The Marriage Sabbatical: The Journey that Brings You Home [Hardcover]

Cheryl Jarvis (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 26, 2000

In this unique and inspiring book, Cheryl Jarvis asks a bold and to some an heretical question: why can't women today take time off, away from careers, children, and spouses, time dedicated to renewal and personal fulfillment without distraction?The Marriage Sabbatical weaves together the absorbing account of Jarvis's precious time away from home with the stories of the rewards and challenges felt by other women who also braved social pressures and public scrutiny to temporarily take leave of their daily routines. The liberating experiences herein are as varied as the individuals who lived them-from a few magical weeks of immersion language study to six months of adventure travel to two years of Peace Corps teaching. Eloquently describing how desire becomes a departure date; how women reconcile their decision with family and friends; and, finally, how they come home again, Jarvis shows how a marriage sabbatical need not be a trial separation or a midlife crisis. For the women we meet in this moving narrative, a sabbatical is a planned and finite period of time set aside in which to follow a dream, ultimately empowering and rejuvenating the individual. Passionately written, The Marriage Sabbatical showcases the joy and rebirth within reach for women everywhere.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Any woman who yearns for a break from the demands of home and family to nurture her soul--but thinks she "couldn't possibly"--will discover a healthy new perspective on her not-so-radical desire in this enlightening book. The key is in the book's subtitle, The Journey That Brings You Home. With six simple words, Cheryl Jarvis illuminates her driving message: "A woman who takes time away to rejuvenate, to grow, is in the end bringing that back to the marriage and her family."

Drawing from interviews with 55 women who experienced sabbaticals of various lengths and purposes, Jarvis relates the inspiring stories of those who endured criticism (often from surprising sources like closest friends) to pursue their long-nurtured dreams. True to her journalistic background, Jarvis supports each key point with exhaustive research. Chapters with simple titles such as "Motivations," "Fears," and "Husbands" gracefully justify the need for women to undertake private journeys and are ripe with examples from history, mythology, fiction, nonfiction, religion--the works. (Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Georgia O'Keeffe, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton all spent months at a time away from their husbands.) But the backbone of Jarvis's book is the personal tale she relates throughout its 300 pages. It's the story of a starry-eyed bride who--like many young women--nearly loses herself (quite willingly) in her mate's professional goals and recreational pastimes, cuts corners in her own successful writing career to raise kids (again, willingly), and then realizes that her family ties are strangling the life out of her. The result: a three-month stint at various writers' colonies, a fresh outlook on life, and a fantastic first book from an insightful--and much more confident--soul. --Liane Thomas

From Publishers Weekly

Restless scholars, doctors and artists have long viewed the sabbatical as a positive and even necessary opportunity for rest and renewal. Even the Bible prescribes rest every seventh day and letting the ground lie fallow every seventh year. But what's a wife to do when she gets the seven-year itch? In this fresh and inspiring book, freelance journalist Jarvis provides a comprehensive, thoughtful and inspiring look at how married women can love and care for their families and still find a concentrated period of time to invest in realizing their dreams. Having long deferred her desire for a solo adventure, Jarvis pursued her writing in two writers' colonies and on a secluded Montana ranch over a three month period. In the years since, she interviewed married women who took "solo journeys" to further their education, join the Peace Corps, drive across the country, immerse themselves in another language and culture or work creatively, free from the demands of caring for their husband or families. One woman even spent six months alone in the south of France reading 100 recommended books. Emphasizing that these women carefully planned their leave taking, preparing their homes and families and setting clear goals and return dates for themselves, Jarvis clarifies the differences between sabbaticals and vacations or trial separations. In a practical and thoughtful tone, she also reviews the cultural, logistical and psychological obstacles that keep married women from arranging sabbaticals, offering suggestions on how to handle them. Although none of the women here left while their children were young, the author asserts that "there is no good time for a woman to go," and once the desire takes hold in her mind, she can find ways to overcome all obstructions. Agent, Lisa Bankoff, ICM. (Jan. 7) Forecast: Graced with an appealing jacket image of a woman in joyful mid-leapDand supported by a 50,000-copy first printing, eight-city author tour, 20-market radio tour and first serial in RedbookDthis original and refreshing book should reach its publisher's sales target and a enjoy a long paperback life. (See q&a, p. 76.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1ST edition (December 26, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738203394
• ISBN-13: 978-0738203393
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,950,676 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Cheryl Jarvis is a journalist and essayist and the author of The Marriage Sabbatical: The Journey That Brings You Home. She has written for The Wall Street Journal, the Chicago Tribune, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, and Reader's Digest. A former television producer and magazine and newspaper editor, she has taught writing at the University of Southern California and at Washington University and Webster University in St. Louis.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars You go, Jarvis!, February 13, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: The Marriage Sabbatical: The Journey that Brings You Home (Hardcover)

Jarvis has outdone herself with a tremendous first book that somehow manages to be gripping, heart-warming and informative all at once. This is a book that every married (and unmarried) woman should read.

