Product Details

• Actors: Vinnie Jones, David Kelly, David Hemmings, Ralph Brown, Vas Blackwood
• Directors: Barry Skolnick
• Writers: Andrew Day, Charlie Fletcher, Chris Baker, Tracy Keenan Wynn
• Producers: Adam Bohling, Albert S. Ruddy, Cynthia Pett-Dante
• Format: PAL
• Language: English
• Rated: R (Restricted)
• Number of tapes: 1
• Run Time: 99 minutes
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
• ASIN: B00006J9U5
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #659,975 in Movies & TV (See Top 100 in Movies & TV)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com

British soccer star Vinnie Jones stars as--no big stretch--a former soccer star named Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan who gets arrested for drunken assault and sent to prison for three years. Behind bars he finds himself embroiled in web of prison politics, caught between a governor with a gambling problem, a crime boss who lost a lot of money on a game that Meehan lost, and a motley crew of surly prisoners and guards with grudges. It all culminates in a soccer match between a team of guards, led by a hard-nosed warden, and a team of convicts, led by Meehan. Mean Machine is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie The Longest Yard and the plot is pretty sure-fire; it's hard not to get caught up in the tensions of the big game. Plus, the comical game commentators give the movie a good jolt of humor. --Bret Fetzer

From The New Yorker

A dodgy English remake of the beloved macho-man comedy "The Longest Yard." In the 1974 version, Burt Reynolds led a team of convicts in a do-or-die football game against their prison guards. Here, football has become soccer, and the former English professional Vinnie Jones attempts to take on Burt's alpha-male mantle-never a good idea. Barry Skolnick, the director, doesn't help matters when he sets the soccer highlights to a Euro-pop soundtrack. It's as though the original movie had been left out overnight on the moors-everything is a bit pale and wan. -Michael Agger
Copyright © 2006 The New Yorker

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable Prison Drama with Vinnie Jones in Good Form, October 18, 2002

By 

Tsuyoshi (Kyoto, Japan) - See all my reviews
(TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: Mean Machine (DVD)

Vinnie Jones is Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, former star soccer player, who was once hired to promote the sports goods of first-rate company Umbro. But now drunk and disgraced, he is in jail, doing his time of three-year sentence. But the governor there, himself deep in debt, wants him to go back to the game (between wards and prisoners), AND lose it on purpose, just like Danny did in the international match between England and Germany.

Sounds familiar? Sure, the film's opening credits show that "Mean Machine" is actually based on Burt Reynolds's film "The Longest Yard." You may say, or groan, "Not again!," but be assured, this new one is surprisingly good, considering that Vinnie Jones's career as actor has just got started. And his fans, be proud; though he may not be nominated for BAFTA awards, his turn as the first-time lead is really good, and convincing.

The virtue of "Mean Machine" is that the film looks very authentic. That's no surprise, you say, because Vinnie Jones was a professional soccer player, but keep in mind that he had to shape up his body again to fit in the role as it has been pretty long since he had retired. As I'm a huge soccer fan, and watch Euporean games live on cable TV in Japan, I can tell you this, but the players of "Mean Machine" team are good at playing soccer, and the most remarkable thing is that they play so well that their movements in the game is authentic (except for the goal keeper, who likes keep the ball too much), and look very real, if not as good as those you see in English Premier games. On top of that, most scenes are shot in real prison, The Oxford Prison, now disused for years.

But the greatest find is Vinnie Jones, who is natural and sometimes even humorous. He is much better than ill-used role in "Swordfish," and the director knows how to use his tough-guy persona on the screen. The film keeps a good speed, and the supports are also effective, such as veteran actor David Kelly ("Greenfingers," another prison drama, and "Waking Ned Divine"). And for the soccer fans (and players), Vinnie's lecture on "How to Commit Foul Plays" is very funny, alarmingly.

Overall the film is a drama, and some of the scenes are very serious, but the film doens't stop there too long. Predictable you may call it, but I still find it fun to watch. You may too, especially when you like soccer like me.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Comedy and Soccer. What else?, June 27, 2002

By 

Matthew Boettcher (Indaiatuba, Brazil) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Mean Machine [VHS] (VHS Tape)

NOTHING. However this film survives on those two elements alone. My friends and I saw the film in Brazil with a theater full of brazilians who love soccer and cant speak english. While they didnt laugh NEARLY as much as my friends and I, they still enjoyed it.
A basic storyline is: After a great life in international soccer, a man is arrested and sent to prison. The warden of the prison is a huge football fan and thus the delima begins for the inmate. Freedom or Soccer?
If you dont enjoy soccer, pass this film up. If you like soccer and your friends dont...watch it alone. But finally a film for us soccer fans.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars British remake of Burt Reynolds' THE LONGEST YARD, May 12, 2003

By 

BD Ashley "vidiot_y2k" (Otago, New Zealand) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Mean Machine (DVD)

MEAN MACHINE is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie THE LONGEST YARD, using the movie's UK release title. I haven't seen the original but this wasn't bad.
In a brilliant piece of casting ex-pro footballer turned tough guy actor Vinnie Jones plays Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, an ex pro-footballer who is jailed for three years on assault charges. But the prison warden (David Hemmings) happens to be a soccer nut, so he offers Meehan the opportunity to assemble a team of inmates and train them for a soccer game against the prison officers.
Executive produced by Guy Ritchie, MEAN MACHINE is a formulaic but entertaining movie. The meshing of the sports/prison movie genres may make you see these guys as being right 'ard geezers or limp-wristed nancy boys, depending on your opinion of soccer. Well, there's a Robbie Williams song near the end of the movie so I'll leave that open to viewers to make their own judgments. MEAN MACHINE's still a good movie. If you're a soccer fan it's probably a five star movie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel of sorts to be green-lighted featuring lesbian mud wrestling instead of soccer.