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Mean Girls All Grown Up: Surviving Catty and Conniving Women Paperback – August 1, 2005

2.9 out of 5 stars 16 customer reviews

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Word-Filled Women's Ministry: Loving and Serving the Church (The Gospel Coalition) by
Word-Filled Women's Ministry
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

She stole your ideas and took them to your boss. She gave you a compliment, but it sounded more like an insult. She shared your secret with a few of her friends. Yep, the mean girl is back. What you thought you left behind in high school has now followed you to college, the neighborhood, and even the workforce. The truth is that even adult women find all kinds of ways to be mean. So what's a girl to do? Mean Girls All Grown Up shows you why you might have a mean girl in your life, how you can discover what she has against you, and why calling on God for restoration and freedom is the ultimate way to get rid of mean for good. If you remember the gossip, insults, and cutthroat competition like yesterday because it was yesterday, then this is the book for you. Mean Girls All Grown Up can help you get past the hurt and look at women, including yourself, in a whole new light. Hayley DiMarco is the best-selling author of many books for teens, including Mean Girls and Mean Girls Gone. Now reaching adults, Hayley helps organizations communicate with a postmodern mind-set through her company, Hungry Planet.

About the Author

Hayley DiMarco has written best-selling books like Mean Girls, Mean Girls Gone, Dateable, The Dateable Rules, and The Dirt on Breaking Up. She created and developed the multimillion-dollar teen book brand while at Thomas Nelson Publishers. Now reaching adults, Hayley has spoken at conferences like Women of Faith and is helping organizations like Injoy and Precept Ministries communicate with a post-modern mind set through her company, Hungry Planet. Hayley and her husband, Michael, live in Nashville, Tennessee.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Revell (August 1, 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 080073100X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0800731007
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6.3 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 2.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,348,173 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
The woman at the office who stole your great idea. The gal who spread the gossip about you at church. What do we do about the difficult women in our lives? In MEAN GIRLS ALL GROWN UP, Hayley DiMarco offers some good and some arguable ideas for navigating through the relationships of women. She bases her advice on her own experiences, scripture, and spiritual heavyweights such as Richard Foster in a format that is younger-woman friendly.

Not a teenager or even a twenty- or thirty-something, but having had some recent conflicts with mean girls, I am intrigued by DiMarco's approach to the problem. However, I found there was much I disagreed with, and I would hesitate to give it to my daughter without one-on-one discussion and caveats about her advice. Read on.

The main goal, DiMarco believes, is to get the mean girl to leave us alone. To do this, she first helps us understand the mean girl's motivations. Does she perceive us as a rival? Does she believe we are somehow better than her? Does she gossip about us? If so, why?

Our response, she believes, is to keep our mouth shut and try not to justify ourselves to those mean girls we don't have a relationship with (pulling from the wisdom of Richard Foster's CELEBRATION OF DISCIPLINE). Feeling a need to adjust our image, she believes, is proof that we are serving humans rather than God. Rather confusingly, she admits there might be a time to make the truth known (if a lie is being spread about us at the office that we are stealing, for example) but not to the perpetrator. Instead, tell the supervisor. "The spiritual truth is that God never calls us to stand up for ourselves to the Mean Girl.
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This book really does apply mostly to Christians as its proofs are Christian specific. Should one be of another religion then they will be fairly discombobulated by the author's reliance on scripture as a means for justifying her positions. I don't know Mrs. Dimarco personally, but I am rather certain that she is a member of one of Christianity's more evangelizing wings as there is much here that would even confuse Catholics. In fairness, the title of the book should probably have been Mean Girls All Grown Up: A Guide for Christians as there is not hint of its biblical emphasis on the cover.

While I can see why several readers were disappointed, I do think the author has some excellent analysis here. I also think that "forgiving your enemies" is the best thing for one's own mental health. I don't say this out of a desire to religiously parrot, however. I truly think that when one holds grudges they drink a glass of poison every day while expecting the other person to die. Furthermore, I admit to my own hypocrisy here as I have been unable to forgive properly on a handful of occasions. Yet, the way she advocates is undoubtedly best for the person cursed with the ire of mean women.
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Her advice: pray. I don't blame the author for not coming up with better advice because insecure envious females are very intentional and impossible to dissuade from being nasty. I would also suggest reading Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. You'll immediately identify with the malicious nature of gang bullying that insecure (aka jealous) females inflict on females who they feel are competition. Female jealousy IS "the glass ceiling."

Pretty much any woman who looks better than another woman can relate to the experience of having fabulous written or telephone communications with that other female until, upon meeting such women in the flesh and seeing their expressions turn to that of trying to connect the face in front of them to a "Wanted" poster, from that moment on, the air of camaraderie disappears and is replaced by toxic aversion.

There is almost always some fabricated excuse an insecure woman will offer for avoiding, and hating on, a woman whom she's jealous of as though the poor gal is convicted child molester or murderer. There is no keeping things in perspective. The predictable "She deserves my hatred because....." excuse can be counted on as sure as you can count on the sun rising tomorrow, no matter how nice, agreeable, or respectful the person whom she is envious of is. And of course you'll almost never hear a woman admit to jealousy. A jealous woman will admit she's jealous about as often as a turned-on guy with low confidence will admit to a beautiful woman whom he doesn't know that he's having a hard time keeping his eyes to himself. Oddly, as averse as insecure females are to women who are good looking, they too have a hard time keeping their eyes to themselves. In this way, insecure women just set themselves up for disappointment by constantly sizing up their competition. They ask for, they get it, and then they want someone else to pay for it.
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Format: Paperback
In Mean Girls All Grown Up, Hayley DiMarco gives counterculture advice to women facing mean and helps diagnose the ways we can be seen as mean by others.

Writing from a Christian perspective, DiMarco writes of how the culture of self-esteem and our `rights' has created a cycle of mean; `she was mean to mean first, so I was justified in getting her back.'

Reminding us that "we can't change others, we can only change ourselves," DiMarco focuses the reader inward which in this reviewer's case helped point out that my drive to achieve was painting a bulls-eye on my back for women less driven. Taking time to engage these women instead of ignoring them as "non job essential" was her recommendation.

For any reader uncomfortable with Christianity, I'd point you elsewhere. But if the non-religious reader acknowledges that the Bible is a book of wisdom and common sense lacking in today's selfish culture, you'll appreciate much of this book's content.

This book is formatted for the `instant messaging' generation, with lots of quotes, quizzes, and features like "Top Ten Signs Your Friend Is a Mean Girl." If you prefer black serif fonts on white paper, you might be a tad overwhelmed by this book. My personal opinion is that the design was quite engaging.

The article approach makes the book easily digestible and allows the reader to jump around reading chapters that apply to their current situation of mean. Also, because of the chapters having a magazine article feel rather than the traditional Chapter 1, Chapter 2 layout, linear thinkers might find the book contradictory or disjointed.

I suspect that this may have been the case with a previous reviewer.
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