In it, Jarvis recounts the adventures of herself and other women who embark on a daunting spiritual quest: taking "sabbaticals" from their marriage- i.e. their husbands and children- in order to do something they've always wanted, such as travel, take a class, hike a mountain trail, or even join the Peace Corps, as one woman did. Jarvis herself spent three months in the Pacific Northwest living at artist colonies. All of the women, Jarvis included, returned home to find their marriages not only still intact, but revitalized. In their cases, absence indeed made the heart grow fonder.

The idea of a marriage sabbatical is a bold one that challenges the norms of a cherished tradition, and Jarvis will inevitably receive criticism that women who take sabbaticals set themselves up for divorce, or at least open the door for their husband to have an affair. In response, Jarvis points out that husbands can just as easily have affairs even when they're sleeping in the same bed as their spouses every night. After all, men have been taking business trips and weekend fishing expeditions for decades; what is it about women doing the same thing that causes some people to squirm so uncomfortably? Just as husbands come home with a renewed vigor for their spouse, so do women. After learning to survive on their own, however briefly, many of Jarvis' case studies came home with a startling revelation: they're married because they choose to be, not because they have to be. In other words, marriage doesn't have to equal loss of freedom. I couldn't agree more.

To her credit, Jarvis is quick to point out that sabbaticals are not for everyone. Plenty of women work full-time and taking time off for personal growth is not an option; others raising small children will be reluctant to leave them. Moreover, if there are serious issues within a marriage, a sabbatical is more likely to highlight them than wipe them away. The decision to take a sabbatical is not to be taken lightly by any stretch, for which Jarvis breaks down the fears, concerns, and risks chapter-by-chapter, using dozens of personal accounts as well as allusions to everything from the Bible to Greek mythology. As an added bonus, Jarvis paints beautiful portraits of women throughout history who took marriage sabbaticals long before the term existed; their testimonies prove the issue is both current and timeless.

Although nonfiction, The Marriage Sabbatical is written with a literary flair that often feels more like a memoir than a how to. In the age of celebrity publishing and Harry Potter, it's refreshing to read a book that aspires to be a true work of art- and in my opinion nearly succeeds.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars honoring vows with your partner and with your "Self", March 9, 2001

By 

stella (Lemur Canyon, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Marriage Sabbatical: The Journey that Brings You Home (Hardcover)

with or without the detail of marriage, lives join and love bonds the interests, dreams, desires and hopes that people share with their partners, their families...or nobody at all.

in "the marriage sabbatical", cheryl jarvis' approach to re-introducing the idea of sabbaticals is amiable and sensitive to the expectations of society. both MEN and WOMEN are encouraged to consider what a marriage sabbatical suggests. obviously some people will not accept this permission for time apart, I happen to think that those are the people who may benefit most from taking a sabbatical.

whether your relationship is weakened and the sabbatical is sought in counsel, or if it is stronger than ever and the sabbatical is a reward...by taking time to rejuvenate yourself, and rest your intentions, you are allowing a return to your vows and to your partner and offering it a chance to prosper.

while marriage and life-partnerships essentially are "joined-forces", we are all individual people sharing bits and pieces of ourselves with other individuals doing the same.

i am not married, but i do have a partner with whom i dare to dream and his individuality is what fuels my continued striving to constantly re-become the person I am. The more time I spend alone, the closer I get to an understanding of why it feels so right to be with him and how to effectively (respectfully) share the space that we have created for each other, together.

I deeply recommend that both men and women consider reading "The Marriage Sabbatical"...like the real sabbatical - whether you are married or not, it offers a wealth of life.

cheryl..."Thank you" :)

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars My life in black and white, December 20, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: The Marriage Sabbatical: The Journey That Brings You Home (Paperback)

My husband gave me this book as a present on my 28th birthday. I have been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old son. Prior to meeting my husband and starting a family, I was an ivy-league graduate and on my way to medical school. I had never even lived on my own. I have been struggling with such classic issues, but before reading this book, I had felt so alone and never gave my feelings the credit they deserved. Nearly every emotional, intellectual and philosophical conflict I have experienced in the past 4 years were made so poignantly clear not only with each page but with each sentence. So much so, that for the first 50 pages I could barely stand to read more than one paragraph at a time. To the reviewer who felt that this book is a sure way to end a marriage, I would refer him to the subtitle: "the journey that brings you home," and point out that communication and honesty, respect for one another's fears and needs is not only encouraged, but essentially part of C. Jarvis' argument. Before reading this book I thought the only answer was divorce. This book is a beacon illuminating concepts that are so fundamental they are not only true but as essential as oxygen. For all of you women out there who are struggling with the reality of the fairy tale, Ms. Jarvis' book IS the hope at the bottom of Pandora's box.