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Me? Obey Him?: The Obedient Wife and God's Way of Happiness and Blessing in the Home

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Those fortunate enough to have never actually read "Me? Obey Him?" may be shocked and appalled by the teachings in support of "biblical patriarchy." This review is simply quotations of Handford's own words, followed by comments from my personal experience as a former submissive Christian woman
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*God's Perfect Creation Required Order*

Jesus, the Creator of Heaven and earth, submitted Himself to God the Father. He took His place in the chain of command. ... It is no shame, no dishonor, for a woman to be under authority, if the Lord Jesus -- very God Himself -- submitted to the authority of the Father. (p. 14)
The submission of the Lord Jesus is our example. He submitted not just to the tender ministrations of the Father. He submitted to revilings and curses, persecution and suffering. He was our example, not just to obey a gentle and kind husband but a harsh and mean husband as well.
You may find that your obedience to your husband and your obedience to God are all tied together. You may not want to obey your husband because you are in rebellion against God. (p. 51)

By intimately linking Christ's willing subjection to God the Father with a woman's submission to her husband in "the chain of command," the teachings of patriarchy create such an intricate tangle of enmeshment that it's nearly impossible for an abused woman to extricate herself from the bondage of her husband's tyranny without also throwing off her spiritual bond with Christ.

*Woman's Nature Requires Obedience*

We've had the impression that women as a class are more spiritually minded than men, with sensibilities more refined, and purer thoughts. Scriptures say the opposite is true! Women are more often led into spiritual error than men. Perhaps it is caused by her intuitive, emotional thinking. Intuitive thinking is God's gift, not to be despised, but it needs the balance of a man's reason. I should add too, that a woman does not have to be led into error. That is the reason God commanded her not to usurp authority over the man, so she can be protected from false doctrine. (p. 17)

Sexist generalizations are never useful in understanding human relationships.

In reality, I am no less rational than my (ex)husband. He also is gifted with a strong intuition and emotional intelligence. Convinced as we were that I was more susceptible to Satanic deception, our family was deprived of my reasonable input in decision making. My intelligence was squelched, my intuition was distrusted and my feelings were denied. My husband developed an artificially inflated sense of his own powers of logic. I can't count how many times he said to me, "What you are saying sounds reasonable, but how do I know that Satan is not using you to deceive me?" I had no good defense. According to the Scriptures, we had every reason to believe that I was indeed being used to lead my husband astray.

His authority and my obedience did not protect us from tragic deception which ripped apart our family.

*What Do the Scriptures Say About a Wife's Obedience?*

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, the Scriptures say a woman ought to obey her husband! ... [Note, these ellipses represent page after page of scriptural support given by Handford to bolster her argument that God commands wives to obey their husbands.] If you are intellectually honest, you will have to admit that it is impossible to find a single loophole, a single exception, an "if" or "unless." The Scriptures say, without qualification, to the openminded reader, that a woman ought to obey her husband. (pp. 24, 25)
1) She Is to Obey Regardless of His Spiritual Condition
The wife who obeys her husband may win him by her meek and quiet spirit, her loving behavior. (p. 25)
2) She Need Not Fear Conflicting Authority
There is no hint that a woman may have to choose between conflicting authority. ... If it is needed in order to fulfill both obligations, God will do a miracle to make it possible. ... It is safe to conclude that when God told a woman to obey her husband, He intended for her to be able to do it without risk of offending other authorities. (pp. 25, 28)
3) She Obeys Without Reference to Her Feelings About the Will of God
The Scriptures say a woman must ignore her "feelings" about the will of God, and do what her husband says. She is to obey her husband as if he were God Himself. She can be as certain of God's will, when her husband speaks, as if God had spoken audibly from Heaven! (p. 28)

When a concerned friend reported our family to Child Protective Services, my ex-husband lost custody of the children due to his abuse. The social worker told me that I was guilty of "failure to protect." The only thing that prevented me from having my parental rights terminated and my children placed in foster care was my willingness to submit to a full psychological evaluation, undergo individual and family counseling, and cooperate with random unannounced home visits by Social Services.

My older children rightfully blame me for not protecting them against their father's abuse. Even though they know that I was influenced by books such as "Me? Obey Him?" to believe that it was God's will to submit to the abuse, my children cannot be fooled into thinking that I was not really responsible for their suffering. I have apologized for my neglect. Most of my children have forgiven me -- still, the damage is done and some things can't (and shouldn't) be forgotten.

