Most Helpful Customer Reviews
47 of 47 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Great book, but weak in the "overcoming" dept, December 25, 2009
This review is from: Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt (Hardcover)
I have a mean mother and cut off relations five years ago. Others who have mean mothers, or those who know my mom well, are 100% supportive. As evidenced by at least one of the negative reviews of this book, some view those of us who have cut off relations as immature. IMHO unless you yourself have/had a mean mother, you are in no position to judge. Cutting off my mom was one of the healthiest things I have ever done. What I loved about this book was that it validated my decision and a better understanding of how my mother has affected my life. The first part of the book, in which examples of mean mothers were described, was excellent - well organized, with a lot of very cogent insights. The second half of the book I felt rambled a bit, being rather more descriptive of various stories, and did not drive to any specific conclusions. Therefore, where the book fell a bit short for me was in delivering on the subtitle: "Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt" which is why I rated the book 4 stars and not 5 stars. I don't feel that this part of the story was told as well as the first part, perhaps because we never really do overcome the legacy of hurt - we just move past it. As such, I don't feel the subtitle was warranted.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
38 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Good book on a tough topic, November 18, 2009
This review is from: Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt (Hardcover)
Streep tackles a topic that many people have trouble accepting: the notion that some mothers just are not loving, caring people. Some are emotionally distant. Some are just plain mean. What does a daughter do when she realizes her mother doesn't like her? It seems to be the psychological equivalent of getting a dog you don't want and leaving the dog in the yard. Some women move past the experience while others seem to be stuck. I suspect the phenomenon is more common than many people realize. When I was in college, several of my friends had mean mothers. It was hard to watch their interaction. Streep handles this sensitive topic well. She describes her own experience just enough to show that she's been there, without forcing the reader to get caught up in the author's life. She tells stories of women who have been through this experience. Some were able to "divorce" their mothers but others took care of their moms as they aged. What's missing is more about how women grow past this experience of having lived with a mom who didn't want them. She talks about the experience of becoming a mother, but I wonder how many women with "mean moms" opted not to have children. Since the topic is such a taboo, I wonder if psychotherapists tend to be judgmental as well. Overall, though, the book is well written. The author deserves credit for handling this topic. I think many readers wll relate to her examples.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Insightful book, December 18, 2009
This review is from: Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt (Hardcover)
This book is written not by a psychologist who studies mother-daughter relationships, but by a woman who herself was a daughter of an unloving mother. She knows the subject firsthand. It was very helpful to realize that there are plenty of women who experienced a life with an unloving mother. The author talks about many aspects of dealing with such a mother (she does not have to be abusive in any way to be classified as unloving. Providing food, clothing and a roof over child's head does not instantly make one a good mother). She also discusses the effects growing up with a mother who is incapable of loving her daughter has on a woman. All that is set in the context of other family relationships (father, siblings) and dynamics. The book does concentrate on mother-daughter relationship simply because the author writes about her own experience as a daughter (and a mother herself) and other women's experiences she can relate to. As a woman myself I can relate to that also. The chapter about the myth of mother's love we have in our culture was very informative. It is a very insightful book that put some things in perspective and allowed for a deeper understanding of the subject. Not everything applies to everyone, each mother-daughter relationship is unique, but the author's observations and detailed examples were very useful. It is not an attack on motherhood and she does not say that if a mother disciplines her child she is a bad mother. A loving mother does discipline her children, an unloving mother, on the other hand, constantly criticizes, embarrasses, makes her daughter feel bad about herself, and treats her daughters as an extension of herself. The book ended on a positive note that a woman can be free from the unhealthy relationship with her own mother and does not have to repeat her mother's mistakes. I would recommend this book to any woman whose relationship with her mother is and always has been difficult and painful.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
Was this review helpful to you? Yes
No
|
