By the time I was finished with,"Married Mom, Solo Parent", it was dog earred, highlighted, and post-it noted, everywhere; This is a book that I would recommend for moms who find themselves in that awkward category of, not single, but feeling not married as their spouses are away due to military, maybe their husband's jobs requires him to be on the road for days, weeks, or even months at the time, or they are in situations where a spouse has illnesses that has made it difficult to be an active partner in the marriage, struggling with addiction, or just any situation, that has left the married mom, on her own and yet married.
This is not a book that trashes the husband, but instead, as the author, Carla Anne Coroy, loving shares in the preface, "A solo parent is someone who is raising children and running a home and family alone" (pg.11), and geared toward married women whose husbands jobs require them to be away from home majority of the time.
Addressing topical issues such as discipline, chore divisions, life in the community and more, "Married Mom, Solo Parent", doesn't demonizes husbands whose keep depends on them, often working away from the home, bringing to mind, women whose husbands are in the military or are workaholics and even if they aren't workaholics, just required to travel as part of their job requirement, Carla Anne Coroy uses both grace, humor, honesty and Scripture to help encourage married women on how to balance: life, raising children and being a wife and woman.
I like how on page 45, Carla Anne Coroy shared honestly, the double jeopardy that a married woman, whose solo parenting feels when she (Carla Anne Coroy) shares the following observation:
"Many solo parents are afraid of being honest, at least out loud, about the situation they are in. After years of hearing that we need to respect, honor and support our husbands, we find it difficult to speak truth when it does not make shine. We're afraid of being the woman who trashes her husband with her words or ruins his reputation in his absence. So we carry the shame: shame of being the unsatisfied wife, of spinning a yarn of excuses, of what our situation may symbolize or predict."
She presents hope though when she later says,"It took me many years to respectfully tell the truth regarding Trent's choices. We have to remember that God calls us to be imitators of Christ. Jesus often offended others. As a matter of fact, he was called the Rock of Offense (Rom 9:33 NASB,KJV). Naturally, we need to be careful. The truth we speek needs to be covered in love".
With a chapter, written by her husband, sharing a husband's viewpoint and offering from a male perspective, what husbands usually see and/or don't often say about a "Married Mom, Solo Parent", this is a book that needs to be read by those who are going through the,"Married Mom, Solo Parent" stages in their life and also should and need to be read not only by those who may know of women in those situations, to help gain a better insight of what life is really like for the, "Married Mom, Solo Parent", but even by those who are involved in the church in whatever capacity, for a better understanding of how the body of Christ can reach out to those moms who are not single, but not fully married either.
Painful examples are shared by Carla Coroy, such as being rejected by a church's "handyman" service offered to single moms who don't have husbands in their lives, by sheer virtue, she was married, although her husband was away and not actively involved in the family's life, during that time period.
It led to thoughts...not only just her experience, but what of moms whose spouses were in the military....were their needs for help around the home, be it, fixing the sink, or in Carla's case, needing help, installing fans in the homes, being ignored and how we as a society, not only has changed, but that reaching out to the community, also means not ignoring the fact, that by virtue of "being married" does that mean, a family always have, one of the parent, available, be it due to medical related reasons, or in this case, one of the spouse, being required to be out of town, leaving the other spouse, with the full brunt of the responsibility.
I bristled at the story of how Carla and her family were excluded at a family dinner sponsored by a church and how she ended up sitting alone, quietly crying, with her kids, and yet, as Christians, are we not all members of the same family, irregardless, if we are single, married or the spouse is not at home for whatever reason.
In addition to encouraging words of scripture and encouragement, that as a, "Married Mom, Solo Parent", I was floored by the statistics that Carla shared, that many of us, may not think about or take for granted, such as the fact that 84% of "married single moms" find vehicle maintenance and repair a difficulty.
One of the first two chapters, "This is Not what I signed up for" and "The Emotions of a Solo Parents", really hit hard to the root of the matter, for many women, who find themselves, living separate lives, while their husbands were not at home to "help out", and Carla does a wonderful job of gently encouraging, "Married Mom, Solo Parent" to find ways to not only confront their emotions, but how to deal with their emotions in a way that doesn't adversely affect the marriage.
I could relate to the feelings that Carla shared and the helpful advice she offers to,"Married Mom, Solo Parent", who feel alone and how to find group support in the form of through bible studies, going to the park, joining mom groups and if that doesn't work, find ways, oneself, to get out of the comfort zone and connect with other moms, particularly, others moms who are going through the same, awkward life style, of the mom, often having to play both duties, while dad is away.
She also offers realistic and sound ways to honoring and loving the man in your life, even if its often long distance and offers a needed reminder, that no matter what, he is the father, that the kids need.
Its easy to approach situations, like this, with cynicism, or as Carla Coroy shares in the book, feeling "emotional divorce" already from your husband, but she shows there is not only life, but hope and there is a relationship that can happen and that the "Married Mom, Solo Parent" and her spouse can make things work.
It's difficult to go over everything that is in the book, in a review, but this is a much needed book, in today's world and as Carla Coroy shared in the preface,
"Each solo parent has a unique set of circumstances. Your struggles will be different from mine. Every generation has had its share of married solo parents. Yet somewhere along the line, we've forgotten how it is done: how a woman with a husband does the job of raising her kdis when he is not around."
If you are one of these moms, know someone who is, want to understand more about the married single mom, or part of a church seeking to reach moms who are married and yet solo parenting their kids while their spouses are away for indefinite times for whatever the reason, this is a book that all must read and comes highly recommended.
"Married Mom, Solo Parent" is an excellent book and a humbling read and if you are a "Married Single Mom", essentially a mom who, although married, but due to your spouse not being home fully all the time, due to his job, it's so easy for the reader to relate and know they are not alone going through being a "Married Mom, Solo Parent".
Carla Coroy doesn't promise that it will be easy and there are tears, but there is also laughter, and hope and smiles. Check out,"Married Mom, Solo Parent" and discovered more about what it means to be a, "Married Mom, Solo Parent" and how no matter what, to God be all the glory, that for the, "Married Mom, Solo Parent", there is hope, there is encouragement and there is strength.