*What If a Husband Expressly Commands Something Explicitly Wrong?*

When women ask me this question, I counter with two of my own:
1) "Have you been living in daily obedience to your husband as part of your wholehearted, loving submission to God?"
(This is an essential part of the problem. If a woman has not been submissive, God has no responsibility for her situation and cannot be blamed if her husband requires something wrong.)
2) "Has your husband ever actually commanded you to do something wrong?"
In the hundreds of times I have asked these questions, not once, if my memory is right, has a woman answered, "Yes, I am always obedient, and yet my husband has required me to break one of God's laws."
Never! Why?
Because, when a woman takes God at His word, submits to her husband without reservation, fears God and loves Him, then God takes upon Himself the responsibility to see that a woman does not have to sin! (pp. 37, 38)

Many non-Christians can at least appreciate Jesus as a good moral teacher, but I have come to think of my 25+ year walk with God as the perfect example of a codependent relationship. To me, having "the mind of Christ" means thinking like a battered woman: It's really all my fault that He treats me so poorly. If only I were a better person, He wouldn't have to make me suffer. He only does it when I disobey -- to test my love for Him or to teach me a much-needed lesson. I don't deserve His love. I am so thankful that He puts up with me! Without Him, I am nothing.

Even if a woman can honestly claim to have been perfectly submissive, if her husband nevertheless commands her to do wrong, God still gets off the hook. But, "Me? Obey Him?" gives the godly woman a promise so that she is not without hope: perhaps the Lord will kill her evil husband!!

A man always has the choice of saying yes or no to God. He can reject the pleadings of the Spirit, the pleas of his loving wife. If he does, and he goes on his wicked way, then I have seen God reach down and take that man's life, rather than make his wife choose between two wrongs. (p. 40)

The Lord did not rescue us from abuse by killing my husband -- even though, I'm embarrassed and ashamed now to say, I did pray He would do so after reading this passage in Handford's book. No -- it was up to me to put a stop to the abuse. My only regret in seeking divorce is that I didn't do it sooner.

*Don't I Have Any Rights?*

Can you find a Kleenex somewhere and mop up the tears, just for a minute, long enough to talk to me about what your rights really are?
You don't have any rights, no rights at all. You lost them on the day you rebelled against God. You lost them, not because you are a woman, but because you are a sinner, just as I am. p. 49)

Handford goes on to argue that, having been purchased by Christ's blood, we become His bondservants (slaves) who ought to be glad to do anything He tells us to do. This teaching that I was a slave to Christ translated into me also being a slave to my husband. I had no right to expect decent treatment for myself and our children. My husband owned me and was perfectly within his rights to demand that I comply with his every whim. If his desires seemed selfish, petty, or abusive, who was I to protest? If I would have rebelled against his wishes, then I would be guilty of witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23) and subject to demonic control. I was told that either God was in control of my life (in the guise of my husband), or else Satan was in control of my life. The only power I had was to choose which one would control me.

*You Have the Freedom From the Consequences of Decisions*

When you give back to your husband the responsibility for the direction of the home and the making of the decisions, you also give him the responsibility for the consequences of his decisions. ... Fortunately, that's the way a man likes it. God made a man to be aggressive, to respond to challenge, to glory in his manhood, to rejoice in draining his strength, to risk great hazards for the one he loves. It is his very aggressiveness that a woman sometimes finds frightening, simply because she is a woman. She doesn't have confidence in her physical strength, in her ability to cope with danger, in her decision-making ability. It is a privilege, a gift unearned, for a woman to have a man take upon himself her welfare. (p 56)

What Handford fails to mention here is that the wife and children have to live with the consequences of the husband's decisions. Reality persists. In actual fact, if a woman turns over all authority to her husband, and he blows it, she is nevertheless responsible by abdication for the resultant predicament in which the family finds itself. Perhaps God will not hold the submissive woman responsible for her husband's squandering of the household funds, but her children's hollow eyes will haunt her all the same.

The male aggressiveness which I feared was, in fact, strengthened when I catered to my husband -- much as a bully becomes increasingly malevolent until his targeted prey dares to stand up to him. My insecurities regarding decision-making and my ability to cope worsened as I was never permitted an opportunity to prove to myself that I could deal with challenging situations.

