I was taking a shower the other day, and I was thinking, "Oh, no! Martin Luther King day is this Monday! How am I supposed to honour the memory of one of the greatest civil rights activists who ever lived, right here in my shower? Everyone's going to think I'm a racist if I don't find a way!" But, finally, this loofah comes from the heavens, truly a gift from Jesus (black Jesus), allowing me to rub Martin Luther King, Jr's face all over my body. It's as if I'm making sweet, sweet love to the finest man of the 20th century (after Teddy Roosevelt, of course). Now, when I'm at the gym showers, rubbing Martin Luther King all over my sweaty posterior, people will know that I think Hitler was wrong.