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Mean Machine (2002)

Vinnie Jones , David Kelly , Barry Skolnick  |  R |  DVD
3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)

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Mean Machine + Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (Unrated Director's Cut) + Revolver
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Product Details

  • Actors: Vinnie Jones, David Kelly, David Hemmings, Ralph Brown, Vas Blackwood
  • Directors: Barry Skolnick
  • Writers: Andrew Day, Charlie Fletcher, Chris Baker, Tracy Keenan Wynn
  • Producers: Adam Bohling, Albert S. Ruddy, Cynthia Pett-Dante
  • Format: Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, Subtitled, Widescreen, NTSC
  • Language: English
  • Subtitles: English
  • Dubbed: English
  • Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only. Read more about DVD formats.)
  • Number of discs: 1
  • Rated: R (Restricted)
  • Studio: Paramount
  • DVD Release Date: July 16, 2002
  • Run Time: 99 minutes
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (40 customer reviews)
  • ASIN: B00005JKZ0
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #171,794 in Movies & TV (See Top 100 in Movies & TV)
  • Learn more about "Mean Machine" on IMDb

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Editorial Reviews

Product Description

Disgraced ex-England captain (Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan) is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. Whilst in jail, he doesn't receive any favors because of his celebrity status in the outside world. He is out numbered and many prisoners constantly barrage him with insults for letting down his country in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. These prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards. The prisoners are lead by Danny and the whole of the prison, guards aside, are behind them. Game on......

British soccer star Vinnie Jones stars as--no big stretch--a former soccer star named Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan who gets arrested for drunken assault and sent to prison for three years. Behind bars he finds himself embroiled in web of prison politics, caught between a governor with a gambling problem, a crime boss who lost a lot of money on a game that Meehan lost, and a motley crew of surly prisoners and guards with grudges. It all culminates in a soccer match between a team of guards, led by a hard-nosed warden, and a team of convicts, led by Meehan. Mean Machine is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie The Longest Yard and the plot is pretty sure-fire; it's hard not to get caught up in the tensions of the big game. Plus, the comical game commentators give the movie a good jolt of humor. --Bret Fetzer

