinary circumstances, could find eachother across two continents, that the same was possible for me.

Only months later, I did find that match that I was seeking, a wonderful, loving, vedic astrologer from India. I doubt I would have had the courage, or education to pursue the match and become involved with his family, had I not read the Sperling's book. To this day, we marvel at how one book, had such a fundamental impact on our destiny.

Every so often a book comes along that really is different, actually makes movement transpire in the mind and heart, and does what books are supposed to do to us. Marriage Made in Heaven is such a book. Composed primarily of actual letters exchanged by the American publisher with his Indian bride-to-be, there is an emotional rythmn that flows through this whole book which can only be called spectacular.

I had intended to read a few pages, but actually read the whole book cover to cover in one sitting. My wife picked up the book an hour later, and did the same thing.

As one who has lived both in India and the United States, I was very eager to see if the horrible cliches that pass for representations of Indian culture would be overcome. Indeed they were. Marriage Made in Heaven is utterly saturated with vibrancy, wit, humor and genuine love. That these two people would allow anyone, let alone the entire reading public of several nations, into their most intimate states of mind, their deepest emotional sharing, is an act of considerable courage. Moreover, the excruciating sharing of hopes, goals, values and dreams that these two engage in over the course of more than a year, explodes the myth and lie about "traditional marriages." Nobody can accuse either party here of being "manipulated" or forced into this marriage. Yet, their sharing of their lives gives the ancient marriage paradigm very strong proof of its idealized purpose.

There isn't an American female who isn't going to connect with this book in a very big way. If you're looking for love, a true love story, this is the real thing. For men, it is a glimpse into the innermost feelings of a woman who is both warmly traditional (the way men really want a woman to be) but enlightened in her world view.

From Vatsala's first reply to the classified ad, to her wrenching feelings as she is driven up the desolate, winding road to her new home in Vermont, away from hger family for the first time in her life, it really is almost impossible to stop reading this book. Simply put, Marriage Made in Heaven is the love story of the decade. They show us what it means to be Man and Woman, to be true human beings.

Touching story of two souls seeking for life long partnership! The authors have come forward to share some of their inner & intimate thoughts in their step by step quest for each other, through poignant letters. A very moving episode ending in bliss & hormony, bringing out tears of compassion & goodwill for the couple. A must " reading " for all those lonely hearts in search of eternal soul mates.

KG

My son recently married a beatiful woman of Indian ancestry who thrives on her large family in Orange County, CA. When I heard the PBS radio interview with Ehud Sperling, I was curious about what he found attractive in a woman from India. The book is really her book. She reveals herself as charming and definitely ready to leave her career in micro-biology in the crowded South India city of Madras for a new adventure and opportunity to be a full time wife and mother. Although he comes across as resourceful and generous (and obviously fedup with USA women as wives), her values, insights, and faith in God are what give the book its radiance. This book affirmed the wisdom of my son's choice!

If you look beneath the pretty pictures and the cultural trappings, this book is fundamentally about religious and social conservatism. The authors "explore" their way to the conclusion that tradition and traditional roles for men and women are what bring happiness. The thing that confuses this issue is the fact that the woman is a brilliant scientist from India and the man is a Jewish businessman on a "spiritual journey". In this country we are used to thinking of conservatives as evangelical Christians. Therefore, using this stroke of brilliance, the authors can sell this walking ad for conservatism (and sexism) to unsuspecting liberals (like myself) everywhere. That is not to say that this book has no value, the writing is eloquent, the photography is beautiful and the list of Do's and Don'ts and pearls of wisdom definitely give people something to ponder. However I would warn most readers: the sexism inherent in their relationship and the ease with which Vatsala gives up her successful career can be unnerving. Its almost as though Vatsala's character is not real but an ideal for conservative women to aspire to. Vatsala's letters often come off as disingenuous. Being of Indian origin myself I hear "good" Indian people parroting traditional virtues like this constantly. Its what is considered acceptable to write.

This book is definitely about the power of Destiny- how else can I explain two worlds, two cultures at opposite ends of the world meeting? How else can I explain the words of Ehud's newspaper ad cutting across a nation of one Billion people and, like Cupids arrow, finding its way into the mind and heart of Vatsala? How else can I explain the highly accomplished scientist reaching out with a heart full of truth willing to step over the barrier usually preventing a Brahman from gazing at a man at all - let alone a foreigner?

This quiet courtship is a meeting of minds, a journey of discovery and exploration - and finally a coming to love. A love both are committed to for seven lifetimes! A love that is willing to walk side by side through the best and the hardest of times. And a love that recognizes the wisdom of both the divine masculine and feminine as found in each human being.

Then there is the inspiration of the two families acceptance and respect for the path these two have chosen. How progressive of Vatsala's family, a family steeped in ancient wisdom from time immemorial to allow and encourage her to seek out a partner comparable of her passion and intelligence; the same can be said of Ehud's family- a culture that has always put an enormous emphasis on blood and purity of lineage, now joining in the traditional Indian wedding ceremony and custom of welcoming the bride into their family.

A lot can be learned of this example - of embracing and respecting differences and, at the same time, searching and aspiring to be fully one's best.

I am truly moved by the deep commitment these two cultures have towards marriage- it has proved to be a steady reminder of the power of the spoken word when given in a vow. Destiny works in mysterious ways, to bring us to what we need, for our life to be its fullest, best and richest. It really can be a a bit of 'Heaven on Earth'.

