24 of 25 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A Change in Perspective, December 7, 2006
This review is from: The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century (Hardcover)
As a newly-wed, always independent female, my first year of marriage has met confusion over new roles, career goals and what my new title of "wife" really implied. I turned somewhat to rebellion - as did my husband in his new title, with all it's implications of "breadwinner" - I do not want the traditional house wife role. I never played that role in the five years we lived together prior to the wedding ring and all of a sudden that ring, which is supposed to represent the unity and fairytale love we are bombarded with daily, became what I had always thought of as a ridiculous metaphor for marriage: a ball and chain. I felt trapped.
The reason I am writing this now, is not because I had some self-awakening and suddenly came into my own as a wifely figure. I did not follow my wild daydream of suddenly, and with no real plan, driving into the sunset toward "liberty." I did not go file for divorce, which is the popular and easy thing to do. I simply read a book. "The Meaning of Wife," by Anne Kingston, is an eye-opening page turner, which confronts social patterns, ideologies, and generalizations of what it means to not only be a wife, but a woman in Western Society.
While reading this book, I was forced to confront some of my own pre-conceived notions of what it means to be a wife, mother, career woman, domestic, caretaker, [...]. It also helped me to realize that in some of my ideals I have been unfair to the person I chose to make my partner for life, and vice versa.
I am amazed by Kingston's ability to present different perspectives and surprised by her ability to resolve many issues. She does not represent a feminist hard-line but takes a logical stance that does not slap either sex across the face with shame. She was able to show all sides of a debate in each chapter, and then resolved with solutions that make the reader think, "Now why didn't I think of that. It is so simple, so obvious."
I strongly believe that this book is not only a read for women, but men as well. As I said before, it is not a feminist manuscript meant to belittle men, but a bold confrontation of the roles assigned both sexes in Western Society. It focuses on the role of the wife, but in doing so, confronts the roles of the Husband.
Believe it or not the only feminist book I have read in my life is, "Communion," by Bell Hooks. This was a book I loved but had contradicting feelings about. It makes grand points of what it means to "Commune" with another, but showed little resolve toward such communion. One of my favorite quotes came from this book, "To exist in a state of communion is to be aware of the nature of existence." (Susan Griffin) However, it was not until reading, "The Meaning of Wife," that I truly began to confront and make peace with my existence as a female and all the roles I play as an individual and as a partner in a communion I chose.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Exceptionally interesting perspective - great book club selection, August 11, 2005
This review is from: The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-first Century (Hardcover)
I really enjoyed this book. The book explores the role of the wife in society from a historical perspective and does a very good job illustrating how tht role has changed over time. I think I found the book interesting because I was able to compare my views on wifedom and marriage to the views my mom has. I have to say that being a 30 year old woman in 2005 that my perspective on my life as it relates to marriage is dramatically different than the perspective my mother had when she married my father. Back in the 1960's, there weren't the career options that exist today. There were very clearly defined roles and expectations. I think that after having read this book I can still see how society is relucutant to rid itself of those same roles - they are merely masked or contorted so that they appear different. Women today are told they "can have it all" and back then it was "this is all you get". Well, women really can't have it all and that is presenting a host of new issues for them to deal with. The reference material in this book is very good and numerous examples were selected to support each theory presented. A very interesting read for both married and unmarried individuals. I would also recommend this book as a book club selection because I can definitely see women talking about this in depth - from the heart.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Overview of some wifely issues (3.5*s), June 4, 2008
Well into the nineteenth century, a wife was subsumed within a husband's legal standing and control, quite literally an existence not far from slavery. In the twentieth century, fueled by the high percentage of women entering the workforce and the women's movement over the last forty years, the concept of being a wife, both socially and legally, has undergone considerable examination and change. This book is a wide-ranging look at different aspects of being a wife or the contemplation of such.
The author makes clear that the meaning of wife is inseparable from images of women from a variety of sources, including corporate advertising, movies, books, etc. A comprehensive bridal industry has emerged that emphasizes the perfect, elaborate wedding as being the foremost aspect of a marriage, shoving long-term, wifely realities to the background - the escapist wedding of Princess Diana being the epitome of that notion. In addition, wives can now supposedly rise beyond mundane drudgery by becoming domestic experts as directed by Martha Stewart and the like - a Superwife.
The author notes a curious reversal of sentiments among highly educated younger women, who are more and more eschewing independent careers advocated by feminism to become wives. There are any numbers of books and consultants to give advice to make that happen while the "clock is ticking." On the other hand, there is a discernible rise in women remaining single in the western world. While there is the pull of marital domesticity, the terms are now different. Women have achieved the wherewithal, both psychologically and legally, to be assertive concerning such matters as sexual satisfaction, infidelity, abuse, and divorce settlements.
There is no doubt that the book is geared to women of the upper middle class, highly educated and consumers of various media depicting roles for women. One suspects that for those women whose job is an absolute necessity, that choosing to stay at home after becoming a lawyer or investing time to make special decorations for the perfect dinner party is hardly understandable or pertinent.
There are a lot of considerations and views concerning the role of individuals in a marriage or whether to remain single. There remains a "wife gap" in trying to reconcile all of the aspects. The book does a fair job at examining some of the terrain. The author does ultimately admit that there is "no singular meaning of wife." So be warned, the matter remains complicated even after reading this book.
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