Customer Reviews

Marriage On The Rocks: Learning to Live with Yourself and an Alcoholic

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is the first book that really addresses the issue of the spouse or partners problems living in a relationship with an alcohlic.

Took care of all my guilt and frustration with my partner and pointed the way for me to make a decision to live with the problem without always trying to fix the problem

I've only gotten through the very beginning of the book, simply because, ironically, I can't find enough 'me time' to read anymore of it. But from what I have read, I have found myself saying, 'oh I thought it was me' and 'I'm not crazy, this is what really happens'. I do think it's a truthful and helpful book.
I also wonder how I will survive with just half of a husband, and I feel so alone most of the time, that is after he disappears and becomes his evil alter-ego. The dependence on me is so heavy and debilitating, I just want to disappear myself so I can have some peace. I know it's a disease just like MS or cancer, and no I wouldn't abandon him if he had one of those, but I do feel trapped. I often want my lonely life back. At least then I had control.

Besides going to alanon, this is an excellent starting point to validate and identify your problems with an alcoholic. Also buy Jeff Jay's LOVE FIRST--on how to do an intervention. I bought both of these books for myself and my friends so they would understand what I was going through (friends give you all the wrong advice until they really understand)and help me with the intervention--which WORKED!!! Don't be afraid to tell people. You are hurting yourself and your children by keeping secrets. Believe me, my 6 year old knew way more than i could have imagined when I started being honest with her--I was shocked--sometimes it seemed like she understood more than I did). To my shock--My husband went into a 28 day detox/alcohol rehab program after I did the intervention---it MUST be done RIGHT to work! Even the interventionist said he was a really tough case. These 2 books did the trick (I read many other books that did not "speak to me" the way these 2 books did. After 2-3 years of research online and in books--these are the 2 books that worked for me and my husband. After his 28 days treatment he refused a sober house (which was a mistake--it would have been better if he was recovering away from me and my daughter for OUR sake not his). In a sober house, the newly sober alcoholic can still go to work, see family, etc--he just lives in the sober house for support and checks and balances). So, After the 28 days, he has now been in outpatient rehab for 2 months. A very slow, emotional time for the family, but at least he is abstaining from alcohol. They tell me it takes 4-6 months for their heads to clear and really start a true recovery. THUS, I cannot stress enough that AFTER treatment the follow up is almost as tough. You must get your WHOLE family into recovery/treatment--the best thing is to insist that you alcoholic spouse/friend/dad/eic. go to outpatient rehab after inpatient rehab (even better, to a sober house first after inpatient treatment) and then the family and significant other should be in any and all programs available at the out patient tratment. That is when you realize that YOU need to help YOURSELVES and stop worrying about the alcoholic. PLEASE, go to ALANON as well and read these books. Also look at books on co-dependency to help you and your children get a life. The books by Beatty (I forgot her first name)on co-dependent 12 steps are excellent too. ESPECIALLY if you have kids involved.

I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to know how alcoholism affects a family as a whole.

Even if there are no children in your relationship, don't skip the chapter regarding what happens to the kids. Many alcoholics or those who are attracted to them come from childhoods were alcoholism played a part. You'll be surprised by who you recognize in this chapter.

The author stresses that the alcoholic does not have to be the husband. For the sake of simplicity, though, she wrote the information from that point of view. Keep an open mind if what she presents isn't exactly your situation.

And by all means, go to Al-Anon. It's free. Al-Anon is for families and friends of trying to cope with the behavior and thinking of an alcoholic. AA is for alcoholics. Let AA help the alcohlic get sober, because you as a family member or friend cannot do that. Those who live with, work with, are related to, or are otherwise impacted by an alcoholic's behavior will benefit from Al-Anon. Learn how not to inadvertently feed into the alcoholic behavior.

This book is a great place to start in that understanding. Another book that I recommend is "It Will Never Happen to Me" by Claudia Black.

This book helped me understand my husband imensely. I guess you could say I had a light bulb moment when I read it. It was very easy reading and I finished the entire book in just a few hours. I have hope now where I didn't before and I am very understanding of my husbands actions now. I also realized that I myself needed to change and have a different attitude. Anyone with an alcoholic spouse will definitely benefit from reading this book and I think it's best if you own it so you can look back on it from time to time when you are questioning your situation. I highlighted things in it that I could relate to. So it's nice to be able to go back and look at those things.

This book and author has had a profound affect on me! Reading it is like being thrown a lifeline in the midst of a raging insanity storm!

It has helped me see - I'm NOT crazy. I CAN be whole. There IS hope. I encourage anyone in relationship with an alcoholic to get this book and start back on the road to wholeness!

If you know an alcoholic, or especially if you are a woman taking care of an alcoholic man who is constantly ruining your life, BUY THIS BOOK. It will make you cry with acknoledgement that your life is taken over by this DEVIL called alcoholism. You learn that alcoholism is the eternal excuse for the guy who ruins your life and you are stuck with the raw pain. This book is a slap in the face, a wake up call, a new realization.

this book was very good about half way through, but then it basically told you to deal with the alcoholics disfunctions. to expect anything. how does one have hope when told " it will never change " i thought that the book should have been more about how to help. maybe give some tough love back. but when told over and over not to be upset. the alcoholic is sick. we know this. at what point is one responsible for their own life?

This book is a good place to start when you realize there need to be changes in your life -- especially when you are married to an alcohol abuser. While not everything in the book was tailored to my situation, I found the information to be helpful and insightful. The style of writing is a bit casual, but I think that is purposeful to keep the reader involved. I plan to purchase the books about adult children of alcoholics by the same author.

This is an excellent book for anybody who has ever been affected by someone else's drinking problem. Even if it is not your spouse. This book will help you understand the disease, and that nobody is at fault. The alcoholic is NOT to blame for his disease, but IS responsible for his behavior. If you are a wife, a parent, a child, a close friend, or in any way associated with an alcoholic, this book is for you. It is important that you help yourself, before the alcoholic. This book will show you how.