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O Me of Little Faith: True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling

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1) It's honest. Brutally honest. It's essentially a book filled with his confessions - how much he doubts and how imperfect he is. We could all learn a lesson or two from his act of honesty.

2) More likely than not, you have struggled at some point in time with the same questions he struggles with. It's the perfect book to help you feel like you're not alone in your doubting. If you haven't, you're not being honest with yourself - so you should go back to reason number 1 to read it.

3) This is a story of someone who grew up in the Southern Baptist tradition and learned along the way the value of learning from other denominations. No one denomination is 100% right. Jason pulls from rich liturgical traditions to help him when the simple answer of "Jesus saves" isn't enough to hold him up. At the same time, he embraces the power that exists behind charismatic traditions. I love the way he pulls things from various denominational traditions to help him discover what he believes. If you think you are 100% right in all you do and your denomination or traditions are better than others, revert back to number 1 for why you should read this book.

4) If you're in full-time paid ministry, there are many people that you encounter that struggle with the same kinds of questions Jason struggles with. Whether you can identify with what he's saying or not, you should know how to relate to people who are where he is. And if you think you can't identify with what he's saying, then I point you back to number 1 for why you should read it.

5) He's incredibly intelligent. Jason will probably tell you that he's not that smart - but I would disagree. This book is a brilliant portrayal of how intellectual giants wrestle with doubt and yet still have faith. His most brilliant point: faith & doubt are not mutually exclusive. In fact, faith & doubt work hand in hand with one another. If we don't doubt, then there's no need for faith. When we intellectually can't understand something, that's when faith steps in. If you think you understand everything - well, then - I guess you're just stuck with reason number 1 to read this book.

I must commend Jason Boyett for catching that most illusive of literary prey -- readability. His book ("O Me of Little Faith: True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling") is both interesting and enjoyable. It is pleasant to read. He combines vulnerability, humility, and self-disclosure with brief (possibly too brief) discussions of Christian apologetics. All the while he tells interesting stories and provides funny illustrations.

This book provides a personal, ongoing journey through valleys of doubt and peaks of faith. Along the way it provides wonderful gems of Biblical, cultural, and spiritual insight while also running into a few logical and Biblical potholes.

Boyett has a knack for observing the inconsistencies of modern American "churchianity." He rightfully notes that many of the intellectual and pragmatic objections to Christianity are answered unsatisfactorily by Christians (so-called). For example, he notes the false god of "American evangelical Christian religion" who is "totally cool with the money we spend on concert lighting in the worship center while the widow down the block has a hole in her roof" (p. 129).

One of Boyett's greatest strengths is also one his greatest weakness. The reader is deeply empathetic with his doubt struggles and particularly interested in the answers he has found to deal with his rollercoaster of faith and doubt. Unfortunately he either refuses to give answers by hiding behind the "I'm no theologian/scholar" excuse or giving examples of unsatisfactory responses he has found (e.g., Lee Strobel and Josh McDowell are not at the top of my list of credentialed, well-researched, exegetically qualified, and philosophically sound apologists).

Boyett takes issue with a hard deterministic view of God's sovereignty, the philosophical "problem of evil," and purely rational (as opposed to presuppositional) apologetics. While this book cannot answer every philosophical issue of Christianity, I would have hoped Boyett could have offered a few alternative Christian views on these subjects. The only intense objection I have with this book is the conflation of the Biblical perspective of doubt with Boyett's personal doubts. In the Bible various characters doubt the trustworthiness of the promises of God, but Boyett is doubting (it appears) the very existence of God. I cannot find a Biblical character doubting the existence of God.

All-in-all reading this book is like sitting down for a drink with a close friend. You are never exactly sure where the conversation will take you (e.g., church history, liturgy, sin, existentialism, apologetics, etc.) but you will be glad you had a chat. Along the way you will be challenged and maybe even frustrated. You will learn some good spiritual lessons and you will be encouraged to give voice to the questions and doubts with which you wrestle.

Finally. I have needed a book like this for about 5 years now, and Jason Boyett has delivered with O Me of Little Faith. It is a book written by a life-long Christian (like I am) who is immersed in the Christian culture (like I am), is very active in his local church (like I am), and has written several books and magazine articles about Christian/religious topics (like I would like to do), yet he struggles with spiritual doubt (like I do).

