Customer Reviews

Master Blaster

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"Master Blaster" is an obscure throwaway about simulated combat from the 1980's, where it should have been left. I knew there would be trouble when I saw that the Executive Producer was Bill "Death Curse of Tartu" Grefe, and my instincts immediately proved correct, starting with the truly odious theme song, which you may actually need to mute to make it through. This film could have just as easily been called "Battle of the Ugly Rednecks", which is actually more genuinely descriptive. If the music wasn't enough to chase you off, within the first five minutes or so we discover four separate factions in a bar fight of dubious realism, featuring some truly stupefying mullets.

It turns out that a group of would-be paramilitary buffoons are meeting by invitation only in the woods somewhere (talk about a cheap location) to attend the "Masterblaster Grand National Championships" where they compete for 24 hours trying to "kill" the others with special guns that shoot "blood pellets" while avoiding numerous obstacles. It's obvious that although the entire cast is utterly unlikable that "The Hawk" (Jeff Moldovan) is supposed to be the hero. Of course he did two years in Vietnam and therefore has baggage, but he is the least annoying of the characters so he must be the protagonist.

After a very (very) long set of introductions of the various competitors (which pads the running time immensely), some truly trying exposition, a lesson on Kobe beef, and some of the most wretched dancing (huh?) ever, the competition gets underway. Watch the hilarious competition preparation, especially from the tubby ninja. Also of note: the extraordinarily bad dialogue and Vietnam flashback ("There I was...trying to put Lenny's head together....) I also enjoyed the bizarre monologue from a female police officer who said she would be unable to shoot a criminal. (Time for a career change.) This drivel finally turns to action, which essentially boils down to a bunch of moronic guys playing dress up cowboys and Indians in the woods. Fortunately it goes on for a long time. Hello, boredom. As you may have guessed, a real killer joins the fray, and after some pointless doublecrosses, the film ends in one of the most ridiculous conclusions in my rather elephantine cinematic memory.

"Master Blaster" is a truly dreadful and very cheap effort with a wholly unbalanced plot, poor direction and acting, and no sense of tension whatsoever for a film that's ostensibly a thriller. The theme music will eat it's way into your brain, and the film will annoy you for an hour and a half of your life that you can't ever get back. Even though I'm a dyed-in-the-wool B-movie lover, this was not worth the 99 cents I paid for it a video store that was going out of business. Skip it if you have any idea what's good for you.