I recommend this book to all who take the union of two seriously- no matter how diverse- and wish to put their best foot forward on the journey known as marriage.

A marriage made in Heaven and a love story told in passion - what an extraordinary recount of an extraordinary experience of an extraordinary couple. And the best of all, it is a true story.

The book is not only beautifully, tastefully and meaningfully written, it is invaluable in its delivery of that ultimate sense of love, faith, trust, and the consciousness of the minds, not to mention the rich and colorful culture background.

All along while I was reading this book, I see a movie in my Mind's Eye, ever so vivid, unfolding chapter by chapter, with Penelope Cruz playing Vatsala and Hugh Jackman acting as Ehud. The movie ends on the wedding night when Ehud, holding the hand of his bride, slowly closes the bedroom door behind and, in complete darkness and silence there comes Vatsala's voice in a soft whisper "the door closed on one life and opens to a path to the new beginning". Suddenly, lights come back on, traditional Hindu music fills the movie theater... This story should be acted out by a joint effort of Hollywood and Bollywood.

The book is also educational in that prenuptial consensus is absolutely necessary for couples contemplating holy matrimony. Marriage, after all, is but a faithful fulfillment of a well-drafted contract between two individuals who understand his/her role in such a union and constantly adjust to each other's needs during their life's journey, provided that the two individuals are compatible intellectually, spiritually, physically and emotionally. Such compatibilities may come from pure luck, more likely however, they are cultivated through commitments and gratitude. Therefore, I would like to suggest that marriage counselors offer this book to their troubled couples/clients. The healing process would start almost immediately after one reads the first few chapters.

A great book.

Mimi Hu, CPA
Maui, Hawaii, USA

I just finished reading this book (like some other reviewers, I also couldn't put it down and stayed up til 2AM to finish), but I am more troubled by it.

Firstly, it is hardly a exchange of letters between two people because the vast majority of letters were written by B. R. Vatsala (note: it is never explained in the book what B.R. stands for). It is truly her story and she is an extraordinary woman -- it is a real pleasure to meet this thoughtful, charming, sensitive individual whom anyone would treasure as a friend. However, the same cannot be said about her domineering and bombastic fiance, Ehud Sperling (who likes to be called "Boss" or "Captain"). It isn't even certain he has written all of his own letters, as he has a loyal female employee who reads and monitors his correspondence with Vatsala (some of which is quite intimate)!

I hope SOME other readers are troubled by the idea of a rich, white American who peruses the world's available females and picks which country's supply of ladies he will dip into. India is choosen because of it is a backwater of so-called traditional values (i.e., men rule). Mr. Sperling (whose first wife wisely beat feet to get away from his snot-nosed bullying) decides a few months after his divorce that instead of a demanding independent American wife, he wants a subservient foreign bride from a poor 3rd world country. He has the undeserved good fortune to link up with Ms. Vatsala, and I feel richly sorry for this utterly wonderful lady. I can only hope after she gets fed up with his big shot, "alpha dog" mentality she can make a good life for herself in the US.

It is a sad comment on contemporary India that truly beautiful women like Vatsala, finding themselves over 30 and not so desirable in the marriage market, are forced to look in the paper for the equivalent of our "personal ads", only here it is not for just a coffee date but a marriage arranged without any meeting or time to truly get to know another person. I can not blame Vatsala, who despite her Ph.D. in Microbiology, is a very trusting and naive girl with a deep romantic streak nutured on Hindu love stories, for falling for the sophisticated prattle dished-out by the manipulative Ehud. How many of us could face the offer of marriage, an escape from spinsterism, a ticket to the highly desirable US, and wealth (everything from a paid-for wedding with Maharaji's emeralds to a trust fund that will let Vatsala make charitable donations to any cause she wants)? This would turn the head of many an American woman from a much more sophisticated background. Clearly Ehud is used to getting exactly what he wants as a millionaire publishing magnate, and a subservient foreign bride seems to be what he wants.

For those who find this story "romantic", I caution that the idea that a man gets to have sexual adventures, live-in relationships, world travels and then settles down at age 40-something with an innocent & inexperienced virgin is a very old one, and one that has been wisely rejected by most modern women throughout the world who want to live their own lives and not just be a shadow of someone else's.

The story ends on an oddly grim note as the couple arrive "home" at Ehud's isolated Vermont home in the dead of winter, where his poor bride is left at home all day (God forbid a microbiologist with a Ph.D. WORK) with only the company of a huge unneutered german shepherd dog who terrifies her and far, far from the warmth & companionship of her large Indian family. The only glimmer that things may turn out well is a tiny photo on the back inside dusk jacket of Vatsala holding what appears to be a baby son. The other photos of this lovely Indian woman, huddled in heavy winter gear and clearly miserable in the cold, are too depressing to contemplate.

Dear Vatsala: Please smarten up here in American. Read lots of books! Watch films and even TV. Most of all, please make friends with some nice normal American women, and see how NORMAL couples live together here -- without philisophical mumbo-jumbo or "BOSS men" to order them around. You deserve a lot better and I hope you find it.

I think this book not only defies cross cultural barriers it challenges the "modern woman" to reexamine her values and priorities when it comes to getting married. The book gives a beautiful portrayal of a relationship that develops based on a connection of values, spirtuality, and intellect that takes the reader through a process on to itself of reevaluating one needs in a relationship.

I would recommend this to anyone who is thinking about getting married (in a relationship or not), or who is married. It is also beautifully written, with lovely photos and paintings that takes you to the heart of India.