First let me say a big "Thank You!" to Jason for being courageous enough to admit to the world that he wrestles with some intellectual issues in his faith. In the introduction Jason writes, "I am a Christian. I have been a Christian for most of my life. But there are times - a growing number of times, to be honest - when I'm not entirely sure I believe in God."

Wow. I love that honesty. And (following Jason's lead) I admit that I have uttered those same words! In fact, Jason mentions 22 questions that have rocked his faith and I have wrestled with all of those and more.

The thing that I appreciated most about reading Jason's book is that I felt like he has given me (and many others) permission to own our doubt. Many of us doubters feel like we can't be honest about our doubts because that will show that we are weak. In fact, the tagline of Jason's book is "True Confessions of a Spiritual Weakling." But Jason not only talks about his doubt, he also shares why doubt is not necessarily a negative thing, and there are ways to still live faithfully as a follower of Jesus while still having doubt.

Let me share a few of my favorite moments from the book. Notice the journey Jason takes us on throughout the book:

*My entire spiritual self rests on the belief that God exists...That's why the question of God's existence is the biggest question of my life and yours. What if everything rests on the back of a turtle whose existence is impossible to prove?
*The more I struggle with my own faith, the less impressed I am with rational arguments - whether for or against the existence of God.
*God is hard to prove. God is hard to disprove. The existence or nonexistence of God is unprovable.
*It's hard to believe in an unprovable, mysterious God. But, mostly, I do. Maybe a better way to put it is that I have chosen to believe.
*Am I a bad Christian because explaining every detail as "God at work in my life" seems like religious narcissism instead of profound faith?
*When it comes to matters of faith, I find more common ground among atheists and agnostics than I do with doubt-free Christians. But I still believe. I choose faith, despite my doubts.
*How in the world do you begin to pray when you don't understand prayer, barely tolerate prayer, and can't find the discipline to get beyond your prayer hang-ups?
*Liturgy taught me to pray again.
*I accept my doubt for what it is. I embrace my humanity and the stumbling faith and limited understanding that come with it. I keep walking despite my limp.
*There are few things that turn me off more than people who speak with absolute certitude about complex issues (like eschatology or the Bible) or deep mysteries (like God or the saving work of Christ).
*Doubt is an essential part of faith. They are companions.
*Faith is action - action taken right in the middle of your doubts.
*Don't let your doubts stop you from living in faith.
*When it comes to following the teachings of Jesus and the traditions of Christianity, I have decided not to let my doubt paralyze me.

I have read several amazing books so far this year, including A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, The Year of Living Biblically and AJ Jacobs, and Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, but if I could only read one, I would have chosen this one for me. It is what I needed, and if you have struggles with doubt, then you need to get this book.

"I am a Christian" [and so am I].

Thus begins the introduction of Jason Boyett's newest book, O Me of Little Faith. Described on the back cover as being "written for doubters by a doubter", this book will definitely get your noodle cooking. The author warns at the outset that O Me of Little Faith is not a book of answers, but a conversation. Jason Boyett hashes through tough questions regarding faith and doubt and whether the two are in opposition to each other or mutually coexist.

As the pages turn and chapters fly by with Jason's calm, quiet tone, he explores substantial questions like:

-Does God exist?
-Is prayer necessary?
-How can we reconcile a loving Savior in the New Testament with the Wrathful God of the Old Testament?
-Why do we believe?
-Is faith the absence of doubt?
-Are people's "experience" of God just indigestion or heightened emotions?

In the midst of these seemingly foundation-shaking questions, Jason maintains his commitment to Christ in faith, and conveys a vulnerability to the reader through sharing his struggles and doubt. Among the church icons who faced doubt Jason lists such pillars of faith as Soren Kierkegaard, David and Mother Theresa.

The concluding chapters include a lengthy "I believe..." manifesto and candid advice for those moving forward in faith AND doubt. However, Jason doesn't wrap up all of the questions in a nice package or a tie a pretty bow around open-ended trains of thought. That would be too easy and Jason admits to neither having all the answers or wanting to (in fact he's rather averse to it).

