Customer Reviews

Masters of Horror: The Washingtonians

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4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

Based on a Bentley Little short story, The Washingtonians is an often amusing episode of Masters of Horror that puts a new kind of spin on the founding fathers. What if George Washington was a cult leader of child eating cannibals? That's what Mike (Johnathon Schaech) finds out after accidentally uncovering a hidden letter behind a portrait that was written by Washington himself, and soon enough he's being hunted by present day followers of Washington's ways, that will do anything to keep their secrets safe. The more ridiculous that The Washingtonians gets, the better it gets for the most part, and when it borderlines on complete and utter absurdity before the credits start to roll. Directed by the often underrated Peter Medak (The Changeling, Species II), The Washingtonians is nevertheless gory, enjoyable, and entertaining, and in those respects alone, that's all that really matters. All in all, as long as you don't take it too seriously, The Washingtonians is an amusing ride.

I have to admit, The Washingtonians had me going until about halfway through the episode. I thought I was watching a straight horror, but even better, it turned out to be an outrageous black comedy-horror that is deftly handled by Director Peter Medak. The teleplay was written by Richard Chizmar and co-star, Jonathan Schaech, and based on a story by Bentley Little. Mike and Pam Franks have inherited Mike's grandmother's house in Virginia and move there with their daughter Amy. The house is filled with all sorts of antiques and early American artifacts. Mike makes a surprise discovery behind a painting of George Washington. Hidden beneath the canvas is a letter in which the writer talks about eating the flesh of children. It is signed with the initials "G.W." and also includes a fork that appears to be carved out of human bone.

Mike shows the letter to Samuel, a friend of his grandfathers, and Samuel asks...no, DEMANDS that mike sell the letter. Mike refuses and that's when the trouble begins. Soon a gang of men dressed in Colonial American costumes is banging on his door, demanding he turn over the letter. Mike and his family flee back to their home but the trouble doesn't end. He shares the letter with a history professor friend who tells him his family is in great danger from the Washingtonians! The professor reveals that George Washington, the father of our country, was, in truth, a cannibal! George had a taste for virgin flesh and his symbol of a "cherry" tree made me laugh out loud and realize the director had pulled one over on me. Cherry tree...virgin flesh...that's gold!

Mike soon finds out that this cannibalistic cult of Washingtonians still thrives today and his grandparents were both members. Does mike turn over the letter and keep Washington's secret safe or does he keep it hidden and become the main course at their next gathering?

I loved how the story drew on Da Vinci Code influence. In that blockbuster, the secret society are protecting the truth about Jesus, here they are protecting the outrageous secret that Washington ate human flesh! He apparently acquired the taste during that hostile winter at Valley Forge...

What makes the episode work so well is that the performances are all played pretty straight...all except for the various Washingtonians who are over-the-top in their performances. They pinch the cheeks of little Amy and tell her she's "cute enough to eat" and they mean it! Oh yes...there is plenty of gore as the Washingtonians much one various body parts and entrails...we even get to see Thomas Jefferson torn to pieces. Terrifying but downright hilarious. One of the best episodes of season two!

REVIEWED BY TIM JANSON

If you want to watch a good movie about how we see history in a horror lovers point of view I would recomend this film.Great horror fun with some extra thrills,and chills!!! The people I got the movie from was a graet choice as well.Speedy service,and great prices.Masters of Horror: The Washingtonians

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This MOH episode is sort of a "What IF" type of film that ask the viewers to go along for the ride of what if history isn't as true as we think it is. What if George Washington the father of our country, got the taste of human flesh at valley forge and wanted to build the first nation of cannibals. A cult like following preserving the aspects and hiding Washington's hidden agenda surrounds a man and his family, that has recently took over his grandmothers possessions after she passed away finding an historical artifact that portrays the truth about Washington and the birth of our country. Most of the film deals with the Washingtonians trying to get the artifacts back.

The film is bloody and gory at times, just as you would expect a film of this nature to be. Some might be offended by the notions and creative direction this film takes, but it must be remembered that it is fictional, just like a movie about zombies or some other type of horror movie and must be viewed as such. To do otherwise is a disservice to the film.

I thoroughly enjoyed the film for what is was an hour long short horror flick that kept me amused and entertained.
Exactly what i wanted and expected. A good buy you you collect horror movies.

