The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It [Paperback]

Susan Maushart (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 2000

Becoming a mother is filled with the extremes of emotion--the highest highs and the lowest lows. But women are often reluctant to talk honestly about the experience for fear they'll be seen as bad mothers. With wit and candor, The Mask of Motherhood takes on the myths and the misinformation, helping women to prepare and deal with the depth of feeling that comes with the experience and perhaps most important, letting them know that many, if not most, new mothers are feeling the same way.

Susan Maushart, social critic and mother of three, explores how motherhood affects our marriages and friendships, our relationships with parents, our sex lives, and self-esteem. Becoming a mother is a momentous occasion, so why do we maintain such a conspiracy of silence about it? In The Mask of Motherhood, mothers will find the comfort and reassurance they are looking for, and confirmation that, indeed, motherhood is the toughest job in the world, but can also be the most rewarding.

"Maushart writes engagingly and persuasively about the fact that...today's mothers feel more pressure than ever to defend their choices by donning a happy face." --People Magazine

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Everything changes when a woman becomes a mother, but society--particularly women themselves--often colludes to deny this simple truism. In The Mask of Motherhood, author Susan Maushart (a nationally syndicated columnist in Australia and the mother of three children) explores the effect childbearing has upon women. In the process, she removes the veils of serenity and satisfaction to reveal what she holds to be the truth: the early years of motherhood are physically difficult and can be emotionally devastating. New mothers increasingly enter full-scale identity crises, few women have sufficient information about child-rearing realities, and, as Maushart writes, "the realities of parenthood and especially motherhood are kept carefully shrouded in silence, misinformation, and outright lies." The book comprises seven essay-style chapters. In "Falling: The Experience of Pregnancy," Maushart discusses wrongful notions about morning sickness, the mixed messages about pregnancy weight gain, and the "mask" of stoicism pregnant women feel compelled to wear. In "Laboring Under Delusions," Maushart exposes the changes 30 years have brought in childbirth, and the contemporary woman's need for self-control in all things, including birth. In "Superwoman and Stuporman," Maushart disabuses readers of the myth of what she calls, "pseudo-egalitarian family life." The Mask of Motherhood is extensively researched, convincing, and deeply insightful. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

From Publishers Weekly

Adopting the posture of a prophetic truth teller, Maushart (Sort of a Place Like Home) makes some valuable points about contemporary attitudes toward motherhood. She attacks the myth that women can have it all, warning mothers that they will find themselves instead "doing it all." Furthermore, she argues, if women dared to speak the truth, they would open themselves to ridicule from those who view "achievement, control, and autonomy as the highest of adult aspirations." Motherhood, she stresses, is not and has never been simply one of many ingredients in the "Easymix" lifestyle. She's less convincing?and sometimes infuriating?when discussing childbirth: arguing that women's need for control dictates their childbirth decisions (a natural childbirth for some, a medically managed one for others), Maushart leaves no room for the possibility that a mother's choice might be driven by her desire to do what's best for the baby. Similarly, her insistence that breast-feeding women can't work outside the home because of a lactation-induced "hormonal fog" ignores or belittles the successful experiences of countless nursing, working mothers. In short, while Maushart provides a bracing reality check for women contemplating motherhood, she's not breaking any new ground. Any woman who has read Vicky Iovine's The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy or The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood can consider herself a recipient of the truth that Maushart claims is so hard to find.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (May 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0140291784
• ISBN-13: 978-0140291780
• Product Dimensions: 7.8 x 5.2 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #104,803 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

145 of 145 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Honest Appraisal of Motherhood, March 28, 2001

By 

Penny (Houston, Texas) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It (Paperback)

I was prompted to write a review to counter some of the negative reviews that I read about this book on this site. I bought it despite the negative reviews because it came so highly recommended by a friend. I wasn't sorry at all. This is an excellent look at the realities of motherhood for all women, but I think particularly for women who are older & have been engaged in an active professional life for some period of time. I have a number of friends who really could have benefitted from the author's insights into the adjustments to motherhood.