My first reactions to this book were initially emotionally driven and rather negative. Having been raised in a strict, bible-thumping, regular church attending family I've been exposed to Christianity for the better part of 20 years. Jason's questions and doubt seemed wimpy to me and unbecoming of a "true believer". However, as I continued to read, his realism, level of research, conversational writing style and frankness were vastly appealing.

I found myself stopping when the blood started to rise during Jason's inquiry on the necessity of prayer and thinking, "Wait, I've wondered these same things and asked myself the same questions."

What truly struck me about this book was Jason doesn't just get you thinking about all these questions, set you on the road to doubt and leave you blind on the path to losing your faith. Neither does he address every question with a cliche answer and a bible reference to extinguish all doubt. Jason argues that faith and doubt coincide. He has all these doubts and questions from years of going to church, reading the bible and even preaching, yet he is a committed Christian.

A quote from Galileo is included in the text, "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."

O Me of Little Faith is not a self-help book of answers to your nagging questions nor is it a heretical diatribe exposing holes in Christianity. It is an conversation with a doubter who believes in Jesus Christ and hopes.

The first thing I will say about O Me of Little Faith is that it is very easy reading. Boyett's writing is clear, straightforward, and pretty darn funny too. I particularly enjoyed his employment of the humorous footnote, a technique that numerous other authors have used to great affect. He tackles pretty difficult subjects, including The Ontological Argument for God and the philosophy of Kierkegaard, without either flying over the heads of the average reader or dumbing down the subject matter. You can tell he knows something about what he is talking about, without pretending to be an expert where he is not. I like that kind of honesty in an author.

The real reason that I enjoyed this book so much, though, is because something resonated with me on nearly every page. I know intimately the kind of doubts that Boyett is talking about, because I have struggled and still do struggle with nearly all of them myself, despite the fact that my life story and faith history is quite different from his.

Some highlights that were especially meaningful to me:

From Chapter 4, "The Weight of Absence: "I am not an emotional person. I'm an introvert. So in a Christian subculture that equates emotion with the presence of God, I shouldn't be surprised that I "experience" God less than everyone else." This whole chapter was just spot on and so comforting for someone like me, who still believes even though God is often much more notable for His seeming absence rather than presence in my life.

Chapter 5, "Reverse Bricklaying," is all about Boyett's struggle with prayer, and I found myself saying "YES! EXACTLY!" to pretty much the whole chapter. Like this: "I would guess that, for most Christians, the majority of prayers are prayed silently. Yet I am virtually incapable of silent prayer. The practice of praying in my head - of lining up stray thoughts to present to God in an official, well-reasoned, and coherent manner - is like sweeping marbles with a push-broom on a gym floor. I can't sustain it for any length of time before everything scatters." Oh my gosh YES.

There are, admittedly, some....I don't want to say "problems" with this book. Let's just say that there are a few things I would love to have clarified by Boyett. One example: In chapter 1, he talks about his skepticism and frustration towards people who attribute things to God's doing which, to his mind, are probably just chance. He gives the example of a person that has the opportunity to witness to someone in an airport because of a flight delay caused by a storm. He objects to calling the conversation a "divine appointment." Boyett says: "I'm seriously hesitant to assume a master evangelistic plan behind flight delays, but many well-intentioned Christians really do place so much value on a single soul that they have no problem believing that God whipped up a thunderstorm over the Dallas/Fort Worth airport, piled stress on airline employees, and inconvenienced hundreds of travelers for the purposed of engineering a conversation of eternal significance." Okay, fair enough.

But then, in Chapter 10, Boyett goes on to talk about "seeking out the hidden presence of God amidst the thousands of tiny details of our lives" and finding God "in the gas pump and the office park." Maybe I am misunderstanding his point, but he seems to be contradicting himself here. If we can see God's incarnation in all kinds of life circumstances, why does he have trouble seeing the hidden presence of God in the delayed flight? I think perhaps he has set up a false dichotomy here - the mystery and miracle of God's providence is that He can be arranging many details all at once, both large and small. So no, maybe God didn't whip up that storm and delay that flight and inconvenience all of those other travelers ONLY so that one conversation could happen. But maybe that conversation was one part of an intricate, complex, larger plan? I don't know that Boyett would disagree with me...it is one point I would want to ask him about.

