Meeting The One Some people believe in the romantic notion that somewhere out there is a very special person just for them. The One. Your soul mate. Someone who you'll recognise because you feel at your best with him, and you'll feel you were destined to be with them. We had varying opinions on this, but really it's up to you if you if you choose to believe in "The One" theory or not.
Nesta: Who says you only get One? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three . . . and so on.
Lucy: Don't put off seeing other boys or waste too much time waiting for The One in case he lives in Outer Mongolia and never travels. If you do meet him, you will know him at once and can take it from there.
Izzie: If it's meant to be, destiny will bring you together in this life as it has in past lives.
TJ: It's all chemical. The One is just a way of saying you fancy someone and your pheromones are mutually attractive.
How to Spot a Rat
Basically, he doesn't phone when he says he will. Is totally unreliable. He lies. He's late. He's vague about what he does when he's not with you. He doesn't listen to you or looks bored or amused when you're pouring out your heart. He cheats. He doesn't respect you.
Don't get involved.
Trouble is, sometimes even the smartest of girls doesn't realize that a boy is a rat until too late. This is because often a rat looks exactly the same as a nice guy. (Both TJ and I got fooled into falling for the same love rat once and he really seemed like a nice guy at first. It almost broke our friendship up until we realized that being mates was more important than being with a boy we couldn't trust.)
As with their body language, sometimes boys are hard to read. Hard to understand. Which brings me to our next section.
So you've got him to notice you. He's got your number. Then what?
The general rule is that if a boy is interested, you don't have to wonder if he'll call or not. He will. In his own time, but he will.
Of course there are exceptions:
1. He's shy.
2. He's lost your number.
3. He put your number in his jeans pocket and those jeans went in the wash.
4. He's lazy.
5. He might fear rejection.
It can be hard for boys to do the all the running and asking for a date can be scary. In which case, you could always ask him. But remember...
- Pick your time. Ask him when he's on his own as sometimes boys act too cool or embarrassed when with their mates.
- Give at least a few days' notice--if you ask him out for that night, he may be busy. However, if he is busy but interested, he will probably say something like, "Oh sorry, I can't make tonight, but how about another time?" If turning you down, he won't give an opening for another time or will make an excuse. A genuine excuse is usually backed up with an alternative arrangement.
- Be cool about it. Don't declare undying love and tell him you've been watching him for weeks. He might think, Whoa! Stalker!
- Be confident. Don't start your invite by saying, "I don't suppose . . ." Be positive. Say, "Would you like to . . . ?"
- If you think he might not be ready for a one-to-one date, you could ask him to join you with a bunch of mates. Keep it casual, like there's a bunch of us going to a concert on Saturday, like to join us? Or invite him to a party as you can say we need some extra boys.
- If he declines and doesn't offer an alternative date, move on.
But say he does call. He asks you out on a date. Fantastic. What then?
Dating: First Dates Do:
Be cool and not too over eager if asked out, but do show that you're pleased.
Right:
He: Let's get together some time.
You: (big smile) Sure. Sounds good.
He: How about next Friday?
Wrong:
He: Let's get together some time.
You: Yes. Hold on, I'll get my diary. I'm free tonight or I could come over right now.
He: Um. I'll call you.
- Be encouraging as it probably took the boy a lot of nerve to get the courage up to ask you. (Unless you're Tony, who is under the impression that all girls are gagging to go out with him. Not all boys are as confident as he is.)
- Make some effort, but don't go over the top. Dress so that you look good, but are comfortable in what you're wearing--but not too comfortable, like in your pajamas.
- Offer to pay your way. Usually whoever has asked you on a date should pay the first time, but don't assume. Offer to go "Dutch" and pay your share. He can always refuse to let you.
- If he pays you a compliment, take it. Say thank you. Don't go into a whole thing about how short/fat/ugly you really are as a) it sounds as though you are dismissing his compliment and b) he might think, Oh yeah, I hadn't noticed before, but you are short/fat/ugly!
- Keep your conversations light and fun.