Because of the negative reviews, I admit that I read it on the lookout for evidence that the author was biased against motherhood or for any indication that she herself didn't enjoy motherhood. I found no evidence of this at all! She's not arguing that women who had an easy time with delivery and/or enjoy breastfeeding are lying. She's simply pointing out that it is an adjustment for many women, and yet it's not necessarily discussed (which leaves many women wondering if they are normal or not).

Her chapter on breastfeeding is *not* anti-breastfeeding. It is obvious that she is not a proponent of the attachment theory of parenting (Sears et al). But, for goodness sakes, just because one doesn't necessarily believe in demand feeding doesn't mean one is anti-breastfeeding!

I also thoroughly enjoyed her chapters on The Juggled Life (balancing career & outside interests with motherhood) and the Superwoman chapter on gender roles that may play out in marriages after the arrival of the first baby.

I highly recommend this book -- it's excellent "food for thought," whether you're considering having children, are pregnant or already have one or more children.

75 of 78 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An important read for moms..., April 12, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It (Paperback)

I am a mother of a 19-month old and read this book several months ago. I was looking for confirmation that the feelings I was experiencing as a new mom were not unique to me, odd, or unusual. This book encouraged me to relax and trust myself. I've asked friends and my sisters to share their feelings of motherhood -- whether they experienced any negative feelings about the change in their lifestyles, etc., and not one could relate to what I was talking about -- they all simply showered me with how great their kids are...This book descibes that process as typical as we are raised not to complain or label any of the feelings associated with motherhood as negative, no matter how valid those feelings might be. I adore my child -- that is not even in question, and this author seemed to capture the thought process I've experienced as a tired working mom. I recommend this book to any mom who is looking for a honest answer to her question "do you ever feel..."

40 of 40 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Thoroughly Insightful and Informative Book!, May 15, 2006

By 

Busy Mom (Ohio) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

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This review is from: The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It (Paperback)

I wish I had found this book three years ago when I was struggling with post-partum blues, then maybe I wouldn't have felt so alone. I wish I had found this book when I couldn't keep breastfeeding my two, then maybe I wouldn't have felt like a failure or guilty because I wasn't a "good enough mom." This book had me nodding my head throughout the entire book ~~ and yes, there were points that I disagreed with but that's because it wasn't relevant to my situation. This is a must-read for all moms who are overwhelmed with taking care of children and juggling work and childcare.

Unlike some of the reviewers in here, I did not find this book to be negative. I found the author to be concise and thoughtful in her narrative. She shared with the reader her experiences and was honest. She did not make it sound like motherhood is a negative thing ~~ just sometimes, women get blindsided by reality that they had little or no prior knowledge of what to expect. Women just do not talk about these things. Women just do not talk about their lack of breastfeeding experiences or how overwhelmed they are when they are first home with their children and how overwhelmed they get when they go back to work. Sometimes, even the spouses don't help out and they (both mothers and fathers of newborns) find out that they've fallen in traditional roles. However, she did point out that it's just as much as the women's fault as the men's in allowing that to happen. (That is one chapter I read with misgivings because it doesn't fit in my life and perceptions of what is like in my own family.)

This is an informative book ~~ one that I urge all mothers read. It is enlightening and honest. It is not a dry book ~~ it is very interesting and pretty fast paced for me. I did not find this book to be negative in complaining about motherhood. Reality is reality and sometimes, it's hard to bear. I know that I denied my first year of motherhood ~~ I didn't want to admit that I struggled with a lot of issues that were going on at that time. No one wants to admit that being a mother is hard sometimes and that it's tedious, boring and sometimes, just too much. But isn't that true of life? Being a mother may be a job but it is a job that spans over an entire lifetime ~~ and like any job, there are moments of pleasure, joy and tedium.

Any woman who wants to stop feeling alone should read this book. It's worth it.

5-15-06