So, who should read this book? Well, this book is definitely written by a Protestant Christian with an Evangelical background. Does that mean Catholics or Anglicans or even non-Christians wouldn't benefit from this book? I don't know. Maybe. If I had read this book when I was a Catholic, some of the chapters, such as the one where Boyett discusses doubting his salvation, would not have been relevant to me. Although, with a bit of application and translation, I think Boyett's discussions would be helpful for any Christian. Maybe as a Catholic I never doubted the efficacy of my moment of salvation. But I certainly did struggle tremendously with doubting, when I went to confession, whether or not my confessions had been thorough, clear and penitent enough to gain me full absolution.

And for a non-Christian? Well, while this book does have a couple of things to say about doubt in general, it is pretty much specifically about doubting faith in God and Jesus. So if you don't have faith in God or Jesus, I am not sure what this book would do for you. I suppose at the very least it could be an interesting read for anyone wanting to get inside the head of a thoughtful Christian.

The people this book is really aimed at are people just like Jason Boyett - Evangelical Protestants who are still at some level committed to their faith while also struggling with doubts. If that's you, this book will give you comfort and wisdom.

And if you are an Evangelical Protestant who has never doubted your faith in your whole life - well, this book might shock or irritate you. But it also might be really good for you to read if it would help you to empathize with folks not blessed with faith as unshakable as yours.

Is this a game-changing book that absolutely needed to be written? Not really. But is this a book that could be a blessing and a help to a whole lot of people in their search for truth and peace? Yes, definitely.

I knew I was going to enjoy reading this book right from the introduction. When a book starts off asking questions like:

~What if I had been born into another culture and practiced another religion with complete devotion, would God still allow me to be tortured for eternity in hell? Even though I was pursuing him, but through the wrong religious system? (pg. 19)
~If some Christians really are able to heal people, why are they putting on big conferences -- and making people come to them -- rather than hanging out in cancer wards or visiting the sick? (pg. 18)
~Do I have to completely disregard scientific ideas like the theory of evolution or the incredible age of the universe in order to maintain my belief in the authority of the Bible? (pg. 17)
~If the Bible is supposed to be completely inspired by God, why does it seem to have mistakes and factual contradictions in it? And why do the typical Christian explanations of those contradictions always seem so lame? (pg. 17)

These are questions I've asked myself at times (not to mention the biggie -- am I even sure God really exists?), and it's always reassuring to know that you're not the only person who applies the label Christian to yourself while still asking these things.

In chapter 1, Boyett simply outlines his status as a doubter. Where he and the faith-full tend to part ways. Again, I felt like I could really relate to a lot of this chapter.

In chapter 2, he uses the Hawking story of "turtles all the way down" and says that basically you have two choices for your "base turtle." One that says God (or at least a god) exists and one that says he does not. He discusses several arguments for the existence of God and also discusses where those arguments fall apart. He also shares his hopes for the existence of God, which was one of the most moving passages in the book.

Chapter 3 outlines his history of doubt, from doubting that he was really saved when he was young to doubts of a more fundamental sort as he aged. My experience is definitely not like his, so I didn't relate to this as well, but I do remember doubts emerging during my confirmation years (seventh and eighth grade) from questions about the doctrine of our particular church to things like, "How can we be sure that we're following the right religion?" so it was again comforting to know that for some of us, doubt is a long-time bed-fellow.

In Chapter 4, the author shares some of the stories where he knows that he experienced God's presence and offers some explanations as to why he believes this to be true. He also for the first time makes a statement that was my take-away from the book, "If God were always visible...then faith wouldn't be necessary. Commitment wouldn't be necessary either. It would be too easy." (pg. 99) (Of course, this is also the chapter where he will deeply offend all WVU fans, by calling our school "the University of West Virginia" on page 94. As the wife of a WVU student, the sister of a WVU grad and the daughter in law of another WVU grad and who goes to church that was started by someone who built the largest church in WV from WVU, I'm begging you Jason, please fix this GRAVE error in future editions!)