Don't:
- Take a friend along.
- Ask questions that are too personal in the beginning--like: Are you still a virgin? And don't make personal comments about his appearance unless it's complimentary--asking if he's always had sticky out ears isn't going to make him feel great, whereas asking where he gets his hair cut as it looks fab, is.
- Steal his thunder if he's telling you a joke, by saying, "Oh, I've heard this," or finishing the punch-line for him. Let him get it out and laugh. It's his first date too and he's probably a bit nervous.
- Make him feel bad if he says something dumb as sometimes the wrong thing slips out and you don't want to make him feel totally stupid.
- Be too early and don't be too late.
Text copyright © 2005 by Cathy Hopkins
Things to Do on a Rainy Day (Or Sunny. Or Windy.)
We've all worked on this section and decided to start with a bit of redecorating! Your bedroom is your own personal chill-out space--somewhere where you can close the door on the rest of the world, so it's good to make it a place that you really want to spend time in (and where your mates do too at sleepovers).
Redesign Your Bedroom
Step One: Research Before you start, go to the library to get books on interior design or invest in a couple of magazines that specialise in bedrooms to give you ideas that you hadn't thought about. Work out how much money you can afford to spend and who might be able to help you with the time and labour.
Step Two: Clear Out the Clutter Take a big bin bag and get rid of old books, scraps of paper, old magazines and clothes that you haven't worn for ages. See if anything is worth donating to a charity shop or can be recycled.
Step Three: Start Designing Decide what look are you going for, then choose your color scheme accordingly. Remember that light colors open a room up and give a feeling of space whereas dark colors can close it in and make it look smaller (but cosier). Most big DIY stores sell tiny sample pots now so that you can try colors out on your wall before your final choice. It's worth trying a few, as colors rarely look the same on the wall as they do on a color chart. Watch how the color changes at different times of day as the color you liked at noon may look totally different in the evening. Once you've decided, have confidence in your style choice. Some effects are:
- Cool colors: blue and green
- Warm colors: red, orange, yellow
- Minimal: white, shades of white or pale lilac
- Bright: vivid pink, orange, turquoise, lime green or yellow
- Fairy tale: pastel pink, pale blue, lilac, lavender or turquoise
- Romantic: shades of pink and red
- Exotic (Indian, Thai, Moroccan): honey gold, orange, yellow and reds
- Stark: black and white
Once you've decided on your colors, invite mates over for a painting party and it will be done in no time. Cover everything that might get paint splashed on it with old sheets or dust covers: i.e. the furniture, floor and yourselves!
Unless going for white all over, use a lighter shade of your wall color for the ceiling (or if you're going for something really bright and colorful, in which case, use contrasting colors). For doors, skirting boards and radiators, use a darker or lighter tone of the same color as the walls or a contrasting one.
If you want to use bold colors, but feel uncertain, the general rule is that opposite colors (red/green, blue/orange, yellow/purple) look great together and shades of the same color family look great together. Experiment on paper before hand to see how different color choices will look.
Step Four: Soft Furnishings (e.g. curtains, blinds, bedspreads, cushions). It's always a good idea to get fabric samples before your final choice that way, you can see how the color looks in the room. Most fabric stores will give you a small strip from the end of a roll.
Don't mix too many contrasting patterns as they will all fight for space and give your room a confused look. When you add your pictures or posters, you want them to be the main focal point.
Here are some effects you might like to try:
- For a simple, uncluttered look, blinds at the window look clean and unimposing and if you keep your soft furnishing colors within the same color family as your walls, the whole effect will be easy on the eye, i.e. if you picked blue for the walls, choose soft furnishing in the same color group (pale blue, turquoise, sky blue, navy). If you chose green, the cushions and curtains should be in shades of green.
- For a bold bright look, go for contrasting soft furnishings. e.g. if you have blue walls, pick cushions in shades of yellow. If the walls are yellow, choose, cushions in shades of blue and purple.
- For a soft look, choose pastels and use fine muslin draped at the w...
