24 of 26 people found the following review helpful
on March 15, 2008
I'm a Doctor, and BY FAR the #1 cause of all people's concerns is stress. Whether it's back pain or emotional distress. Financial concerns or lack of energy. It doesn't matter the outward expression. 99% of the time, the ultimate cause is an inability to manage the stresses of their life.
I saw John speak last night, and was blown away by the content of his new book. Finally, a biological basis for who we are as men & women! It's so clear and makes so much sense now.
What I especially appreciated were his easy to apply actions and strategies for creating more happiness and success, both as individuals and as couples.
The few hours spent learning this new material from John last night has instantaneously catapulted the quality of my life, my relationships, and my ability to make a difference and contribute to others.
Thank you John!
19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
on December 12, 2008
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!
Book Review: Why Mars & Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D.
Are you stressed out? The burdens of work, child-rearing, credit card debt, commuting, including the rising costs of healthcare, housing, and food is demanding a significant payment from our marriages and romantic relationships today. We are too tired and busy to maintain our partners emotional and physical needs. Which in turn, creates further pressure, leading to fights, emotional separation, and divorce.
John Gray,Ph.D. author of Why Mars and Venus Collide points out the effects of stress on modern relationships:
Mild depression from stress suppresses passion.
A sense of urgency takes away our patience and flexibility.
A sense of distress, anxiety, and panic greatly diminishes our capacity to be happy.
Irritability overshadows our feelings of affection, appreciation, and tenderness.
Decreased energy limits how much we can freely give of ourselves.
With unstable blood sugar levels, our moods either become flat or fluctuate too much.
Men lose interest in the relationship while women feel overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time and support.
Beyond this, stress of course leads to physical problems as well--infertility issues, digestive difficulties, insomnia, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function among other impairments.
Men and women react differently to stress because of chemical and physiological differences within our bodies. Not understanding the behaviors of the opposite sex during these difficult times can lead to further misunderstanding. Men produce large amounts of testosterone, especially during stress situations, which hinders oxytocin--a calming chemical. This allows men to fight for survival or protect the family when necessary. It also causes hostility, withdrawal, and sometimes anger.
Women produce oxytocin, released in large quantities during childbirth and breastfeeding. Estrogen, another female chemical, raises the effectiveness of oxytocin. Women would rather talk through their difficulties, protect and care for their children, and surround themselves with female support.
Understanding your partner is the key to a destressed relationship, making home a safe haven rather than a war of roses. Men tend to think of themselves as the breadwinners, difficult as it may be today. Though needing nurturing and love, they are risk takers with money, more dominant and independent, and tend to focus by blocking out distractions. When under stress, they will become silent. Best option here--John Gray writes that it is important to leave the man alone. In fact, ignore him for a while. This will help destress him.
Women tend to multitask, see the implications of a situation in a broader context, reach out to absorb more information, and skillfully use verbal abilities. Faced with stress, they will argue and persuade. Best option here--give the woman some attention. Ask about how she feels.
John Gray states that a woman's greatest challenge is caring for herself. She is a giver. 9 out of 10 women will sign up to donate their organs if killed in a traffic accident versus 1 out of 10 men. A man will give everything he has to support his family and then return home tired and needing to unwind. Having been married nearly 20 years, I understand this distinction between men and women. My sister-in-law phoned me not long ago, concerned that her husband arrives home from a 12-hour workday, only wishing to watch TV. Because she did not comprehend his need to switch gears and relax, this issue had created some minor friction in their household. I advised my sister-in-law to not nag her husband about watching television first, explaining that many men do this to loosen up after work.
Handle your stress rather than blame it on your spouse. Recognize that your spouse deals with stress too, even if he doesn't want to talk about it.
Best stress releasers:
Relax through yoga, meditation, massage therapy, listen to music, read a book, or just sit quietly.
Make time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it.
Sleep 7 to 9 hours a night.
Eat properly--fruits, vegetables, lean protein, whole grains.