God has a wonderful way of working it out for the comfort of the whole family when a woman leaves the decision making to her husband. (p. 57)

Wishful thinking much?

*Don't I Ever Get to Express an Opinion?*

When you are talking over a problem, if it isn't asking too much, try to think reasonably. ... Men think women talk too much about how they feel, rather than considering facts. Sure it's important how you feel. Can you tell him why you feel that way? (p. 61)

There is a word for this contemptuous insult: Misogyny. It means, hatred of women. Anyone who thinks so little of women should be afforded zero credibility when it comes to handing out marital advice.

*Why Do I Have to Make All the Concessions?*

Why doesn't the husband have to do his part first? Why? Because you are the one burdened for a Christian home. Having a home where Christ is the head is cheap enough at whatever price you have to pay! Think how long the rewards of a good Christian home will last. Then ask yourself if it is worth the trifling mortifications of obedience. Of course it is! All valuable things cost something. Certainly you will have to pay a price. (p. 69)

A relationship in which one party must make all the concessions has nothing to do with love and everything to do with power and control. It is unhealthy, dysfunctional, unsustainable, and perverse. It is not good for the wife and it is not good for the husband either.

The "mortifications of obedience" in my marriage were not trifling. I was not the only one who had to pay the price. Patriarchy took a terrible toll on my children: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. We are still paying the price to this day. Sadly, the promised rewards of a good Christian home never actually materialized for us.

*But What If His Influence on the Children Is Bad?*

Then make sure your influence on the children is good. Let them see a mother who loves God and keeps His commandments by obeying her husband! Your influence, by God's grace, can counteract the bad influences a father can have. ... Obey God. Obey your husband. God will see to it that bad influences on the children are countered. (pp. 72, 74)

My children will tell you that this simply is not true. Day after day, week after week, year after year, my husband's anger and control wore the children down. They learned his bad habits. His hatred and criticism destroyed their enthusiasm for life.

I submitted, he dominated. The children learned that in all relationships there is an imbalance of power -- better to be the person in power.

Over and over, I prayed for the Lord to help me counteract my husband's negative influence. Despite my desperate pleadings, the reality was that he had way more energy, he could lecture for hours and hours without a break, he spent more time with the children while I was on continual bedrest either pregnant or recovering from pregnancies/deliveries. Plus, he had all the power -- so which of us would the children want to emulate? Certainly not me and my martyrdom.

*I Want to Do Right, But I Can't Help How I Feel*

Have you noticed how many Scriptures there are that command a wife to obey her husband, and how few Scriptures there are that command her to love her husband? There is only one Scripture, to my knowledge, that tells a wife to love him, and that is Titus 2:4. Why? Because, I think, in a marvelous, supernatural way, submission brings love. If you obey him, you will love him, love him more than you ever dreamed possible. p. 75)

The principle which Handford is describing here actually has a name. It's called Stockholm syndrome. As defined by Wikipedia, Stockholm syndrome is a term used to describe a paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, essentially mistaking a lack of abuse from their captors as an act of kindness.

I learned this coping mechanism well in my own abusive marriage. Whenever I felt the natural repulsion and lack of love engendered by my husband's poor treatment of me and the children, I forced myself to become even more submissive to him. I was following Jesus' admonition to turn the other cheek and to repay evil with good. Guess what? It worked!! In no time, the good, positive feelings returned and I was once again feeling incredible love for my husband.

But this trick of my mind was not a good thing as it enabled me to endure the abuse -- to rationalize and justify my husband's behavior even when the children and I were clearly suffering harm.

*Does It Work? Does It Really Work?*

God has made a promise to the woman who will obey her husband. He keeps His promises. He will not honor disobedience, no matter what excuse is given for it. A woman wins her husband, draws him to a higher spiritual plane, by a submissive, quiet spirit. ... Yes, it really works. God will bless your home if you are obedient. (p. 77)

It really works! ... Unless it doesn't work, in which case, it's all the woman's fault. This guaranteed recipe for success cannot be proven false because the "no liability" clause is inseparable from the key ingredient: perfect obedience. Not blessed? Not His/his fault. The woman is solely responsible for every failure.

