Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship (Paperback)

by John Gray (Author) "During my relationship seminars, single women often come up to me and describe in great detail what they thought was a wonderful date..." (more)
Key Phrases: unhealthy chemistry, receptive interest, emotional chemistry, Don't Say, Club Med (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review
The latest tentacle of John Gray's formidable Mars and Venus octopus deals with a topic near to the heart of almost everybody--dating. With a lot of insight and common sense, Gray tackles the hard and often messy business of finding "a soul mate." Without fear or favor, Mars and Venus on a Date dissects the dynamics between men and women and the five stages each relationship must pass through: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and, finally, engagement (for marriage, of course). Even though Mars and Venus on a Date isn't The Rules by a long shot, the courtship it describes is surprisingly old-fashioned. It's chock-full of things your mother might say: "Most people find or are found by their soul mates when they are not really looking." "The man should never talk more than the woman." But how to know if the person you're with is your "soul mate?" Gray writes, "When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep." Which translates into, "When you know, you know." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal
You're from another planet if you don't know who wrote this singles dating guide.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Audio Cassette edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Harper Paperbacks (June 3, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 006093221X
• ISBN-13: 978-0060932213
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars See all reviews (123 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #10,569 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

  Popular in these categories: (What's this?)

  #4 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Authors, A-Z > Gray, John
  #16 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Dating
  #22 in	Books > Health, Mind & Body > Relationships > Mate Seeking

• This item is part of The Mars and Venus Series.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Keep your pencil handy; you'll want to take notes, June 27, 2002

By	Blaine Greenfield "eclectic reader" (Belle Meade, NJ) - See all my reviews (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

Heard the taped version of MARS AND VENUS ON A DATE
by John Gray . . . extremely informative (at least to me) tour
of the five stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement.

Gray presents ideas on how to find your soul mate, as well
as thoughts on how to create a loving and mutually fulfilling
relationship . . . he has the ability to make sense out
of ordinary situations that appear easy to handle, yet in
reality are anything but that.

I know I liked the material, in that I had to get a copy of
the book (after listening) so that I could share just a
few of the many memorable passages . . . among them:

* When you [a man] make a mistake, use a negative
adjective--a "nadjective"--to describe yourself or what
you did. These are a few examples:

I'm sorry that I was late. . . . I was really inconsiderate.

I'm sorry about the things I said yesterday . . . I thought
about it and realized that I was overreactive.

I'm sorry I didn't call you back sooner. You're right; I was
really insensitive.

I'm sorry that I forgot to get the tickets. It was really
selfish of me.

I'm sorry you felt excluded at the party. . . I was
inconsiderate, it was really mean.

I am really sorry about the things I said. I was really
being defensive.

* Women will appreciate any sincere compliment, but when
a man puts a little more thought into his words, she
will like it more. . . . The more special the adjective, the
more special she feels. These are some examples:

PLAIN COMPLIMENT (PC) vs. JUICY COMPLIMENT (JC)
PC, That is a nice picture. JC, You are incredibly artistic.
PC, You look good tonight. JC, You look magnificent tonight.
PC, You have a nice smile. JC, You have a radiant smile.
PC, You look good. JC, You are so gorgeous.
PC, You look nice. JC, You are so lovely.
PC, You look nice. JC, You look beautiful.
PC, That is a nice dress. JC, You look so exquisite in that dress.
PC, You have nice eyes. JC, You have such a special sparkle in your eyes.

Even a plain compliment can be juiced up with any of these
five simple words: so, really, very, always, and such.

[For example, to juice up the most basic compliment, "You look nice."]
1. You look so nice. (attraction)
2. You look really nice. (interest)
3. You look very nice. (enthusiasm)
4. You always look nice. (familiarity)
5. You have such a nice look. (pride)

To express more feeling in a compliment, he can just repeat
any of these words or combine them like this:
1. You look so, so nice
2. You really look so nice.
3. You look very, very nice.
4. You always look so nice.
5. You really have such a nice look.

Women can also use these five words to express more
feeling in their indirect compliments to a man. Let's apply
these five words to one of the most basic compliments that
any man loves to hear, "I am happy we did this."

1. I am so happy we did this.
2. I am really happy we did this.
3. I am very happy we did this.
4. I am always happy to do this.
5. I am so happy; I had such a good time.

* When a woman talks about problems, a man mistakenly
assumes that she is asking him what to do about them.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars If you want marriage but keep getting stuck on the way there, January 12, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving & Lasting Relationship (Hardcover)

Some of us have known for some time that we want to find our soul mate and make a committment, but the path isn't so clear cut. For me, and for several friends in that situation, this book has been very helpful. John Gray has gotten through my internal block, allowing me a perspective shift. Learning dating rituals and taking them on had seemed false to me; afterall, why shouldn't I open my date's door for him, or pick up the tab on every other date or so? If he doesn't call me when I expect it, why shouldn't I either call him or dump him? If we feel close to each other and want to share some new level of intimacy, what's the harm in two consenting adults doing so? Shouldn't my approach to all relationships of equality in life carry through here as well? By coming at the problem through an understanding of gender differences, Gray shows why behaviors that work in other parts of life might not be applicable here.

I'm not exaggerating in saying that I saw an overnight change in my dating style and success based on what I gleaned from this book.

My only issue with the book is that it is written to such a general audience that I found I had to really sift through it to find the kernels of wisdom. It can be very repetative. Sometimes I did find his advice clashed with my own values and life experience. Still, it was worth reading it with a grain of salt. Anyway, shouldn't we be critical of anything we read?

24 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Moronic, September 12, 1998

By	Mark Ricci (Woodlynne, NJ USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide to Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship (Mass Market Paperback)

Whatever credibility John Gray had is shot with his inclusion of a list of 101 places to meet your soulmate. I thumbed through the book at a co-worker's desk and couldn't believe what I was reading. (Neither could she.)

Most of the suggestions are so preposterous that I could read them verbatim at Open Mike Night at a comedy club and bring the house down. Some gems with my comments in brackets:

"If you're a woman in a restaurant, go to the rest room repeatedly so you can catch the eye of men." [And hope that a convention of urologists is in town?]

"If you wear a uniform, wear it when you're off duty because people will approach someone in a uniform." [I'm sure the meter reader from the local utility company is besieged with offers in between houses.]

"If you don't attend a church or synagogue, go to the one where there are the most eligible people." [Hey, who's got the best babes, the synagogue or the Episcopalian church?]

"If you don't like a museum, go to one and ask an art lover questions." [Allow me to display my total ignorance and annoy you. Two surefire ways to get you to spend the rest of your life with me.]

Finally my favorite of the list I've read so far:

"If you go to a bar and drink alcohol, go to a place where they don't serve alcohol. Your soulmate might not drink." [As opposed to 'If you don't do crack, go to a crackhouse because your soulmate might be a crackhead.']

I wish I were making these up, but I'm simply not that clever.