Exercise induces the release of endorphins which will also improve your mood.
Talk to a listener who will not judge you, but who can offer a new viewpoint.
Seek out a professional therapist who will treat serious stress related disorders.
Compromise your point on occasion and avoid the argument.
Write down your feelings, volunteer your time, begin a hobby.
Say "No" to demands that exceed your time limits and abilities.
Avoid smoking, emotional eating, too much alcohol, and abusing drugs.
Highly Recommended Reading: Why Mars And Venus Collide by John Gray, Ph.D. The book will open your mind and eyes and allow you to see your partner for who he or she is. Restore the passion and romance in your marriage with the insight offered through the author's research and knowledge of the intricacy of relationships.
25 of 28 people found the following review helpful
"The real reason women are tired today is not because they have too much to do. It is because they are not producing enough oxytocin to cope with stress." ~ pg. 81
In "When Mars and Venus Collide," John Gray masterfully guides readers from a place of conflict to a place of peace. He gives the tools that are necessary to cultivate a harmonious relationship and also gives scientific proof to support his main arguments.
While this book seems to have been written mostly for women there is an amazing list of ideas for men who want to boost their partner's oxytocin (helps women deal with stress) levels. There is also a list for women who want to boost their oxytocin levels naturally.
Since the last place you want to be even more stressed is at home with your partner, John Gray shows you how to argue more effectively. Instead of avoiding problems there are ways to connect with your partner while you solve real-life issues.
As life becomes increasingly more stressful it is good to know that there is a way to balance your life through thoughtful actions and positive thoughts. John Gray has refined his message so you can feel the fluidity of his thoughts. At the end of the book, he also discusses lifestyle choices that are essential for health.
This book will encourage a reduction in stress in any Mars and Venus relationship. I can recommend this book to women who are trying to balance their work and home life and need to connect with their partner in a more meaningful way.
~The Rebecca Review
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on November 15, 2009
Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
As with most books from this author, only the half is good information. The rest is just him talking .... about what he thinks and stuff, total boredom. But the fist half of the book is very informative and has nice science facts, quite interesting. I helps to understand why after sex a man wants to sleep and a woman doesn't necessarily, its physical, it can't be avoided.
Anyways good book for adding, if you have some books of the series. If you don't try not to start in this one.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
on October 11, 2009
I have listened to other programs from john Grey and they have been relatively good. I listened to the audio book of this program. First of all, he keeps introducing what he wants to talk about rather than talking about it. Then when he actually starts talking about it, he keeps repeating it through different sentence structures. I was flabbergasted how such a good, well-known author could do that! Second, there is no passion or any sort of enthusiasm in his voice reading the book. He just reads it! After listening to hundreds of audio books from various authors it was odd and disappointing . All in all, it seems like he was supposed to come up with a new book, and it had to be stretched to certain length. Couldn't go past the first CD after listening to it twice! Exasperating experience!
15 of 21 people found the following review helpful
on January 31, 2008
As a leadership coach, who helps women executives win at the game of business in C-suites across Corporate America, this book has been most helpful in understanding how important the hormone oxytocin is in reducing an executive woman's stress levels.
Since the culture at most companies has been shaped over time by male executives, women are at a disadvantage when it comes to gender-based differences in communication styles and coping with on-the-job stress. Taking part in testosterone-producting activities at work can diminish a woman's oxytocin levels.
Creating a balanced lifestyle, that sustains productive energy by producing plenty of oxytocin, is the key to reducing stress levels and insuring the female executive's success both at work and at home. That's "Why Mars & Venus Collide" by John Gray, Ph.D. is a must read for all women executives.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
on March 24, 2008
As a wife and mother I find this book to accurately describe the stress that I feel in life and in my relationship. I believe it will be a huge help if only I read it, because I can better understand how both of us feel unappreciated. However, I hope to get my husband to read it as well. I read the original book years ago and thought it was great, and was concerned this one wouldn't live up to that standard. So far I believe it does!