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Developed originally from an article she wrote on "erotic intelligence," psychotherapist Perel's first book sets forth a thesis for today's couples that is as revelatory as it is straightforward. Languishing desire in a relationship actually results from all the factors people look for in love and marriage: grounding, meaning, continuity. Partnerships are supposed to provide "a bulwark against the vicissitudes of modern life," Perel notes, and in one person we turn for all the emotional connections that the greater society (church, community, family) can no longer provide. Habit and certainty kill desire, yet how to live comfortably with the elements of unpredictability and risk that are necessary for healthy eroticism? Perel supports her nicely accessible work with case studies of couples both heterosexual and gay, spanning all ages, with kids and without, in an attempt to cure what ails their sex life. Some of the proposals Perel recommends for rekindling eroticism involve cultivating separateness (e.g., autonomy) in a relationship rather than closeness (entrapment); exploring dynamics of power and control (i.e., submission, spanking); and learning to surrender to a "sexual ruthlessness" that liberates us from shame and guilt. In short, Perel sanctions fantasy and play and offers the estranged modern couple a unique richness of experience. (Sept.)
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“Her advice is refreshingly counterintuitive.” (Salon.com)
“Mating in Captivity...articulates a poignant and unacknowledged modern crisis for the first time.” (The Evening Standard (London))
“An elegant sociological study, complete with erudite literary and anthropological references.” (Daily Telegraph (London))
“A charming blend of wit and wisdom...this book will give you a fresh perspective on long-term love.” (Gold Coast Bulletin (Australia))
“Well argued points written with considerable eloquence.” (Jerusalem Post)
“This is a brave book...refreshing.” (The Times Higher Education Supplement)
“So honest it hurts.” (Irish Times)
“An excellent book, full of provocative prose and entertaining case illustrations.” (Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy)
Esther Perel does a good job of shining light into the often dark & confusing worlds of stalled sexual relationships, infidelities and passionate affairs. Read morePublished 1 day ago by beaston
Very good look at committed relationship and sexuality. Much to think about and to enrich life. Thank you for writing this!Published 7 days ago by Jonathan Annis
A fresh and unusual aspect on closeness and the importance of individualism even in the case of love and relationships. Read morePublished 11 days ago by Anna Herber
Magic and intelligent and should be mandatory reading (and set as exam'ed) for everyone in or contemplating a relationship. Read morePublished 21 days ago by Gray King
A somewhat tedious read but basically on the mark. Nothing tremendously exciting. Most people live in captivity and conforming to social norms that do not make them very contented... Read morePublished 29 days ago by Cassandra Langer
Having watched her TED talks I was intrigued. Having read the book I need a new highlighter! So many things make sense in what she describes.Published 1 month ago by Techhead
Fabulous examination of the sex instinct, and how to keep passion alive in your relationship. Unique, accessible, and incredibly useful.Published 1 month ago by Tiffany Yates
I liked this refreshing view. Not just about sex, but about intimacy and about relishing in our separateness. This has been the topic of many conversations. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Gordie
This book reads almost like poetry. Beautifully written. It does not contain all the answers, but then neither do any of the other resources I've read. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Amazon Customer