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Good Sex Is Just A Book Away...
on January 21, 2004
Sex is a subject that is not often talked about among couples. Unfortunately, it is also an area that accounts for a large chunk of divorces. Women expect men to be mind-readers, intuitively knowing just what to do to bring them pleasure. Men assume that they should know what to do already, as if males are born as sex experts. (Not!) What often results is great expectations met with disppointment, and thwarted, hit-and-miss attempts at intimacy and sexual fulfillment.
With this book by Dr. John Gray, sex doesn't have to be a frustrating and hurtful guessing game. Gray explores areas such as sexual versus emotional fulfillment, taking responsibility for your own pleasure, how to increase desire and rekindle passion, a women's need to relax, the joy of quickies, passionate monogamy, and home-cooked sex versus gourmet sex. Both men and women are given maps into the murky terrain of the other's attitudes and expectations about sex, which will no doubt result in a sigh of relief by many. At last, someone understands! While providing accurate maps, though, Gray acknowledges that every person (especially women!) are unique, and as such, have unique desires, likes, and dislikes.
When discussing giving a man positive direction, Gray points out that some women do not realize a man's sensivitity in this area. Men want to please their women, so certain comments can feel like rejection to a man, which will bring an instant chill to intimacy. Here are 10 sexual turnoffs outlined by Gray:
1. "You're not doing it right."
2. "I don't like that."
3. "Ouch! That hurts!"
4. "Don't touch me like that."
5. "That tickles."
6. "Not like that."
7. "Not yet."
8. "Not there."
9. "I'm not ready."
10. "What are you doing?"
Gray then goes on to explain why a man shuts down, how to give positive feedback and re-direction, and 20 sexual turn on phrases.
The Chapter titled How To Drive a Women Wild With Pleasure provides men with some excellent practical advice on how a woman ticks, and how to rev up her engine. Gray advises:
"A man needs to remember that to increase a woman's pleasure, he needs to delay direct stimulation. Certain ancient temples are dedicated to the female aspect of God. According to one ritual associated with these temples, you have to circumambulate the temple three times before entering it. This same principle to loving and adoring a woman during sex."
One of the most practical parts of this book is that it contains drawings. Yes, drawings. How do you expect to know where to put what? Seriously, though, it's important to know about anatomy to understand what may bring a man or woman pleasure.
Gray understands the pressures that many couples face, and explains why many are having less sex. He also explains why men are like the sun, and women are like the moon. (A very helpful analogy!)
The "voice" of this book is very understanding and encouraging, coaxing men and women to re-discover the joy and pleasure of intimacy and sex. Rather than going without, or relegating yourself to frustration and disappointment with regards to sex, why not pick up this book (or something like it) and make the decision to enjoy your sexuality? It is my belief that we are given these bodies to enjoy, and the delight of sexual intimacy with our mate is a part of that. (I mean, if God didn't intend women to enjoy sex, then why give her a clitoris!)
Ignorance is *not* bliss when it comes to mutual sexual fulfillment. If you're frustrated or have given up on a satisfying sex life, take heart: this book gives great information, encouragement, and hope.