*For the Sake of the Children, Submit*

In any unresolved conflict between husband and wife, there is always great danger to the marriage, however trivial its beginning. Children instinctively know the sanctity of the home itself is endangered when there is conflict over who is boss. Not only will children suffer from fear, they will also learn from a rebellious mother her rebellion against authority. ... The children will learn rebellion and rebel against you and your husband. Then they will resent all authority: the school, the boss, the policeman, the structure of life itself. (p. 86)

Conflict in marriage is normal. The absence of conflict is a sign that one (or both) of the partners has been demoralized and dehumanized. Holding an opinion and caring about it is a big part of what it means to be alive. Working through conflict, listening to each others' differing perspectives and learning to compromise is the way mature couples learn and grow. Marriage does not have to be a power struggle. Nobody has to be "the boss." Mutuality makes a happy, satisfying relationship for both husband and wife.

Children who witness healthy parents dealing constructively with the inevitable disagreements of daily life are learning valuable conflict resolution skills.

I thought that I was providing much-needed security for my children when I continually assured them that their father and I would never divorce. They told me later that to them, my unwavering commitment sounded like a death sentence.

It was not until I began standing up for myself and the children against their father's unreasonable demands that he quit acting like a two-year-old and began to take responsibility for his own actions. Witnessing me challenge their father's authority did not turn my children into rebels -- it was living with a bully which made them revolt. When I took a stand, the children learned healthy boundaries: both to insist on their own boundaries and to respect the boundaries of others.

*For Your Husband's Sake, Obey*

Imagine how quickly a man would turn his steps homeward in the evening, after a day of grappling with the world, if the woman who waited for him met him with words of tenderness on her lips instead of a set of ultimatums. ... If it matters at all to you about the man you have promised to love until parted by death, for his well-being and joy, for his usefulness to God, obey him! (pp. 87, 88)

When I indiscriminately submitted to my husband's every whim, I was not treating him like a grown-up man. I was treating him like a spoiled child. Taking on the responsibility for his "well-being and joy" stripped him of self-respect and enabled him to avoid the consequences of his own poor choices. Filing for divorce was, in fact, the first time I showed true respect to my husband since before we learned about and accepted the teachings of patriarchy. Finally I was saying to him, "You are an intelligent, sane adult and therefore, you must live with the consequences of your behavior."

A man whose wife is a spineless doormat is actually more likely to stray from home as he seeks a companion who challenges and engages him on an adult level.

*For Your Own Welfare and Happiness, Yield*

There's a strange paradox in Scripture, echoed in many places: If you would live, you must die (John 12:24). If you would keep your life, you must lose it (Matt. 10:39). If you would be free, you must submit yourself a slave to Christ (Rom. 6:18). And there is one more paradox which must be taken by faith as well: if you would know true freedom, you must submit to your husband's authority. Obedience certainly has its great and final reward in Heaven, but it also has the present tangible reward. ... Obedience brings happiness! (p. 88)

Again, wifely submission is intimately linked to one of the central messages of Christianity.

What Elizabeth Rice Handford doesn't want you to know is that this same argument, these same verses, in fact, were used by Christian slaveholders to justify their ownership of fellow human beings.

Stop for a moment and actually read the following verses:

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free. (Eph. 6:5-8 -- the same section of Ephesians in which Paul commands wives to submit to their husbands.)

To sweeten the deal, proponents of biblical slavery would remind slaves that serving the Lord meant serving their masters - but this is not burdensome because the Bible also commands masters to treat their slaves kindly:

And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him. (Eph. 6:9 -- with such a Christ-like master, why wouldn't a slave willingly submit?)

Sound familiar? Teachers of wifely submission are always quick to point out that while God insists that women obey their husbands, we must remember that husbands are likewise instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church. So that makes the subjection and subordination of women okay ... just like slavery, right? After all, the bible commands both women and slaves to submit and obey.

Virtually no Christians today advocate slavery. The verses commanding slaves to obey their masters have not been removed from the bible or discredited, yet we have laws against people owning people. Ask Christians why they believe that slavery is evil when the bible does not condemn slave owners and, in fact, commands slaves to obey their masters, and you will receive a myriad of responses: You have to consider the context and the culture; God was not condoning slavery, only acknowledging its common practice and providing guidelines to make it more humane, etc. What you will not hear -- ever -- is a Christian who replies, "The bible commands slaves to obey their masters. Therefore, slavery is God's will and faithful Christians must practice slavery to be in the will of God. Obedient slaves are happy slaves."