Chapter 5 discusses prayer. He talks about how he had misused prayer in the past, how that affected his prayer life, and how he has chosen to deal with that through the use of the Book of Common Prayer. I will say that I think that our history plays a large part in this. Having grown up in a faith tradition that used something similar, it makes it difficult for me to relate to this as a go-to solution for the "problem" of prayer. But he certainly makes some compelling arguments in favor of this choice.

Chapter 6 was probably my favorite chapter in that he discusses some of the contexts for doubt. He identifies different situations that can cause doubt and how these play into just how powerful our doubts can be. Despite there not really being anything "new" in this chapter, Boyett really just laid it out in a way that made sense for me.

Chapters 7 & 8 further develop the idea that Boyett presents in Chapter 4, the idea that faith and doubt are inextricably linked. Again, even though these ideas aren't unique to this book, they really came alive for me in a new way while reading this. When you feel like you should be "fixed" from your doubts, it's incredibly refreshing to read something that shows how faith may only be called faith if doubt is present.

In Chapter 9, Boyett offers us a list of things (based largely out of the Sermon on the Mount as found in Matthew) that he does believe with certainty. He talks about how sometimes we need to act without the faith to back it up, and how that in itself is a step of faith (or rather a step TO faith).

And in Chapter 10, Boyett does not bring it all home. Which is what I loved most about this book, to be honest. I want my fiction to have a resolution, but really, if you're a skeptic and a doubter, there's rarely any major resolution in the area of faith. There will probably be moments of clarity and certainty, but in general, we tend to live in a state that is primarily unresolved. And Boyett acknowledges that he's okay with that. Which can give the reader permission to feel the same.

Overall, this was really just a great book. And while you can't tell from my review, the whole thing is approached with great humor and gentleness. There were several laugh out loud moments and I read more than one passage aloud to my husband. Jason Boyett's writing style is a great blend of informative and entertaining.

Certainly (ha!), if you know someone who is a doubter or if you are a doubter yourself, I would encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. It's a really great look at some of the most common thoughts that doubters have and it also offers ideas on how to address those doubts. I found it to be both thought-provoking and also practical, which is really something special in my mind.

O Me of Little Faith by Jason Boyett is a book about doubt by a guy who's determined to keep the faith. I wanted to read it because I enjoyed an article by this author in Relevant Magazine and from there I discovered and began frequenting his blog (His old one here: [...], he's since moved it to [...] )

In the book I encountered the humor I've come to expect from Boyett. As a mom of three boys who is trying her best to raise them to believe in and follow Jesus I especially appreciated his boyhood faith stories. I find myself reassured that in spite of his early faith encounters and beliefs, many of which had to be shed and reshaped, he still grew into a man who explains, "Discarding faith would be like discarding both my legs at the hip. I've been standing on them for as long as I can remember. Faith is part of who I am. It would be deeply wounding to lose it."

Yes, exactly.

I too am a doubter. This wasn't so difficult earlier in my faith because unlike Boyett I didn't grow up in the church or with family guiding me toward Christianity. In my high school and college experience working through one's faith by tossing out the big questions was embraced, but somewhere along the way I came to realize that certain ideas and subjects were taboo in the adult faith world. Mutter the world universalism and you could be branded a heretic. Ditto if you imply that a book/story of the Bible could be metaphor. Or that some of what we believe was influenced by other religions/beliefs of the culture during biblical times. Or...

So what happens if you're still ok with asking the big questions, admitting that you don't come down on any particular side of a theological debate because well, you just don't know? Do you keep quiet in church or just forgo the façade? Boyett, who is a committed member of a Southern Baptist church, is making room for another alternative: Go. Doubt. Serve. Be Honest. See what happens.

The "Be Honest" part is where we doubters are going to have to stand together. I've been in a traditional Sunday school environment where a non-traditional idea gets offered up and then everyone looks uncomfortable until the leader or most outspoken person sets this person "straight." Ouch. But if we want our faith places to embrace those of little, beginning, or none-at-all faith, we've got to change this. We can no longer be afraid of where conversations may lead us. Can we bring the vulnerability Boyett exemplifies in this book into our churches? If we care about the survival of the modern church, I think we have to.