This MOH episode is not scary in the least, but it is original. I think it's something that you will enjoy best around presidents day. It's gory and campy. Don't go in with super high expectations, and you should be pleasantly surprised.

The Washingtonians was my favorite episode of the second season! I'm not sure why others wrote such bad reviews... the movie was very funny and creative. Maybe some Americans take themselves a little too serious. People need to relax and develop a sense of humor!

One other comment about the movie: The ending was terrifying!

George Washington wasn't the person they made him out to be. Quite the contrary; old George had a secret and the secret involved the reality behind wooden teeth and a bit on the bones of children. That meant he wasn't the gentle old man from history books - quite the contrary, in fact.
And when realizations about this surface, The Washingtonians come as well.

When I saw that Bentley Little's short story, The Washintonians (from the novel The Collection), had been given a space in the Masters of Horror workshop, I new it would be funny. It delved a little into the backdrop of horror and it delved a little into the backdrop of comedy, making it quite the funny remark on what history really is. The acting was good, too, and the fun was there to be had. Added to that was the fact that it did justice to what Little had intended, not trying to take the subject too seriously but not trying to take it too lightly, either.
It was just the right climate for just the right kind of tell.

When looking through the Masters of Horror catalog, I thought this was one of the fun titles. Compared to a lot of the others, it doThe Collectionesn't try to take itself too seriously. And how could it, really, with people in powdered wigs playing the bit at bad guys?
This might make it wonderful for some, but it might also make it the opposite for others. It just depends on how much you want to laugh at your movie, how you see a "B movie" when you look into the cinematic mirror, and if you appreciate an interestingly odd tale? If you can say you do like a good concept, a nice laugh, and don't need a scare from the tale to make it enjoyably frightful then you'll like this outing. If not, you'd be better served looking by other MOH tales.

Several of the MOH episodes have been quite entertaining, so I decided to give this one a try. It starts off in promising fashion, with some creepy scenes and atmosphere, but it rapidly becomes a ridiculous farce. The "actress" portraying the daughter is the most annoying member of a cast that wallows in mediocrity. She has no apparent talent other than to scream piercingly. I found myself watching the final scenes in fervent hope that she would meet a ghastly end, but as with everything else in this poorly conceived and executed mess, I was ultimately disappointed.

If the concept of a "federal" SWAT team (called in by a...are you ready for this?...concerned history professor) summarily executing a gathering of flesh-eating lunatics wearing powdered wigs and colonial costumes, in order to conceal the fact that George Washington was a child-eating cannibal seems plausible or even remotely interesting to you, then by all means waste an hour of your time, as I did, wading through this silly, disappointing, amateurish farce.

To be honest, the general concept was so outlandish that, in more expert hands, it might have been entertaining. Too bad that Eli Roth or Robert Rodriguez weren't chosen to direct it. The scenes through the door peephole of the colonial cannibals in powdered wigs attempting to appear menacing with their rotted teeth and painted red lips (in true Mick Jagger fashion) was mildly amusing, but ultimately, the atrocious acting, laughable script, and wretched direction summarily execute (in true SWAT style) any chance of enjoyment.

You have been warned. This is a really lousy episode of MOH and the daughter character alone will make you root for the cannibals. Suffer through it at your own peril.

I should first explain that I like the Masters of Horror series. Granted, most of them are...not good, but one in a half-dozen is worth the time. Those of you who love this series, don't reject what I say about this episode just because it is negative.

As for The Washingtonians, several years ago I read the short story upon which this episode is based. It was, flatly, one of the worst things I've ever read. It tried very hard to be creepy and funny at the same time, but in the end it was just a bad idea filtered through the expressive powers of a talentless (hack) writer.

Now, as for the "Why?" in my title: Why, for the love of all that is good and right--why would they think that a movie based on a poorly conveived and poorly written short story could be anything other than unwatchable?

Bentley Little's short story of the same title is a classic, original black humor-ish horror tale. I was stoked that they decided to bring this one to the screen, and did end up enjoying the film. The imagery was terrific, but the altered ending and lack of development kept it from taking the original tale to the next level.

The gory scenes of cannibalism with eerie pale faced, powder-wigged Gentlemen going to town on the corpses were shot just right. The dialouge was decent and the acting was mediocre, rather forgettable, really save for the Washingtonians themselves who come off as creepy and feisty.

Worth a look if you enjoy tongue in cheek horror flicks and have a twisted sense of humor.