Think about it. Why don't we still practice slavery? Why?

Slavery is wrong. It is dehumanizing, unjust, inequitable, immoral and inconsistent with the Golden Rule. It does not matter that the bible commands slaves to obey their masters - we all know that slavery is wrong, wrong, wrong.

How do we know that slavery is wrong when the bible does not tell us so? Answer that question and you will also understand that it doesn't matter how many times the bible commands women to obey and submit to their husbands - we know instinctively that the subordination of women is just plain wrong. For the same reasons that we dismiss and ignore the bible commands for slaves to obey their masters, we should also feel free to disregard the bible commands for wives to obey their husbands.

This book was given to me as a gift. I read it with my husband. I will be submitting to his authority. He commanded me to THROW THE BOOK AWAY. It is unsound and the author has twisted scripture.

I would not recommend this book, because the teaching on the TOTAL submission to the point of sin is wrong. This book turns page 16 & 17 Adams' sin into a good deed. This was not a good deed, but a sin of Gods law. Disobedience to God for the sake of reaching someone else is wrong. The book on page 20 & 22 implies, the husband can save the wifes body. "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body." Jesus is our savior In the book page 31 suggests obeying the Husband rather than God.
Here are a couple of websites for further review...
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Start on page 8, ...[...] AND [...]

I would not recommend this book as it will confuse you, about the submission God is talking about.

A book encouraging women to give up their free will and obey their husbands as though they were children. You'd think it was an urban legend, but no. In fact, this tragic misuse of the Bible has been going on for centuries, begun by the fact that Paul's comparison of the relationship between the husband and wife to the relationship of Christ and the church has been grossly misunderstood. People have taken this to mean that the husband has irrefutible authority over the wife, just as Christ has absolute and unquestionable authority over His church, but this is NOT the case. Paul was speaking of the give and take relationship between Christ and the church, the love and devotion it takes both sides to commit. Now, of course Christ is the authority of His church AS WELL as the source of it, but Paul was, in that particular passage, only speaking of Christ as source and nurturer of the church because it is THAT aspect of His relationship with it that marriage is supposed to reflect, not the authority part. Furthermore, the reason Christ is the authority is because He can never, will never, lead the Church astray! He is perfect, unerring. Husbands, on the other hand, are not; like any other human, they can lead others astray. This alone should be enough to dissuade wives from wanting to obey their husbands.

If you believe in obeying your husband inspite of these facts, that's your choice. However, I still don't recommend you read this book. Even if we were to obey our husbands, it wouldn't be in the way that this book advises; heck, children shouldn't obey their parents the way this book says! Handford advises that you should not refuse your husband even if he asks you to get an abortion. Rather than getting an abortion or outrightly disobeying your husband, she says you should pray for the problem to go away, and it will. Two major logical faults with this: number one, by not getting an abortion, you ARE disobeying your husband; just because you don't tell him doesn't mean that you're not. Now, I'm not saying that a woman SHOULD get an abortion; I'm saying she should say no outright instead of hoping and praying it will go away. That leads me to problem number two with Handford's advice: why keep silent? If ANYONE tells you to do something sinful, don't beat around the bush; give them a flat-out NO. That is your right.

The idea of obeying your husband is always accompanied by the equally wrong idea of using him as your spiritual covering. Our husbands can NOT cover us from sin; that is God's job. To expect a husband to do so is frankly unfair to him. Our spouses have their own sins to worry about; don't expect them to shoulder ours as well, as this book encourages. It seems to me that certain overburdened women would like to believe that they can relinquish their burdens by placing them on their husbands. Ladies, I think you are sensible enough to know that this is not only wrong, but unBiblical! God wants us to humble ourselves, true, but that doesn't mean placing ourselves beneath our husbands.

This author honestly believes that not only will a sweet quiet spirit cure a husband's abusive actions and bad decisions, but that women are almost always to blame for their husband's bad actions. Nearly every time she shares an example a woman gives her in a letter, she twists the circumstances around until the wife is at fault. In one case, a wife wrote in saying she felt guilty for selling wet wheat under her farmer husband's orders, because she felt that the wheat wasn't in fit condition. Even though the government wheat-buyer accepted the wheat, she still felt guilty. Handford declared that this woman's real problem was that she felt herself wiser than her husband and the government, and should have just trusted her husband's judgement. This wife had a weak conscience, not a strong one, Handford said, because she was doubting her husband.

