Customer Reviews

Masters of Horror: Valerie on the Stairs

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(6)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Mick Garris may have created Masters of Horror, but the director's (and frequent adaptor of Stephen King tales to the small screen) work for the show hasn't been anything to write home about so far. Valerine on the Stairs, based on a Clive Barker tale, finds a haunted writer (Tyron Leisto) moving into an eccentric building community, only to find things further haunted still. The sole reason to check this episode out is the great Christopher Lloyd, who provides the kind of enjoyable, crazed performance we've come to expect from the wonderful actor. The gorgeous, and frequently naked, Clare Grant plays the titular title role of the episode, and genre stalwart Tony "Candyman" Todd plays a ghoulish role, but Valerie on the Stairs ends up falling flat. Garris' direction is uninspired, and the episode as a whole just moves along too slow with little suspense, and even smaller payoff. The gore effects are decent, but don't make any impact until too late in the episode. The overall result ends up being pretty lame, which is a shame because the potential was ripe here. All in all, Valerine on the Stairs is a disappointing installment of the Masters of Horror series, and while it's worth a look at least for fans of the show, it's not worth picking up and adding to your library unless you're a completist.

When watching what the Masters of Horror collection has to offer, I really don't set the bar high. The thing they are trying to accompish it quite amazing, and the fact that I can buy the series for a good price is really beautiful. I honestly just need a few jumps to keep me guessing, maybe some laughs if they are going for comedy in the gore, and a little cohesiveness when it comes to the storyline. When I started watching Valerie on the Stairs I thought I was going to get that, too, but as I journeyed further into the abyss I began to realize that this wasn't one of the good or even the middle-ground episodes.
No, it was really bad.

Basically, we have the story of a writer who moves into this creepy place subbing as a haven for wannabe writers, and the writer begins hearing things that are, well, haunting. Soon after getting settled (if putting some of your stuff down and pecking at a typewriter getting settled) he sees something rather terrible/erotic; he hears some noise and goes to check on it and sees that there's a naked woman settled on the staircase outside just before she is dragged into the shadows by the hands of something bestial. If you haven't guessed, her name is Valerie, and the premise sounds enticing.
For a few moments the movie is, too, and makes you think you've stuck gold.
Sadly, like a child with a handful of pyrite, you soon realize that the cinema gods have duped you.

The problem with the Valerie, aside from the fact that much of it is determined to be a softcore skin flick, is the fact that it doesn't maintain its edge. At first it starts out sharp, creepy even, but it looses that rather quickly and makes you wonder why. It honestly felt like it had been written well at first, almost like there was effort at the start, but then someone had gotten bored and had constructed the end on a bender. Strangely, it wasn't the acting or the effects or even the location that hurt the movie. It was simply the storyline and the direction that made this one a sure miss.

The only people I would say that need to see this are perhaps horror wachers with lots of B-movie needs, hardcore fans of the Masters of Horror series, and perhaps people making a movie who need something to study on what "not to do." I would try to talk them out of it, too, but people have to do what people have to do. I guess I can understand that - I had to see it for myself and had the same type of warning.
This is a not recommended and then some - sadly, I might add. For ten minutes I thought it would be soo much more.

Masters of Horror creator, Mick Garris, steps in as Director for the second time in the series on "Valerie on the Stairs". Rob Hanisey (Leitso) is a struggling novelist who finds himself out on the streets when he cannot pay his rent. With nowhere else to go he finds a unique living situation at an old tenement called Highberger House. The house allows writers to stay rent-free UNTIL they make their first sale. Not a bad deal and evidently the current residents know it as many have been living there for some time including Everett Neely, played by Christopher Lloyd in yet another wild-eyed role.