"I am a Christian. I have been a Christian for most of my life. But there are times - a growing number of times, to be honest - when I'm not entirely sure I believe in God." So begins Jason Boyett's poignant spiritual memoir in which he honestly confronts the challenges to his faith; the things the raise doubt within his soul.

Ultimately, a Christian faith is grounded on one assertion: there is a God. Throughout history different theologians have postulated theories in an effort to prove God. Boyett briefly acknowledges these theories, but also acknowledges that each theory has its own flaws. The conclusion Boyett reaches is that the existence or non-existence of God is improvable.

There are many Christians for whom the provability of God is not a stumbling block for their faith; they simply believe God exists. Boyett does not claim to be in this group. Boyett wrestles with the concern that his faith may ultimately be grounded in nothing. How does one remain a Christian with such doubt? Is it worthwhile to remain a Christian with such doubt? Boyett addresses these questions.

O Me of Little Faith never promises to give answers on how to resolve the doubts a Christian may face. What this memoir does is speak a word of hope into the hearts of those living a life of doubting faith.

The ultimate conclusion of Boyett's book is that doubt does not necessarily conflict with faith. In fact, doubt is often used by God to build up the faith of a doubter. Boyett believes that it can be a healthy thing to cling with one hand to your doubt, and with one hand to your faith; and so be led into God's presence. There may not be an ultimate resolution (to this book, to our lives, to our faith, or to our doubts); but, it also may be okay to live a life that is never fully resolved.

If you struggle with doubt, read this book. If you do not understand why a Christian would doubt, then there are probably better uses of your time.

What kind of author do you want to read when you are struggling with doubt? Do you want a guy writing about it who seems like he is on top of the issue just because he's never really dealt with it? Or, do you want to read the story from a person who has struggled with doubt themselves and is learning how to live a life of faith in spite of those struggles? Personally, I can't relate very well to the rock-star variety. I'd rather connect with the humble, yet persevering soul.

Jason Boyett is honest when he shares that he struggles with his belief systems (b.s.). His book, O me of little faith: true confessions of a spiritual weakling, is a frank look at what life looks like when a believer doesn't have all the answers. Since he is telling his own ongoing story it isn't presented as a "been there, overcame that" approach, but as a fellow traveler who still can get bogged down in the b.s.

O me of little faith is not an apologetic meant to extinguish all doubt, it is a handbook for navigating through it. Jason gives some great tools that he uses himself, like fog lights when his spiritual life looks more like pea soup than it does clear blue skies.

Jason is a writer by profession, and his talent is very evident. Reading this book felt more like sitting around a campfire hearing your camp counselor tell you stories about when he was a camper. As soon as he finishes one story you are begging for another. I enjoyed Jason's use of humor and his research. Not only does the book feel light-hearted on a dark subject, but he is obviously well read on this topic. He lovingly points his readers to other good resources regarding doubt. I lovingly suggest that you start here.

As soon as I finished reading the book I purchased a few more copies for friends who need some fog lights. I highly recommend this book.

Being humans and being Christians, there are going to be times when we question our beliefs about our faith in Jesus. I admit that I have those doubts on occasion.

Jason Boyett, in his latest book, `O Me of Little Faith,' addresses the tough questions of faith in Someone who is not always visible.
Here is the biography of the author:

Jason Boyett ([...]) is a writer, speaker, marketing professional, and the author of Pocket Guide to the Afterlife, Pocket Guide to the Bible, and several other books. He has been featured on the History Channel and National Geographic Channel and his work has appeared in a variety of publications including Salon, Paste and Relevant. Jason blogs regularly at [...]. He lives in Texas with his wife, Aimee, and their two children.