In the next example, a mother complained of a husband who beat her son. After hearing that the son and the wife had both been disobedient to the father, Handford decided the husband was probably only disciplining the child, that the wife was overreacting, and that she was most likely to blame for her husband's treatment of the child. And, in the most extreme example yet, a woman told Handford that her husband made her get an abortion. They'd been using contraceptives, she explained, and she had enough trouble keeping up with the housework and finances, so her husband had her get the abortion. Handford's response to this? The wife probably secretly wanted an abortion and the husband was just granting her wish! Handford claimed that if the wife had wheedlingly approached her husband and apologized for complaining about the housework, promised to do better, and begged the husband to reconsider, he would have changed his mind!! That was Handford's response: it must have been the wife's fault she was overburdened with work and had to get an abortion. In EVERY example, Handford twisted the situation and made ungrounded presumptions about the wife's motives in order to make the problems the WIFE'S fault. I can't believe this callous woman! I've never seen such blatant, cruel twisting of a person's account in my life. Handford needs to be highly avoided by troubled women.

Not only are books like this discouraging, but they also manage to come out as sickly sweet and trite. Handford not only assures women that becoming obedient doormats will win them second honeymoons, marital bliss, and their husband's favor, but she acts as though it's some sort of guarantee for a healthy marriage, the one Golden Rule. She harps about obeying your husband like it's something that must remain branded on your brain tissue at all times: obey your husband, and you'll be okay; obey him, and God will bless you; obey him, and you're doing the right thing, because no matter how silly his request is, he'll turn out to be right as a default just because he's the male in the relationship and God designed it that way. She even shared a story about boarding a plane in cold, unpleasant, and possibly dangerous weather, telling herself the whole time that she needed to "obey her husband". So this bad boarding plan was hubby's idea and that's why she went along with it; how admirable. To top it all off, though, her husband actually wrote an introduction in this book, assuring the reader that the Mrs. really did obey him like a good little girl their whole marriage, always following him, and we should be assured that she's a good source of wisdom because she practices what she preaches. Thanks, Mr. Handford; you just offered the crown reason I should avoid freakish family practices like yours. I hope you're proud of yourself for stifling your wife's spirit.

I find it sad that certain women think Satan tries to hurt us by keeping us AWAY from these books. It's the opposite; he'd love for us to twist God's words about submission to the point where we're idolizing our husbands and that's exactly what Handford has done. So many times books advise women not to treat themselves like goddesses and then advise treating their husbands like gods instead. That's just as wrong as treating yourself like God; there's only one God and He is not us or our husbands. It is beyond me why certain women glorify the position beneath a man's shoe, particularly with comments such as "submission is freedom" (meaning one-sided submission, not the healthy sort). Sure..and war is peace, ignorance is strength, etc. Whatever you say, Big Sister (see Orwell's "1984" for more examples of twisted principles). If you really consider reading this, I suggest you read the other reviews first, both the good and the bad. I think they speak for themselves.

Honeys, get a grip. You husband is not the Lord. The Lord is the Lord. Learn how to read the Bible. Please.

Let me start by saying I have been walking with Christ for 36 years, and I am married to an awesome man who is also in the ministry.Gods word is flawless and true. But when God's truths taken out of the context ( like this book does)and out of the context He intened us to hear....you get unfortunatley, as well intended as this author may be...an unbalanced and very dangerous,unhealthy perspective. I mean no disrespect to the author, who wrote this book. I am in Women's ministry. And within the Church I attend ,we have had to do damage control, and re-educate Men and Women after they read this unhealthy book and take this book litteraly .They don't go to God's Word to check and see if this book is telling the truth. ANY Book on lifes issues and spiritual things ,MUST be taken to the Word and examined. If it is a well written book ( and this book is not)it should be a supliment not a substitute for reading and understanding His word. The word for "submit" in scripture when applied to the wife does not mean "obey"....as in stop ,listen and do.But in the marriage context it is a word that means " a voluntary,cooperation with your husbands will". However, IT HAS LIMITS, if that will of the husband oversteps the will of God, and what is clearly written in His word...Her first priority is to obey God, and what is clearly written. I saw some truths, but the out of context statements of absolute obedience no matter what to a husband is not biblical and it is a false statment.It hung a dark cloud over the text. God didn't want marriage-olitry, or husband-olitry. Cooperation,coming along side, and sometimes biting our tongue is a good thing and ALL good relationships consist of this respect,whether it is Moms, Dads,co-workers, Sisters,brothers...friends.Get into the biblical context.....there is true wisdom and freedom there. Test all things by researching Gods Word!! Don't just believe a few scriptures out of their context.There are some other well written books on this issue that are in context,and compliment Gods word and hold men equally responsible for being a loving, Noncontrol freak, nurturing.......hmmmm like Christ who gave His life for the Church. I hope that people will seriously look elsewhere for healthy marriage books. I am embarrassed by this book......because it puts Biblical & Mutual submission in a very untruthful ugly out-of-context way.