Rob has barely settled into his room when he begins to hear strange sounds...a knocking at his door although no one is there...footsteps...and then a woman crying. Rob questions the other tenants about the noises and if there is a ghost but none offer any help. The sounds turn more direct as rob finds a very beautiful, and very naked woman on the stairs leading up to the next floor. As he draws closer to her she tells him, "He's coming" and then disappears into a solid wall. The haunting continues as Rob finally sees the thing that Valerie is referring to: a black-skinned demon who snatches Valerie away every time Rob gets close.

Rob's probing brings him into conflict with the other writers and with the home's landlord who threatens to throw him out on the street, published sale or not. Rob corners Everett and eventually learns the dark secret of Valerie, the Beast, and Highberger House.

Garris wrote the teleplay based on a screenplay by horror icon Clive Barker. The film stars out as a rather typical ghost story. The mood is set effectively with strange sounds and the unsettling knocking at Rob's door. But when the rest of the tenants deny any knowledge of a ghost or a woman named Valerie had lived in the house, the episode plays its hand too quickly. You know right away that they indeed know who Valerie is although their secret is held for a bit longer. The story may have been very effective on paper as a short story but loses some effectiveness when transferred to the screen.

I mean, besides just for some gratuitous T & A, what was the reason that Valerie walked around nude during the entire episode. Clare Grant is certainly a beautiful girl but I'm not so sure how it forwarded the story. Christopher Lloyd is always fun to watch, even when he is playing his umpteenth crazy guy but besides him the rest of the cast was fairly uninteresting. Tony Todd plays the beast and like Lloyd, he's playing another role that he's grown all too used to...the menacing, growling, and supernatural monster. Unlike Lloyd, he isn't quite as fun to watch. The ending does provide the really only original plot twist to the episode and helps raise the grade on this one a bit. The DVD comes with an Audio Commentary with Mick Garris, a couple of featurettes, and a photo gallery.


REVIWED BY TIM JANSON

This collaboration between Clive Barker and Mick Garris showcases both creators at their very best. Clive's story of the power of frustrated, unpublished writers to bring their nightmares to life is brought beautifully to life by Garris's directing, which is at a career peak here. His cast, especially his brave and beautiful star Clare Grant (reminiscent of a young and radiant Sissy Spacek from her "Carrie" days), is uniformly excellent. The gore will satisfy fans who need blood and guts. But what really impressed me was the film's thoughtful and haunting tone, which is more European in flavor than US. The special features are uniformly entertaining and help to make this feature even more impressive. This may be my favorite MoH episode ever, and that's really saying a lot!

This was my first (probably also my LAST) viewing of the "Masters of Horror" witches brew. This tepid--sometimes stunningly bad--installment is based on a short story by Clive Barker. I'm very familiar with Mr. Barker although I have not read his version of this.

Let's see, the plot is something like this: down-on-his-luck writer gets a call from the manager of a for-writers-only apartment complex(?), checks in, but doesn't (CUE OMINOUS MUSIC PLEASE) check out. He starts seeing--naturally--Valeria on the stairs. I won't tell you anymore than this. You can waste one hour of your life just like I did. You get Christopher Lloyd, a/k/a the Reverend Jim from "Taxi", Tony Todd in the worst-possible monster makeup, and a little gore. Yawn. It took me THREE viewings before I could finish this; the first two put me to sleep like a little baby. Does that tell you anything?

Buildings aren't supposed to have anyone living in their walls. Especially naked women named Valerie (Clare Grant) or hideous demons (Tony Todd)! Highberger House has just such a wall-dwelling problem. These creatures even exit the walls, in order to terrify, seduce, and ultimately kill unwary residents! Now, Valerie can stay, but the ugly devil-man's got to go! People are starting to talk! He's worse than rats or roaches. At least they don't pull your spine out through your mouth! Jeez! Anyway, check into Highberger House only if you are not offended by beautiful, unclothed women or disgruntled demonoids. Otherwise, you'll be sorry! Then again, what did you expect would be included w/ free room and board?...