Here is the `blurb' on the back cover of the book:

True Confessions
I am a Christian
I have been a Christian for most of my life. But there are times - an uncomfortable frequency of times, to be honest - when I'm not entirely sure I believe in God.
There. I said it.
From this unconventional profession of faith, Jason Boyett sets off on a journey down a sometimes painful, often hilarious, always honest road of inquisition, searching for a God who occasionally seems to disappear.
An earnest seeker who clings to faith even as he explores the hiddenness of God, Boyett asks uncomfortable questions - the questions many of us have but dare not say aloud. His willingness to ask these questions have made him immune to over-spiritualized church talk, suspicion of public prayers, and annoyed by too-certain believers who seem to get "personal promptings from Jesus and detailed directions about even the most trivial aspects of their lives" (Boyett has his doubts).
Written for doubters by a doubter, this is not a tidy, 5-step solution for fixing spiritual uncertainty. Nor is it a cynical, anti-religious rant. Instead, it's a hopeful and confessional exploration of the relationship between faith and doubt. It's a book loaded with grace, encouragement, humor, and - for what it's worth - an inordinate number of references to turtles and French daredevils.

After his "There. I said it" comment in the Introduction, Jason goes on:

So now you know, and we can both relax and talk about it. Confessing the presence of spiritual uncertainty in my life is a relief. I can breathe easier now because I don't have to pretend. I don't have to hide my conflicted feelings when we talk about Jesus and the Bible. I don't have to feel like a jerk if you, or anyone else, look to me as some kind of spiritual expert or teacher. I don't have to tiptoe around the word most of us in church or around Christian friends because it freaks us out so much.
Doubt. (p. 9)

Jason explains the one thing that most doubters have in common:

Those of us on the doubter's road are constantly good at one thing: asking questions. Whether we ever find the answers or not, the questions are always there - and not just questions about whether or not God exists. Have you ever asked any of these questions? [this is a sample of the list of questions]
* What if religion and our longing for God is just the way our brains are wired? Could spirituality just be the product of chemistry or electrical impulses?
* Are the New Testament stories about Jesus trustworthy? How do we know it's not some big Da Vinci Code hoax or cover-up by a power-hungry church?
* Why do Christians seem more interested in participating in a social club than living out the basic teachings of Jesus?
* Why do evangelical Christians emphasize making a "personal decision for Christ" and getting people to pray a "Sinner's Prayer" when the Gospels don't really show Jesus doing either of those things?
* Why do some Christians focus so much energy on policing the culture and so little on producing it? (pp. 14-16)

These are valid questions. I personally have a sometimes skeptical worldview, so I have had similar questions over the years. But, again, the Lord welcomes these questions. He is big enough to handle them!

I have to admit that, at some points, I was highly uncomfortable with some of the questions Jason brought up in this book. Then I remembered that King David's doubts were immortalized for time immemorial in the Bible. If God didn't like the questions, I don't think He would describe David as `a man after God's own heart' (1 Samuel 13:13-14). That fact made me feel more comfortable about what Jason had to say. I did appreciate his candor and honesty; most people would know what to air that dirty laundry!

Jason makes the point that one's world view is tied in with the way one is wired:
My mother worries that I think too much. She knows I struggle with these questions, but she doesn't understand where they come from. Most of the questions I ask have never occurred to her. To her my faith must seem ridiculously complicated, filled with challenges and arguments and skepticism. And she's right. We have different personalities. Our brains are bent in different directions. She has had the same religious upbringing that I had..., but we are not alike. For some, faith is a direct line between them and God. For me, faith is a tangled, knotted rope. (p. 55)

A subject of great import to me over the past couple years - grace - also found its way to Jason, through the person of Rich Mullins ([...]), a contemporary Christian Music singer and songwriter popular in the 1980s and 1990s (until his tragic - for us - death in 1997). Through Rich's writings, Jason was introduced to other Christians who lived the concept of grace. Jason elaborates:
I started reading their books like a crazy person. And it was crazy. I was in high school, a time when my friends were partying and preparing for college and doing teenager stuff, and here I was, reading religious books. But these writers - [Rich] Mullins, [Brennan] Manning ([...]), and others - were speaking to me of an alien Christianity. It was unfamiliar and new, and it was like nothing I'd heard before. It was deeply spiritual. It was encouraging. It was unconcerned with the Sinner's Prayer but drenched in Jesus all the same.
They wrote about grace...
I'd sung about amazing grace. I'd surely heard the words before. But the grace of Mullins and Manning and Nouwen just exploded in my psyche, leaving the best kind of mess. God loved me. Period. Nothing I could do would make him love me more. Nothing I could do would make him love me less. (pp. 73-74)
I agree with Jason 100% on the importance of understanding grace. Understanding the grace of God directed to us will revolutionize our lives, and will change how we see and treat others as well. And I also agree with Jason; Rich Mullins was an amazingly gracious artist!
With many experiences of the Christian life outside of the USA, Jason has seen the USA version of Christianity with new eyes:
My American evangelical Christian religion doesn't always allow God to be great, and occasionally the less-than-great God is the one I doubt. He's the deity who always backs a certain political party, or a particular social issue, or who never fails to side with us. He's the God who always smiles proudly upon the dedications of our multimillion-dollar church building and rejoices when a teenager gets "saved" for the third time. He's the God who showers us with financial blessings but never with poverty, who rewards us with business success but never with failure, who's totally cool with the money we spend on concert lighting in the worship center while the widow down the block has a hole in her roof.
I don't believe in that God. If I'm going to draw close to God, it needs to be a God who's greater than that. (p. 127)