For starters, I fully believe in the Biblical doctrine of submission and have a fantastic relationship with a Christlike, loving husband. I obey my husband and rejoice in my role as helpmeet. I am not in open rebellion, nor do I chafe at my position in the created order. Submission, understood biblically, is a beautiful, healthy teaching.

There are nuggets of truth in this book. But much of Mrs. Handford's take on submission is dangerous in that it pulls Scriptures out of context and creates moral binds where Scripture does not. Her insistence that you MUST obey your husband in every conceivable situation just does not jive with Scripture. We have clear examples of godly people "sinning" when it served a higher purpose. Take, for example, Rahab, the harlot who lied about the spies in Jericho in order to save their lives and preserve her own family. She is counted as a righteous woman and is in the genealogy of Christ! A woman is never put into a situation where she must sin AND obey her husband. The most odious and deplorable example given by Mrs. Handford was the young woman whose husband forced her to have an abortion. Blaming the abortion on the woman's attitude toward childbearing is just plain wrong. Her husband was ultimately responsible for this sin. And as for the other young woman who prayed that God would change her husband's mind when he asked her to abort their child, she had to disobey her husband's direct command to do this! To obey him would have meant calling the clinic to schedule an abortion when he asked--not praying for a week that he would change his mind. So this is a clear example (in Mrs. Handford's own book) of a young woman disobeying her husband for the right reasons.

There are many books out there with far better explanations of the doctrine of submission. The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace is probably the best. But, whatever you do, please read ALL books with the Bible at your side and context in view! Forcing Scripture to fit an extreme view like Mrs. Handford's is dangerous.

If you'd rather not have a thought in your pretty little Stepford wife head, this is your book. Frankly, as a Christian woman, this book makes me laugh and feel sick by turns. I thank God that I am married to a man who expects me to be an equal partner. This book tries to prettify the word "submission," but we all know what it means. I'm sorry for the little girls who grow up in homes where the mothers and fathers truly believe this stuff.

This book was published in 1972 with the intention of documenting the appropriate relationship women to their husbands. If taken seriously, the title should be "Slavery: Role for Wives." The picture of God presented is of Someone you would never want to spend eternity with. The book contain laugh generating subtitles and entire chapters which: 1)suggest "her conscience is not a good guide" [only her husband is];2)instructs women to obey their husbands even if "she feels God is directly instructing her to do something else."[close paraphrase]; 3) advises "She has the freedom of consequence of decisions" a backhanded way of saying women should not make decisions. This book is a hoot! But, it is not a spiritual guide for to a loving God. Most Christians, feel this is unscriptural bunk. The recently released "updated" version is only slightly less "woman=slave", but nonetheless still carries that tune very well. It would be an insult to any person to treat them as is presented in this book. Do I want to go to a Heaven where slavery lives on? - No!

Ms. Handford is asking wives to ignore their consciences when faced with a husband's command to sin. She says God will always, always (her words) provide an "out" for the wife who knows what her husband is asking her to do is sin. If He doesn't, it's because He sees she is not willing to obey, anyway.

Ms. Handford's whole premise bypasses the high incidence of spousal abuse today and the fact that a controlling, sadistic husband can use this book to destroy his wife. Her solution to a situation like this? Submit ever more deeply, faithfully and thoroughly. In this way lies madness for emotionally and physically battered wives who can no longer discern what is rational and what is not.

Following this teaching, a woman can potentially ignore all Scriptures except those specifically addressed to wives.