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Enjoyable Prison Drama with Vinnie Jones in Good Form October 18, 2002
Vinnie Jones is Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, former star soccer player, who was once hired to promote the sports goods of first-rate company Umbro. But now drunk and disgraced, he is in jail, doing his time of three-year sentence. But the governor there, himself deep in debt, wants him to go back to the game (between wards and prisoners), AND lose it on purpose, just like Danny did in the international match between England and Germany.
Sounds familiar? Sure, the film's opening credits show that "Mean Machine" is actually based on Burt Reynolds's film "The Longest Yard." You may say, or groan, "Not again!," but be assured, this new one is surprisingly good, considering that Vinnie Jones's career as actor has just got started. And his fans, be proud; though he may not be nominated for BAFTA awards, his turn as the first-time lead is really good, and convincing.
The virtue of "Mean Machine" is that the film looks very authentic. That's no surprise, you say, because Vinnie Jones was a professional soccer player, but keep in mind that he had to shape up his body again to fit in the role as it has been pretty long since he had retired. As I'm a huge soccer fan, and watch Euporean games live on cable TV in Japan, I can tell you this, but the players of "Mean Machine" team are good at playing soccer, and the most remarkable thing is that they play so well that their movements in the game is authentic (except for the goal keeper, who likes keep the ball too much), and look very real, if not as good as those you see in English Premier games. On top of that, most scenes are shot in real prison, The Oxford Prison, now disused for years.
But the greatest find is Vinnie Jones, who is natural and sometimes even humorous.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Comedy and Soccer. What else? June 27, 2002
Format:VHS Tape
NOTHING. However this film survives on those two elements alone. My friends and I saw the film in Brazil with a theater full of brazilians who love soccer and cant speak english. While they didnt laugh NEARLY as much as my friends and I, they still enjoyed it.
A basic storyline is: After a great life in international soccer, a man is arrested and sent to prison. The warden of the prison is a huge football fan and thus the delima begins for the inmate. Freedom or Soccer?
If you dont enjoy soccer, pass this film up. If you like soccer and your friends it alone. But finally a film for us soccer fans.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars British remake of Burt Reynolds' THE LONGEST YARD May 11, 2003
MEAN MACHINE is a remake of the Burt Reynolds movie THE LONGEST YARD, using the movie's UK release title. I haven't seen the original but this wasn't bad.
In a brilliant piece of casting ex-pro footballer turned tough guy actor Vinnie Jones plays Danny "Mean Machine" Meehan, an ex pro-footballer who is jailed for three years on assault charges. But the prison warden (David Hemmings) happens to be a soccer nut, so he offers Meehan the opportunity to assemble a team of inmates and train them for a soccer game against the prison officers.
Executive produced by Guy Ritchie, MEAN MACHINE is a formulaic but entertaining movie. The meshing of the sports/prison movie genres may make you see these guys as being right 'ard geezers or limp-wristed nancy boys, depending on your opinion of soccer. Well, there's a Robbie Williams song near the end of the movie so I'll leave that open to viewers to make their own judgments. MEAN MACHINE's still a good movie. If you're a soccer fan it's probably a five star movie. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a sequel of sorts to be green-lighted featuring lesbian mud wrestling instead of soccer.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Guy Ritchie Must May 11, 2009
Format:DVD|Verified Purchase
If you like Guy Ritchie movies ( Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels...Snatch...) then you owe it to yourself to pick this one up, too. Guy Ritchie serves not as director on this piece, but as executive producer. However, the cast is nearly identical to that of his other films, so it will all be very familiar. Essentially "The Longest Yard" but with soccer and in England, this is still a great flick. Check it out.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Watchable Wonderment! August 22, 2004
By LaNi
Format:VHS Tape
This movie/film was unexpectedly brilliant. I was compelled to say Vinnie Jones an actual British Soccer Player an actor. He showed off his diversity being able to perform with directorial execution. The cast was genuinely placed. The scenery was inviting considering prison foregrounds and backgrounds. Having a soccer star mess up and go through depression by landing himself in prison which has a redemptive affect on him to realize if he had just did this while on the "outside" he would have got the same results. You do not have to compromise your integrity at the hand of world-volumed pressure and at the cost of well established peace of mind. The comical context was great preparation for a price paid - a death. It had all the hollywood understanding of life in prison and all the reality of celebrity self-induced trial and error. I cannot finish this without giving credit to LimpBilly and the prison commentators Bob and Bob; they keep your interest and the musical score was quite proper! Again, I was not expecting this to be that good. Well done and well worth it time and time again.
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I turned Adam Sandler's remake of "The Longest Yard" off after twenty minutes, vowing only to watch it again when the world's collided. I have never seen Burt Reynold's original "Longest Yard", though I have just added it to the films that I am eagerly awaiting to see - so with that said, I went way beyond my typical style of cinema viewing and chose to watch "Mean Machine" first and foremost. Obviously I didn't read the reviews close enough to know that it is simply a remake of Reynold's work, so I went in blindly ... very blindly. This is probably one of the only times that I will watch a film out of sequential order (i.e. what was meant to be released first and second), but I am extremely happy with my decision. "Mean Machine" was a crisp, "thud"-packed film that didn't fight with clichés, but instead gave us an action-comedy that only the British can conquer. While most will complain that this film doesn't do justice to the original, I must ask if Sandler's did either? "The Longest Yard" wasn't a groundbreaking piece of cinema, and to see a British team remake the film, it is almost like a smile on our American faces. How often does that happen? So, without seeing much of the other two films, I went into "Mean Machine" with a clean slate, and enjoyed every moment of it. This was a fresh film, commercial in every since of the word, but fresh for what we decided to remake and slaughter.

I hate sports films. With this film I thought I would watch and return, without giving it a second thought. I thought it would be another cliché moment of the underdogs beating out at the last moment without anyone skipping a beat and winning the female lead at the end. We have all seen these before, and it is the cliché ride that most sports films seem to fall.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
great movie
Published 3 months ago by Terry Gersdorf
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Published 3 months ago by E. Spaletta
1.0 out of 5 stars The movie wont play
I put the movie in the dvd player and the disk doesn't work. I tried it on another dvd player we have and then at a friends house.... Read more
Published 10 months ago by Rebekah Whiteside
4.0 out of 5 stars longest yard?????
this movie was ok. i thought i was watching the longest yard only with soccer. the movie line is exactly like longest yard
Published 12 months ago by pam gee
5.0 out of 5 stars dvd movie
enjoyed the movie and intend to watch it again and again will recommend it 4 stars enjoyed Jason s charachter
Published 15 months ago by virginia j schottel
5.0 out of 5 stars Superior remake of "The Longest Yard"
Very enjoyable flick, highly reccomended. Vastly superior to the Adam Sandler remake. Vinnie Jones is great, the rest of the cast do a superb job!
Published 17 months ago by Andrew J. Gibbons
2.0 out of 5 stars 3rd Time is Not the Charm
The original is a classic, the Adam Sandler remake was mediocre at best, although it did have some good laughs in it. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Mechanikal
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and entertaining!
If your a soccer fan like my son and I, you will enjoy this movie. i was surprised to find out Jason Strhan is in this movie too!
Published 19 months ago by Chris Cringle
3.0 out of 5 stars the english version of the longest yard
I liked the cast & gave this dvd a try. The plot is weak, butt this was made on a low budget & it shows. If you like hearing british speak & swear, you will enjoy it. Read more
Published 20 months ago by Steven Baum
3.0 out of 5 stars ehh
I got the movie because of Jason Statham. I've seen the original with Burt Reynolds. Sorry - you just can't touch the classics.
Published 23 months ago by Angie M. Hadley
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