It also needs to be the God who is biblically sound. The God who describes is not to be found in the Bible, and I don't blame Jason ([...]) at all for not following that false god...

I was particularly struck by the point Jason makes (and the way in which he makes it) - that we need to expose our wounds to the world:

Without authenticity about our failures and secrets, Buechner writes, we eventually lose track of who we really are. Instead, we come to accept the glossier public version of ourselves because we think the world will like that image better than the real thing. But fake Jason is never preferable to real Jason. Unless your spouse asks you whether or not she looks fat in a certain outfit, dishonesty is never an acceptable alternative to the truth. (p. 161)
Trying to come across with this perfect façade is a "lie from the pit of hell," as my friend Linda might put it! We need to expose our weaknesses in order to allow God to do His refining work and to help others who are - or are going through - the same issues. Jason goes on to tell us what self-deception does:
Self-deception does the opposite. Hiding our doubts pulls us further from God and denies us the blessing of real community. It prevents us from taking the next step toward faith. Like Moses, we need to declare that we're overwhelmed. Like Peter, we need to confess our humanness. Go away from me, Lord. I'm a sinful, doubt-ridden faith-challenged man.
When we do that, we can trust that God is not going to smite us with the shipwrecks and snakebites and scourging that Paul endured. Instead, God will respond to us the same way Jesus responded to Peter: by not going anywhere, by reaching out his hand and telling us not to fear by inviting us to follow him, to take the next step along the narrow road behind his Son. (p. 162)

Jason makes a proclamation near the end of the book:

There is nothing to be gained by having too little of God. And if we have too much of God...we wouldn't need faith. As a doubter, I'm discovering that life in the margin between these two extremes is not such a bad thing after all.
I suspect my travels on the doubter's road haven't been entirely my choice. My skeptical personality seems predisposed to doubt. I'm sure the religious environment of my childhood contributed to my uncertainty, despite the well-meaning people behind it. My passion for history and theology are also culprits.
But I've become accustomed to this road. Its twists and turns no longer seem so surprising or its potholes so jarring.
On the doubter's road, I'm driving under the belief - possibly hopeless, but hopefully possible - that it leads me somewhere. Somewhere holy. Somewhere shot through with grace. Somewhere near my eternal home, where I'll hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things... Come and share your master's happiness!" (Matthew 25:21) (pp. 219-220)

What could be a better ending than that?!!

I really liked this book. As noted, I was a little disturbed by a few issues he addressed, but the truth can be uncomfortable sometimes! Then I remembered God's big enough to handle our concerns. Jason's style is full of truth, wit, wisdom, and humor. This is the first Jason Boyett book I've had the pleasure to read, but it won't be my last! I recommend this book to believers and non-believers alike. Believers will quite likely recognize themselves in these pages, and non-believers may be comforted to know that a believer with thirty years of faith under his belt has the same questions they may have, but he is making the conscious decision to believe in the midst of his doubts.

Please note - the above quotations were taken from the Advanced Reading Copy (ARC). The pages and quotes in the final edition may be slightly different.

This book was published by Zondervan Publishers and provided by the Blog Tour Stop for review purposes. I am proud to be touring this book with these other participating bloggers ([...]).

Reviewed by Andrea Schultz - Ponderings by Andrea - [...]