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Mascara Saturday: A Novel [Kindle Edition]

Carol Conn
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)

Kindle Price: $9.99

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Book Description

Rachel Holtner is your average New Yorker whose life took a strange turn. It started out as just another winter Saturday. A leisurely morning abed with husband and coffee, a quick stop at Bloomingdale's, and then the movies. What could go wrong?

By day's end, Rachel Holtner's been arrested for felonious assault and inciting a riot. She's been hospitalized for an acute allergy attack (by perfume). As if that weren't enough, Rachel soon discovers she's suffering from a previously unknown genetic disease: Shopping Impairment Syndrome (S.I.S.).

The symptoms are claustrophobia, impatience and an inability to tolerate delays or inefficiencies. Unfortunately, this Disease du Jour manifests most commonly in department stores and shopping malls, hence the name. Its primary victims: affluent, educated, pre-menopausal women in their prime earning and spending years.

S.I.S. is the medical creation of Dr. Now (a.k.a. David Halberman, M.D.), a brilliant opportunist who's hell bent on fame and fortune. Dr. Now uses his findings to terrify the Retail Federation of America (i.e. every department store across the country) as it scrambles to protect market share. The notion of women going berserk in department stores is guaranteed to generate ulcers and sleepless nights for retail executives.

Maximizing their bottom line fears of an S.I.S. epidemic, Dr. Now extorts millions of dollars in research grants to stem this perfidious affliction. In Rachel, he's found the prototypical Shopper Zero. Along with six other women arrested on the day dubbed by the press as Mascara Saturday, Rachel is forced to attend Dr. Now's lame recovery program for impaired shoppers. (“My name is Rachel, and I hate to shop.”)

But Dr. Now soon finds that uppity women are not nearly as docile or cooperative as laboratory animals. His prescription for their recovery proves to be the formula for his own downfall.

Outside his clinic, the tabloids have a field day with Rachel’s depressingly normal life. Long lost acquaintances and friends emerge to give Rachel a far more scandalous history than she could have possibly lived. Her new found celebrity proves irresistible to spurned boyfriends searching for their 15 minutes of fame by association.

They’re not the only ones who want a piece of Shopper Zero. Muscling in on Rachel’s criminal and civil travails is the legendary litigator Catherine “Madcat” Bingleigh, a lawyer who proves as manipulative and narcissistic as Dr. Now.

Can Rachel and the rest of the Shopping Seven finesse a victory over Dr. Now? Is there life after tabloids? The answers to these and other metaphysical questions are revealed in Carol Conn’s novel, MASCARA SATURDAY.

Product Details

  • File Size: 433 KB
  • Print Length: 206 pages
  • Publisher: Park Press International; 1 edition (September 22, 2012)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B009RA18PK
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,178,216 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Mascara Saturday October 26, 2012
With a wicked sense of humor and the satirist's eye for detail, Carol Conn captures the frenetic and competitive lifestyle in the Big Apple. This is a book that's bright and breezy, yet as it skewers our conventional wisdom, ranging from fashion to medicine and pop psychology, it leaves you with a good deal to think about. Can't wait for the movie!!
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mascara Saturday...the perfect escapist read October 31, 2012
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Carol Conn has written a lively and captivating read. She chooses as her subject a frenetic New Yorker and throws her into the perfect storm of a day gone horribly wrong...while shopping. Taking a theme that, in the hands of another writer could have been just a bit of fluff, Ms. Conn wields her considerable intelligence to craft a story that is witty, fast-moving, and charmingly wacky. It's EXACTLY the book you'll want to read when you need to disconnect for awhile and watch someone else's life spin out of control...and hilariously so. I LOVED THIS BOOK!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A trip down memory lane... November 11, 2012
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Loved Carol Conn's new book where she captured fond memories from my own cosmetic career in retail stores. It is a lively rendition of how a shopping trip to Bloomies on Saturday afternoon turns into an adventure in the hospital and more. It is fast-paced with lots of juicy details about how she navigates her way from agressive sales personnel and perfume spritzers to medical staff. A delightful and entertaining must-read!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mascara Saturday November 9, 2012
By lloydg
Sometimes a book comes from left field and turn out to be a really fun surprise. Laughed my butt off...definitely man friendly.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars review of Mascara Saturday November 6, 2012
By Edwin
Verified Purchase
This is a very clever novel with an outlandish theme that draws the reader in and creates enormous sympathy for the narrator. The characters, while to some extent exaggerated in the eye of the narrator, resonate as real people. The book is a quick, fun read and quite a hoot.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars mascara saturday: a novel November 4, 2012
By ct
Mascara Saturday could be any day a woman or even a man goes shopping in Manhattan or Beverly Hills or even Paris. What should and could be a relaxing and calm day from life's stresses, is here eloquently, articulately and deftly turned into a nightmare of a day - a day we have all experienced in our lives. It is written eloquently and articulately with humor, candor and insight making it hard to turn away from in one reading. An enjoyable must read - kudos to the author! See you at Bloomingdales.......
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Mascara Saturday - A Delightful Romp November 4, 2012
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One of my favorite authors is Hiaasen. He unleashes uproariously funny circumstances that define his native Florida to perfection. In that same fashion, Conn drops you into her resident New York City for a modern day Lucille Ball moment. Conn's New York story is a delight, full of iconic locales and an abundance of zany characters. Mascara Saturday swiftly and deftly places you into the very logical craziness of a city the author knows so well. Circumstances, out of control, take you on a delightful romp that is at once impossible and believable. Conn is a colorful writer, with a style that is well paced and full of street level rhythms. You begin to understand New York City better and that its labyrinth of systems could unwittingly conspire against you. Conn shows you how a slight misstep can become the new comedy of errors. Try Mascara Saturday on - it is wonderful.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Hysterical November 3, 2012
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I totally enjoyed this book. It allow us to look at our behavior and laugh out loud. I will never view the make up counter the same again !
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Smart, Sharp and Packed with Laughs
I laughed so much that my waterproof mascara started to run. Mascara Saturday is an hysterically funny, urban tale of what can happen when an afternoon of retail therapy at... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Valerie Carruthers
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
funny urban fable
Published 4 months ago by bobf
5.0 out of 5 stars Subversively funny
Funny, subversive... Don't read this with coffee you might choke.
I very much enjoyed Carol Conn's insight and humor. Read more
Published 22 months ago by corinne health
4.0 out of 5 stars Vivid Characters in Biting Satire
In "Mascara Saturday," author Carol Conn deftly satirizes pop psychology, cosmetics marketing, and Manhattan lifestyles. The characters are memorably vivid creations. Read more
Published 22 months ago by RG
4.0 out of 5 stars Not Your Mother's Shopping Trip
If the uber-talented and quirky film writer Charlie Kaufman had ever written about shopping, Mascara Saturday would be it. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Marilyn Lester
4.0 out of 5 stars LOL
A hilarious story about an ordinary moment becoming an extraordinary journey. through the halls of Bloomingdales and beyond. A heart felt joyous page-turner. At times...LOL.
Published on December 5, 2012 by Black Orchid
5.0 out of 5 stars Smart and Quirky - a Love Letter to New York
I was charmed with this. Read it, if only for Rachel's "Recovery Journal" entries! Her sweet, bitter broodings on feminism, friendship, politics, psychology, city life and... Read more
Published on November 28, 2012 by Sexy Librarian
4.0 out of 5 stars A slice of New York for our time
A fun and lively book with vivid descriptions of modern or contemporary Manhattan. Just as Edith Warton or Henry James showed us a slice of life in New York a hundred years ago,... Read more
Published on November 13, 2012 by Dana Shapiro
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