Most Helpful Customer Reviews
60 of 61 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Breakup Bible, July 28, 2002
What's refreshing about this book is that it does more than just say "Don't call him!" or "Hang out with your girlfriends more." It focuses on your emotions and how you can heal them so you can move on eventually and find love again. It actually validates your feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness and even calls them "healing emotions," necessary for healing your broken heart and moving on. Instead of telling you to completely forget about your former partner and not think about him/her all the time, he ENCOURAGES you to think about the good times and what you did as a couple. Gray goes into every emotion with great detail, and gives you plenty of exercises to bring them out so they can be healed. And as a woman, it's refreshing to read a breakup book that doesn't "male bash." It doesn't go on about why men can't commit, blah, blah, blah. Since it's for both men and women, it gives both sides of the story (and surprisingly--or not--we both go through pretty much the same thing!) . And it never says "there is no possibility you'll ever be with this person again, so get over it", but it does state you need to heal from the breakup first before considering getting back together with your former mate. This book will immensely change your life and the way you think about relationships. Most of all, it will help you get through a very painful part of your life...with your sanity intact!
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46 of 47 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book, November 10, 2003
Heard and enjoyed the taped version of MARS AND VENUS STARING OVER by John Gray . . . the subtitle says it all: "A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce or the Loss of a Loved One." If anybody finds himself or herself in any of those categories, then
rush out to get this book (or the tapes) . . . you'll find a lot of
useful advice. The first third is general information . . . Gray then presents material
relevant to women first, men second . . . I found the latter section
particularly valuable for what it had to say to me. Among the ideas that I got from listening:
* The three steps for healing a broken bone are: getting help, resetting
the bone, and them giving it time to heal by protecting the bone in
a cast. In a similar way, the three steps for healing the heart are:
Step One: Getting help
Step Two: Grieving the loss
Step Three: Becoming whole before getting involved again * [the four healing emotions]
Healing Emotion 1: Anger
Feeling then releasing anger reconnects us to our passion for love and life. Healing Emotion 2: Sadness
Feeling and then releasing sadness opens our hearts to fell the sweetness
of love once again Healing Emotion 3: Fear
Feeling and then releasing fear provides the ability to discern what we need
and can depend on now. Healing Emotion 4: Sorrow
Feeling and then releasing sorrow provides the ability to discern what is
possible. * Another way to process the four healing emotions is simply to ask
yourself these four questions. Often men find this an easier approach
in the beginning. By answering these questions, our healing emotions
automatically begin to come up. While answering these questions,
give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, fear, sorrow, and any
other similar feelings.
1. What happened?
2. What didn't happen?
3. What could happen?
4. What can't happen? If you wish to explore a little deeper, there are a few more questions you can
ask and answer. QUESTION ONE
What happened that you didn't want to happen?
What is happening that you don't want to happen?
What has happened that you do not like? QUESTION TWO
What didn't happen that you wanted to happen?
What is not happening that you want to happen?
What should have happened? QUESTION THREE
What could happen that you don't want to happen?
What is important to you?
What could happen that you want to happen? QUESTION FOUR
What can't happen that you want to happen?
What can't happen that you wish could have happened?
What can happen that you want to happen? By asking these four questions or practicing the three parts of the feeling
better exercise, you will be better prepared to heal the waves of feeling
that come from your loss. With this technique, you will be able to remember
your partner without having to get stuck in painful feelings. With this insight
and ability, you are free to stay in touch with your feelings and complete
the healing process.
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29 of 29 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
WHAT - NO MORE STARS?, June 13, 2001
Life would be so much easier if everyone had a John Gray looking over their shoulder! As a counsellor, I have unending respect for Gray's expertise and success, As a reader, I find his books are a learning experience based on fact and mind-absorbing, leaving much food for thought. Based on my studies in psychology as well as one who did, in fact, start over many years ago, I can honestly say the information this author delivers may well be a lifeline in a turbulent sea of emotion. Considering the high divorce rate, the overwhelming number of relationships ending with the slamming of the door, and the vast number of individuals who experience the death of a partner, Gray's book gives hope and inspires. Grey's advice on focusing on love rather than loss is a first critical step. Denial is not a wonderful thing; acceptance is. With the closing of each door, the opportunity to open another follows. Accept the relationship for however beautiful it was, or wasn't, and move on. Take strength and knowledge from what you have learned and the time you shared together (no matter how long or short,)and use what you have learned to grow. Gray also looks at the differences between a man's reaction and a woman's reaction to starting over. Often, it is difficult for both men and women to trust again, or to simply pur the energy into starting over. By clinging to the past, you could be missing out on a life of happiness. When marriages end (legal or common-law) men often deal with this by attempting to recapture lost youth (depending on age) or by playing the carefree, no-strings-attached guy. Woman, on the other hand, often have a mental list of so many traits they do, or do not, want any future man to have (if indeed they ever want one at all, at this point) that they eliminate 99% of the men on Earth! Much of the frustration stems from our youthful days, of falling in love with an "image" of what we THINK a man or woman should be. Alas, in the real world, there are no perfect people; we all have imperfections and possess both strengths and weaknesses. Nothing in this life lasts forever, and life does not come with a guarantee we will always be happy. Gray's principles can also be applied to those who have lost a partner to death, many are afraid that no matter who they find in the future, they will never measure up to what they had. It is unfair to yourself, to deny yourself happiness in the future. Rest assured, your departed partner would want you to choose happiness over sorrow. Personally, and as a counsellor, if I was asked to recommend a book on starting over that is straight forward and written in plain, simple English everyone can understand, this would definitely be at the top of the list. I simply cannot say enough good words about "Mars and Venus Starting Over" or the author, John Grey; all his books are absolutely priceless. If your relationship is coming to an end, or has already ended, and regardless of gender or age, I highly recommend this valuable, insightful book. It will not only help you to better understand yourself, but will give you a clearer understanding of others.
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