A young aspiring author, Rob Hanisey (Tyler Leitso) moves in to a room at the Highberger House - a haven for unpublished writers where he can stay, rent free as long as his work remains unpublished. Our charming protagonist soon discovers that the previous tenant committed suicide and the other co-inhabitants of the Highberger House are all nutty, annoying characters that seem to have leaped out of a SNL skit. Soon Rob becomes plagued with visions of a beautiful young woman (Clare Grant) who appears distraught and nude for most of the time (Maybe she's looking for her clothes). Accompanying this lost soul is a vicious Man-Beast (Tony Todd) who yanks the unfortunate maiden away before our protagonist can get close to her and unravel the mystery of Valerie on the stairs.

This episode directed by Mick Garris has a lot of promise. It is from a story written by Clive Barker and although the premise may sound all too familiar; creepy old house, ghostly voices, awkward characters, the story is not as predictable as one would think. However, there is much to criticize about "Valerie on the Stairs". Although the film drips with atmosphere and the cast is generally good- Christopher Lloyd is again his loony best and Tony Todd plays another monstrous entity quite successfully, all of this is not enough to salvage a fright film that is not at all scary despite some R-rated kills.

Now, I don't usually complain about beautiful women walking around without nothing on but sometimes too much nudity becomes a distraction and since "Valerie on the Stairs" doesn't have much going for it, at least on film, maybe on paper, this was one heck of a story, the result is just sleazy nudity to keep the audience interested. At least that is what I got from this. Now I know many will state the nudity is relevant to the plot since Valerie is supposed to represent tortured beauty and sexuality but for some reason, it didn't quite work for me. More interesting are the gore sequences, especially the one grisly scene involving the removal of someone's spinal cord through the mouth and the Beast's make-up is attention-grabbing. Speaking of this villainous man-beast, the impact it originally had is lost by too much screen time. Keeping the monster in the background and maybe giving us a flash of its eyes, its claws, it's voice (and what a voice!) etc would have been far more effective than seeing the creature up close and personal since when closely scrutinized, it looks rather silly. Of course this is not Mr. Todd's fault. He gives this peculiar role his all and his voice is perfect for this. The film's climax will also have many rolling their eyes in bewilderment but I must give the creator of this tale kudos for giving us a twist and going somewhere new and not simply giving us another tale of tortured souls and a haunted house.

Those wanting a lot of T & A, an amusing looking monster with some gore thrown in, may find this installment fairly amusing but like so many other episodes in this series, the film-makers took a rather interesting premise and did absolutely nothing special with it. It's interesting enough but hardly memorable with no scares whatsoever and with the exception of some stand out episodes, this "Masters of Horror" series became much too routine for anyone other than hard-core horror fans to care much. Which is a shame considering some of the talent involved and despite Clive Barkers wicked imagination behind this story, "Valerie on the Stairs" gets a 2.5 out of 5.

horrible movie. I heard good reviews so I bought it. wish I'd went with another of the movies from the series.

An unpublished writer (Tyron Leitso) moves into a boarding house for hopeful authors, where he becomes involved with a mysterious young woman (Clare Grant) and the demon (Tony Todd) that torments her. Clive Barker has done so much good work, but the tale upon which this short film is based must be one of his substandard efforts. Even at an hour, it feels too long. The twist ending is not particularly surprising, nor is it successful visually. In fact, it looks downright silly.

*contains spoilers*
like at least half the other episodes this one seems to have a script adequate to only fill 30 minutes of content so every scene is made twice as long as it needs to be to get the point across and often feels like watching paint dry. the only fault the director can be held accountable for is accepting the script. there were a few unanswered questions, mainly what the writers of the novel in progress knew about it's real life manifestation in the building. their agitation when questioned about it seemed to imply the two male writers knew about it, but how they felt about it is never addressed even though it seems like the single most relevant piece of information for understanding those characters behaviour. considering 50% of the time i spent watching it was utterly mind numbing i can't give it more than 2 stars. edit it down to 30 minutes and i'll give it 3.