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Mate: Become the Man Women Want Hardcover – September 15, 2015

4.3 out of 5 stars 85 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


"Every single page has interesting information. A great resource."―Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of the Loveline radio show and Dr. Drew On Call on HLN

"The most unexpected book of the year: World-famous evolutionary psychologist meets world-famous drunken asshole. The result: A sober, solid, necessary, and authoritative guide not just to dating, but to becoming a better man."―Neil Strauss, author of New York Times bestseller The Game and The Truth

"I wish I could teleport a copy of Mate back in time and give it to my 13-year-old self, and then instruct him to read it once a year for the next decade."―Jake Seliger, author and founder of The Story's Story

"From the very beginning, this book plays it straight. It's about becoming a better person and creating positive, fulfilling relationships. This isn't a book with a predatory, pickup artist mindset."―Aubrey Marcus, founder of Onnit Fitness and the Aubrey Marcus Podcast

"A fascinating look at mating and dating from the perspective of a guy who gained fame for doing the former.... Miller's academic influence gives it some much needed credibility."―Adam Kovac, AskMen.com

About the Author

Tucker Max is the author of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller and has over 2 million copies in print worldwide, and Assholes Finish First and Hilarity Ensues, which both have over a million copies in print worldwide.

Geoffrey Miller, Ph.D., is a tenured professor of evolutionary psychology at University of New Mexico, and the author of The Mating Mind and Spent.


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Little, Brown and Company (September 15, 2015)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0316375365
  • ISBN-13: 978-0316375368
  • Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 1.2 x 9.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.6 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (85 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,576 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
With help from Tucker and Nils (authors of this book) I've been getting better with women on Helping Joe (part of the Mating Grounds podcast) for the last 6+ months. Dr. Miller's advice via the Q&As has also been super helpful.

I went from moving to a new city (Austin) where I only new a few people and had 0 women in my life, not even anyone on my radar or prospective "she's cute, maybe I should ask her out" girls... to now going on multiple dates a week, easily meeting new women, and dating a few girls casually.

The same advice they gave me is also in this book.

Personally, my favorite chapters are...

Chapter 2 -> How different (and sometimes scary) it is to be a woman (What it's like to be a woman)

I re-read this like 2-3x, so enlightening. And the Perspective-Taking Exercise they have the end of this chapter is a great way to better understand women every day. Great stuff.

Chapter 3 -> Clarify mating goals and how to figure out where you are in life and what you want

The Exercise to figure out what you want at the end of this chapter is super helpful. I took 10 minutes and I came away with a lot better idea of what I wanted (short+medium term relationships).

Chapters 15 & 17 -> Mating markets and how to put yourself in a place to do really with women

I remember when they first talked about this on the podcast and it blew me away because it was such a simple concept that 99% of all dating advice misses, like doesn't even f*cking mention, but it's so important.

Where you live (from country to city to neighborhood) & where you hang out (work and play) matters A LOT. The podcast episodes they did on this were great but the book gives a much better breakdown.
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Format: Hardcover
There are a lot of books out there on sex and dating. The majority are written by swindlers regurgitating some other con’s derivative work. I think of a lot of it as that ‘whispers’ game you played as a kid. One person starts a rumor and then 10 books later you have whole books filled with nonsense. Then an enterprising young broscientist spouts off hearsay as facts to a big email list, and that’s your popular male ‘dating’ books. Given that, I was pretty quick to lump this book in with the rest when I first heard about it a while back.

A few articles in my feed about the book later, curiosity got the best of me and here we are, writing a positive review for a Tucker Max dating book. Not where I planned to be at this exact moment in time, but hopefully useful to give some thoughts on the book. I think the mix of Max’s bro instincts, Miller’s academic background, and their co-writer Nils Parker’s writing abilities make this the best book currently available for young men looking for more information on dating (or at least that I’ve come across). There was first hand research for the first time I’d seen in a book in this category, and simple advice based on legit science and no ‘pump yourself up and get out there’ motivational speaker type nonsense.
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Format: Hardcover
I'm obsessed with elaborate etiquette manuals, weird instructional films from the 1950s, creepy books about how to pick up women or hypnotize people to do your bidding. Attempts to shape human behavior are as fascinating as human behavior itself. It was in this spirit that I jumped into Mate, not quite knowing what to expect.

Damn, I was blown away.

As a woman, I'm not the target audience for this book. But I have this to say: ATTENTION ALL GUYS, READ THIS NOW! Yeah, this book will get you laid. But more importantly, it'll make you a better, happier, healthier person. Unlike a lot of "self help" books, this one is based upon actual science. The authors bring in a ton of insights based on what real women actually want and care about, and they've distilled all this stuff into a detailed, comprehensive manual that should be required reading for any dude before he is allowed out into the world. Speaking from the perspective of a woman who has turned down countless guys for countless reasons, I can say with assurance that the insights in this book are super-accurate and powerful. And not at all sexist or creepy/manipulative. If every guy read this in his late teens or 20s (or even older — it's never too late), it would raise the overall happiness level of *everyone* by a lot.
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Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
Like any young man trying to navigate adulthood and dating, I have checked out many sources for information on how to deal with improving my dating life. I have read The Game, Robert Greene's Art of Seduction, pickup artist forums and on an on. They all had useful bits of information and valuable advice interspersed with ambiguous anecdotes, vague tips and in some cases, frankly unethical and ineffective information. This book provides ethical, scientifically-proven and effective ACTIONABLE information in a step-by-step and easy to understand way.

The book starts off by explaining the female perspective on dating. Already, it is different from many dating books I have read (with the exception of probably Art of Seduction). If the reason for this is not immediately apparent, it is quickly explained and thoroughly examined to give men insight into the often misunderstood reasons behind many of women's actions and thoughts. It then goes on to outline the fundamental, underlying principle of attractiveness and the main 5 ways that male attractiveness is determined. I'm not going to sit here and give an entire outline of the book, but all - and I mean all of this book is based on scientific research, mostly from an evolutionary perspective to make the advice given applicable in every culture, for the vast majority of women and with a depth of understanding that is never seen in this sphere. I mean the references section is CHOCK FULL of scientific journal and books, more than any book I have seen including university textbooks. It's actually kind of ridiculous.
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